Husband Stay (Husband #2) (5 page)

Jill shrugged, and
their easy intimacy created a bittersweet ache high-up in my throat.

To keep the
conversation going, I said, “Fair enough. Am I okay in this?” gesturing to my
yellow dress and lime sweater.

“
Perfect
,”
Jill said, with a significant glance.

So, jealousy
wasn’t completely off the table. But she grabbed my good hand before I could
worry and led me up the stairs and onto the wide wrap-around veranda.

“Come this way,”
she said, and walked me along it, past canvas sling chairs and rough timber
tables to the back of the house where the ocean—only a hundred yards away across
a small lawn and pristine white sand—was framed in palm trees, Norfolk Pine and
flowering Frangipani. It was so beautiful I wanted to cry.

I shook my head,
trying to pull myself together. “You live here?”

Finn came up
beside us and winked at me. “This is where we’re raising babies.”

I completely
forgot my own situation then to suck in an excited gasp, but Jill shook her
head. “Not yet. One day.” She gave him a
we’ve talked about this
frown.
Then she turned back to me. “He wants babies. I want a year or two of being his
wife first.”

Finn shrugged. “I
love babies. So sue me.”

Lucky Jill.
I
was so happy for her, but in equal measure, incredibly unhappy for me. It was impossible
to reconcile the two emotions.

Jill took one look
at me—she could always read my mood—and pulled me inside the house. “Let’s
drink.”

“Good idea.” I’d
need to be tipsy to start a conversation about sex. Financial concerns still
lurked in the back of my mind, but the fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about
Jack really worried me. The last thing I needed was to start obsessing. Jill
was far more experienced with men so I was hoping she’d offer some perspective.

“The boy is going
out.” She shot him a meaningful glance, “So the girls can talk.”

He grinned,
completely unperturbed. “I do as I’m told.”

“Outside the
bedroom,” Jill added, and something sultry simmered between them for a slow five
seconds before he leant in and kissed her.

I had to look away
and swallow over the tightness in my throat, taking my time to notice that the interior
decor was every bit as rustic as the veranda furniture, probably sourced
locally—thick slabs of some sort of dark timber constructed into tables and
chairs with overstuffed silk cushions in a range from blue to green with every
aqua tone in between. Pale blue and sand-white rugs scattered around the timber
floor made it look like the ocean had somehow crept inside the big open-plan
living areas.

It was so
unpretentious, I could feel my shoulders relaxing as I gazed around—a million
miles from the cluttered Hindu shrine of a home I’d had with Danny, but I could
live in a place like this. It was clean and comforting all at once.

“Scat,” Jill said,
and as I turned back, she smacked Finn on the backside.

“No respect.” He
lifted my overnight bag. “I’ll put this in the guest room
on my way out.
”

I grinned. “Thanks
Finn. And for picking me up.”

“That’s all you
pick up, you hear me, mister?” Jill called, before turning to wink at me. Then
she raised an eyebrow. “Alcohol?”

“Please.”

I followed her into
a big timber kitchen which also had a view of the ocean. “Light or heavy?”

It wasn’t midday
yet, so I nodded at the fridge. “Light.”

“Bubbles?”

I shook my head.
This wasn’t anything to celebrate.

“Sav Blanc it is.”
She grabbed a bottle and two glasses and I followed her back out to the veranda
where she set us up at a table overlooking the ocean. When we’d clinked glasses
and both taken a sip she said, “Spill.”

Can I get drunk
first?

I took another
swig of wine and tried to compose my thoughts. Maybe I could start slow, drink
fast, and still be tipsy by the time I got to the uncomfortable details.

“Okay.” I nodded.
“I met a man.”

Jill instantly
leant forward, her eyes lighting up.

“...who I dislike
intensely.”

“Good start.” She
nodded for me to go on.

“But he’s big and
somehow...sexy.” I squirmed. “And I’ve only spent five minutes alone with him.
Conscious,” I added.

That made her eyes
pop. “You were unconscious?”

“No. He was. Long
story.” I took another gulp of wine, willing it to work. “But even though he
was crude and had facial hair,” I screwed up my face in disgust. “Somehow he
still managed to...”

“You had sex with
him?”

