Honour of the Line (17 page)

When we returned home some of Grandad’s relatives were still there and Mum gave me a couple of his football medals as memento’s. One was a local league winners medal and the other was a winners medal from the local Hospitals Cup competition. Hospital Charity cups were, and still are, a big thing, where all of the best local teams take part in the competition and the local hospitals benefit from any profits.

From that moment my mind was made up, I definitely wasn’t going to be a professional goalie, I would try and match Grandad and be a proper outfield player and somehow emulate his achievements in my own right.

In fact, at the start of the next season I joined a local park team and although I was still a kid I got into the first team as an inside forward and in my first season our team won a local league winners medal. The Hospital Cup seemed a much easier target but 15 years and five teams later I finally made it, a lesson to be learned there, nothing is easy in sport. During that time I only ever kept goal twice, once when our keeper got injured and once when a bout of illness left our team really stretched. On both of these occasions I played really well but my only regrets for not pursuing the professional path was I really thought I could be so happy living with Aunty Gwyn who, in the short time I had spent with her, had made me realise that she could easily have become the Grandmother I had so longed for but sadly never had.

Throughout my football career I won many medals and trophies but my first league winners medal and the hospital cup medal were the only ones that I really cared about and they took pride of place on the cabinet next to my bed where I thought Grandad could be looking down on them and feeling so proud of me.

At school the following morning it was business as usual, no favours from the lads and the girls all smiled and seemed kind, but not one person mentioned Grandad or me being held at Her Majesty’s Pleasure, which was just as well as I certainly was in no frame of mind to talk about either subject. As we left the classroom after register Miss Page asked me to stay behind for a minute. A minute, it was more like 10 seconds, as she asked me to wait for her on the next block when lessons finished but she pointed out I may have quite a wait as she didn’t want to raise any suspicions.

At the end of the day I ambled down to the meeting point and made doubly sure all of the guys and girls had passed before taking up my place on the street corner. Moments after I got there Sue tooted me and I jumped into her car where she made it crystal clear that she would be in as much trouble as myself if she were caught, so I gave her my word that I would not tell a soul, not even Georgina. Sue drove us to a quiet spot in our neighbouring town, it was overlooking the duck pond and was really peaceful and I somehow couldn’t help but wonder how many couples used this spot after dark. We never got out of the car but Sue told me to pour my heart out to her about everything from Angela, to Stan, to prison, to Grandad, all of which I managed without the slightest hint of a tear. Sue asked when I would get to see baby Stan and she seemed horrified when I told her I would probably never see him or, for that matter, Angela ever again. She was so shocked and said I had rights but deep down I knew I was playing with fire if I tangled with Angela’s Dad who, although seeming outwardly nice, left me in no doubt he always got his own way by whatever means necessary. As always Sue offered any help or advice she could and just before she started the car she put her arm around my shoulder and gave me a slight hug, so I went home with the memory of that special moment. Slowly I was having to admit to myself that I was starting to get feelings for older women. If I felt that way about Sue it was nothing to how I felt about Jill. I got butterflies every time I saw her and Saturday could not come quick enough, although I had no idea why she wanted to see me. But alas I could dream.

Saturday was peculiar. No Grandad, no pictures and no football. It was still the close season, so what would a kid of the 60’s do when he was bored? Got it in one, treat your little sister to a bit of precious time and we had a great few hours. Firstly we went to Grandad’s grave and looked again at his flowers and Daisy stood there quietly and told Grandad she was an Aunty and it tore my heart to shreds. We then went into town and I let my little sis choose which record she wanted to buy. I hated her choice but it would forever pull on my heartstrings whenever it came on the radio. We finished off with six pence worth of chips to end a great day and Mum’s face was so happy when we got home and my word she so deserved it after the shit few weeks she’d had.

