Hypnotic Seduction (The Seduction Series) (33 page)

To have the woman he cared for choose other women over him must have destroyed his ego along with his faith in love. “If it’s any comfort, she made the wrong choice.”

“And I made mine. I don’t trust love, Hannah. I won’t let people make commitments to me, and I won’t rely on them not to hurt me. As soon as I do, they either die or leave me.”

“If that’s the case, why aren’t you afraid of getting attached to a child you might have?”

“I’m scared shitless. Bobby proved youth is no immunity to death.” Jordan sucked in a shuddering breath. “But my grandfather has done so much for me. The least I can do is
give
him the heir he wants.” He laughed without a hint of humor. “Preferably before he dies, and I lose him, too.”

Evidently, convincing Jordan he wanted to spend his life with her wasn’t the issue. He was afraid of being hurt again. This would teach her not to listen to her instincts. The affirmations on the subliminal CD were all wrong. They should have been about how much he could trust her with his heart. But after the seduction game she’d played all week to rouse his jealousy, he was less likely than ever to believe she would never hurt him.

He rose from his seat and picked up the last of the clutter from the floor. One corner of his mouth lifted in a half smile. “The only promise I can make, Hannah, is I would always take care of you and our baby.”

“What about your hope of becoming Chairman of the Board?”

He shrugged one shoulder. “The directors all love you, and if they really want Calder to promote a family health image, they should be thrilled for me to have a kid. I’m sure they’d prefer to see me hitched first, but that just isn’t going to happen. In their eyes, having an exclusive relationship with you is ten times better than me dating six different women. My grandfather is so crazy about
you,
at first I thought he wanted you for himself.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No.” Jordan shook his head, his expression dead serious. “I was actually jealous of my own grandfather. You haven’t a clue how you make men feel, do you? I guarantee Edward would jump at the chance to have you live with us.”

And she was just as certain he wouldn’t. Jordan’s grandfather was a traditional man. She could imagine how fast Edward’s opinion of her would deteriorate if she agreed to live in sin with his grandson. “How about you? You’ve trusted me with your deepest secrets, yet you can’t trust me with your heart. What
do
you feel for me?”

He heaved an anguish-filled sigh, and her heart leapt in hope as he admitted, “You’re more special than any woman has ever been to me. But don’t ask me to label my feelings. I can’t....I
won’t
do that.”

In other words, he would never marry her or let himself completely love or trust her. If she’d known up front how emotionally scarred Jordan was
,
she never would’ve believed she could change his mind about making a commitment to her.

Closing her eyes, she sucked in a steadying breath and stood. “I’m sorry. Being just your lover isn’t good enough. I deserve better than to be a rich man’s mistress.”

“No question about it.” He spread his arms wide. “The hell of it is I know it’s unfair to ask you to accept anything less than a wedding ring. But I’m sorry. It would be even more criminal to marry you when I know I can’t ever give you what you need. I’ll be your lover and friend for the time being and a father to any children we have, but that’s all I can offer.”

“I’m sorry, too.” Despite that he refused to return her feelings, she loved him. But if she compromised and settled for what he was offering, she would undoubtedly grow to resent him. Self-preservation dictated she walk away, regardless of how her heart ached to give him anything that would make him happy.

“On Tuesday, you encouraged me to put my own happiness first. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m not the same pathetic, insecure woman I used to be. I deserve love, romance—and marriage. And I won’t settle for anything less.”

trust
  v
. 1. To have or place confidence in; depend on. 2. To be confident; hope. 3. To believe.

He who trusts too easily
may be betrayed
, but he who doesn’t trust at all will never know true love or friendship—not to mention, he’ll be a bit paranoid.

The outer office doors banged closed, punctuating Hannah’s hasty departure. Jordan squeezed his eyes
shut,
still stunned he’d spilled his guts to her that way.

She’d been like a curious toddler who’d found a microscopic split in his armor and kept poking at it with her questions until it became a huge, gaping hole, leaving him completely exposed. That he’d let himself become that vulnerable was proof he’d already let their relationship go too far.

