Hunting Shadows (Shadow Series #3) (18 page)

“What’
s this all about, Simon?” I asked in a hushed tone, not wanting Ryan to overhear.
“I thought you had accepted Ryan being here.”

“Things are different now.”

“Different how?”

The expression on his face darkened. “Didn’t this morning change anything for you?”

I looked at him, not quite understanding his meaning, and then it dawned on me. “Are
you talking about us having sex?”

His jaw tightened but he just stared at me.

“Are you kidding me?” I said incredulously. “Why would
us having sex change our need for
Ryan’s help?”

Simon reached for me, pulling me close. His look was almost pleading as he spoke coaxingly.
“Because we belong to each other
even more
now. We can face this together. He’ll just complicate everything. What happened this
morning changed everything between us. It’s not just your decision
to make
anymore.”

I pulled back and glared at him. “Are you saying
because I had sex with you,
I
’m
now somehow
obligated
to do
what you say?” My anger was growing and I stared at him disbelievingly. “I don’t
belong
to you, Simon! I’m my own person and I make my own decisions!”

Simon started to grow angry as well. “That’s not what I’m saying! I belong to you
just as much as you belong to me. I
just
thought my opinion would matter to you now.”

I made my voice controlled even though I wanted to shout at him. “Your opinion has
always mattered to me, Simon. I thought mine mattered to you as well
. Just because we were physically intimate doesn’t mean I now have to do what you
say.”

“
Physically intimate?”
Simon spat out the words as if they disgusted him. “I thought we made love to each
other. I thought we were pledging ourselves to each other.”

His words were confusing me, making me doubt myself. What had been a beautiful moment
was now making the situation even worse.

“Of course we made love to each other. I just don’t understand how that
affects everything else! What does that have to do with you thinking I should follow
what you say, even if I think otherwise?”

Simon rubbed his forehead, looking tired and sad. “I don’t know, Caitlin. I don’t
even know what the hell we’re arguing about anymore.”

I took a deep breath, trying to get my temper under control. I reminded myself that
getting angry with Simon wouldn’t solve anything. “Can we just drop this? It’s Christmas.
For one day, let’s just pretend like we’re normal people.”

Simon visibly flinched at my last statement, and I instantly regretted my choice of
words. I had been talking about both of us, but he seemed to think it was
a pointed barb at
him. I leaned up and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Forget about pretending like we’re normal people. Let’s just remember that we love
each other, and that’s the only thing that matters. We can figure out the rest.”

The tension in Simon’s body slowly relaxed and he leaned forward so his forehead was
resting on mine.
His tone was half-amused when he spoke. “I think I can do that.”

I tried to act
as
normal as possible when we returned to the living room and Ryan seemed amenable to
dropping the topic as well.

“It’s time for presents,” I announced, trying to inject some normalcy into the situation.
I pulled out two wrapped packages from
the
closet and handed one
each
to
Simon and Ryan. Simon frowned when he saw that I had gotten a present for Ryan, but
for the sake of our truce he kept his mouth shut. Ryan looked surprised when I handed
him his present
.

“I didn’t thi
nk you were getting me anything
.”

“
It’s nothing big,
” I
said
, not wanting him to feel bad si
nce I hadn’t expected him to give
me a present
. “I just hope you like it.”

I watched eagerly as Simon opened his present. It had been hard to decide what to
get him
and I had finally decided on a guitar pick with his initials engraved on it. I was
giving it to him not only because he loved playing guitar, but
because
I wanted to remind him that
,
no matter how it had happened, he
was
Simon Crewe. Those initials belonged to him as much as his feelings and emotions did.

“I love it,” he said, kissing me lightly with a sweet smile. “Thank you.”

I smiled in satisfaction and turned to Ryan. He was still staring at his present and
he looked up when I said his name.

“Are you
going to
just
look at it or
are you going to
open it?” I teased. I had really str
uggled on what to get him, let alone whether it was
even appropriate to get him something. But the thought of him not having anything
to open on Christmas had bothered me, so I had settled on something small.

Ryan opened the present and pulled out a box with a large a
rray of tea bags. There
were
a variety of flavors that were
supposed to fit certain moods and it
had
seemed like a fun
neutral
gift.
I hoped he got the most use out of the “calm” flavor.

