Honour's Knight (38 page)

I winced. Even though I’d been there myself, hearing him say it out loud was like a punch in the stomach. But Rupert wasn’t finished.

“I’ve always believed there was nothing I wouldn’t do to stop the phantoms,” he said. “For sixty-three years, that’s been my pride. The heart of my control. When you were on your knees in front of me, I knew it was the ultimate test of my resolve. But it wasn’t until I passed that I began to realize just how badly I’d failed.”

Rupert looked at me for a moment, and then he slid off the bench, landing on his knees on the floor in front of me. I still had his disrupter pistol, but he seemed to have forgotten the gun entirely as he bowed down and pressed his lips against the back of my free hand.

“I failed,” he whispered into my skin. “Failed you, failed the Eyes. I thought I could go back. I thought if I returned to being a good soldier, everything I’d done to you would be justified. A sacrifice to the greater good, just like all my other sins. But I was wrong. There was one thing I couldn’t do to stop the phantoms, one person I couldn’t sacrifice, and I didn’t even realize it until I’d already thrown her away.”

With each word, his voice got hoarser, and when he finally looked up, there was no trace of his cold mask left. Only Rupert, staring at me like he was trying to make me believe him through sheer will.

“I can’t do it anymore, Devi,” he said. “The moment you jumped off that cliff to get away from me, I finally understood. I don’t care what that virus of yours can do, I don’t care if you’re the one who can save the universe, I can’t hurt you again. That’s why, when the order came down to bring you in, I prepared this ship so you could run instead. I know it’s too little, too late, but I wanted you to have the final choice.” He bowed his head over my hand. “I wanted to do right by you this last time.”

I didn’t like the way he said that. “And if I run, what will happen to you?”

Rupert shrugged. “I’m not sure. A court-martial, certainly, though whether or not they kill me after depends on my symbiont. They might decide I’m too expensive to shoot.”

His calm tone was giving me the jeebies. No one should be that blasé about their own death. But when I opened my mouth to say so, Rupert cut me off with a sad smile.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’d rather die helping you today than live another seventy years knowing I let you down again.”

He reached up as he spoke, taking my hand just like I’d taken his the night I’d found him drinking alone. “I’d like to look forward with you, even if it’s only for a little while,” he whispered. “But I won’t ever help them take your freedom away again. I’m sorry I did it the first time. I’m sorry for everything.” He closed his eyes, his face stricken. “I am so, so sorry, Devi.”

I’m not normally a fan of apologies. I’ve always believed that you should own your actions, good and bad, but this was different. Rupert wasn’t trying to get away with anything. I could hear it in his voice. He truly believed he’d done me wrong. I believed it, too, but I couldn’t work up the usual anger. It was impossible to be angry in the face of such sincerity, but I wasn’t sure what else to do.

Forgiving him felt like a cheat. I’d loved this man, and he’d betrayed me. He’d also saved my life. He’d fought me, but he’d never tried for a lethal blow. In the end, neither had I. Even when the cold rage had me by the throat, I hadn’t gone that far, which was a big deal for me. I’m not exactly known for my mercy or coolheadedness. Even now, after everything that had happened, I didn’t hate him. I couldn’t, because deep down, I’d never really stopped loving him.

That realization came as a shock, though it really shouldn’t have. Love was what had made his betrayal in the woods hurt so bad, and why I hadn’t been able to finish the job even in the cold rage. The more I thought about it, the more I suspected I’d already forgiven him, which was even greater proof of how soft love had made me than my inability to shoot him now. But no amount of softness or forgiveness changed the truth of our situation, or the fact that I could never trust Rupert again.

That said, though, I wasn’t cruel enough to leave him hanging. Especially not when he looked so damn miserable about it.

“Apology accepted,” I said, flipping his disrupter and offering him the grip.

That was clearly not the answer Rupert had been expecting. “But,” he said, “I shot you.”

“I shot you first,” I reminded him, setting his pistol on the bench since he clearly wasn’t going to take it. “Actually, if we’re keeping score, I’m way ahead. I’ve got a head shot, a gut wound, and a near beheading on you. Oh, and I chopped off your claws.
And
I was planning on drowning you in that lake. You’re only at one head shot, and that wasn’t even real.”

