Authors: J. L. Weil
He turned away from the cloudy window and looked at me. “And how do you propose we do that? She has suddenly declared herself my enemy. I can hardly get her to talk to me.”
“Every couple has their challenges. Yours is just…different.”
The corner of his lip twitched, exposing one of his dimples. “You really suck at this.”
Duh
. I rolled my eyes. “So what happened when you saw her last night?” I couldn’t help but ask, curiosity getting the best of me.
“Not as much as I would have liked.”
“Was she surprised to see you?”
“You could say that. She didn’t see me coming, that’s for sure. After she got over her shock, it felt like old times for a minute. Then she started ranting about her dad, me being at her house and how he would kill me.”
Yeah, that all sounded about right. And unnerving. Travis was a braver man than I. It helped he was half-demon I guess.
“When she realized I wasn’t budging, she started to threaten me. Said she would kill me herself if I didn’t get off her property.”
If I wasn’t mistaken, it actually sounded like Emma was protecting Travis. Protecting him from her batshit crazy father. “I think she was trying to save you, warn you that her house wasn’t safe, Travis.” I was giving him more hope. I just prayed it wasn’t false hope.
He considered that for a moment before his eyes filled with sorrow. “I miss her so much. There is this giant, gaping hole in my heart that can only be filled by her. I don’t know how to fix it. Fix us.”
Oh lordy
. We already established he was definitely coming to the wrong peep for advice on relationships. “I’m no expert here.” I can’t believe what I was about to say. It was no secret that I was no big fan of Emma. I kept thinking if it was Chase, what would I do? What lengths would I go to, to protect him? And the answer was simple. What wouldn’t I do for Chase was more the question. There was nothing I wouldn’t do. Nothing I wouldn’t endure. No price I wasn’t willing to pay to keep him alive. I’d never give up on him.
The scary part was, I just realized the depth of how I truly felt about the jerkwad. “You just can’t give up,” I said softly.
Travis’s eyes clashed with mine and surprise overrode the sorrow. He nodded. “You’re right. Thanks. I knew you we’re the only one who would understand. Black Ops later?”
A round of search and destroy cured everything. “You know it. Hey, can you tell Chase I want to talk to him?”
“Yeah, no prob. He’s lucky to have you. If he hurts you, I’ll pulverize him.”
We stepped onto the porch, the sun was peeking behind a sheet of black clouds. The ground was drenched and smelled of earth and worms. I clung to the damp banister as I watched Travis cross the yard between our houses.
His situation left me realizing again how short and precious life really was. I didn’t want to live with regrets and what ifs. Lately I’d been suppressing feelings I didn’t want to admit were there. They scared the living piss out of me. Now, suddenly as I found myself staring into Chase’s silverstone eyes, I knew what I was going to do.
No regrets.
I must have been out of my mind or glutton for disappointment, because there was no way this was going to turn out like I envisioned.
How could it?
We were so different, besides him being part demon, I mean. Night and day, we were.
Seeing him strut over toward me caused my heart to somersault. He looked homegrown and delicious in torn jeans and a t-shirt that only made his biceps look that much more edible. “Hey,” he greeted. “You look better.”
I shuffled my feet nervously on the porch. “Better than what?”
“Do you always have to argue with everything I say?”
It was on the tip of my tongue to say something snappy, and my anxiety wasn’t helping in any way. “Maybe.”
The wood of the porch supports creaked under his weight as he leaned a hip into it. “I didn’t get a chance to mention it last night, but I think it would be best if you didn’t let it get out…what you can do. Not everyone will like the idea that you can get inside their head.”
“They’ll think I’m a threat,” I stated, reading into his suggestion. Immediately I thought of Sierra. She would love any excuse to wipe me from the planet. “I don’t plan on broadcasting it over the six o’clock news.”
He gave me a come get me grin. “Okay, with that settled, you can stop the nervous shuffle and just spit it out.”
I frowned. “Why would you think I have anything to say to you?” Dumb question, but my brain wasn’t processing properly.
I got an arched brow.
