Human Conditioning (38 page)

Turning
up there last night had been unnerving, to say the least. Everyone had been on
eggshells the whole evening and she had been acutely aware that Aiden’s temper
had been hanging by a very fine thread. She had actually been grateful when he
had left. He had attempted to take her with him and drop her home, but she had
promised Vivien that they would both stay, so when Aiden had bluntly refused,
she’d had to make an excuse for him whilst staying over herself to avoid
disappointment. She tried her best to understand it all, she really did, but
even she, who usually played advocate, had to admit that the family dynamic was
way off kilter and it was exhausting to deal with.

She
pulled a trolley out of the trolley park, thankful that she finally had
something to lean on, and pushed it towards the automatic doors of the shop.
Another agonising pain shot through her pelvis, and for a moment she had to
stop and breathe through it. A middle-aged lady stopped in concern, but Lily
smiled bravely and told her she was fine.

She
was becoming more the strong, independent young lady nowadays, and not one to
take help or sympathy well. She rarely needed looking after. Her husband’s
absences had seen to that. Even through her difficult pregnancy, she hadn’t
once complained about being left alone so often. She understood that Aiden
worked hard, that he had massive responsibilities outside of the home. She
missed him immensely, but she had learned to enjoy her own space too, and
having a man constantly under her feet was not her idea of bliss. Yes, their
relationship had turned out pretty perfect as far as she was concerned.

She
only shopped for half an hour. As she lowered the third and last plastic bag into
the trolley and paid with Aiden’s credit card, she felt a hand on her shoulder
and turned to see who it was. “Alright, Mrs Foster!”

Adam Draper was grinning
down at her, his friendly brown eyes twinkling with surprise and intrigue. Lily
had met Adam at the wedding but she hadn’t seen him since. “Let me get those...”
he said, clutching all three shopping bags in his large fists. “What you doing
around this neck of the woods?”

“I
stayed at Duggie and Vivien’s last night.”

Adam’s
eyebrows rose in surprise. “Rather you than me!” he joked. “I’m managing a job
down the road, just popped in for a sarnie! So, Aiden’s about too, is he?” he added,
his eyes warily darting around the shop.

Lily
wanted to roll her eyes. She had learned from Kate at the wedding that Adam and
Aiden had never seen eye to eye, and that Aiden’s misguided protectiveness over
Kate was the cause of their ambivalent relationship. “Aiden, in a supermarket?”
she replied jovially with a sympathetic smile.

Adam
took control of the trolley as Lily slipped her purse back into her bag, and they
left together. “What job are you doing?” she enquired conversationally as she
waddled out onto the street, rubbing her swollen stomach. 

“A
leaking roof at a depot round the corner. This is one of my patches...” he
replied, but was distracted when Lily stopped walking. “You alright?” he asked
nervously.

Pain
was crushing Lily’s pelvic bone again and she let out a quiet groan. Adam instantly
looked on the verge of panic. Men were useless in these situations. She was in
pain and the last thing she needed was Adam making a scene. “I’m alright,” she
puffed, resting her hands on her knees. “It’s normal!”

“Is
it?”

Lily
nodded. The pain was hitting her hard now, but all she could think of was
Aiden’s face when he found out she’d gone out. She had been suffering at dinner
last night and he’d specifically told her to stay indoors today and let his
mother wait on her. She would get a lecture from Vivien too. The thought was a
depressing one. Adam was certain to tell Kate, and Kate would be straight on
the phone to her brother finding out what the problem was. Kate was extremely
excited about being an auntie. This baby was, according to Vivien, all she
could talk about lately. Lily took some deep breaths.

“Oh
shit!” Adam exclaimed.

“Adam,
I said I’m fine!” Lily winced.

“No...
it’s Gina...”

Lily
glanced up to see Gina Watson approaching them from across the square. She closed
her eyes and sighed, then, lifting herself slowly to a standing position, she
prepared herself for the inevitable onslaught. She was quite sure Gina hadn’t
been told that she was pregnant. According to Vivien, she had kicked up such a
stink over her marrying Aiden that no one would dare to mention it to her!
Also, Lily had heard that Aiden had warned everyone he knew off the idea of
gossiping, in case they were thinking of spreading the word.

It
was clear by Adam’s demeanour that Gina was none the wiser, and when she was
finally before them and she took in Lily’s large round belly, her eyes widened.
She looked a mess – quite the opposite of Lily, who still glowed with elegance
and prettiness despite her condition. She had not failed to style her hair and
put on make-up and perfume before leaving the flat. Gina, on the other hand,
looked as if she hadn’t washed or brushed her hair in days or even removed her
make-up from the night before. She had lost a gross amount of weight too, since
Lily had last seen her. The denim skirt and grey sweatshirt she was wearing dwarfed
her and were stained and crumpled. She seemed to suffer a fit of itchiness and
began mindlessly scratching her arms as though this was a common affliction.

For a long moment, there was
a deadly silence between them as Gina digested the only possible explanation as
to why Lily’s stomach was so swollen. Then her face flushed and she suddenly
launched herself at Lily, her nails clawing to get at her face. Adam jumped
between them immediately, taking the full force of Gina’s unevenly gnawed nails
as they struck his cheek. Adam pushed her away, then, taking her arms, he
pulled them around to her back and dragged her away from Lily, who was watching
the scene before her in astonishment.

 “You
fucking bitch!” Gina screamed over and over, kicking her legs in front of her
as if trying to get to the little life inside of Lily. “I hope you both die at the
fucking birth!”

At
that, Lily bent over, crying out as an excruciating pain ran through her pelvis.
She saw several figures running towards her with panicked expressions, then
everything went dark.

