Hopelessly Imperfect (Imperfect #1) (11 page)

Nodding, I picked up the now-empty box from the counter. His eyes lit up, and his smile was so bright it was a bit contagious. “I’m hungry already,” he said, sounding somewhat embarrassed as I chuckled.

Turning around to walk out of the kitchen, I almost bumped into Nathan, who was leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face.

“I didn’t see you there,” I murmured as I stepped back, looking everywhere but at him.

“I noticed.”

Jay passed by me, rolling his eyes at Nathan, and punching him on the shoulder on his way out. Nathan blocked the door after he left.

“Do you mind?” I gestured with my hand for him to move. He didn’t. “Nathan?” I looked at him.

“Why weren’t you looking at me?” He tilted his head, frowning.

Gosh. Why did you have to talk to him, Farah?

He probably thinks I like him or something. Which I clearly don’t.

“I am looking at you.” I widened my eyes, making my point. His intense eyes were piercing through me as always, and my lips parted as my heart skipped a beat. After a long moment, his lips tugged up in a beautiful smile, and my mouth went dry. He moved out of the way, and I breathed out in relief as I passed him.

Completely flustered, I walked to the TV room, where Jay was playing with the remote as he chose a movie. The room was spacious. There were two large brown sofas in front of the huge flat-screen TV. Farah and Chris were cuddling on one. Chris smiled and waved at me, and I did the same as I sat on the next sofa. In the middle of the room was a small glass table with two large bowls of chips and pretzels. Farah and I hadn’t really walked around the house, so I figured her mom had left the bowls there. Even though I hadn’t met her, I could tell she was as nice as her daughter.

My eyes traveled all around the room as I did my best to ignore the gray-eyed boy who had chosen to take a seat next to me.

It was a really cozy home. There were pictures of the whole family on the walls, and I grinned at how happy they seemed. Farah resembled her mom, and her identical twin sisters looked like her dad.

“How do you tell your sisters apart?” I asked, looking at Farah.

“I don’t. I mess up their names all the time.” She smiled mischievously. “They absolutely hate it.” Jay cracked up at that. Chris flicked her nose, and she beamed at him. Then he grabbed her by the waist and kissed her. Blushing, I turned away from them as Jay started to complain while Nathan threw a pillow at them, snickering.

Chris threw the pillow back at Nathan just as he was asking, “So, what movie are we going to see?”

“Not a chick flick!” Jay stared pointedly at me.

I looked at the screen behind him. He’d been scrolling through Netflix in the action section. Shrugging, I murmured, “Whatever you want to see is fine.”

He grinned. “I like the sound of that!”

I chuckled at that.

“I want to see
I am Number Four
,” Farah exclaimed excitedly, and all three guys grunted.

“That is a chick flick.” Jay raised an eyebrow.

“It’s not!” Farah’s blue eyes widened. “There are explosions and stuff like that!” She moved her hands explaining, “And there’s a really hot girl!”

“But not Meghan Fox,” Chris said from beside her, and she rolled her eyes.

“Let’s vote,” Nathan’s rough voice said next to me.

“We’re clearly outnumbered,” I said flatly, glaring at him as he smirked at me.

“Tsk, tsk.” He shook his head, feigning innocence.

“
Transformers
it is!” Jay announced proudly as he found the title on the screen. Farah grunted, but I couldn’t help but smile at him. He seem excited like a little boy.

We watched the movie while we ate the pepperoni pizza they brought. Right at the middle of the movie, Farah and I got up to get the brownies from the oven, and the guys literally fought over them. To be honest, they weren’t that good, but the gesture was nice.

All in all, it was fun. Jay and Nathan kept making jokes and teasing Chris and Farah while I laughed at them.

By the time the movie ended, it was late, and after Farah’s parents called to ask her if she needed more food since they were on their way back, we decided to call it a night. We had school the next morning, anyway.

We all helped clean up before saying good-bye to each other. Apparently, Jay lived right on the next block over. He thanked Farah, waved good-bye, and trotted away. Chris’s house was across the street, so that left Nathan to take me home. I was planning to text Dad to get me, but Nathan insisted it wasn’t a problem. Farah wriggled her eyebrows at me as he said that, making me blush.

Feeling awkward again, I stepped toward his truck. Nathan opened the door for me with a smirk. Trying to ignore him, I gazed behind me at my best friend and her boyfriend. They were laughing at each other, and a small smile spread across my face. Farah was amazing. I was so thankful she was my friend.

I could feel Nathan’s eyes on me as I shifted in the car seat. He was still holding the door for me as I looked up. “Penny for your thoughts?” he asked, tilting his head.

