How to Ruin Your Boyfriend's Reputation (16 page)

close to him and knowing that our relationship is over stabs like a knife. I moan.

"Does anything feel like it's broken?" he asks, his arm supporting my back.

"No." Nothing besides my heart, but that had nothing to do with my fall.

He pushes up my pants leg, and his fingers run over my knee checking the damage. He makes me bend and straighten my leg a couple of times. "No cuts or broken bones, but you're gonna have some nasty bruises tomorrow.

I take a deep breath, gulping back tears. My breath comes out in little spurts. I hate showing this much weakness, especially in front of someone who protects his own at all costs. "Thanks for helping me, Avi."

He rubs my chin with another pad. He cups my cheeks in his hands and swipes my tears away with his thumbs. "I'm your team leader. You're my responsibility."

Duh! I should've known he wasn't being this nice because he still cared about me. I hold back a response. Time stops, though, as being this close brings back a flood of emotions. Avi leans forward, and I wonder whether, if I lean in, we'll kiss. I turn away before I'm tempted to try it. What if he turns away and my lips connect with his cheek? I'd die from embarrassment.

He packs up the unused gauze and the open packets. "I'm taking you back to the base now," he says, lifting me up and carrying me in his strong, protective arms.

154

While it's so tempting to lean my head into his neck and let him take care of me, his words from this morning are still echoing in my head.

"Avi, I want to finish the run." I swear I can almost hear my bruised body scream "no/" But I want to push myself. I want to prove to myself, to Avi, and to my entire unit that I'm a warrior woman. Back when we were digging ditches, Liron accused Avi of taking it easy on me. And as much as I feel happy and safe in Avi's arms, and would love to be carried down the mountain because my body is protesting every movement I make, I don't want to give up.

He slowly puts me down. "You don't have to."

"I know. But you told me this morning to push myself."

He shakes his head and points to my torn pants and shirt. "Not while you're bleeding and hurt."

I show him my gauze-covered arms. "Would you run even if you were bleeding?"

"Probably."

"Would Liron do it?"

"Probably. But she's been training alongside us Sayeret Tzefa trainees."

"Yeah, well, if she can do it, so can I." I strap on my canteen and slide my hot-pink headlight onto my head. I must look ridiculous with torn clothes, a scraped-up chin, and a hot-pink light that I'm not allowed to turn on, but I've got determination on my side. "I'm a kick-ass Jewish warrior woman and don't you forget it."

"I won't," he says, smiling as we start at a slow jog up

155

the mountain to try and catch up with everyone else. "I'm looking forward to seeing how a kick-ass Jewish warrior woman does at live-fire rifle shooting tomorrow."

Huh? "Live fire?"

"What? You didn't think you were learning Ml6 rifle safety in the classroom for nothing, did you?"

Umm...

156

Chapter 18

Sometimes I'm a kick-ass Jewish warrior woman. and sometimes I'm not.

Everyone is totally surprised when Avi and I catch up to them on the night run. There's a big bonfire, and everyone is sitting around it. Sergeant B-S walks up to Avi and me and says something in Hebrew, which is obviously about me because Avi gestures to my torn uniform and scraped-up chin when he answers.

"You don't want to go back to the base?" Sergeant B-S asks.

"No." I have to admit I'm still in some pain, but whatever numbing stuff was on that pad Avi used on my arms has taken the edge off.

Sergeant B-S nods approvingly. "Gefen, make sure she gets checked when we get back."

157

Avi salutes the sergeant.

The bonfire lights up the area and spreads warmth into the cool desert air. I could point out to Sergeant B-S that if my headlight could alert the enemy to our location, a big bonfire would most likely ensure our immediate demise. But whatever. I'm trying to go with the flow here.

"You don't have to sit with me," I tell Avi as he hesitates at my side. He's probably desperate to get away from me and go to his girlfriend. While he was super nice to me when we were alone, it was obviously out of duty. Now that Liron is in sight, he's surely waiting for me to let him off the hook. "You should talk to Liron," I say. "There's an empty spot next to her. She's probably saving it for you."

He looks surprised, but he nods his head and shrugs. "You sure?"

"Yep. I'll be fine. Go." Ugh. My stomach is tied in knots as he walks away from me. I wish I hadn't pushed him to go to her, but it's better than asking him to sit with me and have him reject me... or worse, have him sit next to me but long to be with Liron.

I find a spot next to Tori.

"You look like crap," she tells me.

"Thanks. I'm sure I couldn't have figured that out on my own."

"Your bangs look good, though, thanks to me. Although the only way to hide the nasty cuts on your chin would be to grow a beard. I don't think it'll be too hard for you."

I stand up. "If I wanted to be insulted, I would have sat next to Nathan. Nice talking to you. Bye."

158

"Wait!" she says, reaching out to grab the side of my pants. "I was just kidding."

"Do you even know how to be nice?"

I can see Tori perfectly in the light of the fire. Her blond hair shines like a halo, and her darker hair underneath looks like a protective shield. She looks up at me and says honesty, "I used to."

So now I feel sorry for her. Her little sincere comments make her vulnerable, which is something we have in common. I sit back down and stare into the fire.

"My parents thought I'd get over my anger about their divorce if I spent time with kids my own age and my own religion." She shakes her head in disgust. "Parents have no clue what their kids need."

Ha. "You think that's bad? I came on this trip to spend time with Avi. Look where that's gotten me." I gesture to Avi, sitting next to Liron.

"You think that's bad? My dad has a new girlfriend," Tori blurts out. "He says he wasn't dating her before they got divorced, but I'm not stupid."

