Hurt Like HELL (new adult contemporary romance) (22 page)

But it wasn’t that easy with Jack.  It wasn’t a simple,
hey Jack, stay with me forever
kind of thing.  There was still so much I didn’t understand.  So much about him and all he had been through and all that he was doing.

Why did he have to be so hot?

Why did he have to be so good in bed?

I had nobody to compare him to, but I didn’t need anyone else.  What he gave me last night was enough for my body.  For the rest of my life.

“Can’t hurt to try,” Bridget said.

Yes, it can hurt
... but I didn’t say that.

I got off the phone with Bridget feeling my excitement starting to dry up.  It was like the ground drying, cracking from too much sun and not enough rain.  I looked out the window of my living room wondering what Jack was doing.  Where he was.  If he was protecting me.  If he was doing something else. 

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, focusing on my body.  Not feelings, but my actually body.  The small soreness of my neck from the accident.  The tender places that ached, the places Jack touched and loved the night before.  It made me wobbly if I thought about it too much.  How much we had done.  How he had taken care of me, starting so gently, and growing into a pace that was just so electric.

I needed Jack in my life, probably forever, but at what cost?  And at what capacity?  The circumstances that brought him to me the first time in my life were almost as tragic as now.  We met as broken kids, taking a beating from the world but managed to stay together, giving each other hope to push on.  And now he was here again, doing the same.  I hadn’t thought about my father for at all because of Jack.  I could have died in the accident, thanks to the news of my father.  I could have been stuck at Auntie B’s house, recovering, living in the past, in regret, in fear.

But I wasn’t.

I stood in my apartment, feeling strong, because of Jack.

The feelings for him became so overwhelming that I almost wished I was still a virgin just to give it to him again.  He deserved love, passion, and lust. 

He deserved anything he wanted.

There was no need for punishment, was there?

How could someone be punished for love?  

My apartment door opened and I smiled.  When it slammed with a hard thud, I jumped.  By the time I turned around, Jack was there, right there, his hands gripping my arms.  When I looked into his eyes I knew something was wrong.

Very wrong.

“Jack...”

“I’m so sorry, Tessa,” he said.  “I shouldn’t have done any of this.”

“Why?”

“Punishment.  There’s always a punishment.”

“No.”  I shook my head.  “No...”

“You’re not supposed to see me,” he said.  “That alone is bad.  But this... touching, feeling, loving...”

“It’s okay,” I said.  “I’m still here and so are you.”

I reached for Jack’s shirt and pulled it up.  I wanted to find the fresh wound and kiss it.  Blood and all if need be.  I’d do anything for him, and nothing would stop me.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Show me where it is,” I said.  “I’ll kiss it.  I’ll hurt myself if I have to, to match you.”

“No, Tessa, not that.”

He shook me, forcing me to look back into his eyes.  He was angry, hurt, and confused.  I didn’t like seeing Jack confused.  He was supposed to be the one who had everything figured out.

“Show me,” I said.  “Show me what happened then.”

I pulled at his shirt for a second time and he stopped me.  “There’s nothing there.  That’s not it.”

“Then what is it?”

Jack took my hand and pulled me through the living room towards the bathroom.  In there I thought about him staring at me in the shower.  That was just a short while ago but it seemed like a lifetime ago. 

He turned me to the mirror, forcing me to stare at our reflections.

“Look, Tessa, look,” he said.

“I am looking,” I said.  “But at what?”

“The punishment.”

“What...”

“You.  You’re the punishment, Tessa.”

I turned around, my hands slipping around Jack’s lower back, pulling him at me.  His face went to my neck.  He kissed me.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered.  “I should have known.  But I couldn’t resist you any longer.  I didn’t want you to find someone and fall in love.”

“Jack, what’s happening?”

“The worst case scenario.”

“What does that mean?”

Jack pulled away and looked into my eyes.

“He’s coming for you, Tessa.”

“Who...”

“He’s coming right now, to kill you.”

Then he said it.  The two words that made my fear so real.  My legs lost all feeling.

“Your father.”

I’ll save you, forever.

~1~

Somehow between seconds, Jack lifted me and carried me to the couch.
  There he placed me down and was on one knee, one hand behind my head, the other touching my chest.  He felt my heartbeat.  He meant nothing sexual, but my body couldn’t help but think of it as a sexual move.

I blinked a few times, trying to come back to reality, but by then, reality meant nothing.  It had been broken, shattered, left in pieces all around me.

“I’m so sorry,” Jack said.  “I knew this was going to happen.  That’s why...”

“He’s coming for me?” I asked. 

I thought of Auntie B.  Her big colonial house.  The baby blue shudders.  The pillars on the wrap around porch.  It was a house she had custom built from one of her books.  Her first book that landed on the bestseller lists across the country, the book that allowed her to afford such a wonderful house.  And all I could see then was my father kicking down the front door, looking for me. 

“Why?” I asked.  “Because of you, Jack?”

“Yes.  And no.”

I tried to sit up but my head throbbed.  Jack forced me back down.  He sighed and hung his head, he looked defeated and guilty.  He had let his emotions guide him and now we would both suffer. 

“Your father got out of prison, which you know.”

I nodded.  I remembered the headline.  The accident.  The... everything.

“When he got out of prison, I knew something bad was going to happen.  I could just feel it running through my body.  I knew of it before it happened.”

“How?”

Jack met eyes with me.  Stern.  Sexy.  With a hint of fear.

“I see him every day.”

“Every day?  Why?”

