Hunting Witches (21 page)

“Oh, Dr. Mike. You’re so assertive!”

“The night’s young,” Mike said.

“Hello, my name is Tanner,” said the server, who had approached so as not to interrupt. “I’ll be your server tonight. Can I interest you in some appetizers?”

“Tanner?” Mike asked. “What kind of name is Tanner for a girl?”

“It’s the one my father gave me, sir,” Tanner said, keeping eye contact with Mike the whole time.

“Heh. And what did your father do for a living, young lady?”

Tanner crossed her arms. “He created handmade leather jackets for motorcycle gangs. We still keep in touch. Nice guys, for the most part.”

Mike smiled. “You’ve got a smart mouth,” he said. “I like it. Nice teeth, too. Local dentist?”

“Yes, sir,” Tanner said.

“Well, well. Fine. We’ll have the tapenade and the brie in puff pastry, please. And please, get that white wine here as quickly as possible. Daddy’s got a thirst.”

Tanner wrote down the order and marched towards the kitchen, Mike’s eye firmly focused on her ass while she walked.

“Good goddamn,” he said. “What do you figure, Sarah? Nineteen? Twenty?”

“About that,” she said, and Mike nodded.

“Going to keep that in mind,” he said. He slapped the tabletop with both palms, making Mark and Nika jump. “But we’re not here to talk about the hired help! We’re here to talk about you guys! Mark and Nika! Here to find out about you! Sarah’s very taken with you, Nika. You seem to be all she talks about these days.”

Nika cleared her throat. “Well, she’s been sweet to me. Showing a newcomer around like she has can be hard work sometimes.”

“Depends on the company,” Sarah said. “And you are a delight.”

“Thank you,” Nika said.

“Sarah tells me you’re a code monkey, Mark,” Mike said. “That’s got to be interesting work.”

“Well, I’m the chief of research and development for Dynagraph, here in Bell Plains,” Mark said. “We create websites and apps.”

“That sounds fun,” Mike said, “and I’m being serious. Computers just fascinate me. Hell, I remember when people were using slide rules and protractors and shit. Now there are calculators, graphing calculators, home computers, it’s like a miracle!”

“It’s the future now, for sure,” Mark said. “And you are a dentist?”

“Well, let’s be honest here, Mark,” Mike said. “I do dental work, but I wouldn’t really call myself a dentist. It’s not like I have a license or anything. I just read a lot of books, bought some tools. Office space is pretty cheap in the Keep and it just seemed like the thing to do.”

Mark laughed, but he wasn’t sure if Mike was teasing him or not. Before he could ask for clarification, Tanner came back to the table with two bottles of white wine. Mike spread his arms, welcoming the alcohol to the table.

“Oh, thank Bacchus,” he said, looking at the label. “Christ, this is swill. Absolute swill. Tanner, bring two more bottles, stat. And where the fuck is our tapenade?”

“It’s coming, it’s coming,” Tanner said, and she hustled off to the back.

“You don’t use any kind of computerized equipment in the office, Mike?” Mark asked.

Mike shook his head. “Hell, no. I’ve got a flashlight, a drill, some pliers and a bright light. Besides the chair and some music, that’s all I need.”

“And anesthetic, of course,” Nika added.

“Most of that comes home with me,” Mike said. “Shit, if you’ve got nitrous, why waste it all on patients? How about you, Nika? What do you do?”

Nika took a sip of the terrible wine. “Well, I have a Bachelor’s degree in botany.”

“Plants and shit?” Mike asked. “That’s fuckin’ cool. I bet you could grow some kick-ass weed.”

“I could,” Nika said, “if it weren’t so darned illegal.”

“Yeah, that’s a bitch,” Mike said. “I think it should be decriminalized. Hell, I think most things should be decriminalized. Drugs, prostitution, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, all that. Let it go. Let the world be ruled by action and instinct. Natural ebb and flow.”

“That sounds like a dangerous world, Mike,” Mark said.

