Human Hieroglyphix - Dex & Leila (3 page)

Or should I say, 'aisles', because, honest to God, there were four long rows devoted to it.  How had I missed this section, this decidedly
large
section of a store I frequented at least once a week?

I went up and down each row. 

Slowly. 

I was overwhelmed by the choices displayed, the foundations, the pencils, the colors.  Every row seemed to have its own lipsticks, nail color and implements.  

How would you even begin to choose? 

I guess I should have asked Gloria what
brand
of lipstick rather than just the color.

Oh, and the names of the colors!  Kiss Me Pink , Mauve Meow and Cinnamon Blush.  Even the names sounded exotic, enticing.  I picked out a colorless 'lip gloss' who's packaging called it a 'glassine shine'. 

Huh. 

Good to know.

There was only one cashier open at that time of night and I joined the five person queue in front of it.  On the aisle across from me was a display of magazines. 

I know that they had been there all along and were, as I scanned the other cashier stalls, on every check out aisle but I had never seen them before. 

Only now did they call to me.

I chose a variety of them, their glossy covers emblazoned with a picture of a gorgeous woman and little blurbs on what I'd find inside.  "Lose Ten Pounds before Easter", "Choose the Perfect Jewelry for Spring', "Don't Let Him Get Away; Five Ways to Keep Him Forever".  While I didn't have a man to keep, and that title didn't call to me, I was picking any and all magazines that had something to do with makeup, clothes or the 'inside me' whatever that was supposed to be. 

I looked down at my basket about halfway through my selection process and realized I had eight magazines sitting on top of the carton of half and half and my first ever makeup purchase.

I tried not to blush as I put the contents of my basket on the conveyor belt.  But from the heat of my cheeks, I think I failed.

I stored the half and half in the fridge and moved to my small bench next to the stairs to take off my boots before hanging up my coat and hat.  All the while I did these routine tasks, my eyes kept darting to the plastic bag. 

The plastic bag that held the lip gloss and the magazines. 

To tell the truth, I was kind of scared of it.  I had never bought anything, anything like what was in there before and in some way, the purchase of these items, on this day made a difference.  I wasn't sure how or why, but I understood at a deep level that things were definitely going to be different going forward.

I quickly changed into my flannel pj's and ran super quick through my nightly routine before plunking myself in the middle of my bed and spread the magazines out in a semi circle in front of me.  I chose one and began flipping through its pages.

It took me four hours to go through all eight magazines which I had done with only one break to go to the bathroom and then try on my new lip gloss with the 'glassine finish'.  After staring at my lips from every available angle, I decided I liked it.  It brought attention to my full mouth, giving them a definition that I hadn't had before.

When I finally turned off the light, it was after two in the morning and I had a lot of food for thought as I closed my eyes.

I took the magazines downstairs with me in the morning and flipped through them again as I waited for my coffee to brew.  Where had I been all these years that I missed getting this information?  Were these pictures even of real people, because they looked entirely too perfect to be genuine? 

I moved to my laptop on the counter that was the breakfast bar and began to search the internet.

Whoa!  There were
millions
, and I do mean millions, of sites dedicated to women's beauty.

 I could see this was going to take me a while and I had errands to run.  So I reluctantly closed both my laptop and the magazines with a sigh.

I got dressed and set out, heading in the direction of the bank since it was the farthest stop away from my cottage.  I parked and made my way to the ATM but it was out of order.  Crap!  I had to go into the bank and from the line that winded its way around the waist high tables, I wasn't the only one that had business to do there. 

I occupied my time in line, shuffling a few steps every couple of minutes, with thoughts of what I seen and read in the magazines, comparing them with the women that I'd studied last night and especially the woman in the red sequined top.

Okay, I admit that I thought about the
man
that was with her a heck of a lot more than I did her.

Chapter Four

I was wondering if I could ever look anything like the woman at the restaurant or even the girls in the magazines and, if I could, how much would it cost?

So it shouldn't have been a surprise that when it was finally my turn at one of the busy tellers that I asked to take five thousand, in cash, from my savings.  Have to admit it, even my jaw dropped after the words came out of my mouth with absolutely no forethought whatsoever.

"It will take a few minutes to pull the cash from the vault.  Would you mind waiting while we put that together?" the teller said carefully eyeing both me and my ID.

As I waited, I pulled out a small notebook and began listing everything I could think of that I wanted to change about myself.  I kept writing until I noticed that I was beginning to repeat myself and took a minute as I flipped through it.  It was quite lengthy and I had almost used the entire notepad.

As I read my notes and looked at my sketches, I saw that it wasn't just the outside I wanted to change, but my whole internal landscape as well.  I didn't want to be the woman that took student's opinions to heart or hadn't had a date in a long, long time.

I just wanted to be the best 'Me' I could be.

I raised my head as I thought this through and as my eyes focused, I found myself gazing at my own reflection in the bank's large window.

I wasn't a complete wash as a human being.

I had a great credit score and was gainfully employed.

I was very knowledgeable and loved teaching.

I was tall and thanks to the ballet lessons my mom forced on me between the ages of nine and twelve, I carried myself well.

I had a fair enough body, but it could definitely be improved on with a bit of exercise.

I liked my eyes but thought they were too hidden by the thick frames of my glasses.

