How Spy I Am (12 page)

And I’d thought I’d
been embarrassed by the whole porn star cover. Poor Spider.

“It’s okay,” I
reassured him. “It’s not really me. The woman is just a construct.
Harchman must have built the sim using footage of me from the
security cameras. With a few modifications…” I bit off the
conclusion of my sentence: ‘…like boobs the size of volleyballs.’
Spider probably didn’t want to think about that.

“I know it’s not
really you, I know you’d never… That guy is so…” He trailed off,
still blushing furiously. “But… it’s just…” He met my eyes, his
young face tight with anger. “It’s not fair! That’s so gross,
having people think it’s you! Stemp made me find what all those
creepster guys were saying online about you, and that’s how he
built the dossier. It just sucks! After everything you’ve done for
us!”

Somehow his outrage
made me feel better. “It’s okay,” I repeated. “It’s better to be
sleazy and safe than virtuous and dead. I think. Anyway, at least
I’m going to get a cool new car.”

His face relaxed into
a smile. “Trust you to find a silver lining.”

When I turned into my
lane after work, my heart rose at the sight of Hellhound lounging
against his SUV. Perfect. A bit of hot distraction was exactly what
I needed right now.

I parked and strolled
over, eyeing him appreciatively. He limped over to pull me into his
arms at the front porch and the heat of his lingering kiss caused
global warming in the tropical wetlands.

“Goddamn, I needed
that,” he rumbled, grinning.

“Me, too. And that’s
not all I need.” I tugged him toward the steps. “Come on in.”

His knowing hands slid
over my ass as I climbed the stairs ahead of him, sending a rush of
hot lust through me. I shot a grin over my shoulder and unlocked
the door, my spirits soaring in anticipation of a long, delicious
night.

Inside, I waited for
him to remove his boots before linking my arms around his neck to
press close. He dropped a kiss on my forehead and gently disengaged
my arms, reaching into his pocket for his scanner. I blew out a
sigh of resignation and stepped back while he began the entire
scanning process over again.

At last, Hellhound
limped into the living room to sprawl on the couch. “All clear,
darlin’, ‘cept for the locator ya got in your change purse.”

I stared at him. “How
did you know about that?”

“Webb told me this
afternoon.”

“Good.” I straddled
his lap and kissed him, running my hands over his chest. “Then
bring that tongue over here,” I mumbled against his lips. “It’s
time you paid up for leaving me all hot and bothered last
time.”

His hands closed
around my shoulders, and he held me at arms’ length. “We gotta
talk.”

I eyed him with
frustration. “Shit, Arnie, I thought we had everything worked out.
No commitments, no lies, right? Why did you give me the come-on if
you were just going to shut me down?”

He sighed. “Sorry
‘bout that, darlin’. I know we had our deal, but it ain’t that
simple anymore.”

“What do you mean,
it’s not that simple?” Weariness overcame me, and I got off him to
flop into the chair opposite. “God, Arnie, I can’t take any
bullshit mind games right now. Just tell me what the problem
is.”

He blew out a long
breath. “The problem’s Kane.”

“Kane?” I stared at
him. “What the hell does Kane have to do with anything?”

“He’s my best friend,
an’ he’s in love with ya.”

I knotted my fists in
my hair and tugged, fighting the urge to yell. “He’s not in love
with me. That was just a cover story. He had orders to pretend he
was in love with me, that’s all. Now his orders have changed, he
doesn’t care if I’m dead or alive, and he’s screwing Rocket Science
Barbie and being a dad to her kids! He’s not in love with me, for
fucksakes!”

Oops, yelled after
all.

Arnie shot me a look.
“An’ you’re in love with him, too.”

“I’m not-” I began,
but he interrupted.

“Hang on, darlin’, an’
lemme explain the whole thing. I lied to Stemp, an’ there’s a whole
lot ya need to know. I couldn’t tell ya while I thought ya were
bugged, but now we gotta talk.”

I drew my knees up and
tucked my head down. “I really don’t want to talk right now,” I
mumbled. “I just want you to kiss me and take me to bed and make it
all go away for a while.”

A long silence.

“I can’t do that
anymore,” he rasped.

God, this couldn’t be
happening. I let out a whimper and hugged my legs tighter. “Why the
hell not?”

Hellhound blew out a
breath. “That’s what I’m tryin’ to explain.”

I gulped down rising
apprehension. “I’m listening.”

