Hope Against Hope: The Hope Brothers Series (6 page)

I didn’t remember much after that. The next few days were a huge blur, and my memories of the funeral are like snapshots of someone else’s life.

I hadn’t really felt like I was inhabiting my body since then.

That’s why I hadn’t thought too much about Lee, I guess. What he had done to me had paled in comparison to my folks dying, and when he did pop up in my head, I just pushed the thought of him away. The last few days it had been harder to do, though. And, for some reason, Finn’s arrival today was only serving to bring Lee’s face front and center. It didn’t help that he looked almost exactly like him.

“I got most everything done. You want to go for a ride?” I asked. I had been going on a lot of rides with Cherokee lately. We’d ride out to the creek that bordered our land and Cherokee would walk through it like a champ. Nothing fazed him, and he didn’t flinch at the wet rocks and rushing water. From there, we’d climb up the hill that lead to our property boundary, and then we’d enter the lush forested land of old man LaCroix.

Olly LaCroix was a cranky eighty year-old man who had been born and raised here in Sugar Hill, Texas. He owned a hundred and fifty acres of forested land with a big, white farmhouse smack dab in the middle of it, that he claimed to have been born in. The farmhouse was once the fanciest house in town, but now it stood empty and crumbling to the ground as LaCroix spent his last remaining days at the old folk’s home up the street. His wife had died twenty years ago and he had even outlived his only son, Clyde.

With no other heirs, and nobody to take care of it, the land and house were left vacant.

Cherokee and I spent many hours roaming his land, winding in and out of the trees. I loved getting lost in the maze of swaying pine trees. The muffled quiet of the forest was soothing, especially now, when I spent most of my time trying to keep my head from spinning. I couldn’t wait to escape today, and although I wanted to go alone, I felt like I should invite Finn, since he was standing right there.

He had been so nice. It wasn’t his fault he looked like his asshole brother.

“Sure, that sounds good. I’ll get Moses saddled and be right back,” he said.

“Okay, cool. I’ll get Cherokee ready and meet you at the fence in half an hour,” I replied, just as my stomach began growling. “I’ll make some sandwiches, too.”

“Sounds good, but —,”

“— I know, no pickles,” I interrupted. Finn laughed, gave me a thumbs up and walked out of the barn. Finn was known for his hatred of pickles ever since he ate a whole jar of them and threw up all over his mother when he was a toddler.

I picked up the wooden handles of the overflowing wheelbarrow of horseshit, wheeled it outside and dumped it in the pile behind the barn. It never ceased to amaze me that people paid good money for this stuff. But it was true that you could get the best tasting vegetables out of a pile of shit.

I went back in the house, showered and packed a few lunches for me and Finn. Cherokee was grazing lazily in the lower pasture and picked his head up when he saw me coming, swishing his tail in greeting as I approached. The welcome peacefulness fell over me as I slid my hand down his neck and inhaled the warm, Earthy scent of him. He always smelled the same. And it always comforted me.

“Wanna go for a ride, boy?” I whispered, slipping a red halter over his head. He shook his head and nudged me with his nose as I fastened the buckle near his temple. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

I threw his lead rope over my shoulder and walked back to the barn. He followed along at my side, keeping a steady stride without me having to do anything but lead.

By the time I had him saddled up and I rode up to Finn, I was five minutes late. Finn was waiting patiently astride Moses at the gate of the fence that connected our families properties.

“Sorry I’m late,” I muttered, as he turned Moses and led him through the gate. I followed through, jumped off Cherokee, closed the gate, and pulled myself back in the saddle before catching up to Finn.

We walked silently side-by-side for a moment, before I turned my head and looked at him.

Finn was definitely maturing and growing into himself. He had been thin and boyish for so long, it was a surprise to see that he was beginning to grow muscles. Toned biceps stretched under the t-shirt he was wearing, and his thighs were more defined in his Wranglers than I remembered. Looking at him now, and seeing that even his usually short hair was starting to grow long, with little curls peeking out under his straw cowboy hat, I realized I hadn’t really looked at him in a while.

He caught me staring at him.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing. Just looking at you. You growing your hair out?” I asked.

“Yeah, I guess. Why not?” he said, turning away from me. I could have sworn I saw him blush, but it was probably just the heat.

“It looks good,” I said.

“Thanks,” he muttered, the flush deepening.

We walked in silence to the creek, and after a little squirmish episode with Moses as we coaxed him across the water, we went up the hill and entered LaCroix’s forest.

After winding through the trees quietly for an hour, we made it back to the creek for lunch. We let the horses loose to get a drink, and sat on a log to eat.

“Did you hear about LaCroix?” Finn asked.

“No, what?” I hadn’t been keeping up on the town gossip so much.

“He took a turn for the worse. He’s in hospice now. Guess he’s gonna die all alone in there.”

“Oh,” I replied, immediately thinking about my parents. Were they lucky they had died the way they did? Quickly, without some long drawn out illness or just old age? Or was it worse because they were deprived of their old age? Deprived of the opportunity to draw their last breath surrounded by loved ones?