“Because he killed me, I can’t help it.  I have to face the man who murdered me every single day.  It’s part of all this.  All that I’m doing.  If I move on, travel on, then it’s over.  Whatever comes next will start.”

“Then why not do that?”

“Tessa, if I move on, I’ll lose you.  I’ll never be able to help you.  See you.  Touch you.”

I closed my eyes.  My body felt anger and rage.  It took me back to being thirteen.  Standing in the basement with my father’s strong, alcoholic abusive arms around me, forcing me to watch as Jack took his last breath. 

“So you have to choose.”

“No.  I already chose.  A long time ago.”

It was romantic, maybe the most romantic thing anyone had ever said to me.

“And you have to see him?”

“Yes,” Jack said.  “Yes.  I see him, I face what happened, and then I come find you.  It’s what I’ve been doing for ten years.”

“And he’s out now...”

“I watched the whole thing happen.  The meetings, the talks, even the talks when he wasn’t around.  There was a big setup that happened.  It sort of made me smile at first, but now, I wish I could turn back time and do something else.”

“Everyone feels that way once in a while.”

“This is really bad.”

“But my aunt told me he can’t find me.”

“He doesn’t care,” Jack said.  “He’s a broke, murderous man.”

“Broke?”

Jack nodded.  “See, his lawyer friends were able to get him out.  He had been on good behavior, working while in prison, teaching prisoners, becoming a top role model.  He was able to start thinking outside of prison too.  I forget the guys name - Hannely or something - he was supposed to have a trust for your father, money from that business deal he had been working on when he...”  Jack hesitated to say it.  “... murdered me.”

“I remember that,” I said.  “He was so happy, until he got drunk and hit me.”

“Yeah, well, when your father was released from prison, he thought he was set.  He thought he would have a million dollars waiting for him to go start a new life.  He had places picked out and everything.  He was going to grow a mustache, dye his hair.  Even change his name.  In fact, the last few months, it was all his obsessed about in prison.  How to change everything.  Who to become.  And not once did he mention you.”

Jack stopped, letting that sink in.

I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not.  Of course I cared if my father thought about me or not, but to a point, it was good if he didn’t.  The less I was in his mind, the better. 

“I followed him from prison, watching him as he got picked up by a limo.  It took him to a building, a black building I didn’t know.  And that’s where it all came to an end...”

“Why?”

I forced my way to sit up on the couch and Jack let me.  I felt cold, terribly cold.

“He had some money when he left the building, enough to appease his mind.  But then things started to fall apart.  His lawyer friend never had the trust setup.  He took the money and there’s nothing your father can do about it.  I don’t understand how anything was setup, but the lawyer had control and took off with the money.”

“So he’s broke, like you said.”

“And mad.  Very mad.”

My head sunk.

“More than that, Tessa, he’s drinking again.  The last little money he had, he used to liquor himself up.  I just saw him this morning, drunk...” 

Jack paused.

“Tell me,” I said.

“He was sitting at a table in some small apartment with a knife in his hand.  He kept stabbing the table, whispering your name.”

The fear turned into panic.  I started to breathe heavily, unsure what to do.

“And he’s coming,” Jack said.  “That’s the punishment.  I showed myself to you.  You gave me your body, Tessa, and now this is going to happen.”

“Kill him,” I cried out.  “Just kill him.”

“Me?  I can’t.”

“Why?”

I was scared and crying uncontrollably.

“I can’t kill the man who killed me.  It’s not allowed.  That’s not how revenge works in death.”

“Then I’ll do it,” I said.  “I’ll...”

I couldn’t finish the sentence.

A few hours ago I was in the shower washing soap off my naked body, teasing Jack, and now I was saying I would kill my father?  What the hell had happened?

“You can’t kill him,” Jack said.

“Why not?”

“Look at you,” he whispered.  “You’re a mess...  I did this, so I’ll fix it.”

Jack stood up, looking ten feet tall standing over me.  My eyes were upon him and  I reached for him.  He took my hands and I stood.  I don’t know why but I needed him to kiss me.  To hold me.  To touch me.

“Kiss me,” I said.  “I want to taste you.”

“Tessa...”

“It doesn’t matter,” I said.  “Just do it.”

Jack listened and kissed me.  It was hot, just like before.  The passion between us was real, no matter what.  Nothing would stop this.  Even if that meant I would... have to...

“Die,” I whispered, my lips touching against Jack’s.

“What?”

“I’ll die.  What if he kills me?  Then I’ll be attached to him, like you.”

Jack shook his head, his face turning white.  “No, I won’t allow it.”

“But that’s how it works, right?”

Jack looked like he wanted to lie to me; his hesitation said it all. 

I could die by my father’s hand, to remain with Jack.  We could be together in whatever comes after death.

“It’ll happen,” I said.  The silver lining in a morbid filled moment.

“Yes, it will.”  Jack sighed and moved back to his knees.  He took my hands into his and for the first time since he came back to me, he was cold.  Shivering cold.  Bitterly cold. 
Deathly cold
.  “But is that the kind of end you want?  To all this?”

“To what?  The only thing that’s ever made sense was you.  When I was thirteen, you kept me alive.  I fell in love with you then, and it never went away.  That’s why I waited.  That’s why nobody was every good enough and nobody came close.  I found something wrong with everyone I met, but what I was doing was comparing them to you.”

“Oh, Tessa...”

Jack pulled and I came forward.  Our lips met only for a second.  His mouth opened with an aggressive kiss, one that was layered with love and lust.