“Last week when Kane
called to tell me you’d crashed your car an’ died,” Hellhound
began, “He sounded… Well, he was barely holdin’ on. I told him that
hadta be wrong ‘cause Richardson drove ya back in his truck, an’ it
was like I gave him the sun an’ moon an’ stars.”

He scrubbed his
knuckles against his beard, not looking at me. “So we figured Stemp
was doin’ a setup,” he continued. “I drove up an’ we started
plannin’. Kane was goin’ nuts, an’ that’s when I asked him,
straight-out.”

Hellhound met my eyes
at last. “He’s been in love with ya for months. He’s crazy about
ya, darlin’.”

I groaned. “He was
lying. It’s just his orders. Arnie, I can’t take any more of this.
It’s like some bullshit soap opera. I just want it to end.”

Arnie frowned. “You’re
the one that’s makin’ it into a soap opera, Aydan. He loves ya, an’
he told ya so. It ain’t his fault ya won’t believe him.”

“Can we please not
talk about this?” I begged.

“We’re gonna talk
about it,” he rasped. “’Cause ya ain’t heard the whole story
yet.”

I sank my head into my
hands while he continued, “So anyway, we figured ya were still
alive, an’ we were hopin’ Stemp had ya stashed somewhere. So we
started lookin’.”

“
You
started
looking,” I interrupted. “While he made time with Honey
Travers.”

Arnie shot me an
impatient scowl. “Kane looked for ya all day an’ all fuckin’ night
an’ all the next day, too. I practically hadta knock him out with a
rubber hammer to make him get some sleep.”

“Thing was,” he
continued, “We figured if he didn’t wanna be reassigned, he better
look like he didn’t care. Honey invited him over for dinner, so we
decided he should go.”

My stomach twisted.
“So he’s using her. And her kids.”

“Jesus, Aydan,” Arnie
snapped. “I know ya got trust issues, but can ya just cut him some
slack for a minute?”

His tone hit me like a
slap, and I couldn’t prevent my arms from wrapping around my body
to absorb the blow.

“Aw, darlin’.” In an
instant, he was kneeling beside my chair, his arms warm around me.
“Sorry, Aydan.” He stroked my hair, holding me close.

I pulled away, afraid
to take his comfort now, waiting for the axe to fall. I stiffened
my backbone and kept my voice flat. “Just tell me.”

His expression closed
down and he rose to limp back to the couch, his bulky shoulders
sagging. He sank onto the sofa and hunched over to rub both hands
over his face, staring at the floor.

After a moment, he
continued quietly. “Nah, he ain’t usin’ her. He told her up front
he wasn’t interested, but she said she needed to talk to somebody
with a security clearance. She’d been tyin’ herself in knots ‘cause
she heard the gunshot an’ saw them takin’ your body outta Stemp’s
office. She thought he shot ya in cold blood.”

“Oh.” Shame seared my
gut. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, darlin’.
So that’s when we knew it was a setup for sure. Stemp’s got all the
moves. If he’d been gonna kill ya for real, he wouldn’ta left any
witnesses.”

“That’s why I hadta
lie to Stemp about Kane an’ Honey,” he finished. “To convince him
Kane ain’t involved with ya. Then after ya told Stemp about you an’
me, I decided to run with it. That’s why I been all over ya in
public, but not when we’re alone. If Stemp thinks neither of ya is
interested in the other, everythin’ should be fine. That’s why Kane
gave me the bug detector, too. He didn’t wanna take a chance on
Stemp listenin’ in while I told ya.”

I took a few long
moments to digest what he’d told me, slow foreboding tightening my
chest.

“But, Arnie,” I said
at last, “Why does this change anything between you and me? Kane
knew about our deal, and he made it clear he’s not interested in
anything but an exclusive relationship with me. And I made it clear
I’m not interested in an exclusive relationship with him or with
anybody. And you know that, too.”

“I know.” He was still
staring at the floor. “But I didn’t know he was in love with ya. I
don’t wanna get in the way a’ that.”

“What about what I
want?” I held myself straight. Kept my voice under control.

“I ain’t sayin’ ya
gotta be with him, I’m just sayin’ I don’t wanna be the one
standin’ between ya.”

“But I don’t want the
kind of relationship he wants, so there’s no reason for you
to-”

“Aydan,” he
interrupted softly. “I can’t. He’s my brother.”

I swallowed hard. “I’m
not going to give you up just because that’s what Kane wants.”