“I noticed you’re a tea drinker instead of coffee so I thought you’d like it,” I said.

Ryan looked up with a faint smile. “It’s perfect. Thanks.”

“Let me get your gif
t,” Simon interrupted. He disappeared
into my bedroom and returned shortly, carrying a small wrapped package
. I opened it with glee when he handed it to me but I gasped when I saw what was inside.

“Simon, it’s gorgeous!” I admired the delicate silver bracelet with a single diamond
hanging off it. I beamed at him as he lifted the bracelet out of the box and clasped
it around my wrist. I watched as it glinted in the sunlight.

I leaned up to kiss him. “It’s way too extravagant, but I love it. Thank you.”

The rest of the day was a little awkward, the tension between Simon and Ryan never
fully dis
sipating, but we
tried to make
the best of it
.
I was relieved when it got late and
it
was time to go to bed. I was making my way back to the bedroom after washing up
in the bathroom
when I heard Ryan call my name. I
turned around and walked
into the living room.

“Thanks for the Christmas present again,” he said.

“It was nothing.” It was a little embarrassing
that he was making a fuss over
such a small present, and it made me wonder when
he had last
received a Christmas present.

He held out his hand and a small medallion was resting on his palm. “I want you to
have this.”

I stared down at the piece of metal
, recognizing it instantly
.
It was his mother’s iridium medallion that he always wore.
An intricate design was carved on the surface and it was beautiful, but I didn’t
want Ryan to give me something out of obligation
.
Especially
since I knew how much the medallion meant to him.

“It’s okay, Ryan. I didn’t expect a Christmas gift in return.”

“I want you to have it.
My mother
was an amazing seer. So strong, y
et it was her compassion and kindness that set her apart.” Ryan’s eyes were piercing
into me. “You’re just like her.”

I swallowed, unsure how to take Ryan’s statement. I shook my head. “Ryan, I can
’t
take this. It’s too valuable.”

He
ignored my protests and took
my hand, placing it in my palm and closing my fingers around it. I felt a jolt of
electricity from hi
s touch and all of a sudden
the feelings
that
I thought were gone rushed back.

“Please take it,” he insisted
, gazing at me with an express
ion I didn’t understand. “I have another piece of iridium I can wear. It would mean
a lot to me if you accepted it
.”

I didn’t know how to refuse his plea so I just nodded. “Okay,” I said softly. “Thank
you.”

I pulled my hand out of his grasp and hurried
back to my bedroom, not looking
back to see if he was watching me.

“Is everything okay?” Simon asked when I closed the bedroom door behind me. He studied
me with narrowed eyes and I tried to keep a nonchalant expression
on my face
.

“I’m fine. Just ready for bed. I’m exhausted.”

I quickly hid the medallion in my jewelry box when Simon went to the bathroom to brush
his teeth. The last thing I needed was for Simon to go into a jealous fit over Ryan’s
present. I felt unsettled by his deeply personal gift and while a part of me wanted
to forget its existence, another part of me couldn’t help wondering if it meant anything.

I fell into an uneasy sleep that night, unsure of everything, including my
own
feelings.

Chapter Fif
teen

I woke up abruptly and sat up. Something was wrong. I checked the time on the alarm
clock by the bed and saw that it was almost two o’clock in the morning.

I swung my legs out of bed and
braced my feet on
the
cold
floor, rising slowly
as I tried to control the grow
ing trepidation that was seeping through
out
my body.

I
opened my bedroom door and stepped out into the hallway. It was hard to s
ee anything in the dim light as I
made my way to
Sarah’s bedroom
. Her bed was empty when I opened the door and I frowned, wondering where she was.

I walked down the hallway
into the living room
and my heart dropped.
Ryan
was lying on the floor
, a pool of blood rapidly growing beneath him.

“Ryan!” I ran over and kneel
ed beside him, terror gripping
me as his eye
s
fluttered open. His eyes looked glazed and bewildered, full of pain and confusion.

“What happened? Who did this to you?” I sobbed as I frantically tried to determine
the source of the blood. It seemed to be coming from the back of his head and I made
a movement to jump up so that I could
run to my bedroom and
get
my phone to call an ambulance. I gasped when Ryan grabbed my arm, his grip much stronger
than I thought he could manage in his condition.

