How it Ends (9 page)

“Where have you been?” Sammi said
when she caught me at my locker at the end of the day.

I shrugged and jammed my books onto the shelf. No homework this weekend. Not on my birthday.

“Hanna.” She grabbed my arm and leaned in close. “What happened? Seth came up to me and said he was trying to find you to wish you a happy birthday but you were, like, gone.”

“Yup,” I said. “I am. Gone and done.”

She drew back, eyebrows high. “What does
that
mean?”

“It means that everybody in this place except you can kiss my ass, okay?” I said, slamming my locker. “I’m done with all of them.” I gave the leg of my granny tights a vicious yank. “We’ll be out of here in like three weeks, and you know what? Nobody’s gonna be asking me out or calling me over the summer to see if I’m even still alive, so why am I putting myself through all of this? How long am I going to beat my head against the wall, getting all excited, getting my hopes up every time he looks at me, Sammi? I’m like a bad joke. I get stepped on, I come back for more. I get shoved aside, I come back again. What the
hell am I doing waiting for him? I have to get it through my thick head that it’s
just not going to happen.”

“I didn’t mean it would
never
happen,” Sammi said, touching my arm.

“Yeah, well, you know what?” I said, shouldering my purse and starting down the hall. “I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of the whole stupid thing. So I’m done. Period. The end.”

Sammi caught up and walked beside me. “Really?”

“Mm-hmm,” I said. “Do you have to go to your locker?”

“Yeah, my overnight bag’s in there,” she said.

“Good, then let’s go this way,” I said, veering off to take a staircase we never used.

“Oh my God, Hanna, I can’t believe you just did that,” she said in a low voice after I kicked open the doors and strode through into the empty vestibule. She grabbed my arm and looked back over her shoulder. “Didn’t you see him?”

“Who?” I said, clattering down the stairs.

“Stop!” she hissed, yanking on me. “Seth! He was coming right toward you—”

The doors flew open on the landing above us, and I looked up to see Seth leaning over the railing, grinning down at me.

“Hey,” he said.

I arched an eyebrow.

“Happy birthday,” he said.

Sammi nudged my ankle.

“Thanks,” I said and started to leave.

“Hey,” he said again.

I paused, teeth gritted, and looked up.

“I owe you a birthday spanking.”

I snorted and kept walking.

“Hey.”

“What?” I snapped and stopped again.

“You mad or something?”

And the absurdity of it, the fact that two hours ago I would have given anything to have him thudding down the stairs toward me, looking curious, maybe even puzzled, giving Sammi the chance to mutter, “Meet you at my locker,” and leaving me there alone with him in this unpopular, unused staircase, wasn’t lost on me. Neither was the fact that I was just dead inside, squashed flat by chronic disappointment.

“No, not at all,” I said. All emotion had receded, pulled out like low tide, leaving my brain an empty ocean bottom.

He studied my face. “Yeah, you are. Come on, I can see it. You have a glass head, Hanna. I can read you, and you are seriously pissed off.”

“Really,” I said, because that just made it worse. “Well, think what you want.” I turned to leave, but he grabbed my arm.

“Hey,” he said, frowning. “You don’t have to get shitty. I just wanted to say happy birthday, okay? God.”

And that’s when the tide returned, swept in like a boiling tsunami at that chiding
God,
as if I had been surly and ungrateful, like I was wrong for not being a happy, eager puppy leaping for any scrap, for daring to have a will and an opinion of my own, for biting the hand that, when he felt like it, might pet me.

I could feel the tears gathering behind my eyes and my nose starting to sting, and if there was one thing I didn’t want to do, it was start bawling, because that would show him that he could hurt me and he didn’t deserve that kind of power.

“I have to go,” I said without looking at him.

“Not until you tell me what’s up,” he said.

“Nothing,
all right? It’s my birthday and I’m going to a party and you know what? I can’t wait. I can’t wait to get out of here and be with
people who aren’t just out for what they can get!” My voice cracked. “Now get
offa
me.” I wrenched free and stalked out.

I waited until we were home and safely ensconced in my room to tell Sammi all of it, from the minute I left her at lunch to my parting words to Seth.

“If he can read me, Sammi, then he’s known since the first day that I liked him and he’s been playing me all year,” I said, dropping my vest on the bed and unzipping my skort. “Got nobody to talk to? Wait one second and Hanna will show up. Want to cut out? Ask Hanna; she’ll risk everything just to follow you around for a day.”

