How to Become a Witch (35 page)

When Invisibility Is in Order
Staying in the Broom Closet

This may be the most serious section in this book, because it concerns your physical safety, your relationship with your children, and your job. Not every place is Pagan-friendly, much less Witch-friendly. Where do you live? San Francisco? Minneapolis? The Bible Belt? You probably have a good idea of which parts of the country require good thick walls around your broom closet. Fortunately, we are making inroads in public understanding and acceptance, as a quick glance at www.witchvox.com will show.

However, progress is slow in some regions. Many Witches move to friendlier places rather than stay in the broom closet. No one can blame you for wanting to keep yourself and your family safe. Children have been taken away, jobs have been lost, and people have been physically attacked because they emerged from the broom closet, voluntarily or involuntarily. (Involuntary outing is often accidental and the result of trying to be halfway in and halfway out—someone who knows forgets and blabs to the wrong person.) Fighting for custody of the kids or fighting a discrimination suit at work because you are a Witch is not anyone’s idea of a good hobby.

If you must live in an intolerant place, go deep. If you must, for your sanity, be a public Witch, move to a more hospitable environment. There are lots of them.

A side note for those of you who are already out of the broom closet: Please respect the decisions made by those who are not ready to come out yet. They have valid reasons for staying quiet about their path—it is never up to you to “out” them before they are ready. One of the worst things a Witch can do is to betray another Witch’s privacy.

Telling Family and Friends

Telling your family and others close to you can be traumatic. This section addresses questions you should consider before deciding whether and how to tell your mother and father, your children and spouse, your coworkers, your best friend (if they are not right by your side on the Wiccan path), and the poker club.

The first question is, “Do they have a need to know?” If they don’t, and you don’t know their religious preferences, then you probably don’t have to tell them, either in words or by the jewelry you wear.

The second is, “What legal or other power do they have over you?” Are you a minor? If so, your parents have legal authority over you until you are eighteen. Whether you tell them depends on your relationship with them and what their beliefs are. Only you can answer the question, “Is it safe to tell my parents, or should I hold out until I’m eighteen?” If it is simply not safe physically, emotionally, financially, or otherwise, don’t push it. That’s hard to hear, but it may be the only wise choice. Keep reading and practicing in private, and wait.

On the other hand, if your parents are pretty open-minded, there are good ways and bad ways to tell them you’re a Witch. Blurting “Mom, Dad, I’m a Witch” at the dinner table is probably not the best approach. Take a more circuitous route: talk about your belief in the sacredness of the earth, the importance of living an ethical life, or your view that the Creator has had many names and faces throughout human history.

A third question, if you are a parent: could coming out put your children in jeopardy? If your spouse doesn’t know of your spiritual inclinations and wouldn’t be supportive, then your marriage may have deeper problems than whether you are a Witch. On the other hand, if the marriage has already fallen apart and there is a question of custody, you will have to weigh the possible cost of telling your ex. Staying in the closet may be the best and only answer. Another factor is the ages of your children. Family conflict or separation can be more traumatic for little ones than for almost-grown teenagers.

Educating the Public

Suppose you’ve decided that for you, being out of the broom closet is the right choice. Because Witches are still relatively rare, you have just become the only expert on Witchcraft that most of your acquaintances will ever know. If you are planning to wear a pentagram in public or otherwise declare to the world that you are a Witch, be prepared for questions and have the answers ready. This is part of being confident in your own skin, knowing what you’re talking about, and showing the world that Wicca is something to be proud of.

Most people can straightforwardly tell you the basic tenets of their religion in a few sentences, with no fumbling. You should be able to do the same. Below, we’ve listed some of the questions you can expect and short answers that are likely to be well received. Take these, put them in your own words, and you can confidently wear your pentagram in public.

Q.
Is that a Star of David? I didn’t know you were Jewish.

A.
No, it’s not, and I’m not. It’s a pentagram, an ancient symbol of protection and balance.

Q.
I thought a pentagram was a symbol of devil worship.

A.
The upside-down pentagram has been used that way, like an upside-down crucifix, but this one is right-side-up. For me, it’s a symbol of Wicca.

Q.
So what is Wicca?

A.
Wicca is based on the ancient religions of Europe, mostly. It’s a religion that honors the earth as sacred, and we celebrate nature and the seasons of the year.

Q.
So, Wicca is actually a religion?

A.
Yes, it’s a real religion, recognized by the federal government and everything.

Q.
Do you believe in God?

A.
I do believe in God, but also in the equal feminine energy in the universe that we call the Goddess.

Q.
But there’s just one God.

A.
Maybe so, but the Divine has both masculine and feminine sides, and we often think of them as two divine persons, God and Goddess.

Q.
So you don’t believe in Jesus Christ?

A.
I believe he was a very loving and wise teacher, but I don’t worship him.

Q.
Well, do you believe in evil? Or the devil?

A.
I believe that people can do evil things, but I don’t believe in any all-evil entity, so I don’t believe in the devil.

Q.
So, don’t you follow the Ten Commandments?

A.
In general, I have no problem with the Ten Commandments, but I follow something called the Wiccan Rede. Part of it is that I should harm no one and do good to others, because whatever I put out into the world comes back to me.

Q.
What do you mean, comes back to you?

A.
You know, “What goes around, comes around.” Or “What you sow, so shall you reap.” If you do something good for someone, then you will receive more good things back. Likewise, if you do harm to someone, bad stuff will happen to you. So I try not to harm other people.

