Humanity (17 page)

“One mile,” I announced, slowing to a
walk. “Does that make you feel better?”

Gideon walked by my side, wheezing. “A
little. Those men know where we’re going, don’t they?”

I frowned. “Yes, but they said people
don’t like going to the orange trees because of a bear problem – I guess bears
eat oranges?”

“Yes. That’s part of the reason I liked
it there so well before. There are plenty of animals who love oranges.” They
would provide good meat.

“I doubt anyone’s going to try and follow
us; why would they? Tell me why you’re so worried all of a sudden.”

“That man.”

“The man in the window?”

“Yes. It’s
him
.” There was a note of dread in the last word, and it brought be
back so many weeks ago to when he’d first shared his past with me. That man had
been the one to victimize Gideon when he was at his weakest.

I sucked in a breath, then stopped in my
tracks; I pulled his arm so he would stop with me, and put myself right in
front of him so that I was looking directly into his downturned eyes.

“Gideon, that man can’t hurt you anymore.
You’re stronger now. You are so much stronger and you don’t need him. And he
isn’t
going to follow us. What would he
do? He has no options. If he threatened us, we’d shoot him.”

He closed his eyes. “I don’t know if I
have it in me to shoot him.”

“
I’ll
shoot him. He’s not going to hurt you.” I said the words firmly, feeling
the truthfulness in my bones and wanting my confidence to soak through Gideon’s
every pore. I reached my hands up to cup Gideon’s face, searching his eyes,
trying to spread my assurance to him through that contact. “You’re strong. And
you’re not alone.”

As he kept staring into my eyes, he took
a deep, long breath; his broad shoulders expanded. He leaned down and very
gently kissed me. Then his arms wrapped around me and squeezed me to him with
what felt like all his strength.

I smiled even as I couldn’t breathe, and
wrapped my arms around him, too. Finally, after several minutes, his grip
relaxed; he still held me.

“To the grove?” I whispered. “It sounds
like it’s still a while away, and I could really use an orange.”

“To the grove,” Gideon murmured.

I began to pull back, but he didn’t let
me go. Instead, his fingers laced through my hair and he kissed my forehead.
His lips went to each of my cheeks, and, finally, my lips. We stood there for
just a little longer, then he stepped back, releasing all of me except a hand.

He still wasn’t smiling, but he seemed
much less tense now – relieved, though still like he was guarding himself from
something; I knew it was the memories he kept buried deep, brought to the
surface by the appearance of his abuser.

Trying to encourage him, I smiled again
and tugged on his hand. We began moving forward along the freeway, and I knew
our next exit would only be a few more miles.

The buzzing of an engine met my ears – a
sound I recognized, but just barely. I looked up in time to witness a small
plane in the sky; it roared past us, on to its destination.

“Dirty Chinese,” Gideon muttered quietly.

“Do you ever wonder what they’re
collecting?” I asked. It was a great opportunity to think about something other
than his past.

He shrugged. “We wouldn’t be able to say
for sure. The outside world’s probably made all sorts of technological advances
since we lost contact with them. It could be anything. Or they could just be
zooming past, catching some footage to show the destitution of the United
States: non-developing nation. It’s ironic.”

“How so?”

“The United States spent years trying to
interfere with other country’s affairs, supposedly rescuing them from
themselves. Then, when that sort of protocol might actually help the United
States personally, no one comes. The rest of the world just allows us to
crumble, starve, and slowly kill ourselves out of existence.”

I didn’t know much about U.S. history, but
I was willing to take Gideon’s word for it. “Did you know about the bears?”

“What bears?”

“At the orange grove. There’s a bear
problem there, I guess. That’s why most of the people at the commune aren’t at
the grove instead.”

“Bears do like oranges, and black bears
are common in this region. But there’s nothing wrong with a few bears; they
don’t hunt humans, so will keep their distance unless we irritate them. And
they’ll be some great game – I bet bear meat roasted with oranges tastes
divine.”

“I bet it does. But what if we
do
irritate them?”

“Then we’ll help alleviate the grove of
some of it’s bear population.” He grinned at me.

I was glad to see my usual Gideon back,
but I was still uncertain about the bears. However, I trusted Gideon, and I
knew he wouldn’t ever put me in harm’s way, so we kept walking.

It was as the red sun was sinking beneath
the horizon, as we walked along a dusty dirt path, that we finally spotted the
trees up ahead.

My mouth watered at the thought of so
many oranges, and I looked up at Gideon. “Just a little more running today?” I
asked.

“Sounds perfect,” he replied, and,
simultaneously, we broke into a sprint for the trees.

Chapter 16

When we reached the first tree, we
immediately pulled fruit from the branches. I used my teeth to start in on the
peel, then let my fingers pull it away from the flesh. And the flesh – oh, the
juices dribbled down my chin and permeated every bud of my tongue. The smell of
oranges was intoxicating, filling the air. Gideon stood beside me as we ate. I wanted
to eat those oranges forever, but there were only so many that my stomach could
hold. Soon enough, I couldn’t eat any more. All I
could
do was stand there, my hands and face sticky, before turning
to Gideon.