My next job was to get spruced up to meet Jill and my mind fantasised about what would happen. There was no doubt in my mind she was the one for me long term, the only problems were, she was so much older, her sister was the mother of my baby, she already had a boyfriend, her Dad hated me and she was falling in love with somebody totally out of bounds. And on top of all that I also felt so awful for Angela. Cautiously I waited opposite Woollies staff entrance and Jill came bouncing out full of the joys of spring. She gave me a quick cuddle, then suggested we go to the town’s cafe for a cup of tea and to have a chat. I felt ten feet tall as we walked through the town holding hands, although I was only too aware that I was kidding myself, but all dreams were permissible.

When we walked into the cafe I noticed a couple from the Arches and I knew the man was a regular drinker so I questioned Jill as to what if her Dad found out. She instantly assured me there would be no problem as he knew she kept in touch with me and he had asked her to put a suggestion to me. The suggestion was that he wished to speak to me and make a deal but Jill hadn’t the foggiest of what deal he had in mind, but she did tell me he had given her his promise there would be no unpleasantness, which she found quite amusing because she was sure he was all mouth and trousers. Jill had also made it clear to her parents that she had no intention of breaking her friendship with me and told them that if they tried to interfere she would cut them completely out of her life. This made me feel very privileged indeed. We spoke about Stan and Angela and Jill assured me they were both well. We also spoke about my spell in detention and Jill said she never stopped crying or thinking about me whilst I was away. She seemed over the moon when I told her I had decided not to leave home and become a professional footballer but I explained the problems of getting a job with enough money to afford maintenance payments was daunting, mainly because I now had a criminal record and none of the emergency services, the Post Office or British Railways would touch me with a barge pole. I told her that I was going to write to the football club to tell them of my decision and I was going to start looking for a job locally as I only had a few weeks left at school. Staying on for an extra year was not an option.

Once I had time to mull things over I came to the decision that I would meet Angela and Jill’s Dad. Jill told me to go to the side door of the pub between lunchtime and evening sessions on any day I chose. I said I would prefer to go on Tuesday as Monday was my first visit to the Probation Officer and I had no idea how long I would be there for or what my visit would entail. One thing for certain I needed to get my meeting with the Dad out of the way as quick as possible.

We left the cafe and went for a drive, which was the only time I had been very far in a car, with the exception of the police vehicles to and from Lemworth Green. I was becoming so relaxed in Jill’s company and the age difference seemed closer than ever, especially when she said she was going to drop me off at home. Dad was doing the front garden as we pulled up and I felt a little awkward as Jill leaned over and pecked my cheek goodbye. Her parting words were “I will pick you up from here on Friday if that’s okay with you”? “I will get cleaned up and get changed after work and can you please get a very late pass as I need to tell you something very important”? Why hadn’t she told me now if it was so important I wondered? That evening I went to bed early and lay their dreaming of the kiss she had given me right in front of my Dad’s nose, it was a wonderful feeling. Every time I woke up I wondered what she was going to tell me on Friday which was so important. Her tone had not indicated whether it was good or bad news.

Dad must have wished I had seen Jill every week as I worked like a trojan filling the coal bags with him on Sunday morning. I was getting less distracted by the trains nowadays as modern green diesels were rapidly replacing the filthy rusty steamers which were now in their twilight days and waiting to be called to that great scrapyard in the sky. On the way home Dad dropped in for a couple of pints but I went straight home to Mum and Daisy, there seemed no point antagonising Angela’s family if it could possibly be avoided.

Unbeknown to me this was to be the week which changed everything. After school on Monday I had my first taste of probation which I thought was a total waste of time. Questions were put to me gently, such as how did I find returning to school and was I coping okay with normal family life? Was I still grieving and finally, had I decided on being a professional footballer? The Probation Officer told me that if I were to move away to be a footballer he would have to make the necessary arrangements with the Midlands Probation Service as I would need to see an officer in that area. As I was trying to make a really good impression I said all of the correct things with a smile on my face and was careful not to mention my meeting with Jill, but when it came to the question of football I made it abundantly clear my mind was already made up and gave the reasons. My Probation Officer seemed to understand but suggested I reconsider and give it at least a month before contacting the club. There was no way I was ever going to change my mind but I agreed to give it a month just to be seen to be doing the right thing. He seemed fairly okay about everything and told me I needn’t seem him for two weeks but he gave me a phone number should a problem arise. I thought he was a nice kind of chap but I thought he could make a better life for himself by getting a proper job because, all said and done, the young offenders he was dealing with could feed him with any old rubbish just to keep him sweet which, in effect, was what I was doing.

