Hotbox (41 page)

“Well…
I kept it quiet. Jayden is the only person that knows.”

He raised an eyebrow and was silent for a moment.
“Except for your aunt,
”
he
finally
guessed. “That must be why you lived with her so much.”

I
cautiously
nodded to confirm.

He thought for a
nother
moment before saying, “She should have reported it.”

I was becoming even more
uncomfortable with the conversation. I
cursed
myself for even bringing it up. After a careful
moment
of deliberation, Joe continued.

“Is your father a pretty mean drunk?”

I briefly paused befor
e replying, “
If you’re asking if he hurt me pretty badly, then no, not really. He mostly just yelled a lot, and
broke
things. He’d push me around occasionally
.”

He slowly nodded.
“Do you see him often?”

“No, no
t
really. Only when he needs bailed out of trouble.”

He seemed to think about that for a
few seconds
, but he didn’t ask me to
expound
.
He eyed me carefully when he asked,
“Has Jayden been around him?”

My pulse quickened. I knew where this was heading and I wished for something dramatic to happen—an earthquake, maybe—just so we didn’t have to have this discussion.

“Uh, s
he’s met
him once
at a baseball game. But I don’t want her around him, if that’s what you’re getting at. And I’ve recently…separated myself from my father until he decides to change.”

He paused.
“What happens when your fat
her wants to see his grandkids?
”

I was surprised by the mention of children. Apparently Joe had accepted that Jayden and I really were going to stay together.

I swallowed and replied, “It’s not going to happen unless he’s clean and sober.
I’ve
already warned him about that
.”

“And what did he say?”

“Uh…h
e asked about Jayden
, actually
.
He, uh, really likes her.
Look,
” I sighed.
“
I don’t know what to say. I’ve tried to help my dad, I really have, but nothing seems to work.
After that last time I saw him,
I’ve heard that he’
s been cleaning up his act. But I’m not holding my breath. For now I just want to stay away so he knows I’m serious. If I feel…inspired
to do
something
that
might help him, then maybe I’ll reconsider, but for now, I just want to focus on something happier for once. I don’t want to subject Jayden to any of that. Or…
any
kids
we might have
,” I
added
almost cautiously.

I
t was silent for a few seconds before
he said,
“I’d be careful about what choices you make
for
Jayden.” He appeared to have the
tiniest hint of a smile. “When she has her mind set on something, there’s hardly any point in arguing. She’s pretty stubborn. I have no idea where she gets it.” His look told me he was being sarcastic.

I smiled, already knowing
it to be true, but I said, “Yeah
, she’s pretty strong-willed. But she’s also very
patient and very
respectful. She
seems to know just when to push, and when not to.”

“Very true, but…I actually agree that your father needs to remain out of the equation for now.
Until, like you said, he makes some changes.
I feel very strongly about that.
I’ve seen it all in my line of work.
”

He was staring at me
intensely,
and I didn’t like it. What did he expect me to say? I was sure that my father was going to come be
tween me and my new happy life.

“Ty,”
Joe
said softly, taking on
a completely warmer appearance.
“You know I’m from New York?”

I nodded.

“I had a brother growing up. He was two years older than me. For as many years as I can remember, Ronny and I would take turns taking the brunt of our father’s violent temper.”

I couldn’t help but raise my
eyebrows
. Joe Adams came from an abusive home?

“When my brother was
fifteen
, he died in an
accident
al shooting
. It was a terrible time for me. Not only had I lost my brother, but every other time my f
ather got angry I would think, ‘
This should be Ronny’s turn.
’ I was angry at
myself
for even feeling that way.
” He sighed. “My father wasn’t an alcoholic, so I didn’t go through everything that brings.
But he became violent all on his own, which
I feel
is
even worse.
The police came to our house several times that I can remember. The neighbors would call
them
when my
dad’s
voice got out of control
—or probably when they heard things breaking
.

“Anyways,
the police
came
into
our home
a couple of
time
s
. M
y father
was
very upset that they were even there, telling them nothing was wrong and that the neighbors should mind their own business.
One
time
I was actually bleeding, and an officer asked, ‘Did your father do that?’ I’d been asked in the past if my father had hurt me and I had always answered
‘
no
, sir
.
’
My father was pretty
confidant
that would be my answer this particular time, but that o
fficer had such a look to him…l
ike I could tell him anything and it would be okay. Before I knew it I was nodding my head, and answered yes. My father hit the ceiling, shouting that I was a liar…” He took a long breath. “The problem wasn’t qu
ickly and easily taken care of; it was still a long
,
rocky road. But
I decided my father could
hate me for turning him in;
I could live with that.
He wa
s in and out of jail after that, but h
e wasn’t supposed to be around me
anymore
, and he never hit me again.