“Wait,” he rasped, his voice barely audible.

“I have to call 9-1-1!” I exclaimed, trying to wrigg
le my arm free. “You need to go
to the hospital!”

Ryan winced as he tried to lift his head, and to my horror I saw the pool of blood
growing quickly, almost unnaturally so, and it soon surrounded me, soaking my pajama
bottoms where I was kneeling. I had to swallow a surge of nausea and
suppress
the instinct to scuttle back to avoid his blood. Now wasn’t the time to be squeamish.

“I have to tell you before it’s too late,” he p
ersisted. He took a breath and I
heard an ominous rattling sound from his airways. “It’s not where you think it is.”

“What
are you talking about?”
I frantically searched the room, praying that whoever had attacked him wasn’t lying
in wait. Ryan’s hand was still around my arm in a manacle grip.

“The answers you need. It’s not where you think it is. It’s not with who
you think it is. Don’t trust the untrustworthy
, even if it’s you
.”

“Ryan, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” He suddenly reached up with his other
hand and
pressed something into my
palm. I pulled away and stared at the
object now in my hand. His mother’s medallion glinted wildly even though it
was dark and
the medallion was
covered in blood. It was unnatural.

“Wait,” I said, shaking my head as something teased the edges of my mind, like I had
just forgotten something important. I strained to remember what it was, but my mind
wouldn’t cooperate.

I started to stand so that I could get help, but Ryan’s strangled voice stopped me.

“You’re dreaming, Caitlin. The problem is you don’t know the difference between waking
dreams and reality.
Don’t believe everything you see.
”

I woke up abruptly with Ryan’s words still rev
erberating in my head. It was still hours before morning
and Simon was so
und asleep next to me. I replayed the dream
over and over again, trying to analyze th
e differences
from the previous dream of Ryan
.
Simon, Sarah and Grant weren’t in the second dream; only Ryan. And the medallion
he had given me was
now a part of the dream. I ended up giving
myself a headache trying to figure out the significance of everything and after a
while I drifted back to sleep, although it was far from restful.

I tol
d Simon about the dream in the
morning, but I didn’t tell Ryan. He wouldn’t be able to help me
with its meaning since he hadn’t been
able to shed too much light on the first dream.
I was beginning to think that it
was
n’t a good idea
to share such intimate things with him unless it
was
directly related to him helping me destroy vardogers and my fat
her
.
I wasn’t sure this fell into that category.
Besides, the dream had warned me not to trust so easily. It made me doubt my immediate
acceptance of Ryan and my initial willingness to trust him because he was a seer.
I was beginning to doubt my own instincts, but I told myself the one person I knew
I could trust was Simon.

The days
seemed to go by
slowly since there was
a lull in
the frequency of
my visions. New Year’s came and went, but everything s
till felt the same. We were stuck
in a waiting game. I spoke to
Marie
once and was severely disappointed that she hadn’t been able to find a seer she th
ought we could trust to help
put
me
under hypnosis. I was relieved when school started up again and the campus was once
more
abuzz with activity. I had missed Sarah and was glad to have her back. She helped
to dispel
some of
the
tension in the apartment
and I was eager to tell her about what had happened between me and Simon. I wasted
no time as I knocked on
her
open
door the first day she was
back. She looked up from unpacking
her suitcase
with a smile.

“What’s up?”

I closed the
door behind me and sat on her
bed. “Not much. How was Christmas?” We had spoken on the phone multiple times during
the brea
k and I had
already
heard
about her holiday
in full detail
, so she gave me a funny look.

“No different from when I told you about it in an hour long conversation on the phone.”
She looked at me more closely and then raised her eyebrows. “Okay, spill it. I know
you’re dying to tell me something.”

I couldn’t help laughing at her astute assessment. “I
didn’t want to talk about it over
the phone
, but Simon and I finally had sex.”

Sarah squealed as if I had just told her I had won the lottery. Her unpacking was
abandoned as she sat next to me on the bed. “Tell me every detail,” she demanded.

I rolled my eyes. “One thing I’m not going to do is give you a detailed account. Some
things are meant to be private!”

Sarah pouted in disappointment
but didn’t push it. “Just tell me if it was good.”

I couldn’t help the wide smile that grew on my face. “It was amazing.”

“Did you orgasm?”

