House of All Nations (55 page)

‘As your secretary?'

‘No, no, no, no—not my secretary. A partnership. Spiritual partnership, eh? You write the letters. Will you write the letter, Michel?'

‘I'll try. Will you tell me what it's about?'

‘I told you. Listen, my boy. This is the plan—what is wrong with it? That is what we must ask ourselves: what are the alternatives? Lots of panaceas have been suggested and this is mine, the one I think best and now propose because I have uprooted my inferiority complex—'

‘Oh, you have?'

‘I mean I read in
The Times
and the May report and Lloyd George and Snowden, and I'm good as they are, my boy. Maybe better. At any rate you write, you write—why don't you take some notes, now?' he coaxed. ‘Would you like some coffee?'

‘Jesus, leave me alone, Léon! I'm absolutely all in.'

‘Rest, rest; sleep, and after we'll do the letter. Rest—you need it.'

‘All right.' Crestfallen, he went off into the grandiose bathroom, done in marble with a black marble bath in the center of the room, the room big enough for a salon. He kept peeping at Alphendéry to see if he was sleeping. After a quarter of an hour, he tiptoed back and peeped at Alphendéry, standing beside him. Michel, hearing him breathing irregularly in his dubiety, opened his eyes and smiled rather palely.

‘Forgive me, Henri. I've had such a week.'

‘I'm not bothering you, my boy.' He looked so wistful that Alphendéry, always wax, got up slowly. ‘I'll do your notes for you, Léon. Then I'll do no more this week end.'

Léon rubbed his hands, beamed, flushed with joy. ‘That's right, my boy, just notes—then finished, eh? We go out, have a good time, make whoopee. I'll buy you wine, a good dinner, eh?'

‘Go on,' Alphendéry said, without gratitude.

‘Well, at this time when it looks as if even the devaluation of the pound won't help England, I read their plans and speech, no cabals, no vigilant committee—won't help: that's not the English way.'

He considered, then said briskly and loudly, ‘The
Plan
. Twenty-five per cent capital reconstruction lien—whether any exceptions or whether to be composed on a scale basis to be considered. Twenty per cent reduction on all salaries by law—and wages, with exceptions to be considered.' He began to ripple with genial laughter. ‘That'll appeal to them at any rate. Everyone got to draw their belts in a hole, two holes. Ten per cent reduction on all postwar rentals, ten per cent reduction on all power, gas, electricity, that is, public utilities, ten per cent reduction on all road and rail rates, freight and passenger. Twenty per cent reduction on all rail, canal, and road freights where goods carried for export …'

‘That would suit you,' said Alphendéry.

‘Surely, my boy, I look at it from the point of view of the small capitalist. What suits me, suits them. And it looks fair for all. Not worker but Englishman, not capitalist but Englishman. See? Write, “And these to be enforced for five years.” Also a flat income tax or less. Twenty-five per cent reduction in death duties. Idea is, attract back money now held abroad, Switzerland, U.S.A., Oslo.
See
? What do you think of it? Have you got it, eh? These to be enforced for
five years
. English Five-Year Plan! Also flat income tax less the liens. It will appeal to all those with capital! Attractive! The people submit anyhow. They all pay their income tax in England—rush to do it, my boy, I've seen them. My duty to my country. The people are—no marrow in England! Drained country; people left are just bad Courlanders. Reduce rent and you can reduce wages. What is the Labour Party? Did they make the rich pay? No guts. Reduce wages, entice capital to England. I wouldn't mind putting mine—well, what do you think, Alphendéry?'

‘They'll never even consider it. It's too good a gift to the rich. The English can't be fooled like that. They want a socialist or chauvinist or patriotic appeal to go to the country on.'