“No!” I put down
my glass, horrified. “Not...no. We were talking. He was in a hospital bed. I
came to visit him. Because we shared an ambulance.”

“From the club where
you broke your wrist singing?”

“Yes.” My
shoulders relaxed. This was an easier part of the conversation. “Yes. We both needed
medical attention, so we shared an ambulance from the club. He was unconscious.”
I absolutely wasn’t mentioning the silver shoes, so I hurried on, “While I was
waiting for the doctor, a nurse encouraged me to check on him because he was
alone—”

“His name?” She
was still leaning forward avidly.

“Jack. And he was
conscious by then, and mostly naked—”

“And you were
sex-starved.”

She was smirking,
so I slapped her hand, then took another long swallow of wine before forging
ahead. “So anyway, he made a crude suggestion and I stormed out. But before
that, when I’d thought he was a decent human being, I’d felt...” I squirmed
some more.

“The hots?” She
topped up my glass and I imprudently gulped more wine.

“I think so,” I
said, frowning. “I think it was desire or passion or...”

“Arousal.” She
nodded and leant back in her chair. “So when was the last time you felt that hot,
just being near a man? Before you were married?”

Never.

We stared at each
other and I simply couldn’t get the word out. Jill, however, had a radar for
truth, and I probably had a transparent face.

She put her glass
down and said, “What’s going on here?” pinning me with a penetrating glance.
“He’s not a decent human being, so I imagine you don’t want to have sex with
him. And yet...we’re discussing him. Why?”

Okay. This was the
crunch. I needed to admit that meeting Jack had made me face the truth that I’d
been faking orgasms all my adult life and was now wondering if I could even
have one with a man. And if I could, presumably that would be with a man who
turned me on.

Only...Jill was
likely to encourage me to try, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted that because it
might distract me from the important work of raising babies.

Or at least,
that’s what I’d been thinking before I’d arrived on Jill’s doorstep. But she
and Finn were clearly hot for each other, and seemed completely relaxed about
bringing children into their lives.

So now I was
confused. What was my problem?

The alcohol was
suddenly a liability.

“Ange?” She’d
waited me out, but was frowning now. “I can’t help if I don’t know.”

I shook my head,
and said the first thing that popped into my mind. “You’re different to me.”

“Yes. And...?”

“If you tell me
what you’d do, that might confuse me more.”

She nodded, but I
could see she was struggling with patience, probably thinking
Why did you
bring this up if you’re not going to blab?

The wine was swirling
through my system faster than I’d expected it to, and no sleep last night
wasn’t helping.

I put my glass
down and Jill picked up the bottle, mistakenly thinking I wanted a top up. I
shook my head. “Empty stomach.”

“I’ll make lunch.
What do you feel like?” She got up from the table with the wine bottle, but the
mention of food triggered a memory.

“Finn told me you
were making lunch this morning, and that’s why you sent him.”

She didn’t meet my
eyes for a moment, and when she looked up I was surprised to see her blushing.
“It was a test.”

“Jinx!” I shook my
head. “Who were you testing? Him or me?”

She looked lost
for a moment. “Me. I need to trust him around other women, but it’s
hard.
He’s
so goddamn gorgeous.”

“So are you.” She
frowned at that, so I added, “You have to get over this, J. It will drive you
crazy if you don’t.”

“I know.” She
shook her head. “I’m fine with Lizzie. She’s so adorable you can’t be jealous
of her. But...”

Lizzie was Finn’s
gay foster cousin, all fluffy blonde hair and big blue eyes. She and her wife
couldn’t get pregnant through IVF, so they’d asked Finn to ‘help’, and
embarrassing thought it had been for both he and Lizzie, his sperm donation had
managed to get her pregnant. Lizzie was eternally grateful, but Finn had been
completely weirded-out by the experience, although he’d accepted that Lizzie
and Sieu didn’t want sperm from a stranger.

The child was to
be
their
child, nothing to do with Finn at his insistence, and the whole
thing had happened before he’d met Jill. In fact, the baby was due anytime now.
So it was great that Jill had gotten over her angst and was mates with Lizzie,
but unfortunate that ‘worst case scenario’ hadn’t cured Jill of her jealousy
issues.