How could he make her understand the whole reason he couldn’t give her what she wanted was because he cared so much about her? The last thing he wanted was to hurt Hannah.

Bullshit
, his conscience taunted.
What you can’t handle is her hurting you
!

He winced at the pounding in his head and rubbed his neck. In the last week, Hannah’s CD had pretty much wiped out his migraines. He’d almost forgotten how fast one could come on and how much his head could hurt.

He reached for the remote he’d replaced on his desk after their tussle and clicked on the stereo across the room. The soothing sounds of ocean waves filled the air. He leaned back and closed his eyes, letting the tension seep out of him.

You are such a jackass
, his conscience whispered.
Doesn’t it mean anything that, even after hearing how you screwed Marcy’s friend, Hannah still wants you? Doesn’t that prove she loves you?

Yeah, but for how long?

His mother had been right about him. Deep down, he was a filthy pervert.

~*~

“Ready to go?”

Hannah’s stomach sank on Monday when she glanced up at lunchtime and found Bryce standing in her office doorway. She glanced at her watch. Darn. He was early.

“
Ummm
....not quite. Can you wait while I finish this?”

“Sure.” He flopped into the chair next to her desk and watched while she pretended to proofread a letter.

Knowing her luck, this would be the one day Callie would be late. Hannah had planned to call her at some point during the morning and tell her friend about the crazy scheme she’d hatched, but time had gotten away from her.

When Hannah had accepted Bryce’s lunch offer on Friday—an invitation she knew he made purely to push Jordan’s buttons—she’d figured she could cancel at the last minute and talk Bryce into taking Callie, instead.

“So how’re you doing with you know who?” Bryce jerked his head toward Jordan’s door. “Any sign of him weakening?”

There was no way she could tell Bryce that their attempts to make her boss jealous had worked a little too well. She wanted Jordan to yearn for her love as well as her body, but more importantly, she wanted his trust and respect—something she feared she’d never win.

“No. If anything, he’s even more resistant. It’s pointless to hope his feelings will change. So,”—she sighed—“in the interest of keeping my job, I’m giving up on him. There are plenty of other men who aren’t commitment-phobic and who would love to have a family.”

“Present company
excepted
.” Bryce grinned.

Unfortunately, she’d gone out with four
guys
since she’d returned from Washington—Hank on Thursday, Jeff on Saturday, Sunday brunch with Dave from Accounting and then bowling Sunday night with Brad from Regulatory. She hadn’t felt the slightest desire to kiss any one of them—let alone make a baby with him.

Callie’s head finally poked in the door. “Hey, let’s go, I’m
starv
—” Her gaze locked on Bryce lounging next to the desk, and she froze, her face a mask of betrayal.

“Oh, no.” Hannah slapped her forehead with all the drama of a V-8 commercial. “I forgot to tell you Bryce asked me to lunch.” She smiled at him. “You know, I really need to finish this. Why don’t you take Callie, instead? I appreciate your effort to nudge Jordan, but—”

“Are you sure?” Bryce frowned. “We could wait and the three of us could go together.”

“I’ll probably be a while. You’d better go without me.”

“Okay.” Bryce stood and guided Callie toward the door. “I guess it’s just us, kiddo.”

“Great. Can we go for Chinese?”

Hannah gave Callie
a thumbs
up behind Bryce’s back and received a strained, contrite smile in return. Once they left, she turned back to her computer.

“That was some performance.” Jordan wandered out of his office carrying the tin of cookies and nibbling on a lemon square.

“Thanks. Too bad I’m not as good at orchestrating my own love life.”

“I heard what you said to Bryce about moving on in your husband hunt.” He continued into her office and rested his hip on her side desk while he munched on his cookie. “Is that what you were doing all weekend—auditioning potential daddies?”

“What are you suggesting?” She glared up at him.

“Only that, if you’re trying to punish me, you’re doing a damn good job of it. You don’t need to rub it in that you’ve already gotten involved with someone else.”

“Why would you think that?”

“It sure as hell looks as if one of them got lucky.” He pushed her hair away from her neck and traced the red mark on her throat. “I know I didn’t give you this hickey.”