On the Tuesday I got up and disciplined myself for the ordeal of meeting Angela and Jill’s Dad but ,quite surprisingly, I wasn’t one bit frightened. I decided to go there straight from school and after the register was taken and the class were on their way to assembly I confided in Sue who warned me to try and be one step ahead. It was then I told her that I trusted Jill and herself more than any others regarding this delicate situation and her eyes told me everything, such as she was happy and deeply honoured. When the bell rang at the end of lessons I took one big deep breath and walked proudly down the Arches with my head held high. I felt like a man going to be hanged at sunrise. My shoulders felt so broad I could have carried the weight of the world on them and I was still just short of my fifteenth birthday. Somehow I felt Mum, Dad, Daisy, Grandad, Angela, Sue, Stan and Jill were with me and I was frightened of no-one.

Confidently I bashed on the door, but my word it seemed ages before the executioner opened it. He invited me in but not as I expected, to the living quarters, I was shown instead into the deserted public bar. Licensing hours were very strict in those days. My confidence was totally obliterated when his wife appeared and I suddenly realised this was like playing a cup tie away from home. Angela’s Mum being there came as a bolt from the blue, I had assumed she was still in Lancashire but at least she managed a smile, which helped ease the situation.

I just let her husband spout off at me and although he wasn’t overly aggressive he was certainly the one calling all of the shots. He told me that him and his wife had every intention of calling time on the pub and moving back to Lancashire to be with their grandson and help Angela bring him up and although I had legal rights of access it was his intention to make things as difficult as possible. Then he started going on about my lack of money by saying that when I left school my wages would almost all be spent on house-keeping for my parents and child maintenance for Angela. When spelt out like this the future seemed rather dim and I began, in no uncertain terms, to realise that the road ahead was a long straight one leading to heartbreak for several people, all of whose lives I had helped mess up. What about the army was his next question and I just shook my head but deep down I thought ‘not if it makes me a verbal bully like you’, but I somehow lacked the courage to say it out loud. I knew he had every reason to be angry but he came over as a self centred pig of a man. Surely the girls took after their Mum? Not a single word had passed my lips when he began his punchline and what a shocker it was. He told me if I were to give my word never to try and track Angela down and not to make any contact with Stan until after he had left school, he would make good all of my maintenance payments and also give me £2000. It was then that I got my chance to have my say and I didn’t bother with all the apologies and crap like that. I thought it would achieve absolutely nothing so I told him I needed time to think and should I agree, we would both have to take the Honour of the Line. As I got up to leave I said I would be back the following day with an answer and if my answer were to be yes I would bring my witness with me and how I wished Sue Page had either been born or lived between the Arches, she would have been my first choice without any doubt.

Dinner went down a treat that teatime. Steak and kidney pudding with spuds, peas and cabbage. I gutsed it down so quickly so I could have a chat with Georgina about things and as I walked up the road I was unable to stop farting, the cause of which I wasn’t too sure – was it pushing my food down too fast or nerves? As always Georgina was a rock and between us we tried to reason things out. Being able to cope without ever seeing Stan wasn’t too big a deal for me as I had never knowingly met a blood relative owing to my abandonment as a baby and sadly I also felt at ease with never setting eyes on Angela but I needed to know they were always safe and well. If I went for it, what would I do with the money? Kids didn’t have a bank account so a cheque would be useless and I could hardly stick £2000 under my pillow and tell Mum the tooth fairy had called when she took it off to wash on Monday mornings. If she were to find that money and I spun her that yarn I felt sure she would probably knock the rest of my teeth out anyway.