I coughed
a little, shocked by her candor
, but that had always been her
way. I felt my
self blush but I nodded. Sarah
raised an eyebrow.

“That’s pretty good, considering it was your first time.” She hesitated before continuing.
“Did it feel any different? You know, because he’s a vardoger.”

I shrugged. “How would I know the difference? It was my first time. But I don’t think
it was any different.”

“That was a big step,” Sarah said. “I mean, it would have been a
huge step regardless, but it’s
an even bigger step because of what he is.”

“I accepted it a long time ago,” I said quietly. “I hope you can too.”

“I’m trying,” Sarah said with a small smile. “Honest
ly, most of
the time I forget he even is one. He acts so human.”

“He has human emotions just like we do. He’s as human as we are.”

Sarah sighed as she leaned back on the bed. “Even though I trust your judgment, I
hope to God you’re not making a mistake
in
trusting him.”

I didn’t want to rehash this topic again so I changed the subject.
“What do you think about Ryan?” I asked nonchalantly.

“What about him?” Sarah wrinkled her brow and then her gaze became speculative. “Did
something happen between you two?”

“No!” I exclaimed, and then tried to calm my voice. “I just wondered what you thought
about him. If he was trustworthy.”

She shrugged. “I guess so. So far he’s done nothing but help us.” She frowned at me.
“Are you sure nothing happened between you two?”

“I’m sure,” I said, feeling a little exasperated. I hesitated before continuing. “Nothing’s
happened between us, but I think…” I trailed off, feeling stupid. “I think I’ve developed
a dumb crush on him or something.”

“I knew it!
” she exclaimed
. “I knew there had to be something
between you two
with the way he’s always watching you.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked in alarm. I often caught Ryan watching me
but I didn’t think anyone
else
had noticed. If Sarah had caught onto it,
I was
sure Simon had noticed as well. I felt guilt surge
through me
even though
technically
I hadn’t done any
thing. I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to have some girl
hanging around Simon and
have him refuse to get rid of her. I would be heartbroken.

“It’s just that whenever I look at him, he seems to be looking at you. He tries to
be surreptitio
us about it, but I’ve noticed
. I just d
idn’t think you reciprocated his
feelings.”

“I don’t!” I insisted. “I think it’s just because we’ve been spending so much time
together. But it doesn’t mean anything. I love Simon. My feelings for Ryan are just
a
by-
product of the situation.”

Sarah looked at me assessingly before speaking. “Then why is it bothering you so much?”

“Because I shouldn’t have feelings for anyone except Simon. I feel like I’m betraying
him.”

“If it’s really what you’re saying, just a by-product of spending so much time together,
I wouldn’t wor
ry about it. It’s normal to develop
crushes
on people even if
you’re in a relationship
. The feelings will fade as quickly
as they develop.”

Sarah’s words gave me hope. “You mean you’ve had feelings for other people besides
Grant?”

“Well, not with Grant.” She quickly continued talking when she saw me frown. “There
just hasn’t been anyone around for me to crush on. But it’s happened
to me
before in past relationships
. It’s natural. As long as you don’t act on it, there’s nothing to worry about.”

Sarah’
s words were
a huge relief and I told myself I was just in a tizzy because I wasn’t used to being
in a relationship. It was a b
ig load off my mind and it helped reduce
a lot of my guilt.

It was with newfound ease that I smiled at Ryan when I went into the kitchen later
to
find him making a cup of tea. I was confident that m
y feelings for him would
soon fade
and everything would go back to normal.

“W
ant a cup of tea?” he asked as he poured hot water over his tea bag.

“No
,
thanks,” I replied and proceeded to pour myself a glass of juice. “But I’m glad to
see you’re getting good use out of my gift. Do you have a favorite
flavor
?”

Ry
an threw the empty teabag wrapper
closer to me on the kitchen counter. “They’re all good but this one’s my favorite.
I guess it matches my mood the most.”

I stared at the wrapper
on the counter, feeling my face warm as I read the mood written on the label: desire.
I hadn’t noticed that one in the collection of tea bags
when I had bought it
. If I had, I doubted I would have given it to him.

“I didn’t even
realize that
came in
the assortment
,” I said slowly, trying to make it clear that it wasn’t supposed to mean anything.

“Lucky for me it does.”