How Teddy Roosevelt Slew the Last Mighty T-Rex (14 page)

Theodore Roosevelt suddenly felt the urge to search for the faces of Julio and Lieutenant Martin amongst the gathered. He found both men standing together and atop the bank, away from the others.

For the first time since starting this seemingly ill-fated journey, the eternally optimistic Roosevelt had serious doubts that he or Kermit would ever survive this expedition. His thoughts turned abruptly to Edith and his remaining children.
God help me,
he thought.
How fitting after a lifetime dreaming of exploring its many wonders, the Amazon jungle would be my grave.

Theodore Roosevelt retreated to his tent and retrieved his pen, ink, and paper. “
March 11, 1914.
 
After nearly two weeks on the Dúvida, our supplies are dwindling and our situation appears desperate. Adding to our woes is almost certain insurrection amongst…
”

Roosevelt halted suddenly and rubbed his chin. He dipped his pen to ink and struck-out the last two sentences. Instead, he wrote, “
At this camp we had come down the river about 102 kilometers, according to the surveying records, and in height had descended nearly 100 meters, as shown by the aneroid—although the figure in this case is only an approximation, as an aneroid cannot be depended on for absolute accuracy of results.
”

Following a dispirited and somewhat paltry breakfast, Colonel Rondon conferred briefly with Roosevelt before gathering all of the camaradas against the backdrop of the overflowing Dúvida River. The wiry Brazilian Colonel paced back and forth with his hands behind his back, his steely eyes set upon the row of downtrodden men as if awaiting the slightest flinch or sign of slackening. Finally, he began in Portuguese, “Beginning this morning we will set ourselves to building a new dugout even larger than the craft we have just lost.”
 
Cherrie translated for Roosevelt who overheard a few grumbles of discontent amongst the men. Rondon continued, “Enough! Such grievances will not be tolerated, and furthermore all insubordination will be dealt with in a corporal manner. I needn’t have to explain the gravity of our circumstances. You all know the dangers we face. If we refuse to move forward together, we will all die alongside this river and be devoured by ants.”

Rondon paused for a moment, seemingly to ensure he had all of the camarada’s undivided attention. “The officers and Mr. Kermit and Cherrie will be tasked to hunt the forest for game. Some of you, when not laboring on the canoe, will be allowed to collect
palmito
and honey. We will camp in this spot for as long as it takes to complete the dugout. Have I made myself clear?”

“
Sim
, commander Rondon,” was the general, if not somewhat subdued, response.

“Good, good, we will begin by locating the most suitable tree for the canoe within walking distance of the river. I know you men have all constructed dugouts. Go, Go!” He brushed his hands. “The man finding the widest and most fitting tree will today be offered the lightest duties. Now, off with you!”

The men scattered into the forest just as the rains began anew, a subtle and gentle reminder of their cursed circumstances, Roosevelt figured. Cherrie and Roosevelt both noticed Julio lagging far behind the others. “How lazy can a man become?” Roosevelt said to the wide-eyed naturalist. “George, just how lazy must you be, to not wish to participate in a simple contest that may ultimately allow you to avoid the heaviest tasks?”

The camaradas located three trees to offer as candidates for the canoe. A robust specimen—five feet wide—was selected by Colonel Rondon. Amid the rainfall the men began chopping its massive truck with renewed vigor and purpose. Even Colonel Rondon stripped off his shirt and took his turn with the axe. The middle-aged yet hale commander swung briskly until he could lift his arms no more.

The mighty tree crashed to the ground a few hours later. The men cheered and patted each other on the back.

 
Kermit and Lieutenant Lyra set off together and away from the river to hunt for game. Following an unsuccessful hour in the woods, they decided that the situation was desperate enough to split apart, despite the new orders to work only in tandem. The results were more than encouraging—Kermit shot and killed two monkeys and Lyra shot a plump Jacu-bird.

