House of Paine - A Full Length Bad Boy Novel (25 page)

“Thank you,” Damien said, “We’ll do our best to get this all straightened out as soon as possible. And thank you too, Jake.”

“Not a problem. I will do whatever I can to help you both. No one should have to live in a life they don’t want to be in.”

“Damien…there’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” Roxi said. She looked at Jake and said, “Give us about ten minutes and then I’ll be ready to go.”

“Sure, no hurry,” Jake said, “Our reservations aren’t until seven.”

“Excuse us for a few minutes Paige?”

“Of course,” Paige said. She was curious, but she assumed whatever Roxi wanted to talk to her cousin about privately had to do with family. “I think I’ll make us something to eat if you don’t mind. My mother probably needs to eat.”

“Help yourself,” Roxi told her. “Damien, come with me.”

Damien was curious about what Roxi wanted to talk to him about that couldn’t be done in front of Jake and Paige. He followed her into an office and she said, “Have a seat.”

He sat down in one of the office chairs and she said, “When your mom first got sick she sent a letter to me. There was a sealed envelope inside of it and in the letter to me; she asked that I give it to my father. My best guess is that she worried your father would somehow intercept it if she sent it directly to my dad. Dad didn’t tell me what the details of his letter were, but apparently there was another envelope inside of his that was addressed to you. He left it with me for safe keeping. It’s been in my safe since I moved in here. Dad called me earlier after your meeting with Jackson to see how things went. I gave him a blow by blow,” she giggled at her own joke and then said, “Anyways, for some reason he suddenly wants me to give you this letter. He told me to tell you that after you read it you can call him and he’ll come meet with you if you have any questions.”

“My curiosity is really peaked now,” Damien said. “My mother and I talked a lot during the time that she was sick…about everything, I thought. I wonder what it is that she couldn’t tell me and she had to put in a letter.”

“I honestly have no idea,” Roxi told him. She went over to the wall safe, punched in a code and opened it up. She took out a white envelope and brought it over to Damien. He felt an ache in his heart as soon as he looked at it. He recognized his mother’s handwriting right away. He swallowed the lump in his throat and thanked his cousin. “You’re welcome,” Roxi said. “I hope whatever it is helps you. Jake and I are going out to dinner, but you have my cell if you need anything.”

“Can I ask you a question, Roxi?”

“Of course.”

“Was it hard for you?”

“What’s that?”

“Adjusting to being “normal” after you left New York and came here to start a new life? Sometimes I imagine myself with a nine to five job and a house in the suburbs…and as much as I want that, I wonder if I can handle it.”

Roxi laughed. “Baby if you think I’m normal…” Damien laughed too. “Obviously I’m not doing the nine to five thing and the business that I’m in, although it is strictly legal, is not exactly the most upstanding and respectable in the community. So, as happy as I am to no longer be associated with people that the FBI tail more often than the Taliban…I am not really the one to speak to
normal
.”

Damien nodded. He looked down at the envelope in his hand. He wished so badly that his mother was still here. He missed her like an amputated limb. Most of the time he tried not to think too much about what his life was like before. It hurt too much for so many reasons. His mother had dreams for him and for Alex. Their lives now were her worst nightmare and he carried the heavy burden of guilt for that every day. Roxi touched his shoulder and then she left him alone with his letter. He stared at the envelope and he wondered what his mother could have had to say ten years ago that would help him now. She had no idea that less than six months after she died, he and his brother would be full-fledged thugs.

He turned it over in his hands a few times before at last reaching for the letter opener on the desk. He let it slide along the seal of the envelope. He sat the letter opener down and stared at the pink stationary inside. He remembered that stationary well. His mother used to leave notes for him and Alex on that paper. Before she went to work in the morning, she would pen a note to them, telling them to “Have a Great Day” and saying, “I love you!” He felt the hot burn of tears filling his eyes as the memories of her smiling face ran through his head. He pulled out the two pages and unfolded them. The sight of, “My dearest Damien,” at the top of the page in his mother’s hand caused one of the tears to spill over. He swiped it away angrily. No tears! That was a sign of weakness. One thing Jackson did teach him was to never show weakness. People would take advantage of that.