************

Gina awoke sprawled over
the couch inside her flat at Kingsland. She had a niggling feeling something
had happened earlier that day, but her mind was in such a daze that she
couldn’t yet remember. She sat up and realised that she ached all over, but she
didn’t question it. She was in a constant state of
exhaustion
these days.

Taking
her little medical kit from the coffee table, she set herself up for another
hit, the last one having knocked her out completely. She was just wrapping the
belt around her arm when there was a rap at the door. She glanced at the clock
on top of the television. It was just after 9pm. She wasn’t expecting her first
punter until ten that evening. That she
did
remember. Forgetting a
punter would be more than her life was worth. She ignored the door and
continued with the matter in hand. When the door was struck again, she glanced
up once more, but again she ignored it, the hunger for another buzz too strong to
be distracted by unwanted company. 

The
next time the door was struck, she wasn’t given the chance to answer. The sound
of two swift kicks and the door smashing against the wall was what she heard
before Aiden was looming over her with an expression of wild fury. “You cunt!”
he bellowed, dragging her from the couch and throwing her across the room as if
she were a doll.

She
took the full force of the throw, landing hard against the far wall and
collapsing onto the floor. The sight of Aiden brought a memory flashing into
her panic-stricken mind, of earlier that day – a fight or maybe an argument. Her
eyes widened.
Lily!

“Aiden,
I’m sorry!” she pleaded suddenly, scrambling away from his enormous frame.

Aiden’s
handsome face was flushed, his black suit jacket open and flapping about him as
he stalked about the room, walking off his temper. His black tie hung loose at
the neck of his white shirt, where he’d ripped it from his neck in exasperation.

Gina
could feel Aiden’s anger. Like a suffocating fog, it emanated from him and engulfed
the room. His pacing ceased and he spun around to face her, his lip curled in
disgust and his piercing blue eyes smouldering with revulsion. She caught sight
of a black winkle-picker shoe as it swung in the direction of her stomach. The
force of the kick ripped through her rib cage, as if he had taken a blade to
her skin, and she was certain he had broken her ribs. The second blow confirmed
her diagnosis. 

“Sorry?
You fucking bitch... I’ll give you fucking sorry!” Aiden roared, and dragging
her up by a clump of her dark hair, he threw her onto the couch. Gina cried out
in pain as she fell hard against her ribs and she hugged herself, moaning.

The
room fell silent for what felt like a lifetime. Gina nursed her ribs, too
frightened to speak and too frightened to face Aiden, whose presence continued
to fill the room with a thick fog of contempt.

He
glared at her, revulsion surging through every pore in his body. He wanted to
destroy her. He wanted to end her pathetic life.
Why had he kept her on all
this time?
He had argued this point with himself on several occasions in
the past, but now he was really scolding himself. After the way she had reacted
following his marriage to Lily, he should have just finished her off. She was
worth nothing to him but little pieces of paper with the Queen’s head on, and
he could get that from any other stupid, self-loathing girl gagging for the
life that he made sound so grand. They weren’t hard to find.   

He
was so angry at himself – for allowing things to have got this far; for allowing
this bitch to live long enough to try and destroy what was good and proper in
his life – but he was even angrier at Gina, and that didn’t bode well for her.
She had finally overstepped the mark as far as he was concerned. It was one thing
to swing her fists at him, but to touch his Lily – Aiden’s lip curled at the
thought. If anything had happened to Lily or his unborn child, he would not
have been able to forgive himself.

Picking
up the syringe that lay already prepared on the untidy coffee table, he stepped
over to Gina. She cringed at his approach. “What are you doing?” she whimpered,
her red-rimmed eyes gazing up at him. He didn’t miss the change in her
demeanour as he sat beside her, moving the syringe closer. Suddenly all her fear
was lost to the absolute craving for the contents within that syringe. The buzz
Gina wanted more than anything in her life was just inches away from her, and
her sheer desire for it disgusted and astounded him in equal measure. He would
never understand an addict. It just wasn’t his way to allow something to
control him the way heroin controlled Gina.

“You’re
pathetic, aren’t you, G?” he muttered. Pulling away a touch, he took pleasure
in the way she attempted not to lose sight of that blessed syringe. He gazed at
her in wonder. “I could do anything to you, couldn’t I? Just as long as you
get... your... buzz...”

Gina
didn’t answer or move. Her eyes merely flitted between the syringe and his
face. She reminded him of a dog watching a treat, eagerly waiting for the time
the treat would be given. It made him sick to the stomach to see someone so
weak. Yet, in a strange way, he too got a thrill out of seeing Gina like this.
She was like a pet of his; someone who relied solely on him to survive. There
was some security in that, knowing that she would be there no matter what.

“Make
the pain go away...” Gina whimpered, staring up at him with wide, beseeching
eyes.

He
watched her carefully, once again fascinated by her absolute vulnerability. He raised
his hand high into the air, and with one stabbing motion, injected the needle
deep into the side of her neck. She cried out, but he wasn’t sure whether it
was from pain or relief.

Her
blood immediately filled the syringe. Aiden knew that was wrong, and a part of
him hoped that he had done her some real harm, yet another seldom-used part of
his conscience hoped to God she would be alright.

Gina’s
body slowly began to relax, but it wasn’t long before he noticed little red
blotches appearing beneath her skin, and soon after her neck began to swell.
Gina’s body fell heavier against him and he realised that the situation was
serious.

He
called Dr Crow.

Aiden had been sitting uncomfortably in Frankie’s small
white Ford Transit for just under two hours. They had left the urban landscape of
London to embark on a journey into the English countryside, yet the tranquillity
of rural England didn’t distract Aiden from the fact that his arse was numb and
he was bored. Frankie had been wittering on about everything but the job in
hand, from the best restaurants in London to places he’d visited outside of the
UK – all things that Aiden could not relate to and so had no adequate response with
which to form a two-way conversation.