I ran through my list and marked the key points I wanted to change with a star.  Truthfully, there were very
few
items that
didn't
have a star next to it.

It was official, I was going to do this.

And if I was going to do this, I would need money although I wasn't sure how much.

It wasn't too long, at least not long enough to change my mind, before the cash, packaged in a large brown envelope, was handed over to me in a separate little room.  I was still kind of in shock at both my request and at how easily the cash had made it to my hands.

I finished up my errands and grabbed a fast food burger on the way home.  Not my normal chicken or fish kind of sandwich, but a huge, double patty with cheese, dripping fat as you bit it, burger with a large side of fries and a diet Dr P. 

It was not lost on me that the diet portion was kind of a moot point with the whole carb and fat ladened burger, but I didn't give a rip.

Nighttime found me again on my bed with my magazines semi circled around me.  I took the cash out of the plain brown envelop and arranged it, too, in a semi circle of green bills set directly in front of me.

Was I doing the right thing?

I really had no idea if I was or it wasn't. 

The five thousand was about a fifth of what I had in savings total, including the amount that I had safely untouchable in investments.  And it would take me at least a couple of years of living on a tight budget to replace it but I was thinking that it should be enough to see me through my transformation.

And that was exactly what I was planning.

I was going to
transform
myself.

Chapter Five

My life went on routinely or as routinely as it could since my head was definitely not on what I was supposed to be doing, what I should be doing.  Nope, my head was filled with lotions and potions, creams and dreams of a glamorous new me.  I found myself buying even more magazines and noting the different beauty shops around town. 

Just like with the supermarket's wealth of beauty items, the shops had been there, I'm sure, for years but I never noticed them before. 

But I damn well noticed them now.

My head became so full with ideas, some that overlapped and others that cancelled one another out that I bought a large spiral notebook to carry with me.

 I labeled it 'Chrysalis of Me'.  And I made pages and pages of notes.  Notes of what I read in my now well-thumbed magazines and internet searches but also of what I saw on other women that might work for me. I studied my students, other shoppers and clerks, women at the gas station and restaurants making notes of what I liked and sometimes adding little sketches.

I didn't stop there.

If I spotted something on another woman that I found attractive, I'd make a point of commenting on it and ask where she got it.  I was careful to ask for the brand name as well, now knowing that 'Luscious Lilac' may be three separate shades by three completely different brands.  And, it was funny, how just a simple, sincere compliment could turn into a full blown conversation with an unknown woman. 

Making friends had never been my strong suit, but I began to see that part of it, maybe most of it, was because I was never interested in having women friends.

Sad, huh?

It didn't take long for that spiral notebook to become filled. 

So I knew I had to weed through it, refine it into some semblance of order.  I admit it, I think I have a little OCD.  A place for everything and everything in its place, right? 

So I opened up an Excel spread sheet on my laptop and copied my notes separating and grouping my findings into different categories, etc.  This made it easier for me to see, at a glance, what I wanted, thought or desired whether it was a hairstyle or a pair of shoes; cologne or lipstick.

I even had a section on eyebrows after comparing my own with an article in 'Now, Woman' entitled, "Taming the Beasts". 

I was kind of stunned that mine were so much different than what they showed in the magazine. 

Forget the magazine, that my eyebrows were so much different than my students! 

In fact, the only ones like mine that I could find were on Emily.  And I've got to admit, they were
not
attractive either one of us.

But I had a much clearer idea of what I wanted to do, what changes I wanted to see in myself after my spreadsheet was done.  I had even sorted it into a prioritized list. 

I just needed to find the time to make it happen.

Since Spring Break was the following week, I thought that it would be the perfect time to put my plan into action.

I had already called my mom and begged off from going back to Ohio and it was not a pleasant conversation.

"But, sweetie, I don't understand why you can't come."

I had given my mom a song and dance about having too much work to do, which wasn't a
complete
lie since I knew she would assume that it was work that I needed to do for my classes.

"But can't you do your work while you’re here?  Aunt Enid and I were so looking forward to seeing you."  Which I was surprised that my mom actually said because my Aunt Enid, Mom's sister, couldn't stand me and made it abundantly clear that, since I was unmarried, I was worse than useless. 

I even heard her introduce me to some other lady at Midnight Mass last Christmas as a divorcee in such a tone that I knew was not a nice thing to say. 

I remember making a mental note that a widow trumped a spinster.  And a spinster trumped a divorcee.

Good to know.

"Well, it's going to be a disappointing Easter without you." I heard my mom say and wondered what that meant.  Preparing a massive menu and then eating until you couldn't walk could be done even if I wasn't coming.  But I wasn't going to question it if she was finally going to let me stay in Colorado.

Listen to me, I thought after hanging up.  I'm thirty-one years old and still worried that my mother won't give me her permission to not go to Ohio for Easter.  Actually, that's another thing to add to my Chrysalis List I thought moving to my laptop and opening my Excel spreadsheet. 

I noticed that the 'Inside Me' page was almost as full as the 'Outer Me' page.

Although, talking with Mom was a cake walk compared to telling Emily of my plans for Spring Break over scorching hot plates of Enrique's Mexican Food.  I had given in to her choice of restaurants in the hopes that she would be less likely to pitch a fit about my change in plans.