His stubbly beard was orange with zest, and
his hands and face looked as sticky as I felt.

“We need water,” I announced, meeting his
eyes and raising my brows.

There was a glint there, though, and,
ignoring our sticky state, he marched the few steps to me and used his body to
press me against the tree; he began kissing me. He tasted like oranges, and all
of him felt so good – so
right
. I
melted into him, kissing him back, forgetting everything that had happened
earlier that day. I wanted him to kiss me more,
do
more, and it scared me.

What was it like, to have sex with
someone you loved? What was it like, not having it forced upon you?

I trembled, and Gideon stopped kissing
me. He pulled back, looking into my eyes with concern.

“Should I give you some space?” he asked;
I knew it was the opposite of what he wanted.

“I. . .” I sucked in a breath, then
released it, closing my eyes. “Let’s find some water.”

“Alright,” he said, slowly backing off
me. “There should be a well somewhere in the middle of the grove.” He pointed
into the trees. “I assume the people who grew the oranges started the grove
before industrial water systems were invented; they had to get their water from
somewhere.”

“So you don’t know for sure that there’s
a well in there?” I asked, peering into the trees to see if I could catch a glimpse
of black fur.

“Oh, there’s a well in there. I’ve been
here before, remember? I was just telling you
why
I thought it was there.”

“Ah. Very helpful.” I took my gun out.

Gideon arched his brows. “You haven’t
chosen
now
to shoot me, have you?”

I rolled my eyes. “No. I’m getting ready
for the bears.”

He let out a laugh, taking my hand.
“Perfect. I’ll leave you to that.” He tugged me into the trees.

“You’re not worried?”

“I told you, they’re cautious of humans.
As long as we make some good noise to give away our position, they won’t come
near us. So stomp your feet while we walk.” He lifted his feet high, letting
them fall back to the earth.

I frowned. “That’s not very loud.” I
lifted my feet and copied him. “How are they supposed to hear us?”

“Bears have better hearing than humans;
if they’re within fifteen yards of us, they’ll hear it.”

“I don’t necessarily
want
them that close.”

“It’s fine for them to be that close, and
they’ll head the other direction when they hear us. What we
don’t
want is to be right on top of them
with neither of us realizing it; it’s the surprises that make them react
negatively.”

“Negatively being us getting marred by a
black bear?”

“Candace, we’ll shoot any bears that get
too close, okay?”

I studied my gun as he towed me along.
“How many bullets does it take to bring a bear down?”

“A handful, I’d say.”

“Then why isn’t your gun out?”

“Because I’m not worried.”

I let the subject drop as the well he’d
promised came into view. “How are we going to
get
the water?” I asked, turning my back to the well so I could
continue watching for bears.

Gideon reached its side and peered down.
“There’s a bucket down there.”

“Rusty?”

“No; it’s plastic.”

“Okay, two questions. One, how do we know
it’s not damaged? Two, how are we going to get it?”

Gideon took his pack off. “I’ll go down
there and get it.”

“Does it have a rope we can use?”

“Maybe.”

“It won’t be any use to us if it
doesn’t.”

“If it doesn’t have a rope, we’ll
disassemble our shirts and
make
a
rope.” He looked at me. “I want to redo the shirts anyway; it’s been a little
warm for them lately.”

I walked to his side and looked into the
well. “It’s pretty deep. What about your leg? You’ve already done a lot of
running on it today, and I won’t be able to get you out if you get stuck down
there. I think I should go.”

“Candace, what if
you
get stuck down there? Then I’ll have to go down there anyway,
and then we might
both
be stuck.”

“I’m not going to get stuck,” I retorted,
taking my pack off and setting it beside his. “I’m lighter and smaller and will
be able to get down and up faster.”

He rolled his eyes. “Forget it. You’re
not going.” He hoisted a leg over the side.

“Why are you so infuriating?” I demanded.

“If I wasn’t, you would never have fallen
in love with me,” he replied; he winked, then disappeared behind the stone
wall.

I growled in frustration, sticking my
head over the side to watch him go. After a few moments, my irritation faded
and was replaced with anxiety.

“How are the handholds?” I asked.

“Slimy,” he called back.

“Is your leg doing okay?”

“Fine.”

“What about your arm?”

“I’m
fine
,
Candace. What I could really use is some quiet so I can concentrate.”

I immediately fell silent, watching him
descend. After a few excruciatingly long moments, he lifted the bucket out of
the water and extended it out to show me.

“Looks solid,” he called, peering up at
it and squinting as water rained back down on him.

“Great! Now get back up here before I
fall back out of love with you.”

“Wouldn’t want that happening,” he
replied grimly, sticking his arm through the handle of the bucket and preparing
to climb some more.

That’s when I heard a slight scuffling
sound from behind me.

My eyes wide, I slowly turned on the
spot, grip tight on my gun as I raised it up in front of me. There, only a few
yards away, stood a large, black bear.

He rested on all fours, raising one paw
up to scratch his claws against the bark of the tree nearest to him.