I stood and
touched her arm. “What will it take for you to trust Finn completely?”

She shook her
head. “There’s the million-dollar question.”

“It will come.” I
patted her arm. “Time and good behavior will win you over. You did the right
thing by trusting him this far.” Her internal struggles had been heroic before
she’d succumbed to his steadfast love.

“If I stay in the
moment, I’m fine.” She shook her head again. “He’s as good as gold. But if I
think about the past...” That was her father who’d run off with another woman when
we were all children, and had left her family homeless. “...or the future, I
worry.”

I nodded, wishing
I could just pull her into a hug and make everything alright for her. “Can I
offer you some advice?”

Her cheeky smile
broke through. “By all means. Don’t listen to my gems of wisdom, but spout your
own.”

I had to laugh at
that. But it didn’t stop me saying, “My mother used to say,
Most of the
things I’ve worried about in my life never came to pass
.” I shrugged. “I
didn’t want to be like her, worrying all the time, so I tried to think good
things. I never imagined that Danny would be unfaithful, so I was caught by
surprise. That was unfortunate,” I admitted, “But right up until that moment I
was happy. I enjoyed our marriage.”
Such as it was.

“You
were
always happy with him, weren’t you? Twit that he was.”

I nodded. “I’m not
happy now, of course. But soon I will be again.”

She pulled me into
a hug. “You’ll have a whole tribe of well-mannered little mini-mes, and I’ll
end up with Byron Bay ferals underfoot.” I hugged her close with my good arm
but Jill was never great with demonstrations of affection so she quickly pulled
back. “Okay. Food. Clearly, wine on an empty stomach makes me soppy.”

I followed her to the
kitchen and we made delicious lentil burgers on account of her being
vegetarian. For a non-domestic goddess, she was a good cook. When the meal was
over and we had wine in front of us again, she leant back in her veranda chair
and said, “Now it’s my turn to dish out advice. Let’s hear the problem.” She
pinned me with a look of expectation I found hard to dismiss.

I decided to ease
my way into this. “I want a baby.”

“You have since
you were fifteen. That’s twenty years now.”

“But I’m not sure
I want a sexual relationship.”

“Okay, that’s
new.” She leant forward. “And this Jack. This hot guy. Did he somehow make you
not want a sexual relationship? Because getting turned on by someone usually
works the other way around.” Was she trying to hide a smirk?

“He’s not ‘sexual
relationship’ material,” I said primly.

“He’d be a hell of
a one-night-stand.”

I tried not to
blush, but failed hopelessly. “Okay. I did fantasize about…something like
that.” I wasn’t telling her I’d fantasized about all sorts of things I’d never
done before. “But…” I stared into her eyes, knowing I should just blurt out
I’m
scared I’ll start faking it again.

But I couldn’t. I
just let the sentence trail off.

She stood and
picked up the wine bottle, shaking her head. “You clearly aren’t drunk enough.
I’m coming back with spirits. What’s your poison?”

“No really. I just
need to get this out.”

“Okay. Good girl.”
She sat back down. “Let’s try this again. Why are you still thinking about
Jack?”

Just say it.
It’s why you’re here.
“He’s sexy. I felt heat between us. He turned me on.
I wondered what it would be like to have sex with him.” I waited for Jill’s
reaction.

“Progress. Good.”
She nodded and took a sip of her wine. “So what’s your reason for
not
wanting
a one-night-stand with him?”

“I just…I don’t
want to do that. I want babies.”

“Sure.” She leant
across the table and touched my hand. “And if he’s not a nice person, he’s no
candidate to be their daddy.”

I felt bad for
letting her think he was a drunk when the nurse had told me it was only the
medication making him say…sexy things. But to me, Jack was a symptom. He wasn’t
the problem I needed to deal with. It was my own sexuality that needed
clarifying. Was I going to embrace it, or sideline it for the sake of having a
family?

Jill wasn’t privy
to my thought process, so she went on with, “But it’s great that your libido is
alive and well. That’s a good sign.”

I shook my head.
“I know you’ll be able to do hot sex and also be a mamma, but I don’t think I
can. I think... I can only do one or the other.”