“It’s not a hickey. I burned myself with the curling iron on Saturday.”

“Right.”

Considering his abandonment and trust issues, the last thing she wanted was for him to think she could replace him so easily. However, it was no big surprise he didn’t believe her.

He sorted through the cookie tin. “Didn’t you bring any walnut balls or cinnamon-almond cookies?”

“No. I haven’t had time to bake in the last two weeks.”

The look on his face said he wasn’t buying her explanation.

“You’re paranoid,” she accused. As if she would actually withhold his favorite cookies to get back at him.

“Am I? You deny flaunting your body since the charity dance to make me jealous?”

“Okay, so I admit I was dressing sexier to get your attention.”

“It’s not just
my
attention you’ve grabbed, Hannah. None of those lechers who’ve been hanging around here even knew you were alive until you began
struttin
’
your stuff. I liked you just the way you were. Why’d you have to change yourself?”

It seemed Jordan saw her metamorphosis as a betrayal of sorts—almost as if he was afraid her new popularity would transform her in a similar way his ex-girlfriend’s lesbian orgy had affected Marcy’s preferences. Trying to make him jealous had only reinforced his mistrust and fear of commitment. “I wasn’t dressing like that to attract other men, Jordan. Except I’ve given up on you, so I’m done playing the seductress. It really isn’t me, anyway,” she admitted.

She would never go back to dressing the part of the repressed, inhibited woman she’d once been. Still, she was no sex kitten, either.

“That’s why I went shopping with my mother on Saturday afternoon and bought some outfits that are a little more classic and sophisticated.” She
’d been forced
to leave most of her new clothes for alterations, but fortunately the waist on the knee-length pencil skirt rode on the swell of her hips, so she’d worn it today. “I’m really not interested in attracting a man who’s only looking for a good time between the sheets.”

Jordan fingered the drape on the cowl neckline of her fitted silk blouse. “You look very classy. Your mother helped you pick this outfit?”

“Believe it or not, she knows quite a lot about fashion. We had a long talk and agreed to try being friends. I had a wonderful time with her.”

“I’m glad you’re getting along better.”

“Candace actually dresses pretty conservatively when she’s not going out of her way to play the bimbo. She even paid for a whole new designer wardrobe for me.”

“That’s great, except those perverts have already seen your assets. How will you know if a guy is really interested in you or if he just wants to get you naked?”

Good question. “I guess I’ll have to dig deep to be sure.” She shrugged. “But make no mistake, Jordan, I’m going to continue searching for someone who’ll love me. I deserve it.”

“You won’t get an argument from me.” He stared down at her for moment and shrugged. “Maybe I
am
a little paranoid. But it’s only because the idea of you being with another man makes me crazy.”

“Then prepare to go insane. Because I’m making it my
mission
to find someone who’ll make me feel the way you do and love me as well.”

“Go insane? I’m already halfway there. Do you know what I did last night?”

She shook her head.

“I sat outside your apartment and watched your front door all evening to make sure your date left. What do you call that if not nuts?”

“Some might misinterpret it as love—but we both know differently, don’t we?”

“If that’s what love does to a guy,” he muttered, “I was smart to avoid it all these years.” He spun on his heels and headed back toward his office with the cookie tin under his arm. He stopped in the doorway and spun back to face her. “Don’t worry. Now that you’ve emerged from your dowdy little cocoon, I have no doubt you’ll find a man more than willing to give you what I can’t. Just don’t ask me to like it.”

“The operative word is
won’t
, Jordan—not
can’t
.”

~*~

“What do you mean our reservation was cancelled?” Hannah shifted the phone receiver on her shoulder late Thursday morning and dropped her face into her hand. “What idiot would do something like that?”

“You did.” Mrs. Baker, the hotel’s banquet manager explained, “We received written notice from you on Tuesday that Calder was ending the conference a day earlier than expected. I have it right here on your personal stationary, signed by you.”

That was impossible. “Are you sure it’s not a photocopy of my letterhead?”