Rupert stared at me in shock for another few seconds, and then he shook his head. “Only you could make this into a competition.”

His exasperation almost made me smile. I liked that I was the only one who could baffle and frustrate him like this. Nice as it was, though, I squashed the warm feeling ruthlessly. Never trusting Rupert again was just common sense, but refusing to let myself like him was a matter of self-preservation.

I’d never been in love before Rupert, but the little taste I’d gotten had been even worse than I’d imagined. The man turned me into an emotional idiot, taking fool risks like that letter to Anthony, or the time I’d nearly gotten myself killed shooting that symbiont off him when he’d been busy fighting Brenton. Back when I’d only had my own life to worry about, the gamble had seemed worth it. Now, though, there was simply too much at stake.

It was funny, but I hadn’t actually realized how committed I was to my new course until Rupert had offered me an out. Now, though, I understood. Defeat didn’t change anything. My king might have given me away, but that didn’t absolve me of my oaths to Maat or Rashid, or to myself. I would never be a Devastator or a Royal Knight, but so long as the virus lurked under my skin, I still had a duty. I still had my honor, and if I wanted to keep it, it didn’t matter if Rupert was telling the truth or not, I couldn’t let him make me foolish or weak ever again.

I took a deep breath and looked at Rupert, holding his eyes as I pulled my hand firmly out of his. “I appreciate what you tried to do for me,” I said, folding my arms over my chest. “But I’m done running. You’re supposed to take me back to Caldswell now, right?”

Rupert lowered his empty hands with a sigh. “Yes, but—”

“Take me there.”

Rupert paled, and I braced for an argument. In the end, though, he didn’t say a word, and that made me deeply suspicious.

“Aren’t you going to try to talk me out of it?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. “Or is this what you really wanted all along?”

He actually had the gall to smile at me. “All I want is for you to trust me again. I don’t get that by saying something is your choice only to bicker when you don’t decide the way I like. Though, if you’re asking, I’m just happy you didn’t shoot me.”

I opened my mouth to say I’d never let him off so easy, but that was a bit too much like flirting for the new distance I was determined to maintain, so I said nothing. But though I was giving him a cold shoulder to rival Io5’s blizzards, Rupert’s little smile didn’t fade as he rose from his knees and walked to the cockpit.

“Caldswell’s docked just a bit north of here,” he said as he started the ship. “He didn’t want to risk alerting Brenton’s people by bringing the
Fool
to a major starport. It’s not far, though. Once I get us up, we’ll be there in five minutes.”

That was much less time than I’d expected, but maybe the crunched schedule was a blessing. From the moment I’d decided not to run, a plan had been forming in my mind, one of those dangerous, crazy gambits that I’d talk myself out of if I strewed on it too long. I couldn’t afford to chicken out now, though, so I stopped thinking about what was coming and focused on my armor.

The temporary case they’d given me at the embassy wasn’t a patch on my real one. That was a state-of-the-art armor-care system; this was a metal box with some foam in it. Still, it had held my suit well enough, and even with the pieces jumbled, I was able to get everything together again in short order.

Thanks to the refactoring job, my armor was cleaner than it had been in weeks. It was also fully charged and repaired, and putting it back on made me feel better than I had in a long time. I locked my reloaded guns in next, checking Sasha especially carefully to make sure she’d be ready the moment I touched her. When I was satisfied, I locked my anti-armor pistol into her holster and joined Rupert in the cockpit.

“I always forget how fast you can do that,” he said, glancing at my armor as I dropped into the navigator’s chair.

I shrugged off the implied compliment. “Years of practice.”

Rupert nodded and returned his gaze to the skyline. “You have a plan.”

It wasn’t a question, so I didn’t answer. Not telling Rupert was actually a large part of my plan. I needed him to be as surprised as Caldswell if I was going to have a prayer. I was about to change the subject when I spotted our destination.

The dock Caldswell had chosen for our rendezvous was a commuter starport in a large, affluent suburb of Montblanc’s capital. It was a pretty small operation, though considering the dirt lots and grassy fields the
Fool
usually landed on, I supposed an actual tarmac was a step up. There was only one elevated dock, so I had no problem picking out the
Fool
’s boxy shape. As we got closer, I spotted Caldswell standing at the platform’s edge, watching our approach like he meant to glare us out of the sky. I was glaring back when I felt something land on my arm.

