How it Ends (32 page)
Authors: Laura Wiess
I huddle on the back steps,
knees drawn up, hands in my pockets, and toes numb from the creeping cold, watching the birds gathered at the feeders, cardinals and chickadees mingling with wrens, blue jays, and doves, all picking at the seed spread across the frigid January ground.
A shadow flashes past and I glance up, growing uneasy as the birds continue to feed, oblivious to a thin black slash in the sky that’s coming closer, looming larger, sharpening into strong wings and a curved beak, circling unnoticed over the peaceful scene below.
It veers out of sight, and as I exhale, the birds at the feeders explode in a flurry, hurtling into the air as the hawk bullets in. They scatter, frenzied, panicked, and streaking toward me, hitting the false sky reflected in the window with dull, solid thuds and falling broken to the leaves below.
The hawk, fierce, beautiful, inevitable, plumage dark and shining iridescent, lands and stands motionless, ignoring the feeble fluttering of the dove trapped in its talons. I watch, paralyzed, as the dove’s twisted wings flap uselessly against its captor, hear the triumphant keen as the hawk surveys its domain then dips its head to
peck, tear, peck…
And then there’s no sound at all but my own mindless
Have mercy, you took it, now kill it, don’t make it suffer,
and when the numbing fog inside me finally burns away and I’m close to screaming, the hawk tenses, spreads its wings and, with the limp body caught firmly in its grip, carries it off.
The feeders sway, abandoned.
Buff-colored feathers, torn loose and stained bright ripple and twitch in its wake.
Trembling, I rise and search for survivors. At first I see nothing but casualties: four sparrows that were never the targets but still fell in the course of the assault.
Then I spot the fifth bird, a wren, lying beneath the window on a drift of matted leaves. It blinks, quivering and still too stunned from the shock of impact to fly.
I crouch, weeping, and gently close my hand around it, absorbing the residual terror fueling its tiny heart. Cradle it close for a moment, then place it on one of the stray-cat towels in a warped and weathered shoe box, close the lid, put the makeshift sanctuary on the step, and return to bury the dead.
The strays however, always hungry, always prowling, have already discovered the small, cooling bodies and carried them away.
The relief that comes from this shames me, but I’m still thankful because the birds who died quickly have not only been spared but have spared
me
the struggles of the mortally wounded, of kneeling helpless beside a body too broken to fly but not broken enough to die, beside living wreckage that cannot be healed and would never again be more than a twisted, flightless song trapped on the ground alone, defenseless, and forsaken by its own kind.
And so I wait in the chill of the thin, gray light until the tears dry, the lost have been mourned and the hawk forgiven, and then return to the porch, open my jacket, and tuck the shoe box in close against
me to warm it, not speaking, not lifting the lid to see if the little wren is still breathing, just waiting while the faint flutter of a single taken dove ripples through me again and again, just waiting, keeping quiet watch over the wren in the bottom of the shoe box and wondering if it will ever recover enough to be released.
Where is home?
Home is where the heart can laugh without shyness. Home is where the heart’s tears can dry at their own pace.
—Vernon Baker
I walk through the little woods,
Serepta at my heels, and together we travel the deer path to the old wooden bench under the catalpa tree. Sit in the shade of those generous, heart-shaped leaves and breathe in the scent of the delicate white flowers.
It is impossibly beautiful.
Serepta, slow and arthritic, gathers herself and leaps up to settle beside me.
Birds—robins, sparrows, and wrens, maybe even the one I know—flit through the meadow grass, and a worn, raggedy monarch, perhaps the first to return from the winter migration, flutters past us and along the wood line in the sun.
It’s fawn season, too.
There are hoofprints in the mud along the pond’s edge, and for a heartbeat I think I hear you whisper,
Wild horses, Hanna.
I know it’s only the sweet breeze rustling through the catalpa, but today, on my eighteenth birthday, I very much want to believe it’s you.
