Hope Smolders (12 page)

Tabitha loved Will. At the zoo, she’d held his hand and dragged him to all the exhibits. Apparently Tabitha and Will shared a love of penguins, so it had practically taken an act of Congress to get the two of them to leave the penguin exhibit. Only the suggestion of lunch had pried them away.

And then there was Will and Ryan’s shared love of sports. Will had talked to Ryan about baseball, and Ryan had asked if Will would like to come to one of his games, which Will of course said he definitely wanted to do.

Since tonight was the next scheduled game, Will had showed up, just as he said he would. And the third base coach had come up sick, so Will had gamely offered to pitch in and help.

Jane had to work at the day-care center, so she hadn’t been there, but they’d met at the house for pizza afterward, and Ryan had given her practically an inning by inning recap. He had a definite case of hero worship. Apparently Will was an aggressive third base coach, so he’d pushed a couple of the kids to run like hell for home on a couple doubles, resulting in them winning the game by two runs against a pretty powerhouse team.

“You should have seen it, Mom. I thought Coach was going to explode. But Will was right. He had seen Henry and Brandon run, so he knew they were fast and they could sprint for home and beat the throws. It was awesome. He made the right calls.”

Jane looked to Will. “And you didn’t get in trouble with the coach?”

Will gave her a look, one of those supremely confident masculine ones that curled her toes. “Please. I was in charge of third base. I knew what I was doing. No way would I have waved them on if I wasn’t sure they were going to be safe.”

“See, Mom?” Ryan said.

“I do see. Well done, Will. And I’m glad the team won.”

After pizza, Will helped Ryan with his geography homework while Jane worked with Tabitha on her spelling. It felt like a family. Epically scary, but solidly comfortable at the same time.

She didn’t quite know what to make of that.

She gave Tabitha a bath and got the kids settled for bed, then came out to hang out with Will. They watched a movie for a while.

“I hear Ryan wants to go to a camp next summer.”

She paused the movie and turned to him. “Where did you hear that?

“From Ryan.”

“Oh. Yes, there’s a camp he wants to go to, but it’s too expensive, so I had to tell him no.”

“He told me that, too.” Will half turned on the sofa to face her. “The thing is, I was wondering if you’d let me pay for it.”

“No.”

He arched a brow. “Why not?”

“Because…just no. Thank you, but no.”

“Jane. I want to do it for him. It’s a great camp. I went there when I was a kid. They have awesome activities like archery and canoeing and backpacking. It’s good physical exercise and a chance to learn to work as a team. They have a great counselor-to-kid ratio, and it’s reputable.”

She didn’t want to have this conversation about the camp—again—and especially not with Will. “I don’t have a problem with the camp, I just can’t afford to send Ryan there. Maybe someday, but not now.”

He let the topic fall off—for about five minutes, before turning to her again. “Is there some problem with me wanting to help out?”

She sighed. “Yes. I’m the parent. You’re not. I don’t need or want your charity.”

“Ouch. It wasn’t charity. It was a gift.”

She knew she wouldn’t be able to explain this right, but she had to try. “Look, Will. I appreciate it, but my kids need to learn to live within the means I can provide them without outside help. I’m the parent and I need to give them what I can afford to give them. And if I can’t afford to provide them something, then they have to learn to go without. It’s not like basic food or clothing or shelter. This is a luxury item.”

“I get that, I really do, Jane. But I have the money and I kind of thought I was part of your life. Part of their lives. Why won’t you let me do this for Ryan?”

“Because you’re not his father. And you’re not a part of his life.”

The words had fallen out of her mouth before she’d thought about what she’d said. And now she couldn’t take them back.

Will looked stricken.

“Will. That’s not what I meant. Let me explain.”

“It’s okay.” He stood.

“It’s not okay. Let’s talk about this.”

“No, really. I understand. I’m gonna go.”

She stood and followed him to the door. “Please don’t leave.”

