Hotshot (18 page)

His hand moves to my head, and he runs his fingers through my hair, brushing it down my back. I watch his eyes move over my face and see the hesitancy. “Shaw?”

“How does the scheduling work at the hospital? Are you contracted to nights? Is there a way to adjust your hours?”

“It’s not a contract, per say. Claire and I volunteered for nights to help the nurses that have children at home.”

“Is there a way to do both? Maybe alternate weeks?”

“Sure, I could talk to Evie about it. She’s very accommodating. Like I said, I choose to work nights. Why do you ask?”

“Because I’m a greedy bastard, and I hate losing you three to four nights a week. My hours are about to get crazy, at least through the World Series and the Super Bowl. I’m going to be traveling more, and I want the time I’m home to be with you as much as possible.”

“I don’t think that’s greedy. It’s sweet. It may take some time to work out the kinks, but I’ll talk to Evie tonight. Give her a heads up.”

“It’s that easy?”

“Sure, I’m not saying it’ll happen overnight, but we’re fully staffed with PRNs that are looking for more hours.”

“Could you do that PRN thing?”

I slap his chest lightly and shake my head. “No! I love my job, and besides, I’m pretty sure my salary would drop immensely.”

“You won’t need as much money when you move in. I’ll take care of everything.” He speaks so casually, I blink a few times to make sure I heard him correctly.

“You will not!” I scramble up into a sitting position. He moves up against the headboard and crosses his arms, giving me a blank stare.

“Why not?”

“Are you serious about this? Because if so, we’ve skipped over a very important conversation. I thought that was a given.”

“But why, if I can take care of it? I make a shitload of money, Bizzy—”

“Stop right there. Your money is inconsequential to me. I like my independence. Giving up my apartment is one thing, but giving up my job is not an option.”

“Is that what you think I’m saying? I didn’t mean it like that.”

“That’s what it sounded like. My job is very important to me… it’s more than a job. I have a sense of accomplishment when I walk through those halls. Those kids are so much more than patients. We’re all a family, and I’ve gained respect and acceptance from my co-workers that’s irreplaceable.”

“Of course you have, that shouldn’t even be a factor.”

I drop my eyes and twist the sheets in my hands, trying to find a way to tell him exactly why this means so much. It’s been a long time since I’ve dug up the feelings of the rejected and humiliated teenager who craved approval from anyone because my self-esteem was annihilated. The bad memories swarm in my mind, bringing anxiety with them.

“I had a really rough time in high school, Shaw. People made my life a living hell, and that bled into college as well. It wasn’t the cancer. It was the cruelty of people who hated me. It took a really long time for me to find myself and a place where I was comfortable in my life. My job is one of those places. Believe it or not, it’s a sanctuary for me. A place I know I’m making a difference, and no one can deny that. I have friends at work, and not only Claire and Evie. I have a true group of people who come together and care about each other.”

When I raise my head, his face is white, and his eyes are stormy, boring into me. When he speaks, a chill runs up my spine.

“What happened to you, Lizbeth?”

“It was a long time ago, and I don’t like to relive the past. Let’s say I faced an awful hell in a time that shaped my life. I overcame it thanks to the love and support of my friends and family, and I’ll never go back to that place again. And if I can bring a smile or a laugh to a child’s face who may be going through the same thing, it justifies the years of pain.”

“My intent is not to carry you back to a dark place, but I want to know exactly what happened to hurt you so I can erase those memories.”

“You do, Shaw. Every minute we’re together is more than I could have ever imagined. But those wounds are healed and I’ve moved on, never to revisit again. Please don’t ask me to.”

“Come here.” He extends his arms and I crawl into them. He positions me on top of him, tugging the sheet down so our naked bodies are pressed together.

“I’m sorry, it’s an overwhelming need to be with you all the time. I’d bring you to work with me just to have you close. Everything is perfect when we’re together. I’m not trying to eliminate your independence. I’m only trying to figure out a way for us to be together more.”

There’s desperation in his voice I’ve never heard before. I search his face and notice the uncertainty in his eyes. It’s the first time in my life I’ve ever seen any kind of weakness in him.

It scares the shit out of me.

“You’d tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?”

He doesn’t hesitate, nodding a little too quickly. That uneasy feeling returns, but my inner voice says not to push too hard. I lean in and frame his face with my hands. “I’ll talk to Evie. Let’s start with adjusting my schedule. That will help with us being together more.”

“Thank you.” He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against mine.

“And, Shaw? I love that you want to take care of me, but we’re in this together. Which means, I take care of you, too. So if you need more from me, ask.”

His eyes fly open, the uncertainty gone, replaced with what I recognize as hunger and lust. He moves fast, twisting us so I’m on my back, and he’s hovering over me with a look of complete possessiveness. He’s hard again, brushing against my wetness, teasing me with short strokes.

My ankles link around his waist, and I tilt my hips at the right angle for him to slide into me easily. When we’re flush together, he leans in and nips at my lower lip before kissing a trail down the curve of my neck.

“Tell me you’re mine.”

“Always,” I moan, letting him take control.

Always…

Shaw

Another shitty fucking week.

It’s been ten days since Sasha showed up with the news of her pregnancy and sent my world into a downward spiral. Bizzy knows something is wrong. I can see it in her eyes every time she looks at me. I can hear the worry in her voice and the faint plea with me to tell her. She thinks it’s all work related, and I’ve allowed her to believe it.

I’m the worst kind of asshole, for so many reasons, but I can’t bring myself to tell her the truth until I have scientific evidence. Especially after her heartbreaking confession. I wanted to know more, force her to tell me. Let me into that part of her I don’t know. But it became too much and the only thing I could do was make love to her, telling her over and over again she’s perfect.