Because this morning I discovered you left me everything you ever loved.
I lift my head, listening to the faint sound of a motorcycle in the distance.
It’s a Harley—it has a very distinctive sound—and it’s headed my way.
I smile and wipe my damp cheeks on my sleeve. Lift Serepta up into my arms and, cradling her close, rise and start back along the deer path.
Wild horses, Gran.
I miss you so much.
Laura Wiess
READING GROUP GUIDE
Q
UESTIONS FOR
D
ISCUSSION
- In the prologue we are introduced to Hanna and Mrs. Schoenmaker and learn about the history of their relationship. How does the prologue foreshadow the events of the novel and emphasize the link between Hanna and the Schoenmakers?
- When Crystal tells Hanna Jesse’s history, Hanna is shocked at what Jesse has been through: “I never knew anybody with such a sad story before…I mean, I had no idea there could be so much to karate guy.” What surprises Hanna about Jesse? How does the way he looks contrast with his personality and background? How does this passage reflect a common theme in the book? How have people surprised you in your life?
- How are Hanna’s parents a good support system for her? How does their relationship influence Hanna?
- After the robbery at the sub shop Hanna tells her psychologist that “There’s pre-robbery Hanna and there’s post-rob
bery Hanna; my life is halved now. Pre-Hanna was so sure of her life, she…strode through it like there was nothing she couldn’t find a way around, like there was nothing she couldn’t handle.” How else does the robbery change Hanna’s life? How does it help to prepare her for some of the events that are still to come? - Talk about your impressions of Seth. What draws Hanna to him? Have you or anyone you know experienced what Hanna went through with him? Why does she continue to go back to him when he repeatedly makes her feel bad? Discuss the ups and downs of Hanna’s relationship with him.
- Consider the husband-wife relationships in the book. Think about Hanna’s parents, the Schoenmakers, the Boehms, Seth’s parents and Jesse’s parents. What do these couples demonstrate about the nature of love? What does Hanna learn from these relationships? What does she not understand?
- Discuss the Schoenmakers’ relationship. What is unusual about their marriage? In what ways is their love story universal? Did their relationship alter your view of what constitutes romantic love? Can you think of other fictional or real life love stories that parallel theirs?
- When Hanna runs into Jesse over Memorial Day weekend she tells him, “Every time I see you I just…I don’t know. You make me smile.” Why does Jesse make Hanna feel good? How is he different from Seth? Why do you think it takes her so long to realize how she feels about him?
- Discuss the theme of reinvention in the novel. Consider the Schoenmakers, the Boehms, Hanna, Jesse, and others.
- Louise shares some of Peter’s background in the audiobook but also writes that “he had done some things while trying to stay alive that were best left unclaimed and undisturbed.” Why does Louise choose not to reveal more details about Peter’s history? What do you imagine he might have had to do?
- What is the significance of the book’s title,
How It Ends
? Why do you think Wiess gives her book and the audiobook Hanna and Mrs. Schoenmaker listen to the same title? - This novel contains some shocking moments, particularly toward the end. What did you think of Lon’s actions at the end of the novel? Were you surprised? Do you think he did the right thing? How does his personal history affect the choices he makes?
- Discuss the role that animals play in this novel. What do they symbolize? How do they help to drive the story?
- When Hanna rescues the wren after the hawk attacks, she discovers stray cats have carried away the birds that died. “The relief that comes from this shames me, but I’m still thankful because the birds who died quickly have not only been spared but have spared
me
the struggles of the mortally wounded, of kneeling helpless beside a body too broken to fly but not broken enough to die…” What does Hanna mean? What is significant about this passage? - What does Hanna learn from her relationship with the Schoenmakers? How does it change her? How does it influence her ideas about her own romantic relationships?
- Did you relate to Hanna? Did you like her? Were any of her experiences similar to yours?
