How Not to Shop (16 page)

'I'm sorry, babes,' Annie rushed over to Dinah's side of the sofa and put an arm round her, 'of course we should be more supportive. I'm sure you and Bryan have decided to do what's best for you. I'm sorry. We just saw how rough it was the first time.'

'But you can't say it wasn't worth it,' Dinah pointed out.

'Billie is fantastic,' Annie agreed.

'Ah Billie, there's only one Billie!' Fern was quick to add.

'Yes,' Dinah said, 'there's only one . . .'

She didn't need to say anything more.

Annie's mind was reeling: first Ed, then Connor, now Dinah . . . was there some sort of baby virus out there? Who was going to catch it next?

Post-bath Annie:

Blue silk slip (La Senza)
Clarins body lotion (eBay)
Sisley night cream, out of date (The Store's staff-only bargains)
Total est. cost: £40

'Did you put the cats out?'

It was always close to midnight when things were finally calm and quiet in Annie's household.

She came out of the shower, dried and dressed for bed, then did a final tour of the house, checking that Owen's covers were on and Lana's lights were out.

When Annie pushed open the bedroom door, she understood at once that Ed was waiting for her . . . expectantly.

The light was low, provided by a small sidelight and the cluster of candles which had been lit in the room's long defunct fireplace. Music, the second love of Ed's life, was oozing from the iPod speakers right beside the bed, something soft and seductive that she didn't recognize. But then this was a man who delved for obscure CDs at charity shops and market stalls. Everything had been tidied away, so the room looked peaceful and calm, the idea being that she shouldn't be distracted, she should concentrate on her man already in bed, waiting for her.

He smiled and put down his book. He wasn't wearing a top but he was still wearing his glasses, a look which she found irresistibly sexy. She wasn't even sure why; it was like catching him half undressed. Or maybe it was the combination of intellectual glasses and big arm muscles which pressed all the right buttons for Annie.

'Did you put the cats out?' she asked him.

'Uh-huh,' he answered, with a little smile.

'Empty the dryer?'

'Oh yeah.'

'Wash out the packed-lunch boxes?'

'Ooooh, your sexy talk is turning me on . . .' he teased, 'Come over here!' He held out his arms to her.

'The aphrodisiac of fame . . . Connor's warned me, you know.'

She let her dressing gown fall open and walked towards him in the slinky ink-blue slip she'd put on after her shower, just for him.

As she reached the bed, she slid her hands over his arms and said, 'Last household chore of the day, huh?'

'Oh yeah,' he agreed, looking at her appreciatively, 'last household chore of the day. Come here,' he instructed.

She knelt over him and they began to kiss.

His tongue felt warm and minty against hers. She felt the soft silk of her slip sliding over her breasts.

'Under the covers,' Ed insisted, pulling her in beside his naked body; 'get your fantastic arse into bed beside me.'

His hands moved up over her buttocks, pushing the slip out of the way. 'Are you pleased?' he asked, pulling her in against his hairy chest.

'With you?' she asked, 'Always.'

'No! With
Wonder Women
. Are you happy with it?' he asked.

'I think so, I think it's fine. Can we keep the heavy stuff out of the bedroom, please?' she asked, feeling with her fingertips for his pleasingly smooth and springy erection.

He reached for the iPod control and changed the music. Something much more fruity began to fill the room: big, fat, sexy sax.

'Mmmmm,' she breathed against his neck, 'I want to slow dance with you.'

He slid the straps of her slip down from her shoulders, then teased the fabric over her breasts to expose them. Then he gave a lick to wet her nipples before blowing on them gently.

'I like that,' she heard herself murmur.

'I know,' he replied.

'Are you going to go down . . . and do that there?'

'Do you want me to?' he asked and blew on her nipple again.

She could feel her toes flex just at the thought of him doing that there.

'Uh-huh,' she agreed.

He moved down and she lay back and let him do all the things he did to make her feel so liquid, molten, so very incredibly hot and breathless and turned on right . . . yes, there.

He didn't just lick, he moved, he blew, he hummed and sometimes sang! Right there, right up against her, until her hands were wound into his hair and she was just about singing with pleasure herself.

She was just . . . just about, almost . . . nearly. Definitely. No, not, yes . . . about to . . . when he stopped. Abruptly.

'Don't!' she said urgently.

'Just a second.'

'No! Hello! You need to go back down there . . .' she insisted.

'Trust me.'

He leaned over, opened a drawer, took out a cable and attached it to the iPod.

'Close your eyes,' he instructed.

One moment later and Annie's eyes were wide open again and she sat bolt upright. Had he just . . . ?!!