The rain tapered off by late afternoon, and by evening, the moon shone brightly in the southern sky. Exhausted following a hard day’s work, the camaradas sat around the campfire waiting impatiently for the monkey-meat that sizzled over the flames a mere yard before them. The cook finally issued his approval and the men dug into the meat like hungry wolves. Roosevelt seethed watching Julio attempt to grab more than his fair share of the meat, but Teddy’s faith in humanity was restored when he noticed Simplicio and a few other camaradas taking Julio to task for his unseemly transgression. It took quick and stern action by Paishon to break up the tense confrontation and to keep the men from a senseless fistfight.

Roosevelt noticed that Lieutenant Martin mostly stayed clear of any disagreements amongst the men. He simply waited until tempers receded and then calmly sauntered up to the fire and tore off a small chunk of meat.
The man is a living skeleton,
Roosevelt thought.
He probably never fully recovered from his years amongst the natives.

The twelfth day of March marked two full weeks on the River of Doubt for the Roosevelt-Rondon Scientific Expedition, although Roosevelt lamented the fact that most of their time was spent bypassing rapids and constructing or repairing the ragged canoes. The weather cleared following a long day of rain, and the camaradas continued the arduous task of shaping and hollowing-out the massive tree trunk chosen for the new dugout. Roosevelt and Rondon kept a close eye on the laborers while Kermit and Lyra once again set off on a hunt through the lush, green rainforest.

True to his word, Colonel Rondon granted leave to two of his hardest working camaradas, allowing them to comb the forest for the bland-tasting but filling
palmito
. The men returned late in the morning bearing several stalks of the nutritious plant and a comb of fresh honey. Rondon declared a break from the construction and the men devoured the treat until none remained. Roosevelt noticed a few smiles amongst the men; the first he had noticed in several days.

Kermit and Lyra returned at noon carrying the carcass of a fat curassow-bird. Roosevelt figured the meat a pittance when shared amongst them all, although any protein would be welcome when attempting to supplement their meager rations.

Eager to contribute to the expedition the best he could, Roosevelt asked Kermit to accompany him on a short afternoon hunt. Kermit remained reluctant owing to Teddy’s “little incident” the day before yet finally succumbed to his father’s persistent harassment. With little fanfare, they grabbed their rifles and canteens and set off into the wilderness.

Father and son pushed silently through the dense scrub and up the curved river basin surrounded by trees that towered mightily against the cloudy sky. Roosevelt marveled at the varieties and shapes of vines dangling from the branches high above, some falling like spider webs while others wrapped the great trunks like fanged cobras ready to strike at a moment’s notice. The air was hot and humid beneath the forest’s canopy, while the wind scarcely stirred a solitary leaf or a dangling branch, causing a palpable and uncomfortable stillness that could rattle one’s nerves.

The forest appeared barren of flowers and birds, but the insects—sometimes mosquitoes or biting flies or the ever-present stingless bees—stalked them at every turn and upon every step. Both Teddy and Kermit Roosevelt grew weary of swatting the persistent beasts as much as they did the expedition’s eternal grind.

Teddy stumbled over a nest of buzzing hornets while navigating through a thicket. He grasped a branch for balance and escape, whereupon he shook loose an army of fire-ants that fell upon his neck and arm. Feeling a bit foolish, he swatted and brushed until most of the angry ants fell to the ground, except for one exuberant specimen that proceeded to strike savagely at Roosevelt’s outstretched arm.

Teddy Roosevelt took a moment to resist the bite’s searing pain. Grimacing, he sat down upon a flattened boulder and set his gun aside. Kermit raised his own canteen to drink.

“I pity the camaradas,” Roosevelt said, contorting in pain. “Many continue to toil in this jungle in bare feet or in those blasted worthless sandals.”

“I’d wager most of them never owned proper boots.”

Roosevelt bared his teeth. “And yet I’ve seen their feet and ankles—some so swollen they can barely walk. The very least I could have done was to provide basic outfitting. Blast my own shortcomings and negligence!”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, father. You were more than generous preparing for this expedition.”