“I had fun tonight.” A small grin played on my lips. It was true. This had been the best night in a long time.

Nathan trotted around his car. The door on his side slammed after he took a seat in front of the steering wheel. “I’m glad you had fun.” He shook his head, a small smile playing on his face. “I did too.” His tone was playful as he turned the key and the engine roared to life. “Why did you cry today, Cass?” he asked, his voice softer now.

Completely surprised, I cut my eyes to him. “How did you know?”

“Your eyes,” he murmured, not looking at me but at the road ahead.

My mouth went dry as I gazed at him in silence. My eyes followed the line of his nose to his lips to his Adam’s apple. Then back to his lips again. My heart fluttered. I averted my eyes as I blushed and murmured shyly, “I bumped into one of Mom’s closest friends.”

He didn’t ask anything else, and I turned my face to the window, not wanting to keep gawking at him. We reached my house, and he turned off the engine but remained silent. I didn’t want to leave his car, either.

Biting my lip, I stammered before bursting out, “How can you know so much about me when I really don’t know anything about you?” My brows furrowed.

A small smile tugged on his lips slowly. “Hey, I didn’t know you were that into me.”

I rolled my eyes and grabbed the door handle as my lips set in a straight line. “Thanks for the lift home, Nathan.”

He gently placed his hand on my knee, making my heart flutter. “Cassie.” I gazed at him wide-eyed. His hand left my leg. He ran it through his hair. My mouth was dry as my heart raced like crazy. “You can ask me anything you want.”

My knee tingled from his touch. A little freaked out about it, I kept quiet for a moment as he crossed his arms and watched me intensely with those mesmerizing gray eyes.

What did I want to ask him? I knew Nathan wasn’t the talkative type, so I had to take advantage of this opportunity. Nonetheless, I couldn’t ask him how he knew so much about me, because he would completely evade the question as he always did. Thinking it through, I tilted my head as I murmured, “Why do you fight?”

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably, and his eyes glazed before he answered me. “I’m looking for someone.”

Through fights?
Whoever he was looking for, he didn’t want to find them for friendly purposes, that was for sure.

I raised an eyebrow as he glanced at me. His eyes seemed clouded, but as he blinked, it faded away. “It started that way, but now I like the adrenaline kick before the fight, or the way you have to be ready for anything at all times.” His voice was wary. His eyes were roaming all around my face as he spoke. “That, added to the fact it annoys the hell out of my father,” he drawled, a smirk playing on his lips as his eyes lit up mischievously.

“Have you found him?”

His demeanor was tense as he shook his head. “No.” His tone was bitter. “I don’t even know who I’m looking for.” He sounded peeved about it. And hurt.

Several questions played in my head, but I wasn’t sure if I should actually prod. It was a touchy topic. He probably wouldn’t answer me anyway. Still, I wondered what his reasons for doing that were.
Ugh.

I slumped in my seat as my eyes roamed all over his car. I just wanted to actually know something about him. I mean, the guy probably knew what I was thinking right now, and I had no clue about him.

“Why haven’t you tried out for the wrestling team or something?” I asked out of nowhere. I really had no clue what to ask now. I just wanted to keep talking to him. That was scary and unsettling.

Nathan smiled, completely amused. He raised an eyebrow as his smirk widened. “That’s kind of lame. I don’t want to lose my reputation.”

“As a bad boy?” I shook my head, annoyed.

“Of course. Being a badass is way cooler than being part of the wrestling team,” he added with a grin.

I grabbed the door handle again. “Thank you for the ride.”

“Don’t mention it.” His eyes pierced me as I bobbed my head and hopped out of the car.

A shy smile played on my lips as I gazed at him. “See you tomorrow, Nate.” His eyes were darker as a breathtaking smile played across his face. My heart skipped a beat, and my lips parted as I closed the door.

He waited inside the car as I reached my house and opened the front door. Worrying my lip, I turned to wave at him as his engine roared to life and he drove out of sight. I stared after him, even after he was completely gone, pretty much dumbfounded at his breathtaking smile. Like usual.

Dad was working on his laptop in the kitchen. I presumed he was actually waiting for me, which was kind of cute. I walked to him and kissed him on the cheek. His blue eyes gazed at me softly as he grinned. “Did you have a good day?”

I nodded. “The best.”

He closed the computer. “Are you hungry? There’s some chicken salad in the fridge.”

Shaking my head, I sat on the stool next to him. “I just had pizza and brownies with Farah and the guys.”