- Why do you think it takes Hanna such a long time to acknowledge the truth about the audiobook? Why might it be hard for her to face the truth? In what other ways does Hanna have trouble facing reality?
- Louise writes, “True love is real, and I have loved you since that first day, the best way I knew how. I hope someday you can forgive me.” What does Louise want Hanna to forgive her for? What else does the audiobook show about the nature of true love?
- What did you think about the book’s ending? How did you feel after finishing the book?
- Discuss some of your favorite passages or scenes in the novel. What resonated most for you? Are there any other themes or topics that stood out?
A D
ISCUSSION WITH THE
A
UTHOR
- How It Ends
is extremely inventive and touches on a wide range of topics, from love and family to taxidermy, animal
rescue and women’s reproductive rights. What inspired you to write this book? What kind of research did you have to do to incorporate so many topics in this novel?
How It Ends
began when I was wondering about the experiences people keep hidden in their hearts, thinking about how there’s always so much more to people than we see, and what a huge mistake it is to believe we know everything there is to know about a person, whether it be a stranger, family member, or friend. It shifted into higher gear when two of the images I’ve been carrying around in my mind for years surfaced and wove themselves into the mix.
The first image came from one of the stories my mother used to tell me, about how it was back when she was a little girl in the 1940s. She lived in a neighborhood where all the kids used to play out in the street, and although no one talked much about the kinds of men who offered candy to children, all the kids were warned by their parents not to go near this one house on the block where an old man and his invalid wife lived, especially if it was dusk or he called you into his garage for any reason.
The local kids ran away from this guy whenever he beckoned but one day there was a new girl of about fifteen living there, a state kid, an orphan, placed with them to live and work. She had no one, and so was trapped: on the surface the old man and his wife looked harmless but behind closed doors, it must have been an unimaginable hell. She was rarely allowed to come out and play with the other kids and did not even go to school.
I asked my mother—who had been maybe 9 or 10 back then—what happened to the girl and it turns out she got pregnant, and was sent away in shame for getting herself into trouble. Can you even imagine? She—an orphaned child—was
an unpaid servant, denied an education, sexually molested, impregnated by her foster father, and then punished for it, whisked away as if it were all her fault. How convenient.
The image of this faceless, anonymous girl trapped in a house of horrors, has haunted me for years.
The second image was from a story I read years ago about a man who was supposedly a deer rehabber and an amateur taxidermist. (Anybody else see a conflict, here?) Wildlife rehab is a wonderful, difficult, heart-and-soul endeavor if it’s done correctly and with the best interest of the animal in mind, but supposedly this guy had been taking in orphaned fawns and shoving them into a dark, dank outbuilding along with deer corpses in various stages of decomposition, dissection, taxidermy experiments, chemical treatment, etc., and basically leaving them there to die of starvation.
It was not a stretch for me to imagine the imprisoned fawns confused, hungry, scared, and locked into what could only be a living hell with no food or water, with the thick, unrelenting scent of terror, death, and rot all around them, no sun, no breeze, no grass, no freedom, laying in chemicals that burned through them, blood, feces, mud…I couldn’t get such self-serving cruelty out of my mind and wanted to know
why?
Why would someone do this? So I began to imagine an answer.
Somehow the anonymous orphan girl and the fawns wove together, along with the idea that no one is ever all they appear to be, a fascination with the imprints we leave on each other throughout our lives, and wanting to explore how love is born and how it dies. These threads became the fictional
How It Ends.
As far as research goes, I explored taxidermy, the old mandatory sterilization laws for the unfit, medical pieces regarding the
treatment of women and the maladies supposedly born of their reproductive organs, the Hunger Winter, mandatory community service, Parkinson’s disease, physician-assisted suicide, and the right to die.
- 2. How do you capture the lives and emotions of teenagers so realistically? Do you spend time around teenagers? Or do you just have a great memory of what it’s like to be that age?