“It is already a dangerous world, Mark! Unseen perils all around you. Take Sarah and I, for example. You’re out here to dinner with us. I drove, so you don’t have a ready means of transportation home. You’re at a restaurant I picked. Right now, you are literally at our mercy. And what do you really know about us? Fuck all nothing. We could be maniacs. We could be monsters! Worse yet, we could be Mormons, just waiting for the right time to bring out our religious literature.”

Mike did not blink or smile. He glared at Mark and Nika, waiting for one of them to say something. Mark and Nika had clasped hands under the table.

“Are you?” Nika asked.

“Mormons?” Mike said. “Nah. Those fuckers are crazy.”

He laughed suddenly, a sincere guffaw, and he pointed at the Pendletons, waggling his finger. “Your faces! You should see the look on your faces. Absolutely priceless.”

Plates hit the table. “Your tapenade,” Tanner said, moving things about for easy access.

“Nice,” Mike said. “Hey, crack these other two bottles of vino for us, will ya? And listen, what time do you get off tonight?”

“Are you serious?” Tanner asked.

“Yeah, I’m serious. Fuckin’ A, I’m serious.”

Tanner crossed her arms. “You think you’re hot shit, don’t you?”

“No,” Mike said. “I’m simply asking if you would like to come home with my wife and me.”

“And do what?”

Mike shrugged. “Play, of course.”

Tanner rolled her eyes and marched off in a huff.

“She seems fun,” Sarah said. “Feisty.”

“No kidding,” Mike said. “Worse ways to spend an evening.”

“So is this how we get to know each other?” Mark said. “You invite us out for dinner, then you act rudely, you try to scare my wife and me, you’re well on your way to being shitty drunk, which I really appreciate,
driver
, and you attempt to pick up our server for a threesome! We haven’t even ordered our entreés yet! What do you do for dessert? Jack off on the
petit four
?”

“I can,” Mike said, and he pushed himself up onto his knees, knelt on the nicely upholstered bench seat and unzipped his pants.

“Michael, no!” Sarah exclaimed. “We haven’t even
talked
about dessert yet!”

Mark slapped the table top. “That’s it,” he huffed. “That’s it, we’re leaving, thank you for a horrible time, you people are crazy. Nika, grab your stuff. Let’s go.”

Nika clutched her purse and the Pendletons scooted out of the booth.

“Nika! Call me!” Sarah called.

Mike sat back down. “They’re no fun. I thought you said they were fun, Sarah.”

Sarah shrugged. “Nika seemed fun,” she said. “I had never met him before.”

“He seems kind of stiff, you know? Guy needs to loosen up a little.”

***

“Your behavior was atrocious,” Graham said. “Especially for a first date.”

“Bah. I was just fuckin’ around, Sheriff,” Doctor Mike said. “It’s fun to see how people react in odd situations.”

“And that was the first and last time you saw them.”

“Well, yeah,” Doctor Mike said. “They weren’t fun. I don’t hang out with people who aren’t fun.”

“You’re sure?”

Doctor Mike laughed. “Just ask me if I killed the Pendletons.”

“Did you murder Mark and Nika Pendleton?”

“No. I didn’t like those people, but I didn’t hate them. I didn’t give a shit either way. Don’t you have to feel something about someone before you kill them?”

“Sometimes,” Graham said, “people kill other people just for fun.”

“Well, that may be true, but it doesn’t matter. Last night, I was at home with my wife and she can verify that.”

“Can anyone else?” Graham asked. “I mean, it’s easy to get your wife to do what you ask her to do.”

“Well, then, Sheriff, you should talk to her,” Doctor Mike said.

“I have every intention of doing precisely that.”

“Good!” Doctor Mike said. “You can talk to my alibi, too. At least, I assume she’s still at the house.”

“Who are you talking about?”

The corner of the dentist’s mouth turned up ever so slightly. “Why, every home needs a wine wench, Sheriff, don’t you think?”

“The girl from the restaurant?”

“She’s young, but she’s old enough, Sheriff,” Doctor Mike smirked. “She does as she pleases, and she’s pleased when she’s done.”