My insides were a giant jittery pile of gnats. I looked down at my joined hands, knowing I just had to spit it out. There was no other way and if I didn’t do it now, I was going lose my nerve altogether. I sighed heavily. “Fine,” I said crossing my arms. “I don’t understand what is going on between us. One minute you are all over me, and the next you can’t get far enough away. What gives?”
“Nothing gives, except your bad taste in company.”
“Did you and Travis have some kind of falling out I don’t know about?”
He shrugged. “We just have different ideas of what’s right. This Emma thing hasn’t got him thinking straight.”
“Let me guess, your way is the right way.”
He gave me a pearly grin. “Of course.”
“That still doesn’t explain why you are acting all weird.” I called bullshit. “I feel it remember? Ever since we got back from seeing Ives you’ve been acting strange. What could he have possibly said to make you bug out?”
He looked out over my shoulder staring into the woods behind my house. “I’m not bugging out. And it’s not so much what he said, but our situation.”
“Situation? You’re talking about being strapped to me for all eternity?”
“It’s not like that and you know it.”
“What is it like Chase? Because I’m not getting it. If you are having second thoughts–”
His eyes returned to mine. “I don’t regret the outcome of what happened that night I saved you. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I just wish that I had been able to save your soul. Knowing that it’s been darkened by hell kills me. Then there are all these feelings that I don’t know what to do about. When I’m not near you, it feels like there is a gapping whole in my heart. The further and longer I’m gone, the bigger it gets. Suddenly, I find myself unable to get a grip on my control. It gets more difficult every day I see you.”
Oh wow
.
Oh God
.
Oh wow
.
Something happened that only happens once in a blue moon. I went tongue-tied.
“Angel…say something.”
I couldn’t believe it. My head was whirling. I demanded to know what was going through his head, and to my great surprise, he just admitted more than he had since I met him over the summer.
“Your eyes are doing that weird voodoo thing again,” he commented, filling the void.
He totally stole my line. And hey, I’m not the one with voodoo eyes. He was. I’ll admit there might be something different about mine, but they didn’t glow neon. That constituted as way more weird.
He stood there beside me waiting, while I was trying to pick my mouth off the ground looking stupefied. “You’ve always been in control around me.” That was all I could think to say. I guess it was better than,
what did you say?
That had been my initial response.
Classic.
He rose off the banister, watching me intently. “Then I put on a good front. The truth is, I’ve never felt more out of control than when I am with you.”
Something inside me snapped. I don’t know what came over me, but I knew it was now or never. This was it. I was balanced on the verge of a pivotal moment, teetering on the edge of a gigantic mountain – the point of no return. The fact that I had just come to this conclusion myself and really hadn’t processed it thoroughly probably wasn’t the best possible time to share, but I knew me. If I didn’t do it while I had the kahunas, I never would.
So I slipped my fingers into the front pockets of his jeans, pulling him to me. His body pinned me up against the white porch railings, and the split-second our bodies touch, his dark stormy eyes went intent and hungry. I shivered, because it was exactly the same for me.
The static in the air surrounding us was electrifying. At this rate, we were bound to create our own lightning storm.
He must have seen it in my eyes, what was on the edge of my lips. “Angel, don’t do it,” he growled. “Don’t you say it.”
Ooops. Too late.
The words were already pouring from my mouth. And too bad he didn’t want to hear them. I was going to tell him how I felt whether he wanted it or not. There was no way I could keep these emotions suppressed and bottled up anymore. They were eating me up inside, bursting to break free. So I did. I went for it, heart first.
“I love you,” I blurted out before I even realized what I was saying. Did I really just say those three huge, monstrous, relationship changing words?
Oh God. Oh God. Oh. My. God.
Now that it was out there, I was scared shitless, shaking in my black converses.
He squeezed his eyes shut, blocking his reaction from my gaze. Jaw clenched, the vein in his temple ticked, and I could feel his muscles constrict. “You don’t know what you’ve done.” His voice was strained like he had a bad toothache.
This was not the reaction I’d wanted. And when time elapsed and he didn’t say anything else, I panicked.
Big time.