Léon frowned. ‘Yes, my boy,' he urged, ‘but they don't advertise it! They have it in hand ready to spring. You see! You and I go to wait on the Prime Minister and we say, “Here is a present.” Friend of England. England has always welcomed foreigners. No prejudice. She has a right to their capital. She's honest. Doesn't steal money entrusted to her. Safe as the Bank of England, eh? Free country: make capital free. Give it the freedom of the City. Eh? Say to him, “Give yourself five years. In five years you'll have a war, maybe. Anyhow, a war boom with the armaments race.” Give capital a chance to recuperate. And it will look almost socialistic for the people. The title: Five-Year Plan. Steal Stalin's thunder. Dress it up. You see? We go and say, “
The cancer in England is high cost of production and confiscatory taxation
!
”
' He proudly rolled his eye. ‘If he makes something, he has to give the government so much, a large proportion. If he loses—see? Besides, it permanently prevents enterprising foreign capitalists from coming there. You see, backward country. A Poland! It's a Poland. But you got to attract capitalists. And Majorca, Channel Islands, Blue Coast!' he finished triumphantly.

‘Eh?' cried Alphendéry, staring.

‘It drives
rentiers
from England who gladly would live there, their native heath and London, land of freedom, Karl Marx—'

‘Whoa,' cried Alphendéry, ‘throw a spanner in the works: I can't keep up with you.'

Patiently, humanely, Léon explained, ‘It drives
rentiers
from London who gladly would live there because of its—word!
Word
! Hum! niceties!—'

‘Amenities,' supplied Alphendéry.

‘
Amenities
,' shouted Léon glaring. ‘Amenities, political, social, literary—' His voice faded; he came back on a gentle argumentative tone, ‘You see, we say, flatter them a bit—and it's true. We say, “Window dressing for capitalists, enterprise.” Take me, I want to go into business in England. I employ labor, give food to the country. I already got money in England. Shows my good faith.'

‘In what?' asked Alphendéry. Léon seemed confused, but owned up, ‘In beet-sugar production: they offered—a bounty—bounty to anyone who went into beet-sugar production. I make money. That's enterprise.' Alphendéry went into a long but amiable laugh. Léon eyed him askance, smiled shyly, came back brisk, ‘The
Plan
. One. Write, Alphen. “By reconstruction levy we mean that the government has prior claim of twenty-five per cent on your capital equity. It doesn't mean that you have to sell twenty-five per cent of your holdings to give the government this twenty-five per cent. The government gives you a discount of five per cent to anybody who cares to liquidate this lien, so the question of forced sale either by merchants or
rentiers
would be compounded and there would be no disturbance in business either—it would be a question of bookkeeping and enormously assist the position of the state abroad as a solvent concern!” See!
Hochem
, eh? Well, how does it read?'

‘Good, so far,' said Alphendéry. ‘It's all right.'

Léon spread out his hand towards Alphendéry, leaned forward, and bent the hand back as he straightened, ‘
Argument that this is confiscation
: “Five shillings death duties is confiscation anyhow.
”
' He seemed grieved. ‘Now labor side of question. “Under the present situation, since economy is not possible except by serious steps in retrogression—capital is faced with much more serious confiscation, due to rising social troubles and distress. As regards labor, even the U.S.A. and all European countries are reducing labor—they'll have to—
”
'

Alphendéry looked up. ‘Jules Bertillon says, and he's never wrong, “It's getting harder and harder to buy the people off.
”
'

Léon cocked his head and considered this brightly. ‘Yes, h'm. But with what? Buy 'em off with formulas: that's the answer. They'll have to bring in new systems of reducing the wages of labor. Let's speak plainly: not as capitalists, as practical men, a merchant's point of view. You're kindest to labor when you keep them in jobs. See! And labor is
compelled to accept lower wages offered
. Englishman so proud of sitting on Indian coolie's neck, he will accept coolie wages and not look at them. We say to the Prime Minister: “The best means of reduction are offered by this scheme”—my scheme. The Léon scheme. All right, they call it the Five-Year Plan. To build new state, every Englishman will do his duty. Say, they're better than them barefoot Russians, aren't they? That's the argument! Boy, it's a good selling line, eh?'