He looked back down at the letter and began to read.

My Dearest Damien,

If you are reading this letter, two things have happened. The first is that I’m gone. I’m so sorry that I had to go and leave you at a time in your life when you were just beginning to discover who you were and what direction you wanted to go in your life. I will tell you that my wish for you is that you went to school and you got your degree…you met a woman to love…you work hard and play harder…and that someday you have a family of your own with a boy you can love as much as I love you.

You have given my nothing but joy since the day you were born and no matter what the circumstances of your birth were, not one second of one day in nineteen years did I feel any regret for becoming your mother.

The second reason you may be reading this letter is that you’re at a crossroads in your life and struggling with which path to take. Kevin promised me that if that happened he would give you this letter. There is something that you need to know that I wasn’t allowed to tell you while I was alive. I hope once you read this that you’ll forgive me for my part in making you believe something that wasn’t true. I wasn’t given a choice and I hoped that it would never matter.

When I was young I fell hard for your father. He was so handsome and charming. I knew the kind of family that he came from, but in my youth and naivety I believed that our love would be enough to make him want to change. I found out pretty quickly how silly of me that was. After I had Alex, your grandfather passed away and your father took over the “family” business. Something about the control consumed him.

The parts of him that were good…the parts that made me fall in love with him…those parts started to fade into the background over time. He became someone that even I didn’t recognize. He became controlling with every aspect of his life…including his family. He felt that since he was “in charge” of his siblings and their lives, he was “in charge” of mine as well. My life became the stuff that nightmares were made of because I did something crazy…I tried to leave.

I took Alex and I went to stay with my mother in Maine. Jackson sent Kevin for me. I thank God for that to this day. For one thing if he had sent one of the other men there is no telling what might have happened to me when I refused to go. I had to protect my son. I didn’t feel that I could do that in New York in a house where gangsters came in and out as if they owned the place.

Kevin came with the intentions of doing what his older brother ordered him to do. While he was there my mother became very ill. He stalled Jackson by telling him I was needed to care for my mother. Jackson accepted that, but he made it clear that when she got better…or died, that I would be brought straight back. My mother had cancer. The same type that I have now. I sat with her the way you have been with me and I watched her waste away and die. I’m so sorry for doing this to you. I would love to send you away and do this alone, but I raised a man whose heart is too big. I knew that you would never go.

I’m sorry, my mind digresses these days. My mother lasted for six months before she passed away. During that time, Jackson had Kevin come out several times a month to “check” on what I was doing. Kevin was such a gentleman and he was so caring and warm. I saw in him all of the qualities I’d seen in your father and I realized after some time that I’d married the wrong brother. My sweet boy…Kevin and I fell in love. He was there for me when my mother died and at the funeral when Jackson told me I was coming home with him whether I wanted to or not, Kevin stood up for me.

That weekend, Jackson took your brother and I home. I didn’t know for weeks later what had happened to Kevin. I cried every day and begged Jackson to tell me. He finally did…in exchange for two things. Kevin was recuperating at their sister’s home. He’d been beaten to within an inch of his life. Jackson made sure I understood that if I continued my relationship with Kevin that he would kill him the next time…brother or not. He made me promise I would leave Kevin alone…so I did.

By that time I was so in love with him that I couldn’t bear for him to risk his life to be with me. When Kevin was well, Jackson extracted another promise from us both…again using Kevin’s life as his bargaining tool. I suspect he used mine while bargaining with Kevin. He made us promise that the baby I carried home in my belly from Maine would be his to raise and call his own. He told me, my sweet Damien, that if I ever revealed to anyone that Kevin is actually your father…he would kill him.