"That's nothing. My mom dated a new guy every month before my stepfather. She totally had dating ADD. Then she got married and pregnant all in a year. I'm afraid she'll get parent ADD and not want the kid... or Marc."

"As long as we're playing
Whose Life Sucks More?,
I can one-up you yet again. My parents just got divorced and my dad already cancels the weekends he's supposed to have me. My mom hopes he moves away and never comes back so she doesn't have to deal with him. But that's not what I

159

want. I just wish... I just wish things could go back to the way they were."

I gaze longingly at Avi. "I do, too." I sigh, resigned to living in the real world.

Jess groans as she sits down next to us.

"Where have you been, Cleo?" I ask my best friend.

"Cleo? Wait, what happened to your chin? Did George the Zit spread?"

"No. While you were being carried like Cleopatra on the stretcher, the real wounded--me--finished the run bandaged up like Frankenstein."

"Yeah, well /just puked my guts out. Did you ever realize how much vertigo you can get lying on a stretcher bouncing up and down like a frickin' basketball? I had a death grip on the sides the entire time. I seriously thought I was gonna bounce right off."

Miranda, who I just notice is sitting on the other side of Tori, leans forward. "I'm sick of hearing you guys be all negative. I want each of you to say something positive."

Positive? I point to my gauzed-up forearms, gesture to my bloody chin and then to Avi talking to Liron, and then, as the cherry on top of my miserable life, I lift up my bangs to show off George the Zit.

"Say something,
Amy,"
Miranda insists. "Something positive. I'm sure it'll make you feel better."

"Okay, Miranda. I've got it." I motion the girls to lean in close to hear my positive words. "At least I'm not dead."

How's that for positivity?

I have to admit it does make me feel better.

160

Chapter 19

Physical strength is needed for obstacle courses,
but mental strength is needed when being close
to your ex-boyfriend

Tori plops herself down on my cot during a fifteen-minute break the next day. "I hear we're sleeping in the desert at some point."

"Why would we do that when we live in such luxury-right here?" I gesture at the bulging springs above me.

"Maybe they want to toughen us up."

"Oh, please. I'm tough enough. Any tougher and I'll grow balls and a hairy chest."

As if the thought of sleeping in the desert at night isn't scary enough, Ronit is leading us to the activity Avi warned me about.

Shooting an M16 rifle.

161

So now we're all standing in line, waiting to be issued a big rifle.

"I'm afraid of guns," I say, but nobody seems to be listening to me. They're all too excited. I guess it wouldn't hurt to hold the thing.

I have to sign for it and check that the serial number of the issued weapon, written next to my name, matches the actual number on the rifle. I can almost feel testicles growing between my legs as it's handed to me (I'm kidding, of course... about the testicles growing between my legs, not about being handed my very own weapon).

"Do you have any colors besides black?" I ask the guy handing out the guns. "Are you kidding?"

"Of course I'm kidding. Although I wouldn't mind a pink one to match my luggage." The guy shakes his head and I think he mumbles something like
American princess,
but I can't be sure.

You should see the American boys in our unit as they're given their weapons. By the GI Joe expressions on their faces, you'd think they were just handed a Man Badge.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours," Nathan jokes when we're standing under a canopy at the range, waiting for further instructions.

"Don't annoy me, Nathan. I have a gun." Of course it's big and bulky and warm from the summer sun. I sling it over my shoulder, feeling every bit of a soldier now. I definitely look the part.

162

"It's not loaded," Nathan responds dryly.

After handing us safety goggles and earmuffs, Sergeant B-S brings out a big box full of metal "magazines" and shows us how to insert the empty magazine into the bottom of the rifle. We've learned about the parts of the M16 and the different types of bullets in the classroom. Weapons safety has been drilled into my head.

Rules of gun safety in a non-combat environment:

Never point the weapon at a person, and always point it in a safe direction

Don't put your finger on the trigger until you're ready to shoot the weapon

Keep the weapon unloaded until you're ready to use it

After loading their magazines with bullets and shoving them into their weapons, Avi and Liron lie on their stomachs in front of canvas sandbags, with one leg straight and the other leg bent for support. With their rifles resting on the sandbags, they aim for the paper target in front of them and... bang!

When they get up and we're ordered into position on the range for dry firing--shooting without bullets, that is--I raise my hand.

Nimrod comes over to help. "Amy, what's the problem?"

"I'm not sure I can do this. I'm not really a gun person."

He laughs. "That's a good joke. Hey, Gefen! Come here!"

163

Avi jogs over to us. "What's going on?"

"Amy here says she's not a
gun person?

"You'll be shooting a target, Amy. Not people," Avi says.

"Yeah, I get that, but... I'm afraid of the kickback, or sidekick or whatever you call it, and the noise. I have sensitive ears."

"It's called recoil." Nimrod rolls his eyes. "Gefen, you deal with your girlfriend."

"We're not dating anymore!" I call after Nimrod as he hurries off to help someone else.

Avi lifts the earmuffs off my ears. "No need to shout. Can we be friends today?"

"Sure," I say, putting the earmuffs back in place.
"Friends."

Avi crouches. "Lie down."

I lie on the ground and rest the rifle on the sandbag. Avi checks the weapon, making sure the bullet chamber thingy is empty.

"There's no recoil in dry firing," he assures me. "Now move the lever from
safe
to
semi.
Make sure it's never on
auto
or you'll empty that magazine with one trigger pull."

I move the toggle to
semi.
Then I double and triple check it to make sure I didn't accidentally move it to
auto.
That would not be fun.

"Now settle the hand guard of the weapon into the V between your thumb and forefinger on your non-firing hand." He gently takes my knee and slides it up so it's