Both, I think. What intrigues me most about the teen years—besides the fact that you’re coming up and everything is new, you’re jockeying for position and trying to feel your way through an unfamiliar world filled with hazards, pitfalls, excitement, and experiments—is “kid logic.” I love kid logic even when it completely unnerves me. I remember it very clearly because my own kid logic sprung from wanting to get out there and live my life, and not get caught or get in trouble for doing whatever it was I was doing.
- 3. Some of your interests show up in this novel—you’re an animal lover and rescuer and, like your characters, live in the country. Was this a conscious decision or did it happen as you went along?
I think it happened as the characters became known to me, and their concerns placed them in an environment where the dreams they had left had room to grow. Helen and Lon, going through what they had in the past, needed space to live their own way. Helen was attuned to the suffering of those who couldn’t speak for themselves and so she tried to find an active and ongoing way to help by providing food and shelter, spaying/neutering for the
cats and a home base. Hanna grew up seeing this behavior as normal but when she had to fill in for Helen, she thought it was a pain. Then she looked harder, saw the need, stepped up of her own free will, and chose to help, too.
I see the place where Helen and Hanna live as the far, wooded outskirts of town—a small town—with the inevitable development creeping toward them but not quite there yet. There are still woods to support the wildlife, and it’s still a place where people can live privately and have room to stretch out.
So no, I’m not surprised that living in the country has sort of bled over into this book. After growing up in central Jersey, living up in the mountains now is an ongoing adventure. Kind of a culture shock—no pizza delivery here—but it’s worth it. I learn something new every single day—which of course means that I get to feel stupid every single day, too, because I don’t know what I’m doing—and it’s tickling me to death. I love it.
- 4. What else in your life informs your writing? How do you think you work best? Tell us about your writing style.
Lots of things become fictionalized and feed in: moments, issues or causes I find intriguing or am passionate about, things I learn along the way, emotions I wonder about and more. I have to feel what the characters feel as we go along, especially when I’m sitting firmly on one side of the fence and the challenge is to try and see a situation or a belief from the opposing side. Doing that opens new doors in my mind, helps me to understand different points of view and respect other sides, even if I still don’t like or agree with them. It creates a wonderful chaotic jumble of thoughts.
I work best when I’m not interrupted, alone in my studio,
sometimes with silence, sometimes with specific music playing low in the background. I do a lot of research in every direction that seems interesting, exploring whatever strikes my fancy, and let it all simmer together until something sparks and a character with a question is born. I never know what that character is going to be made of until they show up.
- 5. The reason for Hanna’s parents’ brief split is not revealed. Did you have an idea in mind of what they went through?
I don’t have an absolute, but I know it wasn’t any one big thing that split them up, more like they came together with two separate, naive fantasy ideas of what their young, happy lives together would be—eternal romance, eternal hot sex, no fuzzy slippers or baggy sweats or overdue bills, no zoning out in front of the TV or the dreaded, frustrated
Um, honey? We have to talk
moments—and were not prepared for the ups and downs of reality or the warring expectations, which bred discontent and disappointment, resentment and the pain of watching love founder and almost die.
I’m glad they found their way back to each other, though.
- 6. Did you do a lot of research while writing the story-within-a-story audiobook
How It Ends
?
Here’s where growing up in a family of storytellers came in handy, as the old days—in glorious, vivid detail—were always offered up as a companion to progress. The stories were bizarre, funny and interesting, and I must have absorbed far more than I thought I did, because they’re definitely coming in handy now.
There was serious research too, of course, especially when it came to things like mandatory sterilization for whoever was deemed
unfit
(want to chill your blood? It was still happening in the 1970s), the Hunger Winter, Parkinson’s disease, the right to die and more.
- 7. What are you currently working on?
I have several stories in the works but there’s a certain romantic comedy that seems to be a little more irresistible than the rest….
- 8. Who are some of your favorite writers? Did any particular works inspire
How It Ends?
What did you most enjoy reading when you were Hanna’s age?