He turned to her. “I appreciate and respect your independence, Jane. But at some point you’re going to have to open up and let someone in, and that means sharing your life with the kids. And that means letting someone help, even financially. I know that’s a sore spot for you, but—” He shrugged. “Whatever.”

He walked out and she stood at the door, watching him as he got into his car and left.

She didn’t know what to say. She was right to turn him down.

Wasn’t she?

* * *

“S
o you told him no?”

“I did.”

“Why?” Chelsea asked as they ate lunch in the teacher’s lunchroom.

“Because
I
need to provide for my children. And I’d already told Ryan that he couldn’t go.”

“Well, that was before.”

“Before what?”

“Before you started seeing Will. You two are getting kind of serious, aren’t you?”

Jane shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Chelsea rolled her eyes. “Come on, Jane. You’re together almost every night. He does things not only with you but with you and the kids. It’s obvious to everyone in town that you two are a couple, and that he loves your children. If he wants to help you send Ryan to that summer camp, what’s the problem?”

She lifted her chin. “I want to be able to send Ryan to summer camp. I want to do those things for my kids. I don’t want to depend on some guy to help me out.”

Chelsea cocked her head to the side. “Some guy? Is that what Will is to you?”

“Come on, Chelse. You know what I meant.”

“Yeah. I know exactly what you meant. Will’s just some dude you’re screwing around with to get your rocks off, and you want to be alone and independent the rest of your life.”

“You don’t understand.” She picked up a carrot, then set it down again, her appetite gone.

“I do understand,” Chelsea said. “I really do. You want to be able to give your kids everything you and Vic could do for them. But guess what? You’re a one-person income now, so you can’t and probably won’t be able to until you’re a two-person income again. With Will in the picture, you can do some things for the kids you couldn’t do before. So
if Will offers to help out with some things financially, that’s a bad thing?”

“No. But what if things don’t work out with me and Will? Then what does that do to my kids? They become dependent on him—and his income—just like they depended on Vic. I’m an adult. I can handle the heartbreak, but I won’t have their hearts broken all over again.”

Chelsea nodded. “I appreciate your fear. But you can’t lock your kids away and shelter them from hurt the rest of their lives. Nor can you lock yourself away in order to protect them. You have to allow yourself to live again, Jane. Even if it means risking you—and them—and the chance you could all be hurt again.”

She stared at her carrots. “I’m not sure I can take that chance.”

“Then you’re doomed to be alone the rest of your life. I hope you think that’s worth it.”

She pinned Chelsea with a look. “That was harsh, Chelse.”

“No, Jane. That was the truth.”

W
ill thought a lot about what Jane had said the other night.

He didn’t like it, but they were her kids and she had the right to make those decisions. Even if he didn’t agree with all of them.

The discussion about the camp had come up in conversation with Ryan. Will had told him he’d gone to the camp when he was a kid. Ryan had been so excited about the camp, and Will thought it was something he could do to help.

It was simple. He had plenty of money. Hell, who did he have to spend his money on?

Obviously Jane didn’t see it as simply as he did. Sometimes she was just damned unreasonable about things.

But, again, the kids were hers and so were the decisions. And he just needed to butt out.

He called her the next day. She answered, tentative with him. He hated that.

“I’m sorry for walking out on you,” he said.

“I’m sorry for what I said.”

“You had a right to say it. You’re Ryan and Tabitha’s mother, and you get to call the shots where they’re concerned. I shoved my way in and made suggestions, and I had no right to do that.”

She went quiet for a few seconds. “It’s okay to suggest. I appreciate the suggestions. I just won’t always say yes.”

“Okay. I can live with that.”

“Thank you for always being so understanding. Especially when I’m not always so reasonable.”

He laughed. “So I’m forgiven?”

“Nothing to forgive.”

“I’m glad you think so. Look, there’s another reason for my call.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. There’s an animatronics dinosaur show coming to town on Friday. Do you think the kids would be interested?”

“Are you kidding? They’d be thrilled.”

“Great. How about we go out for pizza and head over to the show Friday after work? Say about six thirty?”