“I take it back. I take it all back. I despise you. I hate you. I loathe you,” I ranted, shoving at his chest. I would have gone on and on, if he hadn’t stopped me, but I think he got the point. Jerky, he wouldn’t let me go, and I so desperately wanted to run.
Firm hands held me from escaping, keeping me close. The heat from his nearness infused my already flushed body. There was some emotion I couldn’t identify that spread across his face. “You can’t take it back. I won’t let you.”
Won’t let me
? He has lost his frickin’ mind.
Let me
?
I ran a frustrated hand through my hair. “I can’t stand you,” I spat. This wasn’t going as planned.
“Liar. You can’t keep your hands off me.”
And then he proved his point by sealing his lips over mine in a crushing kiss that rocked my sensory system into to orbit. Anger. Love. Need. A million emotions tangled inside me. My body went haywire, completely forgetting that I hated him.
Love.
Hate.
Really, there was such a fine line, and that line between Chase and I was more like a thread. I was drawn into him, swept away from reality. It was just him and me. And his lips.
His lips were a godsend.
My chest rose sharply as his fingers dug into my denim, holding me against him. I threaded my fingers into the soft hair at the nape of his neck. Balancing myself on my tiptoes, I gave him most of my weight and sunk into those delicious lips as he kissed me deeply. All I wanted was for this to never stop. Never end.
But of course all good things come to an end. If he hadn’t pulled back when he had, we’d probably have done something wicked on my porch.
Softly he said, “You’ll probably regret loving me. I don’t deserve it, but…” His eyes interlaced with flecks of topaz, and I could feel his demon surface. “I’ll never let anything bad happen to you. Never again.”
I traced my fingers on his cheek and down alongside his jaw line feeling his body tighten as he fought to stay in control. But that was just it. With me, I didn’t want him to constantly battle with the demon inside. I wanted all of him. Every. Part. Including the demon. This was what I’d signed up for when I had told him I loved him.
“Chase,” I whispered his name.
He closed his eyes, laying his forehead against mine. Around us the after winds of the storm blew.
My arms were still wrapped around his neck, and I absently played with the ends of his hair. “You don’t have to rein it in with me. I trust you.”
“That’s just the thing Angel Eyes. You shouldn’t. You really shouldn’t. But with you I can’t help myself, and it scares me. I refuse to hurt you.”
“You won’t,” I assured and nipped his lip.
“
I
don’t trust myself.”
“Let go,” I murmured against his mouth. And before I had finished the words, he was kissing me like he never had before. I knew that it wasn’t just him I was kissing, but also the demon that lived deep inside. He had finally let me in, and I ardently kissed him back with all the love I had swelling in my heart for them both.
It was a package deal.
Even with my love for him racing through me and the taste his lips on mine, I couldn’t help but think he didn’t return the three words my heart desired.
Chapter 20
The high of being in love didn’t last long. Monday morning came and gave me a rude awakening in the form of none other than Emma.
Monday’s blow.
She was like a sliver under the skin that I couldn’t quite get rid of. Pesky and Persistent. High school was swiftly becoming a place I dreaded, and it was entirely her fault. This was my last year. It was supposed to be filled with wonderful memories, life-long friends, prom, and epic parties, not wondering what underhanded objective a too slighted hunter was devising. Not feeling scared I might not make it to my next class. Not having to always look over my shoulder.
She seemed to be able to find ways to corner me alone like some sixth sense. In the girl’s bathroom. At the main office. On the track field. It was maddening. She was everywhere.
Damned if she also wasn’t inventive. And determined. I’ll give her that. In the following weeks, I came to realize that for reasons I didn’t yet understand, Emma was targeting me. To make matters worse, I was positive that Chase had come to the same conclusion.
Today was one of those December days where I just wasn’t able to dodge Emma and her twisted games. She seemed to get off instilling the fear of God in me. If Emma hadn’t been a hunter, I was certain her and Sierra would have been besties. They were both mean as snot and had it in for me. Lately however, Sierra was actually…I wouldn’t say nice, that was going too far, but she’d been tolerable. I guess Emma had Sierra shaking in her 4-inch Dior boots.