I swallowed down the scream that had
formed in my chest, watching as the bear went about his business; he raised
himself up on his hind legs, leaning against the tree and bringing down a few
oranges. He got back down, tearing into the fruit with his teeth, gobbling up
even the skin. Then, he looked at me.

I pressed the trigger of my gun, letting
an entire round of ammunition sink into the bear’s hide. He let out a roar,
rearing away before falling on his back, to the ground.

“Candace!” Gideon called from the well.

“I’m fine!” I returned to the well’s
side, peering over to see Gideon only a few more feet away. “Just a bear; I easily
brought it down, just like you said.”

“You didn’t kill it unnecessarily, I
hope.”

“I waited till it looked at me.”

“You didn’t see if it would run away
first?”
“I thought it would attack if it saw me; that’s what you led me to believe.”

 
Gideon sighed, easing further up the wall.
“No. It would only kill you if it saw you as a threat; it sounds to me as if
this bear would have ran away, just like if it had heard you before seeing
you.”

I frowned. “I guess we’ll cook it, then,”
I murmured.

Gideon heaved himself back over the wall,
leaning against it for support as he rested. “Yeah. I would have preferred to
wait till tomorrow to kill any meat, though.”

“Sorry,” I muttered, looking back over at
the bear. Something occurred to me as I stared at its black fur. “Hey, Gideon?
Why didn’t we ever just use animal hide to keep warm while we were traveling?
Wouldn’t that have kept us plenty warm?”

Gideon wrinkled his nose. “I assumed
you’d prefer not to; I definitely prefer not wearing fur, and I thought you’d
like something a little more refined than animal skin.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, suspicious.
“It wasn’t just because you wanted me to cuddle with you at night, was it?”

“No, though that definitely turned out to
be a perk. I would have resorted to animal skin if it had gotten much colder
and we hadn’t found anything, but I wholeheartedly desired another option. You
don’t think it’s gross?”

I looked at the bear again. “Well, kind
of. But I definitely would have preferred that to being cold.”

“Would you have preferred that to
cuddling with me?” He came closer to me, arching a brow and smiling slightly.

“Initially, yes.”

“Then it’s too bad you didn’t think of
that before; I would have gladly helped you make a fur blanket if you had
asked.”

“And I obviously hadn’t thought of that,
which you took advantage of.”

“I did
not
take advantage of that; if I thought you’d prefer that, I would
have offered.” He took my hand. “Though, everything considered, I’m glad I
didn’t.” There was still tension between our bodies from earlier, and he didn’t
come any closer.

I sighed. “I’m glad you didn’t, too,” I
relented. “Now let’s get some water up here.” My mouth was thoroughly parched
from the bear incident.

~ * ~

That night, after we’d eaten the bear,
after we’d eaten more oranges, and after we’d settled down next to each other,
I spoke.

“We could do it, you know.” My body
tingled at my own words, and I could feel all of Gideon’s nerves stand on end,
even though only our hands were touching.

“Do what?”

“You know what.” I rolled over to face
him, clearing my throat meaningfully. “Sex.”

“I’m very well aware that we can do
that,” he replied gently. “The question is, do you want that?”

“Yes,” I said quietly. “But. . .”

He rolled closer to me, wrapping his arm
around me and pulling me to him. “We’re not doing that tonight, in any case. I
know you have mixed feelings about it; I understand. But, besides that, I don’t
want to start a family with the world the way it is.”

“You said
we’re
a family. . .”

“We
are
a family, but that’s not the same thing as starting one.”

I knew what he meant. “You remember the
pills I showed you. . . We wouldn’t need to have any children, if that’s not
what you want.”

“Your pills? The ones that keep you from
getting pregnant? The ones you use when. . .”

“When I’ve been raped, yes.”

“
Why
would I ever want you to take one of those because of me?”

“Well, if you don’t want children. . .”

“For one thing, you only have a small
supply - ”

“There are quite a lot of them,
actually.”

“I think you’d be surprised at how fast
the supply could be depleted,” he replied wryly. “I think it’s great you have
those pills available when you get raped, but I would never want you to take
one for me.”

“Why not?”

He tightened his grip on me, lifting a
hand to caress my face. “Because you and I are in love,” he said. “It would
feel wrong to use them like that.”

“What are our other options? What about
when I
am
ready to have sex with
you?”

He smiled. “I’ll be very happy when that
day comes.”

“But you don’t want any babies while the
world’s like this.”

He was silent for a moment, playing with
a strand of my hair. Finally, he said, “What do you think about jumping the
border to Mexico?”

My lips parted as I stared at him in
shock. “
Jumping
the border? I thought
you were
joking
about that.” He had
only mentioned it a few times since we’d met, but I had never thought he was
serious.

He shrugged. “You’ve made me consider it
as a real option.”

“
How
have I - ”

He met my eyes. “Because not only do I
want to have sex with you, but I
want
to start a family with you. Just not here.”

I tried to find some words to reply to
this. “I don’t know how I feel about any of this. Not just sex, but babies. And
about illegally leaving the country.”

“That’s okay. You have all the time in
the world to think about it.” He leaned in and kissed my eyelid. “There’s no
rush, especially if you’re not ready for sex.”