“You weren’t that bad,” Sammi said, shaking her head in amusement at the sight of my saggy-crotch panty hose.

“No, worse,” I said grimly, peeling off the geriatric tights and flinging them toward the wastebasket. “I hate him so much, I can’t even say.”

“No offense, but I’ve heard that before,” Sammi said, opening her bag.

“Yeah, well, this time it’s true,” I said, yanking the ugly yellow blouse up over my head and tossing it onto the laundry pile in the corner. “I’m done following him around. In exactly”—I glanced at my watch—“two hours and forty-three minutes, I will be born, and I’ve already decided this is going to be a stellar, Seth-free year.”

“Well, good, because that’s exactly what I got you for your birthday,” Sammi said, lips twitching. “One of those kick-ass T-shirts with a big red circle and a slash through his name that says ‘This Girl is a Seth-Free Zone.’”

“Oh, shut up,” I said, snickering and shoving her onto the bed.

We had Chinese takeout because moo shu shrimp was my food of choice.

“You’re welcome to come back on Sunday, Sammi, when we do
the cake and presents,” my mother said, handing out fortune cookies. “I invited the Schoenmakers, too, because I think the outing will do them good. They haven’t been anywhere since Lon came home from the hospital, and frankly, I’m getting a little worried. Helen was always so fearless, going everywhere, doing new things, zooming around town in that big old Buick she used to have, and now…”

“Now she’s like an old lady,” I said, thinking of how bad Gran had been trembling the last time I’d seen her.

“I think Lon’s heart attack really knocked her for a loop,” my father said, cracking open his fortune cookie and pulling out the slip of paper. “Hmm. ‘The smart man prepares for the unexpected.” He frowned. “I hate these things.”

My mother’s said, “Flattery will go far tonight.’”

“Hey, somebody’s getting lucky,” Sammi said without thinking and, at my mother’s astonished look, clapped a hand over her mouth and fled the table, laughing.

“Sure, keep right on teaching them sex education,” my father said drily. “They won’t use it, they just need to know. Nice Catholic school. Right.”

The rest of the fortunes were useless, but the good part was that since it was my birthday, I didn’t have to load the dishwasher, so me and Sammi escaped to get ready to go down to Crystal’s.

“You’re sure Crystal’s mother is all right with hosting the two of you?” my mother said when we clattered back into the kitchen with our party wear stuffed in our bags and our faces innocent of all anticipated wrongdoing.

“Oh, yeah, she doesn’t care,” I said. “And we’re good, anyway.”

“Mm-hmm,” my mother said, giving me an amused look. “You’d better be.”

“We will,” I said, scowling. “God, Mom, nothing like being suspicious.”

“Mm-hmm,” she said again. “Just remember that I was young once, too, okay?”

“I know, I know, now bye, Mom,” I said, hustling Sammi out the door and into the gorgeous May twilight. “Come on already. No, don’t walk so fast, just in case she’s watching.”

We set off at a casual pace, talking and laughing, until we were camouflaged by the woods, and then picked it up because the party started at nine and it was almost eight and we still had to get to Crystal’s, change our clothes, and do our makeup.

We made it to Crystal’s within the half hour. Sammi and Crystal had met before and even though they were different kinds of people, they got along well and cracked each other up, which was excellent.

There’s nothing as good as best friends.

Crystal gave me a killer black top almost exactly like the plum-colored one I’d borrowed to wear to Connor’s party, except this one was a light, silky material instead of a sweater.

“Oh, I’m definitely wearing this tonight,” I said, modeling it.

Then Sammi gave me a beautiful black cord choker with a really artsy, hand-carved tiger eye butterfly hanging from a delicate gold loop in the center.

“I would have gotten you the earrings, too, but I ran out of money,” she said and, grinning, lifted the front of her shirt to reveal her pink and tender-looking new belly button ring.

“Oh my God!” I said. “When did you do it?”

“Three days ago,” she said, admiring it in the mirror.

“I hope you’re wearing a crop top tonight,” Crystal said.

“Oh, yeah,” she said.

I told Crystal what happened with Seth while we finished getting dressed—Sammi in pink with her sexy new piercing, Crystal with her glossy, wavy black hair hanging loose down her back and wearing pea
cock blue to match her eyes, and me in black and tiger eye—and by the time the story was done, she and Sammi were in perfect agreement about one thing.