'Ed!?' she exclaimed.

She was aware of a tingly buzz that wasn't coming from his lips. Wasn't coming from anything human.

'Shhhhhhhh,' he told her, 'it's in time with the music.

In Ed's hands she could see a small egg-shaped . . . vibrator.

'Are we at the sex toy stage?' she asked.

'You know I find it hard to resist a musical gadget,' he replied.

'What is it?'

A grin split Ed's face as he told her, 'This, baby, is the iPod-compatible
iGasm
.'

'The iGasm?!' she repeated. 'Are you joking?'

'Shhhhh,' he said, then reached over, turned out the sidelight and put the iGasm back to work.

Now, he was good. But that . . . that was technologically advanced. It buzzed to the rhythm and she wanted to dance right along with it.

She was damp and clinging to him now. Desperate for him to push inside as she felt every nerve ending pulse and come alive. 'Baby,' she breathed against his ear, 'you are so hot.'

'Have you got your diaphragm in?' he murmured as his fingers slid against her.

'Oh yeah . . . I came prepared.'

'I wish you wouldn't.' He was moving inside her now, and she was so desperate to come, right, right, right now this very second, now.

'Oh Ohhhhh,' she heard herself exhale against his ear.

'Let's have a baby, Annie,' he said, holding her with every square inch of his body, pulling her right against him.

It wasn't fair. It was like the opposite of torture, lovemaking someone into a decision. Orgasming them into submission.

'Please, let's have a baby,' Ed repeated with the tension in his voice which told her he was going to come too.

Practical Bob:

Green army vest with pockets (military kit store)
Blue sweatshirt (M&S)
Comfy jeans (M&S)
Brown suede hiking boots (Timberland)
Digital watch (Casio)
Total est. cost: £230

'We'll get you right.'

Annie looked out of the window of Bob's car at the boring motorway scenery whizzing past. Today, the morning after the pilot screening, the Wonder Women were up early and on their way to Birmingham.

Bob had come to collect her just before 7 a.m. so they could get out of London before the worst of the morning traffic. To Annie's not so great surprise, Finn, Miss Marlise, Svetlana and Nikki were all travelling up together in Finn's car.

When Annie had first heard about the arrangements, she had wondered if she should worry that yet again Finn was keeping Miss Marlise and Svetlana together while leaving her out. But then she'd reasoned with herself that Bob lived much closer to her than anyone else and then tried not to mind about the arrangements any more.

'So,' Bob had asked as soon as Annie had buckled herself into the front seat, 'did you enjoy seeing yourself on TV?'

She'd given a little laugh and had to think about that for a moment.

'I was a bit distracted by everything I did wrong and how I'd do it differently the next time,' she'd admitted. 'But for a minute or two, when it went right, when we got a good moment . . . yeah, I was chuffed,' was her honest reply.

'What did you think?' she'd asked him.

'Lots of things went well, a few things went tits up,' he answered. 'You're right to worry about how you did. That's exactly how you should be thinking. Yes, there were a few novice moments,' he hadn't been able to resist saying. 'Never point your big bum at the camera, for one! I can't believe they didn't edit that out. But we'll work on it. We'll get you right. I think you've got a real future ahead of you.'

She'd beamed at him. Beamed, because really deep down, in her heart of hearts, wouldn't she like that? A big future ahead of her in television?

'What's Finn said to you?' Bob had asked when they made the transition onto the motorway.

'Well . . .'

Finn had phoned her last night and she'd expected him to say something a bit more than, 'Did you watch it? Good stuff,' before moving on to talk about the travel arrangements to Birmingham.

'Not a lot,' she had to admit.

'Not to me either,' Bob told her. 'Hard to tell what he's thinking. The channel seems so keen, but he doesn't seem to be able to squeeze any more money out of them. He's asked me to lower my day rate for the last week.'

'Am I allowed to know what he's paying you?' Annie had to ask.

When she heard, she couldn't stop herself from spluttering: 'Bloody hell!!'

'I know, it's not good, is it?' Bob thought she was sympathizing.

Annie wanted to laugh out loud. She was going to earn in a month what Bob was picking up in three days! Just like crime, fame so obviously didn't pay.

The mobile in her handbag burst into life, and a glance at the screen told her it was Svetlana again.

'Annah! My phone not stop ringing since the show go on air! So many old friends contact me to say how much they love it. Finn, he's beside me in the carrrr, his phone ringing all the time too. People love the show, Annah! It is so exciting! Vhy you not in the car with us listening to all these good things?' she asked.