Hustle Him (Bank Shot Romance #2) (15 page)

Until the night Vessa came into my life. I didn’t believe in fate, but it was a damn strange coincidence that a car accident took away my family and a car accident made me meet Vessa. I knew I could fight my feelings until I was blue in the face. It wouldn’t do me any good when the lines had already been crossed. I couldn’t fight my feelings for her anymore. She’d put herself out there for me. She’d seen the darkest part of me and didn’t run away. I needed her.

About an hour had passed and we were still wrapped in each other’s arms on the couch.
I shouldn’t have been doing it, but my mind did go back to Jules a couple of times. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen with my current situation. I wanted to get to know her, but it was impossible for me to let go. As happy as I was lying there with her in my arms, I had to consider how much it would hurt her if I could never move on. It wasn’t just Vessa. She came with two kids. It terrified me to think about hurting all of them if I couldn’t handle the relationship. Those kids were already hurting from the damage their father had done.

Vess
a adjusted her body and I loosened my hold on her. She leaned in to kiss me, but backed away when I didn’t respond the way she expected. “Are you okay?”

I ran my hand over her blonde hair. “I think we shouldn’t have rushed into this.”

She sat straight up and covered her body with her hands. “I thought…we just…”

“I know. I’m trying to wrap my mind around what just happened.” Right away, I could tell that it hurt her feelings. She climbed off the couch and started looking for her clothes, before walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind her. I walked up to the door and knocked on it. The sound of sniffles was all I could hear. “Vessa, let me explain.”

“I think you said enough. Why didn’t you just let me leave? I’ve never done anything like that before. You’re the only man I’ve been with besides my husband. I feel like you used me.”

“You know it’s not like that. I told you from the beginning that I was a shitty friend.”

The door swung open and Vessa stood there with an angry look on her face. “You didn’t have to run out to my car earlier. You can’t keep making excuses for your actions, Ramsey. Obviously your dick was ready to be my friend.”

It sounded so dirty coming out of her mouth. “Don’t talk like that. You know it wasn’t like that. I was emotional and let my feelings take over. I never said that I didn’t want to be with you. All I’m saying is that I don’t know if I’m ready to jump into a relationship with a married woman that has two kids.” It came out wrong. I wanted to take it back, but when Vessa went running for the front door for a second time, I just stood there watching her leave.

Sure, I could have run after her and promised her that things between us would work out, but I’d be lying. My heart was being ripped apart and I couldn’t let her in until I knew where I wanted to be. It wasn’t fair to either of us. So, instead of running after her, or calling her, I just stood there watching her drive away.

I didn’t sleep at all that night and when morning came, I was determined on what I needed to do. For the longest time, I’d shut out my family because I couldn’t face them. I wanted to call and check on Vessa, but the damage was done and giving her false hope wasn’t the answer to my problems. She was better off thinking that I didn’t want her.

The drive to the cemetery was long and quiet. I stopped by the florist and bought two bouquets of daisies. When I pulled up at the gravesite, I couldn’t seem to get out of the car. I eventually had to force myself to do it. Fresh flowers had recently been put in both of my girls headstones. I knew it was probably my in-laws, since they made it a point to stop by every Sunday after church. I traced Jules name on the headstone and sat down between the two of them.

I had so much to say to them. It all seemed so easy on my drive there, but sitting in front of those headstones made it all seem real. I felt like I was giving up on them by accepting their deaths. I thought about my sweet little girl and how her hands felt so soft when they held mine. I remember tracing the wrinkles in her skin when she was a baby. I even got choked up thinking about the first time I saw her beautiful smile.

We loved our little girl so much. There wasn’t anything in the world that I wouldn’t have done for her. I put my flowers in with the other ones and traced Katie’s name with my fingers. My eyes burned just thinking about her tiny body being in the ground underneath of me. The only good thing being the fact that they were both buried together. I couldn’t have them laid to rest apart from each other. They died together and they needed to be laid to rest that way.

My mind went back to that cold winter day the funeral took place on. So many people had come out to support me, but by then, I’d already
completely shut down. Not even my parents could make a bit of difference. From the moment of the accident, after I’d looked over and realized that they were gone, nothing could ever be the same for me.

“I miss you so much, my sweet girl. Daddy thinks about you every single second.” I didn’t care if someone saw me breaking down. This was between me and my girls.

My head leaned down on the large headstone. I didn’t know if she could hear me, but I had to talk to my wife. “If your watching over me, you’re probably pissed right now. I know you wouldn’t want me to live the kind of life that I’ve been living. I just couldn’t stay in that house, Jules. I couldn’t be there and not hear you talking to Katie. When I came home from work, the house was too quiet. For the first week, I slept in Katie’s room. I didn’t know how to live without you two.” I’d never been an emotional kind of guy. Some people would have said that I never showed any, but after they died, all of the pain just took over.

“I think I’m here because I’m feeling guilty about what I’ve been doing. Jules, I know I promised to love you forever, and I meant it. I will love you f
orever. It’s just that I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. Someone came into my life and as much as I try to distance myself from her, I can’t seem to do it. God, I feel like I cheated on you and I hate myself for it. I just don’t know what to do, babe. I need you to tell me. Was it just a coincidence that I met her the same way I lost you? You know I never believed in all of this before, but did you send her to me? I get that I haven’t been living up to my potential. I just wanted to give up. I wanted to be with you and Katie. Please, Jules, I need you to give me some kind of sign that I’m doing the right thing. I want you to yell at me for sleeping with Vessa. Tell me you’re mad. Scream at me. Please! You always used to tell me about signs. You said everything happens for a reason. I need a sign, babe. I need something so bad.”