“Huh,” Graham said. “Yeah, I think I’m gonna go search your house. Talk to your wife and your play toy. See what I can find.”

Doctor Mike slapped his desk with the flats of his palms. “You will find a whole lot of nothing, Sheriff, nothing! There are murderers roaming the Keep, and you’re going to waste your time delving into my personal life? Let me tell you something, Sheriff. You’re hunting for the Devil.” The doctor spread his arms wide. “I’m just an imp.”

“I’ll try to be nice,” Graham said. “I won’t throw all your books on the floor and I won’t confiscate your computers and hard drives. Oh, wait… I’m going to do exactly that.”

“I didn’t kill the Pendletons!” Doctor Mike cried. “I didn’t give enough fucks about them to make that kind of decision!”

“Look, mister,” Graham said. “I’m the law around these parts. Did you like that? Was that ‘angry cop’ enough?”

“Oh, yes,” Doctor Mike said. “Very James Arness of you”

“Well, it happens to be true. I
am
the law around these parts. And I’m going to fuck your shit up until I’m satisfied you had nothing to do with killing Mark and Nika Pendleton.”

“It’s your time,” Doctor Mike said. “Waste it if you want. And when this all shakes out, and I file my harassment lawsuit, and you lose because you’re a pathetic wank monkey, I’ll be the Sheriff. How about that?”

“I don’t think you could take the pressure,” Sheriff Strahan said. “You have a good day, now. I’m sure we’ll be talking soon.”

***

“Listen to me, goddammit, I’m telling you, something stinks!” Tamara was pacing around the backyard sniffing. Deputy Moon watched her, hands on his hips, shaking his head.

“You know, Rookie,” Kevin said, “it may be because you’re walking around a very small area that has two dead bodies in it. They start to smell bad after a while.”

“I know the stench of death, Deputy Dink,” Tamara said. “That’s not what I smell.”

“See, why you gotta call me names like that?” Kevin said. “It’s hurtful.”

“I’ll stop when you give me a reason to. Besides, you’re a cop, right?” Tamara smiled. “You should be a little more thick skinned.”

“Jesus Christ, you two,” Graham said, walking up from behind. “Either get it figured out or get a room. What’s been going on?”

“White suits have been here and gone,” Deputy Moon said. “Coroner is on the way.”

“I hope they’re bringing a bulldozer,” Graham said.

“The media has been here, too,” Tamara said. “The Bell Plains guys ran them off, but I suggest holding a press conference. How did it go with Doctor Mike?”

Graham shook his head. “He’s an asshole, but I don’t think he killed anyone. I threatened to search his place, and we’ve got the warrants, but I don’t know. It’s not the right time yet. He’s arrogant, which means if he did it, he’ll slip up. We’ll snag him then.”

“Sheriff, there’s something else here,” Tamara said. “I can smell it.”

“She’s been running around the crime scene all morning with her damned nose up in the air,” Kevin said. “Making fun of me, driving me nuts.”

“What is it, Tamara?” Graham asked.

“Has anybody gone inside the house?” she asked.

“The crime scene is out here, Smarty Pants,” Kevin said. “There’s been no reason to go into the house.”

“We need to get in there,” Tamara said.

“You mean the white suits didn’t go inside?” Graham asked.

Kevin shrugged. “I didn’t see any reason for it. They just worked out here.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Deputy Moon! The yard is a crime scene. The house is a crime scene. This whole poor fucking excuse of a neighborhood is a crime scene! What were you thinking?”

“I just figured…”

“Well, stop thinking, and start doing things by the book!”

The deputy threw his hands into the air. “Oh, that’s rich. Do it by the book, he says, and he brings out a two-legged bloodhound who does nothing but sniff around, like she’s allergic to pollen and trapped in a greenhouse!”

“Shut it, Moon,” Graham said. “I’m very close to being pissed off, and you’re talking your way into a suspension. You do not want either of those things to happen, do you?”

“No, sir.”

“Then call the white suits back over here. And let’s get into that house,” Graham said.