Dad raised an eyebrow. “
The guys
, huh?”
Fighting the urge to roll my eyes at him, I settled on glaring at his laptop. “Does one of them happen to be
the guy
that stayed with you the other day?” I nodded. “Should I be concerned?”

“Nate’s just a friend, Dad.”

“
Nate?
” he mocked me with an amused smile.

This time I did roll my eyes. “I’m tired, so I’m going to bed, okay?”

Dad’s smile transformed into a smug grin. Which was kind of weird. “Next time you meet with
Nate
, I’d like to meet him.”

Sighing, I got up. “Seriously?”
He nodded, his grin widening. “Yeah, okay. Whatever.” I looked everywhere but at him. “Good night.” I walked to my room as my father gloated.

I lay on my bed, totally ready to sleep, when I remembered about Mom’s friends. Before she got sick, they used to come over once a month. Mom was friendly while Dad was kind of a loner. They complimented each other. The fact the house looked the same as when she was alive didn’t help much. Everywhere you looked, Mom was there. She was in the colorful painting on the living room wall. In the potted plants around the house. In the overused kitchen.

Dad
needed to move on.

He’d done so much for us that he deserved to be happy.

My thoughts drifted to Farah and how she was such a great friend. Had I talked to Anne a few years back, I was sure she would have been as wonderful as Farah. But I had messed up, and even after that, I had been lucky to meet someone as nice as Farah was.

For a moment, I pictured Mom standing close to me, smiling. And I knew, deep down, that she was taking care of us and watching out for us, just like she’d done when she was alive.

My eyes brimmed with tears. A shaky breath left my lips as I rubbed them away. I hated crying. Mostly in front of others. Lately, though, I’d let my walls break in front of the most unlikely person, Nathan Rivers.

What was his deal? There was so much mystery surrounding him. He had this tough exterior, but I could tell he was in as much pain as me. And for whatever reason, he seemed to know a lot about me. I honestly never paid attention to him. Ever.

Until now.

My mind kept rambling on and on even after I’d closed my eyes. Finally, I dozed off around midnight.

Chapter Ten

The usual rush of energy filled my body as I finished jogging. I wondered if that was what Nathan felt like when fighting, and I kind of wanted to slap myself because I just wanted to stop thinking about him.

Dad kept teasing me over breakfast but kept quiet when I told him I’d bumped into Lucy yesterday. Sadness engulfed him, and I knew exactly what he was feeling, because I felt the same.

Silently, we finished breakfast and got ready for our respective days. As we stepped out of the house, I hugged him tight. Swallowing hard, I pulled back to find a teary smile drawn on his face. I wished him a good day before kissing him on the cheek and ambling down the street.

The school was already packed with people. Chatter and laughter surrounded me as I walked through the school’s doors. Hitching my backpack over my shoulder, I walked to my locker to get my books for the day. My steps faltered when I found myself in front of Anne, who was about to pass me. I didn’t know if I should say hi or something.

Her green eyes didn’t glare at me as they usually did. She nodded and stepped by me as I stood rooted in place. Nodding was an improvement, I guess.

After first period, my backpack was getting heavier, so I went back to my locker to leave some books there. Farah was next to me as I finished the task. “So,” she said as I zipped my backpack, “how was the ride home?” Her blue eyes sparkled mischievously. Groaning, I closed my locker and decided to ignore her. “Did he tried to make you swoon?”

Rolling my eyes, I quickened my pace.

“O-M-G! Did he tried to make a move or something?” She gasped with wide eyes.

“Chris is walking behind us,” I said matter-of-factly. Farah stopped and turned around, beaming. My lips twitched in a smile. He wasn’t.

She slapped me playfully on the arm. “That’s mean, you know.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Stop teasing me.”

Farah rolled her eyes as she pushed her glasses up. She had on a white tank top and a blue, short-sleeved hoodie that brought out her eyes. A few strands of blonde hair framed her face. Grinning, I said, “You look cute, by the way.”

She beamed. “Thanks! You need to show me how to braid my hair like that!” she said, gesturing to the messy fishtail I had put my hair into since I didn’t want to have it in my face all day.

“Sure.” I shrugged.

“And by the way, your lover boy is coming this way.” She wriggled her eyebrows as I looked around us, searching for Nathan. I didn’t see him.

She laughed at me. “Payback is a bitch, huh?” Her blue eyes widened innocently as she smirked. “Tom is coming this way.” She raised an eyebrow before walking away.

Groaning inwardly, I took a deep breath as he reached me. “Hi, Cassie.”