Léon rubbed his hands, beamed generously on Alphendéry's bowed head. ‘You say to them, “Look here, boys, during the war, we took emergency measures: the circumstances do not now greatly differ. All pull together. Here we ask no one to die and leave his family, but to live and work for England. Work that England may live!
”
' He took a few excited steps. ‘That's a slogan that'll get them. They're patriots: no reasoning power, not like Frenchmen: “If I die of hunger, I'm not a Frenchman but a corpse.” No, sir. You can count on their patriotism. That's what they teach 'em at Eton. Rules of the game. Then when you get in. That's your selling line to
them
, to Lloyd George, to MacDonald, or whoever it is.'

‘Too smart,' said Alphendéry. ‘They won't like it.'

‘
And
,' shouted Léon quickly, to show he was no fool, ‘
utilitarian
, let's remain utilitarians!'

‘Eh?'

‘Put it over,' explained Léon, taking a long breath. He began to make a persuasive appeal to an imaginary public. ‘Let's remain utilitarians; it has always provided a sound basis for our public weal as against the hysterical humanitarianism of the Continent …' Say, how am I doing, Alphendéry? Say, how's the Labour candidate? Here we ask no one to die for the country. John Stuart Mills. I'd do pretty good. With you,' he remembered quickly. ‘And the beauty of it is,' he confided largely, ‘is that it's true. My heart is with the people, Michel. Say, “
This is not a party question
. Therefore this great scheme can be brought in by a National Government in which the Labour Party can take the lead. Few people realize what work the Labour Party is doing under difficult circumstances!” See the appeal. With the Five-Year Plan. See! Make statesmen out of the poor fooshers.' His great noon-day laugh filled the room with yellow sound. ‘We're going to see the world! What do you say now to being my political—h'm … my political secretary?'

‘You mean, political ghost,' said Alphendéry.

‘Certainly, certainly, my boy—you're the brains, I'm the trumpet. I'm the brass band and the flags flying. H'm. We'll see the world together.' He became absorbed again, ‘
Motto
: “Who will work that England may live?” Good, that.' He began dictating as to a secretary,
‘
“And delicate handling of the German crisis and salvation of our financial situation. The Bank of England has been our Rock of Gibraltar. Fortify the Mother Rock.” Eh? Eh? “
And
few people realize today the benefits of the Naval Conference. Which established our position today.
”
' He frowned ferociously. ‘No Vigilante Committee. Not English. Out in the open.' He bit his lip and took a step, frowning. The thought of the merchants of England putting their heads together and getting up a privateering scheme to ‘save the country' without him irritated him. He rushed on, shaking a fist, ‘“Therefore”—letter to MacDonald, anyone, letter—“Therefore, a National Government including members of all other parties such as governed England in Napoleon's time—
”
'

‘That reference will stink,' Alphendéry remarked.

‘Eh, stink, eh? No good? Throw it out. Gladstone, Grand Old Man's motto: Peace, Reconstruction, Reform.
Today
: “Coalition Government's version: Peace, Reconstruction, Progress.
”
' He breathed and sat down. ‘Boy,' he said radiantly, ‘we're made! I give them this! I drop it in their laps! I became an English citizen. Left France for England. Is that a compliment! I say, “Boys, you see I'm a patriot already, even before you take me in.” No mistakes! You bring me good luck.
Mahzel
. No lion's share. I'm satisfied with little. I start in the cause of labor. Well, eh?'

He thirstily asked for flattery. Alphendéry, tired, emerged from his battle with the flood. ‘Why don't you devote your energies to French politics?'

He swung his great head. ‘No, no, no,
NO
! They're too smart. This hokum don't go. One day they won't be so smart, when they get an empire too, but I can't wait for that day. When a war comes, maybe England wins, maybe she's defeated. There's war! All right! I'm in. I'm doing a national duty supplying food. She wins. I helped the victory. She's defeated. They want food anyhow. England can't live six weeks without food. My relations on the Continent, America. What can be done without borrowing from America. See! Unofficial ambassador: Arcos in one man! he, he! A big straddle. I'm hedged for any eventuality. In France; no! They'll maybe go socialist. Out with the international crook, big capitalist. See! In England! To be level-headed. Responsibilities of keeping the Northwest frontier.'

Alphendéry seemed depressed, ‘I'll see what I can dope out, Henri. You can see the letter on Tuesday. I'll post it.'

Henri was disappointed. ‘Tuesday?'