“As a young adult I still never wanted to be around him. Any girls I dated weren’t told anything about my
dad
. I basically said I didn’t have one. I wasn’t even interested in having a family. I had such a
horrible family life.
But then I
met
Jayden’s mother.” He
waited
for me to see the parallel.
“I was so in love with her, but I was…so scared.
I wanted to marry her, but I didn’t know if I could.
I had my father’s temper, you see. I had never acted on it, but sometimes I could feel myself…wanting to. I didn’t want
Collette
to ever be subjected to that. But,” he sighed, “to make
a
long story short,
Collette
convinced me that I wasn’t like my father. She actually said that I was an
‘
emotional
person,
’
”
he chuckled. “She said that I was just
passionate
about certain things
, and although I had a short fuse, I didn’t inherit my father’s violence.
Through her support I realized I was a better person than my father.
When Jayden was born… I think I changed
even more
. I didn’t let my father into her life at all. I didn’t feel he deserved it
because he wasn’t willing to change
.
I didn’t want anything to do with him, and my mother didn’t even seem to care.
We moved to Washington when
Jayden
was
just a baby, and I didn’t feel an ounce of guilt about starting a new life.”

I quietly took everything in. For the first time I felt Joe and I had something in common
besides Jayden
, and as unpleasant as that common thread was, it was sort of…binding.

Something caught Joe’s eye and he glanced
away
, so I
followed his smile
. Jayden was standing just outside the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe.

“Sorry,” she smiled. “I was just eavesdropping.”

Her dad shook his head to disagree.
“Is dinner ready?”

“Yes,
it’s all yours,
” she
gestured, entering the living room.
While Joe made his way into the kitchen
,
Jayden sat down and
cuddled
against me. “My dad eats fast, so we only have about
ten
minutes to make out.”

I laughed as she kissed me. It felt good to hold her again even though I’d had her all weekend. I couldn’t get enough of her.

Later that night I spent two hours
awake
in my bed, laying out my options and forming a plan.
Jayden had accepted who I was and where I came from before
I
even did. She had been supportive and patient, wanting me to understand she loved me no matter what. Joe’s openness about his own life had also encouraged me to move forward.

One thing was
crystal
clear: Jayden was the love of my life
,
and there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do to be with her.

The following two weeks were normal
when it came to work: I made it to the shop at seven-thirty every morning,
and I left around five-thirty—M
onday through Friday,
and usually
Saturday
s
. A ten-hour workday was typical for me. However, there was one day that I decided to do differently.
Since things were slow,
I fini
shed work
around noon on
Friday, went home to shower, and headed down to Portland.

I was going ring shopping.

It didn’t mean that I was ready to officially propose to
Jayden
yet, but I wanted to start looking. Maybe if I found just what I wanted it might inspire me with some courage. It was silly, but I told myself it
would be
a sign if I could
find exactly what was in my mind on my first try.

I entered the store with trepidation and was spotted right away by a
saleslady. I almost groaned because I feared she was ready to make a sale no matter what. But all she asked was if she could point me the right direction.

“Engagement rings,” I told her.

She nodded and guided
me to an entire wall of rings—a
tremendous assortment. I was a little overwhelmed
,
but
remained
silent. She briefly explained each section of rings, encouraged me to look as long as I wanted, and offered her help if I had any questions.

Then she left me alone.

I moved myself to a particular section and began scanning the rings, row by row. Within thirty seconds I saw it, and I couldn’t even believe it. I stared at it for a
long time,
and my heart seemed to offer a thump of approval. But my head told me to keep looking. I looked at every single engagement ring in that store, but some time later—I wasn’t even sure how long it had been—I went back to my first
choice
. I looked it over and my heart thumped again. It was an odd moment because I knew right then and there that Jayden would be wearing that ring, but I couldn’t even fathom the reality of it. I got such a good feeling when I thought about her b
eing officially engaged to me—it seemed to make sense—but I was still a little scared to make the change in my life. Marriage and a family wasn’t in my cards before, but since Jayden… Life had taken on a completely different meaning to me.

I waited until the saleslady was available and caught her attention.

“Did you find something you’d like to look at?” she smiled. She unlocked the glass encasement and reached inside for the ring I pointed at, setting in on the counter in its black
case
. I guess I was just staring at it because she finally said, “You can examine it closer.” She removed the ring and handed it to me. “Would you like to know more about it?”