He looked up at last.
“Ya don’t hafta give me up. If ya still like me when we ain’t
mattress dancin’, we’ll still be friends. But if we’re just
fuck-buddies, then we’re done.” The strain in his face belied his
unemotional tone.

“Arnie, no! You know
you’re more than that to me!” I stared at him, desperately
searching for an argument that would change his mind. “Arnie,
please, don’t…”

I bit off my
words.

Don’t what? Abandon
me?

Fool. I should have
known better than to start counting on him.

I stood, and Arnie
rose, too. He reached toward me, but I dodged his hands.

“Don’t. You… I…” My
words jerked out between breaths that had suddenly gone ragged and
I turned away, holding onto composure with clenched fists.

“Aydan.” His voice was
so raw it froze me in place.

I turned slowly to
face him again, rigid with the effort to hold in the hurt and
loss.

Arnie eyed my fists.
“Ya can hit me if ya want,” he said quietly. “Call me a fuckin’
asshole, you’re prob’ly right. But don’t just walk away. If we’re
done, ya gotta say it to me.” He squared his shoulders and met my
eyes, his face set. “No lies,” he rasped. “That was our deal, an’
I’m holdin’ ya to it.”

“Of course we’re not
done,” I choked. “I still… Of course we’re still friends.”

His expression
softened and he half-reached for me, but I backed away.

“Don’t.” My voice
scoured my throat. “Just end it cleanly.”

His arms sank to his
sides. “Is that what ya want? For me to never touch ya again?”

“No.” I swallowed the
pain and held my voice level. “But it obviously doesn’t matter what
I want.”

“Aydan.” He spoke my
name so gently I had to blink back the burning behind my eyes.
“Long’s we’re friends, I ain’t gonna stop huggin’ ya. Not for Kane
or anybody.”

His arms folded me in
and I clung to his warm familiar bulk, hiding my face against his
shoulder. Arnie caressed my hair aside to brush a kiss across my
cheekbone.

“Nothin’ else’s
changed, darlin’, we just ain’t gonna be gettin’ it on anymore,” he
murmured. He tilted my chin up to give me his teasing grin. “An’
hey, I know I’m good in bed, but I ain’t that good.”

I did my best to
return his smile. “Obviously you underestimate yourself.” I took a
deep breath, trying to ease the ache in my chest. ““It’s not that…
I just… I mean, hell yeah, it is that, too, but…” I fumbled to a
halt, old defensive instincts blocking my words.

“But long’s ya were
bangin’ me, ya were safe,” he said quietly. “Ya didn’t hafta deal
with what ya got goin’ on with Kane. Now ya do, an’ you’re scared
shitless.”

I started to argue,
but gave it up and dropped my forehead onto his shoulder again. “I
already told him I can’t give him what he wants,” I mumbled into
his T-shirt. “You know I can’t. Please, just tell him to give up
and get on with his life.”

“Sorry, darlin’. Ya
gotta talk to him yourself.” He pulled back a few inches to look
down into my eyes. “Are ya mad at me?”

“Yes, dammit, I’m
pissed as hell at you. Why can’t you just be a selfish jerk who
only cares about getting his rocks off? …Well, and getting me off,
too,” I added as an afterthought.

His uncertain
expression made me tighten my arms around him. “I’m kidding. Kind
of,” I reassured him. I was reaching up to kiss him when I
remembered I wasn’t allowed to do that anymore. I blew out a sigh
instead. “Of course I’m not mad at you. I just… I really don’t want
this.”

“I know, darlin’.” He
smoothed my hair back, his gaze searching my face for a long
moment. “We okay?”

I met the gentle eyes
of the good friend I hadn’t lost after all, and gave him a smile
that was pretty damn close to real.

“Yeah. We’re
okay.”

He smiled, too, the
tense lines easing from his face. “Come on, then. Let’s get outta
here. Take that tracker thing with ya.”

“Why, where are we
going?”

“You’ll see.”

Out on the front
porch, I had just locked the door when Hellhound grinned and pulled
me into a knee-trembling kiss.

“What the hell?” I
mumbled against his lips, mindful of the surveillance camera
silently recording our every move.

His hands slid down my
back, pulling me closer while his lips tracked around to nuzzle my
ear. His sexy rasp and rough whiskers wreaked their usual havoc
with my hormones, and I yanked my mind away from steamy imaginings
and back to his words.

“Gotta make this look
good, darlin’. Don’t wanna make Stemp suspicious.”