I kept my head against the stone, even after I had run out of things to say
. It was quiet and birds were chirping in the trees that were placed around the cemetery. The morning dew had all but dried due to the bright sun having been up for a while. I knew I’d been talking to myself as some kind of therapeutic last resort. Before standing up and leaving, with no more answers than when I had first got there, I needed to say one more thing. “I can’t live like this anymore, Jules. I’ll never stop loving you and Katie, but if I can’t be with you, I need to know if it’s okay to live again. I need to know that it’s what you’d want for me.”

If I tried to tell someone what happened next, they would have never believed it. At the time, I didn’t even believe it myself. There wasn’t a single cloud in the sky, but it started to rain. I stood up and let it fall all around me. Now, I know it could have just been some kind of fluke weather condition, except I needed a sign and I was too caught up to consider that it could be anything but that.

I was raised catholic. I’d heard of spirits and exorcisms and miracles. I gave my wife her first cross and had our priest bless it. Was there such thing as divine intervention?

It had to be.

The rain shower disappeared after only a few minutes and the birds went back to chirping. With soaked clothes, I walked back to my truck and got inside. I think I must have sat there for over an hour shaking at what had just happened. Like I said before, I knew it was probably just my imagination, but it was enough for me to question my actions.

I think all along I knew that the way I was living was only hurting myself. People cope in different ways. I needed time alone. I needed to be able to let go enough to live again.

Now I just needed to figure out how to make things right again. Before I could even consider what my feelings for Vessa were, I needed to do some serious damage control on everything else in my life. It was the only way for me to be sure that I was making the right decision.

Chapter 14

Vessa

After sleeping with Ramsey, and leaving the way I had, I sat in my car crying in my driveway for the longest time. My aunt finally had to come out in her night clothes and get me to come into the house. I think when she saw what kind of condition I was in, she was afraid to ask me what happened.

Things got even worse for me the next morning. Apparently Logan had called his father while the babysitter was watching him. He told him all about Ramsey taking him fishing and getting
ice-cream. Since I wasn’t present during the conversation, I couldn’t be sure what all else he had told his father.

When my cell phone rang that morning, I got an earful from Gavin
.

Hello?

It didn’t take you long to move on, I hear. Did you just think you could replace with a new daddy for our kids, Vessa? You really think I would be okay with that?

First of all, you need to talk to me, not our son. The sheriff is not my boyfriend and I was never trying to replace you. My aunt asked him to take Logan fishing since you were too busy to do it.

You think I’m going to believe that?

I don’t care what you think.

Why was there a babysitter at the house last night? You want to tell me that you weren’t with that guy?

I had to work.

Bullshit, Vessa. I called the bar and your aunt asked if I was Ramsey and then said you weren’t there. I think you two need to go over your stories a little more if you want people to believe them. Just so we are clear, I’ve already called my lawyer. She thinks we have a stronger case now that you’ve also strayed from our marriage.

I never…

Save it. Consider us even. Now the judge can decide who the kids should live with.

You know you don’t want them full time, Gavin. Please don’t take them from me. I don’t have a boyfriend. Ramsey isn’t even my friend. He just lost his wife and daughter in a terrible accident. The man can’t even take care of himself. I swear, I’m telling you the truth.

Well, I don’t believe you.

When did you get a lawyer?

My parents got her for me. She also said something about getting you for taking our kids out of state.

Gavin, I’m begging you. Please don’t do this to me. You know that our kids are my whole world. If you ever loved me at all, if our marriage ever meant anything to you, please don’t do this.
I was a good wife to you. Please reconsider.

The only way I would reconsider now, is if you moved back home and gave us another chance.

Are you serious right now? You’re living with someone that you got pregnant while we were still together. How could anything that I’ve done before compare to that? How could you really think that I would ever give you another chance?

Keep an eye out for the mail, Vessa. You’ll be getting papers soon.

I tossed the phone on my bed and curled up in a ball crying. What had I done to deserve everything that was happening to me? Asha came walking in the room in her Sunday school clothes. I heard Logan talking to my aunt about something.

“Mommy, why are you crying?”

I sat up and hugged her so tight. “I’m just having a bad day. It just got better seeing your pretty face, though.”

“Logan said that Daddy told him we were going to move home soon.
Is that why you’re sad?” It broke my heart hearing her say it.

“Asha, do you like it here?”

She smiled. “I like my room and my new friends. Aunt Sue always does fun stuff with us and we can play outside without getting yelled at. I don’t want to move back with Daddy. His new girlfriend is mean and she doesn’t like me.”

“As much as I know your daddy loves you, he has a lot going on right now. A new baby can change things and it can be overwhelming. I’m glad you like it here. I’d never want you to be unhappy.” I had to really bite my tongue to say something positive about Gavin. After that phone call I was ready to drive there and commit murder.

“I wish Grandma could be here, too. She always knew how to make things better.”

“She sure did, baby. She sure did.”

I tried to spend the rest of the Sunday enjoying being with family. The bar was closed and this was our day to unwind. After getting the kids settled down, I finally sat down on the couch with my aunt and told her everything that had happened between me and Ramsey. She didn’t seemed shocked about any of it, not even the part where he was so indecisive after we’d slept together.

My self esteem was already becoming non-
existent, but after Ramsey pretty much rejected me after sex, well, I felt worthless.   Maybe my inexperience made him never want to be with me again.