I smooth my hand over my chest where there’s a dull thud and reach for the bottle of Aleve Gail has kept stocked since the day Sasha waltzed out. Throughout my life, I prided myself on my ability to handle stress, never allowing anything to weigh me down.

Not Law School…

Not the Bar Exam…

Not overinflated athletes’ egos…

Not endorsements gone wrong…

Not even watching career ending injuries that take out my clients…

But now, I can’t get through a day without a pounding headache that threatens to split my brain into pieces. The only time it recedes is the few precious hours I get to see Bizzy.

I check my watch at the same time Gail buzzes in. “Crenshaw, it’s time. I have a car waiting for you. Mr. Banks called and said everyone is coming.”

“Thank God.” I glance through the glass to see her sympathetic smile.

Caldwell worked fast, drafting a request for a non-invasive paternity test to be done immediately. Of course, Sasha fought it, saying she would not consent to her blood being drawn. She tried to contact me again, but I insisted all communication go through lawyers.

This pissed her off to the point of refusing any type of paternity test until Caldwell put it point-blank. She could consent, and we could move forward with solid answers, or I’d gladly wait until the child was born and petition a court for the test. She finally relented but demanded the testing be conducted at the most expensive and lucrative facility in the country, at my expense. I agreed with no hesitation.

She’s canceled the last two appointments we had to meet at Caldwell’s office with the specialized, independent nurse that would be responsible for my swabbing and her blood draw. Each time, saying she wanted to have her OB-GYN handle the procedure.

All of the back and forth delayed our meeting because I held firm to this going through a third party.

I give Gail a small wave and leave the office through the back elevators. When I get into the waiting car, I give him the address without another word.

My finger itches to dial Bizzy, if only to hear her voice, but I can’t take the chance of her sensing my anxiety. Soon enough, one way or another, she’ll know everything.

Unlike the last time I was in Caldwell’s office, this time it’s eerily formal. His assistant ushers me into a private conference room where a nurse is at the table, setting out a variety of sterile instruments. He’s waiting and gives me a quick handshake then gestures to his assistant to bring Sasha and her lawyer in.

I take the seat furthest away from the nurse and the door and wait, ready for a shit-storm. She doesn’t disappoint, storming in with a frown on her face. Her eyes roam the room in disgust then land on me, fire blazing.

“You really are a class act, Ren Bennett. Never did I expect this level of denial when you were so happy to fall into my bed on numerous occasions.”

For the first time ever, I want to correct her for using my old nickname. I’ve been Shaw for so long to my friends and family that Ren is a thing of the past. But she doesn’t get that part of me. She’ll never get that part of me.

Man, I really am a world class dick. She was good enough to fuck but not good enough to know my preferred name?

I sit still, drumming my fingers on my knee and avoiding eye contact. Thankfully, Caldwell speaks up.

“Miss Crane, we all know why we’re here. I’ve advised my client to remain civil and not to speak unless absolutely necessary. I’m asking the same of you.”

Her lawyer whispers something in her ear, and she glares between Caldwell and me.

It’s uncomfortably silent as the lawyers review the legal paperwork and chain of custody the nurse presents to them. Both seem satisfied and give us the go ahead to sign.

The nurse must feel the tension because she fumbles through her explanation of the method and gives me an apologetic glance. Sasha lets out a loud irritated sigh.

I go first, giving three swabs. She goes through a process, showing everyone their authenticity before packaging them and handing each lawyer a sample and placing one in an overnight envelope. She does the same with Sasha, drawing three blood samples.

When it’s done and we all sign off on the releases, she packs up quickly and practically runs from the room.

“Now that we’ve taken care of that nonsense, it’s time we get down to business.” Sasha withdraws a folder and slides it across the table at me.

I stare at it, uninterested, and motion with my eyes to Caldwell. He glances through it and nods professionally, adding it to his stack of folders.

“We can address these issues at a later date. Mr. Bennett has requested and paid for expedited results, but it will still be up to fourteen days. Per our agreement, we will all receive the news at the same time and can move forward at that time.”

“That’s it? Aren’t you even going to look at my schedule of appointments? What about how we need to tell our families and friends? I’m not interested in doing this alone. I told you, Ren. Don’t mess with me.”

I bite my tongue not to lash out. We’ve been waiting for her to threaten me with an audience, and Caldwell is ready.

“Miss Crane, please tell me what you mean by that statement?”

“Are you mute?? What the hell is wrong with you?” She ignores him and spews her angry words at me.

“I’ve advised him to remain quiet unless I felt there was a need to discuss anything pertaining to the paternity.”

“Classic, arrogant lawyer move. We have the opportunity to discuss our child and you treat it like it’s unsubstantial.”

At her words ‘our child’, I break my silence. “What is it you’d like to discuss exactly? It seems premature to talk about anything until I have the results in my hand. It has nothing to do with being a lawyer, but everything to do with being intelligent.”

Her demeanor changes and pupils flare. This time when she speaks, it’s softer, more controlled. “Is it so damn hard to believe I’m telling the truth? This baby is yours, and I deserve more respect as its mother. What I hoped to discuss, since you won’t speak to me without representation, is how we will handle this. You’re not getting rid of me. We’re going to be linked forever through this child, so you better get used to it.”

She gets up and goes to the door, leaving her lawyer at the table. Then she turns and pins me with her glare. “I have an appointment in an hour. The details are in the folder you carelessly tossed aside. I’ll leave your name with the receptionist in case you have a change of heart and want to see our child.”

I stare at the door as it closes and feel the weight on my chest. My denial seeps away and realization hits hard. Her eyes said it all. Sasha Crane is carrying my baby.