Humble Boy (6 page)

She exits. Felix stands. The humming begins again. He looks at the honey-pot. He takes off the lid and stares inside. He looks as though he might be about to scatter it but he thinks better of it. He puts the lid back on and cradles the pot to him. He walks slowly off. The humming ceases.

SCENE FOUR

The stage is empty. An apple falls from the tree just after Felix has exited.

Just afterwards a young woman comes into the garden. She is in her early thirties, healthy-looking but quite plain. It is Rosie Pye. She does not pay much attention to her appearance. She looks around the garden. She sees the apple on the floor. She goes and picks it up. She polishes it on her clothes. Then she sits and takes a huge bite out of it. She swings herself on the hammock and continues to eat the apple in a hearty fashion.

Felix enters the garden again. He is wearing a sun-hat and still carrying the ashes. He talks to himself and occasionally addresses the pot. Rosie stops swinging and eating and watches him with increasing horror.

During this scene the sun starts to set.

Felix
   (
intoning
) James Humb–ble was a b–b–biologist and a b–b–bee-keeper. And a husb–band, and a father. A b–b–beloved –

Rosie
   It's only a suggestion, but perhaps you should go for fewer ‘b's.

Felix nearly jumps out of his skin, almost drops the pot.

Felix
   Oh, Jesus God!

Rosie
   (
proffering him the apple
) Do you want a b–b–bite?

Felix
   Rosie. Rosie. Rosie.

Rosie
   Well, that's a start.

Felix
   Yes, I … I was hoping, I should have, I meant to, I really wanted – I thought ab–bout coming to see you, I started to write, I wanted to phone …

Rosie
   What about e-mail? Did you consider that?

Felix
   I'm sorry.

Rosie
   Can you put the pot down, please? Just for a minute.

He does so, reluctantly. Rosie goes up to him and slaps him hard across the face.

There. I've been saving that up for a long time. Yes. We can be friends again now. Here. (
She hands him back the pot.
) Now tell me what's wrong.

Felix
   Rosie –

Rosie
   Oh no. Not that tone of voice, please.

Felix
   But I want to explain.

Rosie
   It's all right, Felix. I fell in love with you, you weren't as in love with me, you tried to be, you failed, you ran away because you weren't emotionally evolved enough to talk to me about it, you threw yourself into work, I didn't wash my hair for five months, blah, blah, blah, you failed to write, I got angry, I got over it. In a nutshell.

Felix
   Right.

Rosie
   I tried therapy but it was shit. Tae kwon do was much better. A short course in the ancient Korean art of hand-and-foot fighting. Worked wonders. I wasn't very precise in my movements but apparently my battle cries were very convincing. Now take that hat off and let me look at you.

Felix does so.

That's good.

Felix
   What?

Rosie
   I'm not in love with you any more. I thought I wasn't but I couldn't be sure until I saw you again.

Felix
   It's b–been a long time.

Rosie
   Seven years, five months, fourteen days.

Felix
   Oh God.

Rosie
   I'm joking. I've no idea exactly how long it's been. It's about seven years. My dad told me you were around again. And against all the odds, I got a slight itch.

Felix
   I've got fat.

Rosie
   Mm.

Felix
   I don't look good.

Rosie
   Mmm.

Felix
   I haven't b–b–been on top of things.

Rosie
   Since your dad died?

Felix
   B–b–before, b–b–but worse since.

Rosie
   What's with the stutter?

Felix
   It's funny, sometimes I don't have it. Some days it's fine. I used to do it when I was little but then recently it came b–back. I had to p–present a p–paper, ab–bout b–b–b–black holes. I was supposed to do a follow-up about the B–b–b–big B–b–b–b –

Rosie
   Bang?

Felix
   Thank you. I never got that far. My father died so I left. I've b–been at home ever since.

Pause.

I don't think I can go b–back.

Rosie
   You've given up?

Felix
   Every time I try to – I hear this ringing –

Rosie
   (
interrupting
) That's great, that is!

Felix
   What?

Rosie
   You left me to become the great white hope of theoretical physics and now you're jacking it in. It was really much better for my self-esteem when I knew I'd been chucked in the pursuit of a Nobel Prize.

Felix
   It's p–percolating my b–brain, Rosie.

Rosie
   You're just upset about your dad.

Felix
   I wasn't close to him.

Rosie
   Of course you were.

Felix
   For me, it was always my mother. It was always about her. She b–burnt more br–brightly. Eclipsed him.

Rosie
   Mothers have a tendency to do that, Felix.

Felix
   It's like my mother was the big force – gently warping everything around her. And my father was the little force, fizzing away quietly on a microscopic level. But I can't bring them together. I'm trying to understand the extreme conditions that would have brought them together. I mean, I know the geography of it. It was outside the exam halls of the School of B–biology. London University. My father had just finished his Finals and he walked out and my mother was just p–passing. She'd p–paused to light a cigarette. She was on her way to sign up to a modelling agency. He went up to her and asked her if she'd dropped from the sky. She never got to the agency.

Rosie
   That doesn't sound so extreme.