When I finally left again two years later, it was with Kevin’s help. That time he was tortured in a warehouse by some of your father’s men until he was just moments from death. Jackson didn’t kill him, but he came close. Kevin’s kindness, his money and his resources are how we got our start. He always made sure that we had everything we need.

Jackson knew where we were within a matter of weeks. He had the best security force at his disposal. But this time, when he tried to force me to come back to him, I used the evidence I’d taken with me when I left. I told him if he left me alone, I would leave him alone. But, if he sent anyone to try and take my babies I would kill them. He told me that he would allow me to raise you and your brother in California and he wouldn’t try to take you from me in exchange for my silence. In a way I believe it was Jackson proving there was still something inherently human in him. He didn’t want to kill his brother. If people knew that you were his child, he would have to in order to save face.

So my love, if you can’t forgive me for never telling you, I understand. I did what I thought I had to do in order to keep everyone I loved safe…that doesn’t mean it was right. I do ask you one thing and that is to please forgive Kevin. He has loved you from the moment you were born and although it has all been behind the scenes, he has done everything he could do to keep you safe. He didn’t raise you because that would have been a life for you on the run…and if Jackson had caught up with him, he would be dead. He also did what he felt he had to do in order to give you the best life possible and keep everyone involved safe.

I love you, Damien. Please, always remember that. Please always remember this as well: You are better than where you come from. I know that and Kevin knows it as well. Don’t shortchange yourself in life.

All my Love,

Mom

Paige found some chicken and vegetables in Roxi’s kitchen and made stir fry. It helped her psyche to do something as normal and mundane as cook. She was feeling discouraged after what Jake told them, and she was scared to death for Damien. Jackson had a reputation for putting up with a lot more from his family than he would anyone else and still letting them live…but that didn’t mean he would let Damien live well.

Then there was her mother.

Now that the Kramer’s were convinced that Paige killed Caine…and now put Kelsey in jail, Crystal wouldn’t be able to return to her home. She would be the first one they’d go through to get to her. She was feeling overwhelmed and guilty. She felt like her quest for revenge had caused a chain reaction that was ruining many more lives than she counted on.

Roxi came out of the office a few minutes after taking Damien in there. She’d told Paige that he would probably need a little time alone but she hadn’t told her why. Paige had cooked and listened as Roxi once again chastised Jake for not going to the hospital and that made Paige once again think about how close someone had come to getting killed because of the choices she’d made. The guilt was beginning to overwhelm her and it was clouding her thoughts. She was beginning to have thoughts of going to Lucas Kramer and offering herself in exchange for the safety of everyone else. If she thought he was someone she could trust to keep his word, she would do it.

Roxi and Jake eventually left. They had dinner reservations. When Paige finished cooking she fixed her mother a plate and a cup of tea and she took it into her. She found Crystal laying on top of the bed curled in a fetal position. She was staring at the wall like she wasn’t really seeing it. She looked like she was still in shock and Paige begun to wonder if she should have taken her to the hospital.

“Mom?” It took several seconds before Crystal’s eyes finally found her daughter’s face and focused there.

“Hi baby.”

“Hi. How are you feeling?”

Crystal pushed herself up into a sitting position and said, “I’ll be okay. I’m so sorry about everything.” Paige sat the tray down on the table next to the bed. She sat down next to Crystal and put her arm around her mother.

“No more apologies Mom, okay? From here on out it’s going to take all of our energy and all of us banding together to move past all of this. That’s what we’re going to concentrate on, okay? We can’t change the past.” Paige knew that her words made her seem like a hypocrite since she was the one who had gone to New York for revenge. Nothing she did would bring Greg back…but she’d had to go through what she did to really process that in her normally analytical brain. “I brought you some food and tea. You need to eat and sleep and keep your strength up. We’ll have to stay here for a while until we figure out what to do and where to go from here. I’ll go out tomorrow and buy you some clothes and things you need.” Crystal nodded and hugged her daughter. Paige hugged her back. When she left the room, Crystal was sipping her tea.