I looked down just in time to see Rupert’s hand slide over mine. “Remember,” he said softly, “I’m on your side now. Whether you believe it or not, nothing changes that.”

I didn’t trust him enough to believe, but I’d already squeezed his hand back before I’d realized what I was doing. A smile flashed over his face at the pressure, and then it was gone as he removed his hand from mine for the final descent.

Just like Brenton’s, Rupert’s ship landed softly as a butterfly. Caldswell was already jogging toward us across the landing zone before Rupert cut the thrusters, so I hopped up as well, positioning myself at the exit just in time to savor the sight of the captain’s shock when the door slid up to reveal me in full armor, standing ready to greet him.

To his credit, Caldswell recovered in seconds. “Decided to be civil, Morris?”

“Decided not to run, Caldswell,” I replied.

My lack of proper address earned me a sharp look. I met it with one of my own. He wasn’t my captain anymore; like hell was I calling him sir.

When it was clear I wasn’t going to bend, Caldswell switched to Rupert. “I’ve lined things up with the gate already. We’re jumping as soon as we get in range of the scanners. Lock up here and join us when you’re done. I’ll take the merc.”

“Actually,” I said, “I’ve got something I’d like to talk to you about first.”

Caldswell shot me a dirty look. “So talk on the way,” he said. “You’ve wasted enough of our time already.”

“No,” I said, pulling Sasha out of her holster. “We’re talking now.”

And then I pressed my gun to my head.

Rupert and Caldswell both went still. I could see panic on Rupert’s face through my rear cam and fury on Caldswell’s through my main, but I didn’t move a muscle. Fear is an animal game, and so I stayed perfectly still, giving both men time to process exactly what was at stake.

“This gun is pointed at the last surviving strain of Stoneclaw’s phantom killing plasmex virus,” I said, tapping Sasha’s barrel lightly against the side of my visor. “All the safeties on my suit are turned off. If you try anything, my anti-armor rounds will rip through my helmet, killing me instantly. So, now that you know I’m serious, I’d like to discuss my terms.”

“
Devi!
” Rupert’s hiss was a mix of anger and fear, but Caldswell put up his hand, cutting him off.

“What did you have in mind?”

I hadn’t actually had time to think about how best to put this, but if there was one thing Caldswell and I shared, it was an appreciation for saying things straight, so that was what I did.

“I don’t like you,” I said. “I don’t like how you use Maat, and I don’t like how you treat the daughters. I don’t like how you operate in general, paying for the safety of everyone with the suffering of a few. And you can save the ‘it was the only way’ excuse,” I added when Caldswell opened his mouth. “I’ve heard it. I understand why you do what you do, I just don’t agree.”

Caldswell’s face went red, but just when I thought he was about to explode, he took a long breath. “Fine, Morris,” he said, leaning on the ship’s door. “What
would
you like?”

I smiled. Straight to the chase, that was Caldswell. “Here’s my deal,” I said. “I’ll come along today without a fight. I’ll let your people poke and prod and do whatever it is they have to do to get the virus working like it should, but in return, I want you to free the daughters and Maat.”

“You know we can’t do that,” Caldswell said. “Be reasonable, Morris. We don’t know if Stoneclaw’s virus will ever be stable enough to use safely. We can’t free the only weapons we have on the slim hope of maybe getting a new one.”

“Can’t or won’t?” I said, arching an eyebrow. “I’m not asking you to free everyone right now. I’m just saying that when you know the virus works, you let them go.”

Caldswell blew out a long breath. “You do realize I’m not actually in charge of the Eyes, right?”

“Brenton said you were second in command.”

Caldswell’s eyes narrowed at Brenton’s name, but he didn’t deny it. All he said was, “Second’s a long way from first.”

I shrugged. “So? You’re a stubborn bastard. Are you saying you couldn’t make it happen?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Caldswell replied. “Even if the phantoms all vanished tomorrow, the daughters couldn’t go free. Can you imagine what would happen if someone took one to the press? We get funding from every major government. If people found out their taxes were going to this, it won’t matter how many phantoms we’ve saved them from. There’d be a lynch mob.”