Roosevelt grasped his wound and closed his eyes, fighting the pain that ebbed and flowed like the pull of the Atlantic tides. Teddy inhaled deeply and then slowly released his lungs. “Kermit, it appears my famous luck has finally run dry on this fateful excursion. How ironic it should end in the very country for which I’ve longed to visit since I was a young boy.”

“All is not lost. You can rest assured we will find a way out of this… this predicament.”

“No, son, I have personally failed. I have raised bravado to levels that sustain absurd thoughts and foster irrational decisions. I should have surveyed our situation at Bonifácio and convinced Rondon to head straight back home. I have placed too many good men’s lives in overt jeopardy, and for what purpose?”

“It was not all one man’s decision, though.”

“Balderdash! It was me the men followed—the semi-myth of the infallible Theodore Roosevelt.” He shook his head. “A myth is what will lead them like the pied piper ingloriously and unsuspectingly to their graves. My swollen head is what caused this mess but I feel so utterly incompetent to extract us from our doomed fate.”

“Father, it’s the pain from the sting. Sit here and let—”

Roosevelt grimaced once again. “No, Kermit, my head is amazingly clear now; clearer than it has been in years. My eyes are now fully open, whereupon before, they were not.”

“Father, I—”

“Give me the picture.” Roosevelt motioned inward. “Give it to me.”

“What?”

“Give me the picture you have hidden in your front pocket. I know you have it. I know you carry it everywhere. Give it to me.”

Kermit reached reluctantly into his pocket and removed a tattered photo of his fiancée Belle. He handed it to his father.

Theodore Roosevelt looked the photo over and sighed deeply. Then he grinned from ear to ear. “Simply beautiful.” He handed the picture back to Kermit. “I hope to see many gorgeous grandchildren.”

Kermit glanced at the photo before stuffing it back into his pocket.

Roosevelt looked Kermit in the eye. “Now, do you understand the utter disgust I feel for myself at this very moment? I have torn you from your first love and placed your life and happiness in peril, all because of my foolish pride and a raft of bad decisions.”

“Father, you have wrecked nothing. I would have been honored to serve on any expedition upon Colonel Rondon’s asking.”

“You came on this excursion because of Edith’s concerns. Do not tell me different.”

Kermit hesitated. “I admit mother did influence my decision, but you have not been in top physical condition of late.”

“No, Kerm, I’m afraid I am not, nor will I ever be again. I have tried my entire life to be as honest as possible within the framework of modern politics, and yet, somewhat ironically, I have failed to be honest with myself in this regard. My life has been a whirlwind since I left Harvard and scaled the almighty mountain in glorious splendor to reach its peak and stand as the most influential man in the Western Hemisphere. But having stood at the top and looking out over clear blue skies and breathing in the cool thin air, and then having been asked to step back from the throne, I was engulfed in a void that I could not quench with diversions such as African safaris and trifling ceremonies. But alas, I was unsatisfied and greedy, and I foolishly attempted to climb the mountain once again but failed miserably in the last election, and my pride could not bear the pain of this harsh reality. The Amazon was my last hope—my last chance for the headlines I craved so desperately. And now I fear those headlines may become my sad obituary.”

“Father, please—”

“And taking with me my own son and a group of some of the finest men I have ever had the pleasure to know.”

Father and son sat silently for a moment listening to the soft sounds of the Amazonian forest. Finally, Kermit spoke: “Father, do you the recall those family ‘scrambles’ you orchestrated when we were small?”

“Yes, of course—”

“You lined up my brothers, sisters, and cousins on a straight-line course. The object of the game was simple: you must reach the stated destination by going over, though, or under any object impeding your goal, but you must never go around. If it were a lake, you’d swim across. You would crawl beneath any pile of brush in your path. If it were a fence, you would climb over or between its planks.”

“I do remember.”

“The game was quite challenging and arduous for a little boy like me. As a youngster I could only guess that its purpose was to prepare us for wilderness adventure. Only in my teens did I realize your rationale for such a diversion was to toughen us against the obstacles presented by the outside world.”