Remember how he never mentioned you getting drunk to anyone.
“Hey.” I grinned awkwardly.

His brown eyes roamed all over my face, making me feel uncomfortable. “You look pretty.”

I cleared my throat. “Thank you.” I searched behind him, expecting to see Marissa lurking nearby.

“So, I’m having a party this weekend,” he said confidently, “and I’d like to see you there.”

“Oh. Okay. Thank you for inviting me.”

His smile morphed into a smirk. “Actually—” he leaned closer to me, “—I can pick you up, if you want.”

As a date? I bit my lip. Trying to be inconspicuous, I took a small step back. “I appreciate it.” I tried to smile at his expectant face. “But I’m still not ready to date, remember?” I murmured, embarrassed.

I kind of told you that last week, when you asked. And the week before.

His smile faded. “I’m trusting you’ll let me know when you are.” His eyes were serious. Too serious. Kind of frightening in a way, but I pushed those thoughts away. This was Tom. He had been nice to me.

“Can I ask Farah to come with me?”

He shrugged. “The more the merrier. I’ll see you later, then.”
He sauntered away. However, I still felt uneasy.

The bell rang, and warily, I trotted to English. Luckily, the teacher hadn’t arrived yet. I heard Marissa talking to Meredith excitedly about Tom’s party as I sat down. Farah smiled at me knowingly, and I could tell she wanted to ask me what Tom wanted, but my eyes were trained on Marissa. I felt bad for not noticing she was into Tom before, and I really hoped the guy noticed her soon.

Farah leaned into my desk. “So? What did he want?”

I’d opened my mouth to tell her about the party when Mrs. Clearwater, our teacher, stepped into the classroom. “Class,” she said as she cleaned her glasses with a handkerchief, “there’s a state writing contest coming soon, and you are all going to take part in it.” A few kids groaned while I watched her expectantly. I wasn’t much of a writer, but English was one of my favorite classes. “So, I want you to write an essay about your summer.” More groaning. I tensed and turned to look at Farah, who was eyeing me, concerned. “It has to be something important, kids. No nonsense about going to the beach and stuff. Pick out something you did that might have made a difference to you,” she finished excitedly.

Staring at the dents in my desk, I frowned as I thought about it. Maybe I could make something up. Then again, that was going back to the old me, the one whose life was completely fake
. No.
Doing that only brought me shame and guilt. I regretted so many things after acting like that. Still, writing about Mom seemed too personal.

Chewing my pencil, I was deep in thought when Farah planted herself in front of me at the end of class. “Are you okay?” Her blue eyes watched me in concern.

Putting the pencil away, I shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Are you going to write about it?” she whispered after leaning closer.

“I don’t know,” I trailed off, unsure.

“So what happened to you over the summer?” Marissa said from behind me.

Farah and I turned to her. My best friend was sending daggers her way at the same time my shoulders tensed. “I’m touched that you are
so
interested in my life, Marissa.” Sarcasm dripped from my every word.

Marissa’s brown eyes glinted curiously. “I mean, what on earth made you fall so low, Cassandra?”

I instinctively put my hands on my desk so she wouldn’t see the scars on my wrists. Her eyes followed my movement, and a sneer formed on her lips. “Oh. There’s something, all right,” she murmured, completely amused at finding a touchy subject for me.

“It’s none of your fucking business,” Farah said through clenched teeth.

Ignoring her, Marissa eyed me for a moment, and a wide smile spread across her lips. “I will find out, and when I do, I’m going to make sure everyone else knows too.”

Shrugging, I grabbed my backpack. “I’m touched at your sudden interest in my life, Marissa, but honestly, that’s kind of low, even for you.” I stood up, and Farah followed me closely as we walked out of our classroom.

“That fucking bitch,” she murmured as we trotted through the hallway to the cafeteria.

“It’s okay.” I tried to smile at her. But in truth, it wasn’t. I wasn’t really sure how to feel about what Marissa had said yet.

We reached our spot outside, and Chris was already waiting for Farah. Disappointment filled me. I kind of wanted to see Nate, and that thought alone made my stomach churn. Not wanting to be the third wheel and definitely not needing to see them making out, I told them I needed to go to the library to do some research.

Farah wanted to protest because she seemed genuinely concerned about me, but the moment Chris wrapped his arms around her and whispered something in her ear, I pretty much ran away from them.

The library was deserted except for the librarian and me. Grimacing, I pulled out the book I started to read over the weekend, but after ten minutes of rereading the same page, I closed it.

I kept thinking about the English essay. I thought about my classmates. Would they stare at me with pity after I read my essay out loud?
Ugh. Probably.