“It’s your birthday, you get to go wild,” Crystal said.

“There’s got to be
somebody
good here tonight,” Sammi said.

“I’ll be your designated bodyguard,” Crystal said. “I’m not really drinking, so I can watch out for you if you get drunk.”

“But I get to hold her hair if she pukes,” Sammi said, laughing.

“Trust me, the place is going to be crawling with cute guys,” Crystal said.

“Seth can go to hell,” Sammi said.

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Crystal said.

“All right, already, I get the idea,” I said, grabbing my purse. “Seth is out, anyone else is in. It’s almost nine thirty. Let’s go!”

So we did, and I drank four beers really fast and got pretty stupid, seeing as I’m definitely a lightweight. The clearing was jamming, the music loud but not loud enough to have to yell over or get us busted, and the campfire in the fire pit threw a toasty, flickering glow. I ended up mingling a lot, going from group to group, talking, flirting, and then moving on.

“Oh, come on, you can’t tell me you haven’t seen
one person
you want to be with,” Crystal said when I careened back and collapsed next to her on a log. She was sitting outside the ring of light thrown by the campfire, nursing a beer and watching Sammi show her belly button ring to some shirtless guy wearing a do-rag. “There’s got to be somebody, Hanna.”

“Nope,” I said mournfully, leaning against her. “Only Seth.”

“Oh, no,” Crystal said. “It’s too early for this.”

“He’s very cute, Crystal,” I said and gave her an earnest look. “Truly. And he can be really nice but mostly…” I heaved an enormous sigh. “He’s not. He’s a gigantic asshole.”

“Now there’s an image I didn’t need,” she said, sounding strangled.

“I wish
every day
that he wasn’t,” I said. “I do. Every day I say, ‘Dear God, please let Seth not be such a gigantic asshole,’ but every day he still is.” I shook my head, bewildered. “I don’t really know what to do about that.”

“Hot coffee, cold shower?” Crystal said, snickering.

“It’s not funny,” I said, scowling and struggling to sit up. “I think…” I pushed myself straight, brushed the hair from my eyes, and got distracted watching the fire ripple and pulse, throwing molten colors into the black sky, turning everyone golden and, for a moment, totally primal. “Is it hot in here or is it me?” I stuck a finger into the neck of my top and pulled it back and forth.

“Hey, look who’s here,” someone said.

I looked up into the darkness. “Karate guy!”

“Oh, God,” Crystal moaned and hid her face in her hands.

“Well,
somebody’s
having a good time,” he said, lips twitching.

“Yes,” I said, puffing out my chest. “That would be
me. I
am having a good time because…hey, guess what? It’s my birthday! Here.” I slid sideways, clutching Crystal’s arm to keep from falling off the log. “Sit right here. There’s room. Come on, you’re not fat. As a matter of fact, you have a very cute booty.” I leered up at him, pinching two fingers together. “Could I? For my birthday, I mean?”

“Oh, shit,” he said, glancing at Crystal, who was wiping her streaming eyes.

“Oh, yeah,” she said. “Could you stay with her for a couple of minutes while I run down to 7-Eleven?”

He looked at me.

I gave him a toothy grin because I really was very happy to see him. “C’mon, be a sport. If I get too fresh, you can just”—I made a tossing motion—“flip me right over your shoulder.”

He looked away like he was trying not to laugh and rubbed a hand across his chin. “Okay, sure. You go ahead, Crystal. I’ll babysit the birthday girl, here.”

“You must need your eyes checked, because I’m
not
a baby,” I said when he sat down in Crystal’s vacated spot. “Look closely.” I sat up straight and swooshed back my hair. “See?”

“Yeah, I see,” he said, smiling.

I gazed back at him, caught by how sweet and tempting his mouth looked, with that plummy bottom lip and that cute little goat…. “I have a question,” I said, swiveling so my knees were against his thighs.

“I’m sure you do.” He watched as I picked up one of his dreads and touched it to my nose, then stroked it down along my cheek to my chin.

“Yes.” I touched it to his cheek, smiling when he smiled. “Would you give me a birthday kiss?”

His eyebrows rose. “What?”

“Just one?” I said, abandoning the dread and laying my hand on his muscled forearm. It tensed at my touch and I liked that.