Felix
   But that's not the physics! The physics of what attracted them and what kept them together.

Rosie
   Maybe you are what kept them together.

Felix looks at her a moment.

Felix
   (
shaking his head
) There are too many questions. And now all I have is this b–b–bloody p–pot.

Rosie
   What?

Felix
   He's in here.

Rosie looks confused, then slightly disgusted.

Rosie
   Oh.

Felix
   Do you want to look?

Rosie
   Does it smell?

Felix
   No, of course not.

Rosie
   Just quickly then.

He lifts off the lid for her. She sniffs slightly.

Felix
   Don't sniff at him.

Rosie
   We buried Mum. I prefer that.

Felix
   I feel strangely attached.

Rosie
   It's got bits in it.

Felix shuts it rapidly.

Felix
   No it hasn't.

Rosie
   I don't think this is healthy, Felix.

Felix
   I didn't say it was healthy. Did I say it was healthy?

Rosie
   When my mum died, I could have fallen apart, I really could. But I didn't allow myself to dwell on – the fact of her death. I know it sounds simplistic – but I made myself think about all the happy times we had together – (
She stops herself. Pause.
) It does get easier, Felix. Time doesn't heal, but it accommodates.

Felix
   I look forward to that, then.

Rosie
   I'm trying to help you –

Felix
   It's all right, I'll get myself a book. ‘Happy bereavements. How to grieve in twelve easy steps.' I'll be over it in no time.

Rosie
   Fine, you do that. Good luck. (
She goes to go.
)

Felix
   No, please, Rosie. You're right. I'm sorry.

Pause.

It's just I – can't remember – a time of being close, you know. I mean feeling close, feeling – like he was my father … The only good memory I can think of is watching the Apollo moon-landings with him.

He stops. She coaxes him further.

Rosie
   Yes?

Felix
   I was in my astronaut phase.

Rosie laughs.

Felix
   I know, I know, but I was only seven … It's still so clear – it's four in the morning, the latest I've ever stayed up in my whole life. I can barely keep my eyes open but then it's the countdown and he reaches out and he takes hold of my hand. And it's like a charge passes from him to me, like he super-adrenalates me. I know this is something huge. I'm suddenly wide awake. We don't speak. But I look at him and he's crying. I am seven years old and I can't b–believe it. I can't b–believe my father is crying …

Rosie looks at him and then leans in to him and kisses him on the lips.

Felix
   What are you doing?

Rosie
   Put him down. (
She takes the pot out of his hand.
)

Felix
   I don't understand.

Rosie
   You need to get out of your head, Felix. (
She kisses him again.
)

Felix
   I really don't think you should be doing this.

Rosie
   It's all right, I'm a nurse.

Felix
   No you're not.

Rosie
   Yes I am. I trained. After you left.

Felix
   Did you?

Rosie
   The world didn't stop turning, Felix.

Felix
   No, of course not.

Rosie
   I'm training to be a midwife now. You get more glory. When's the last time you had sex, Felix?

Felix
   Are you asking that in your professional capacity?

Rosie
   It's been a long time, hasn't it?

Felix
   (
a lie
) No.

Rosie
   I'm not in love with you, you know.

Felix
   Then why are you doing this?

Rosie
   Because I'm not in love with you.

Felix
   That doesn't make sense.

Rosie
   You can't apply logic to everything. Even in your vacuum-packed little world.

Felix
   No.

Rosie
   Take off your tank top.

Felix
   I'm not doing this.

She takes his top off.

Get off!

Rosie
   Yes you are.

Felix
   You can't force me.

Rosie
   You'll really enjoy it.

Felix
   I really really won't.

Rosie
   Just lie back and think of the Big Bang.

Felix
   Please. Please. Stop. You're scaring me.

Rosie stops what she is doing.

Rosie
   I just wanted, I thought it would take you out of yourself.

Felix
   I know. And you're – beautiful, brilliant, better than me –

Rosie
   At least it's shocked you out of your stutter.

Felix
   I'm sorry.

Rosie
   You were going to name a star after me. You were going to find a new star and call it Rosie's Star.

Felix
   I only work on stars after they've collapsed.

Rosie
   Well, then you could have named a black hole after me. I'm not fussy.

Felix
   ‘Rosie's hole.'

Rosie
   Some people would find that curiously appropriate.

Felix
   You have always been absolutely yourself. That is why I loved you.

Rosie
   I should bloody well hope so.

Felix
   Look at me, Rosie. I'm fat, I'm – look at me.

Rosie
   I don't care. Sometimes time stands still. Just for a moment.

Felix goes up to her and kisses her tentatively.

Felix
   I loved the way you used to sleep with both your arms flung above your head. I think about that a lot.

Rosie
   Felix. You liked me when I was asleep because I was quiet.

He kisses her again. It gets awkwardly passionate. Rosie breaks off. She picks up the pot and moves it to a place of safety.

Sorry, Daddy Humble. If you could look away. (
She walks back in a mock-sexy way towards him.
) Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. (
She straddles him.
) Houston, we have lift off.

There is the noise of a car pulling up outside.