I didn’t want that. I kind of wanted to go through senior year being ignored, but I knew how resourceful Marissa could be, and she would eventually learn what happened over the summer. I rolled my eyes. The girl obviously needed a life.

Lunch ended, and the next classes passed without incident. Still, I had to admit I inconspicuously looked out for Nathan and Jay. I hadn’t seen them in school today, and I wondered where they were. Then again, it seemed like the roles had changed, and now I was the one stalking Nathan. That needed to stop.

When school finished, I walked to Amanda’s practice. I was early, but I didn’t know what else to do, so I grabbed a salad from a nearby restaurant and sat in the park to eat my meal.

I thought about the essay.

What should I write about? Should I talk about Mom?

It seemed wrong not to be honest. The good part was that we had a couple of weeks to write it, and Mrs. Clearwater was going to choose the best one for the contest, so there was a chance she wouldn’t pick mine. Only the best ones would be read to the class. Maybe I could write it badly so she wouldn’t choose it. But again, it didn’t feel right to be dishonest.
Ugh.

I looked at my phone’s clock and rolled my eyes since there were still fifteen minutes before my therapy session, but I was kind of bored, so I packed up everything and walked to Amanda’s office. Since she didn’t have a waiting room, I sat on the floor and leaned my head against the wall while closing my eyes. Minutes passed before her door finally screeched open and I opened my eyes.

My heart raced as I found myself gazing at the mysterious guy I’d been obsessing over all day long. Still, I hadn’t asked Chris about Nathan after lunch, even though I had been dying to.

A small smile played on his lips as he took me in. “Taylor,” he said in that deep, husky voice as he nodded at me. Today he was wearing a bright blue t-shirt and ripped jeans, giving him a rock-star look. And, well, he was actually
rocking
it.

“Rivers.” I smiled before grabbing my things to get up from the floor. His hand encased mine, making my heart flutter as he pulled me up. I wanted to ask him why he hadn’t been at school, but I was pretty sure he’d probably mock me without actually answering, so I bit my lip, not knowing what else to do.

Amanda’s hazel eyes were studying the whole scene. A knowing smile played on her lips as she saw me looking at her, and she nodded after stepping aside to let me go into her office.

“Have a good day,” I said to Nathan and wanted to slap myself because of how pathetic and completely embarrassing that sounded. Nate smirked. He didn’t say anything but let go of my hand and walked past me.

Blushing, I took a seat on my designated sofa in Amanda’s office. She smiled and took a seat on her couch. She asked me how my week was going, and I told her how I felt about meeting Lucy and about Dad’s future marriage. She listened to me like she always did, commenting on a few things, but she seemed kind of distracted. She kept looking at her watch, and she was smiling too much. After she checked the time again, I stopped talking altogether.

Amanda’s hazel eyes turned to me expectantly. “Yes?”

“Do you have to go somewhere?” I blurted out, and my eyes widened at my boldness. I mean, Amanda was really nice, and I hadn’t meant to snap at her.

She smiled, tilting her head, “I’m sorry, I am a bit distracted. But I have listened to you, and I honestly think you should go for it.”

“Huh?”

“The essay!” She shook her head. “See? I was listening!” She grinned before adding, “I think writing about your experience might be therapeutic. If you do it, please let me read it.” She got up and started to put everything away. I peeked at my phone to see the time, and we still had half an hour. “Sometimes it’s easier to write the things we feel than to say them out loud. I think something good might come out of it.” She beamed at me and gave me my pink hoodie.

Gosh. She really wants me out of here.

I grabbed it in silence, and as I reached for my backpack, Amanda spoke from behind me. “I’m glad you’re making new friends, Cassie. You deserve to be happy.” Her hazel eyes watched me warmly as she opened the door.

My brows were furrowed as I murmured, “Thanks.”
I guess.

“Cassie?” She grabbed my arm as I passed her. “Unofficially, I wanted to thank you.”

“For what?” I tilted my head, completely confused. I was actually starting to believe I was the sane person here.

“Whatever you’re doing to Nathan, please don’t stop.” Her eyes sparkled excitedly. “Today was the first time in a year that he opened up to me, and I know it’s because of you.”

Surprise washed over me. “I haven’t done anything,” I stuttered, shocked.

She chuckled. “Oh, you have. He’s been waiting for you outside.” Her eyes turned to one of the large windows that overlooked the park. Following her gaze, I saw Nate’s truck parked around the corner, a small cloud of smoke behind it. My heart skipped a beat. He was there all right.