Q.
Do you go to church services like we do?

A.
We celebrate at seasonal holy days and the phases of the moon.

Q.
The phases of the moon—that sounds like Witchcraft.

A.
That’s another name for it, though it’s nothing like movie witchcraft or fantasy books.

Q.
So do you do magic, like put spells on people and stuff?

A.
No. As I said, I expect everything I do to come back to me, so why would I put a spell on anyone? Besides, that would be interfering with their free will, and that’s not right.

Q.
Could you show me some magic right now? Just one trick?

A.
Our magic isn’t like stage tricks. It’s serious stuff, more like prayer. And we don’t perform magick on demand. But if you want to learn about it, I can recommend a good book.

If you get into a religious discussion and someone starts quoting the Bible (or any holy book), you have three choices. You can decide that nothing productive is going to come of the discussion, and walk away. Of course, your “opponent” will figure that you gave up because you couldn’t argue with the “word of God,” but that’s not your problem.

Or, you can be very straightforward and say something like, “I know the Bible is important to you, but I’m not a Christian, so arguments based on the Bible don’t have any meaning for me.”

If you want to hold a discussion on their theological turf, debating as though the Bible had any weight for you, then really get to know the Bible well. You will need to have a response for every Bible quotation that gets thrown at you, and your lines must come from the Bible, too.

Of course, even if you memorize the whole book and become a world-famous Bible expert, they can always reject anything you say with the line, “The devil quotes Scripture for his own ends.” In other words, they are saying, “When I quote the Bible, I am sharing God’s word; when you do the same thing, you are being manipulated by Satan.” Go figure.

Our recommendation: don’t let yourself get caught in the whole “But the Bible says...” discussion (or the Koran, Torah, etc.). You can always say simply, “I am not Christian (or whatever), but if you are, and it works for you, I honor that. I hope you can respect my right to my own beliefs as well.”

Stick to what you are and what works for you, and you will come across as confident in your own spiritual path; there’s really no arguing against you when you are coming from a place of strength. The strength of Witchcraft is in what it is, not how it compares to other religions—so don’t bash other faiths; stick to the positives of Witchcraft (and there are lots of them).

When to Stand On Your Rights

Usually there is no need at all to discuss the Craft, or religion of any kind, with people outside the Craft. You may choose to do so if you are already out of the broom closet and someone seems open-minded and really curious. Just don’t get all evangelical and try to persuade them that they should be a Witch too. We have a long tradition in the Craft of
not
witnessing or proselytizing, much less recruiting muggles door-to-door. We do not have a monopoly on truth, every spiritual path is right for someone, and it is arrogant and disrespectful to try to change someone’s religious convictions—unless those convictions including burning heretics, of course.

Yet the time may come when someone with different ideas is pushing you hard, and you or those you love are at risk. What do you do?

First, stop and think. No blurting or yelling. Ground and center, and just watch your opponent while you pull your thoughts together. Then act with strength and certainty.

Example One

County clerk: “This is a registry for regular clergy members, ministers in recognized churches. I’m sorry, but that Wicca thing is just Witchcraft, a cult.”

You: “I am a member of the clergy, and I have shown you my credentials from (COG, ATC, whatever). Wicca is recognized as a religion by the United States government, including the Departments of Defense and the Treasury. Now please put me in that registry, or I can speak to your supervisor and my attorney about your violation of the laws regarding equal protection for all faiths.”

Example Two

Judge of family court: “We have to do what’s best for the child, and I’m not persuaded that being exposed to Witchcraft is in the child’s best interests. Why should I not grant custody to the ex-husband?”

Your lawyer: “With respect, Your Honor, Mr. X’s attorney is attempting to push your buttons with the word
Witchcraft
, which frightens many people. Please forget the B-movie depictions of spooky rituals and such, and consider the real practices of Wicca we have documented. Loving nature and celebrating seasonal festivals is not going to damage my client’s daughter—it certainly hasn’t so far. Besides, the other attorney is asking you to do something that the law forbids: he is asking you in effect to declare that one specific religion is bad for children, whereas others are not. How does that square with equal protection?”

Example Three

School principal: “Your son was suspended because he wore a pentagram pendant to school, and the dress code specifically says that students may not wear gang-related or occult items here.”

You: “Fine, except that the pentagram is not gang-related or occult—
occult
simply means ‘hidden.’ It’s a religious medallion and is a protected symbol just like a Catholic crucifix or a Star of David. If you were to ban all religious jewelry, at least you would be consistent. But you may not pick out our religious symbol to ban, or I guarantee you and the school board will face some very expensive litigation. Now will you allow the pentagram, or do you plan to disallow all religious jewelry?”

Example Four

Huge, scruffy drunk in bar: “I heard you was a Witch, and we don’t like no f----g Satan worshipers comin’ around here. I’m gonna punch out your lights!”

You: “Who told you I was a Witch? Was it Sam? Was it? I’m gonna find him and punch out
his
lights!” (Never mind that you don’t know any “Sam.” Leave the bar, go directly home, and avoid that bar in the future.)

A wise general always picks his or her battles; never fight except at a time and place of your choosing. According to the laws of the United States and most Western nations, you may not be harassed or persecuted because of your religion. But that is no help in an emergency where there is no police officer around, local officials are ignorant and prejudiced, or some thug with a broken bottle is glaring at you.