Tears filled my eyes, and I looked away.

“Shit, George. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking,” Finn said.

“No, no, it’s okay, Finn, I’m alright,” I said, wiping my tears away. “I guess everything’s still just a little raw.”

“Of course,” he whispered.

“How are things with you?” I asked, hoping to turn the conversation a different direction. I was so tired of thinking about my own misery.

“Okay, I guess. The usual,” he replied.

“How’s your family?” I asked. “You’ve all been so nice to us.”

Except Lee
, I thought to myself, feeling a sharp stab in my gut as his face flashed in my mind, the feel of his hand sliding down the front of my pants coming back to me.

“It’s the least we can do, George,” Finn replied, turning to look at me. “We’re okay. Haven’t seen much of Lee lately, but everyone else is okay.”

Finn’s eyes met mine, and suddenly all I could see was Lee, I could almost smell him. I swallowed hard as the feel of his mouth on my skin felt almost real, as if it were happening again. I shuddered at the memory. My eyes filled with tears again and I turned away quickly.

“Aw, fuck. George, what did I say this time? I’m so sorry,” he kicked at the dirt beneath his feet.

“No, no, it’s not you. That’s not it, I mean,” I muttered, hanging my head.

“Then what?” he asked. I looked back at him and his eyes were full of kindness. “Talk to me. I’m your friend.”

“I know, Finn.”

“Well?”

“Well. Look, it’s nothing. A little something happened with Lee…that night…but it’s nothing.”

“What?” he asked, confusion clouding his clear green eyes. “What do you mean?”

If I could have taken back the words I would have. I don’t even know how they tumbled out, considering I had sworn myself to secrecy.

“Nothing, nevermind, Finn, really…” I said.

“No, George! Tell me. Lee’s a jerk, and I’ve seen the way he treats women and if he laid a hand on you, I swear I’ll kill him!” Finn was furious all of a sudden.

“Finn, calm down!” I wasn’t sure why he was so upset, and I wasn’t. I mean I was, but seeing the look on his face now just confused me. I was pissed, but he was violently angry.

“Just tell me what happened, George.” His teeth were clenched.

“Look, he just had too much to drink,” I started.

Shit, why was I making excuses for him?

“I mean,” I started again, “he was drunk. He was in the cabin when I came out of the bathroom, and he made a pass at me.”

“What does that mean exactly?” he said, his eyes squinting suspiciously, as if he could see right through me.

“He kissed me. He…did some other things. I told him to stop.”

“And did he?” he asked.

“No. Not at first. But he did when I made him.”

“Fucker. So he forced himself on you?”

“I guess so, yeah. I mean, at first I was down with kissing him, but then everything just turned…ugly. I guess it was my fault,” I replied, feeling a wave of shame wash over me.

“No!” Finn yelled. I jumped away from him. “I’m sorry,” he said, putting his hand on mine. “I mean, no, it wasn’t your fault. It’s Lee’s fault. It’s not the booze’s fault, Lee is the only one to blame here.”

“I guess so,” I said, feeling a little comfort at his words, and his anger, too.

“I’ll take care of this, George, I promise,” he said, his jaw set determinedly.

“No, you won’t, Finn! You can’t tell anyone, you have to promise me that!” I exclaimed, alarm rising in my voice.

“What the hell, George? Why should Lee get away with this?”

“What do you mean? Nothing happened, not really. And I kneed him in the balls as payback.”

“In my book, that’s not enough. He at least needs to apologize. And for fuck’s sake, this happened the night of your parent’s accident? It’s just unforgivable, even if he did apologize.”

“Finn, promise me you won’t tell anyone. I’m dealing with enough right now, I don’t want this getting out! Promise!”

“Goddammit, George,” he replied, shaking his head. “Fine, but I don’t like it one fucking bit.”

I sighed in relief. My life was already turned upside down, the last thing I needed to deal with was a shit-show of Lee drama.

“Thank you. You’re a good friend,” I said, putting my head on Finn’s shoulder. He was shaking in anger, and I put my hand on his to calm him.

“I’m not so sure about that,” he replied.

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

“Lee did what?” I yelled.

“Look, Beau, you can’t say anything to our folks,” Finn replied. “I promised George I wouldn’t say anything, but I just can’t keep it to myself. I don’t know what to do.”

“I know what to do! Kick Lee’s idiotic ass!” I roared in anger. How could Lee have done that to George? For fuck’s sake, she’s an innocent girl. Yeah, so maybe she had grown up a little. Maybe she had filled out over the years and turned into a breathtakingly beautiful woman, but that didn’t matter. Not to mention she had just lost her parents. And on the same fucking night?

“No, way, Beau! Look, can we just keep it a secret for a little while? George has been through enough, I don’t want to make things worse for her, and she’ll be so pissed off that I told you.”

“Well, what did she expect you to do?”

“I don’t know,” he said, hanging his head. “Just listen, I guess. Like Mom says, you know?”

He was right. Mom was always telling us that most women just wanted a man to listen if they were talking, not try to fix things.