“That sounds perfect.”

“Okay. I’ll pick you all up.”

They talked for a while, and when he hung up he felt a lot better about where things stood, especially when he saw Jane at the gym that night. She grinned at him and caught him in the hallway.

“Have a good day?” she asked.

“It was an uneventful one, and to me that’s always a good day.”

She started walking with him as he headed toward the lockers, so he veered off into one of the side hallways, grateful to see they were alone. He pushed her against the wall and kissed her. She kissed him back with fervor, sliding her fingers into his hair and pushing her body against his. He finally had to pull back and take a deep breath.

“Getting a hard-on in these shorts is going to be difficult to hide.”

She breathed deeply. “I’m having the same problem.”

“Yours is easier to hide.”

“I can give you some tough math problems to solve,” she said, her eyes bright with mischief.

“That won’t help. Your body is still pressed up against mine.”

She slid out from under him. “I can fix that. See you later.” After a quick brush of her lips against his, she winked and waved as she hurried off, leaving him alone to think up some of those complex math problems while he breathed deeply.

Friday was a clusterfuck at work. Rain moved in, and that never boded well for traffic on the highways. The storms were intense, accidents were frequent, and to top it off, two of the patrol officers who were due to relieve his shift were sick, which meant he’d be working overtime.

Great. Just great.

He called Jane that afternoon after she got off school.

“Hey, how’s your day going?” he asked.

“Just fine. The kids are really excited about tonight.”

“Yeah, about that. I have some bad news. Two of our officers are sick and I have to work overtime.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“I hate to disappoint the kids, but there’s nothing I can do.”

“Don’t worry about it. We can do it another time. You be careful out there.”

“There’s another showing at noon tomorrow. How about it?”

“That sounds great.”

“Good. I’ll be there at eleven to pick you up.”

“Perfect.”

“Thanks for understanding. I need to get back to it, so I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay.”

* * *

J
ane hung up the phone and went to the window. Thunder rolled and cracked outside, and lightning lit up the sky. Summer storms were always vicious, and this one was no exception. It had been a hard-driving storm all day.

She hoped Will was all right. She went in and told the kids Will would have to work late. They were both disappointed about not being able to go to the dinosaur show, but she explained to them how important his job was and how he was out there in the storm keeping people safe. They understood.

Good kids. She smiled and told them she’d make them homemade macaroni and cheese for dinner and they could each choose a movie to watch. The kids were excited about that.

Nothing like mac and cheese and movies to save the night.

The next morning, she got the kids up, made sure they had their breakfast and showers and were ready to go in plenty of time before Will’s arrival, especially since he was typically early.

She was surprised when eleven o’clock rolled around and he hadn’t shown up yet, and shocked when it was eleven fifteen and there was still no sign of him.

“Is Will coming, Mom?” Ryan asked, glancing nervously at the clock above the fireplace.

“I’m sure he is, honey, but I’ll call him to make sure.” She grabbed her phone and dialed his cell.

No answer. How odd. She tried again, and still no answer.

By eleven thirty and several calls, she was pissed. It was obvious they’d been stood up. No way in hell was she disappointing her kids twice in two days, especially since this whole dinosaur thing had been his idea in the first place.

“Let’s go,” she said, grabbing her purse and keys.

“But Will’s not here yet, Mommy,” Tabitha said.

“Will can’t make it, so we’re going without him,” she said, not about to get into the intricacies of her irritation with Will with her children. She drove downtown, found the exhibit, bought three tickets and took her kids to see the dinosaur show.

Ryan and Tabitha had a great time. She stewed the entire time, her thoughts centered on Will. She turned her phone off during the show, and two hours later turned it back on.

No message from Will.

Wasn’t that just great. She took the kids out to lunch and then brought them home.

Will called later that afternoon. She ignored his call, and his text messages, since they seemed like flimsy excuses to her.

Jane, I’m so sorry. My phone went dead and the charger died on me, too. Alarm didn’t go off.