I Am Forever (What Kills Me) (39 page)

Hang on, Lucas.

I got on trembling hands and knees and focused on a white mass a few feet in front of me. My mouth filled with liquid and I spat saliva and blood. My wound burned with every move.
Almost there. Oh God. Almost there.

I reached the white body.

Empress.

I gripped her shoulder with my bloody hand and turned her onto her back. Her eyes were closed. She had bled through the front of her jacket, and the liquid had pooled on the shiny surface of the snakeskin. It ran in between her white collarbones and under her choker. I yanked the necklace off and her eyes fluttered open.

“Axelia,” she croaked.

With a cry I grabbed her throat.

First you tried to kill me. Then you tried to kill my family. You’ve used me. And now you want to imprison me.
I squeezed her until blood seeped out from her closed lips.
You’re the epitome of evil. How could you do this? How could you do this to me!

The Empress’s memory was so powerful that it hit me like a wave of sound and heat. Fire. There was fire everywhere. It burned my cheeks. I smelled burning flesh and hair. Voices shrieked. The sky was so black and the flames so bright.

Dark smoke stalked the area. In a clearing a figure in golden armor approached. He removed his blood splattered helmet and tucked it under his arm. His dark hair was matted to his forehead. His eyes.... He had the palest blue eyes with ripples of white like sunlight on a pond. He reached out a gloved hand.

“Lilith-iluna,” he said, his voice a deep bass.

A gust of ash and hot embers blasted my vision. When I could see again, the golden soldier seemed to be floating. His feet flailed. His blue eyes were so wide. He reached for the sword at his hip. His head suddenly turned sideways and was wrenched from his shoulders.

“ABISARE!” I hardly recognized the Empress’s scream. So high-pitched. So destroyed.

A monstrous figure tossed the head at me. Cloaked in smoke, its tall silhouette had long arms with big claws. It laughed, the sound low and grating like rocks being ground up; I felt the rumble in my own chest.

Its eyes. Oh my God. They glowed a brilliant blood red.

The Empress and I gasped at the same time. I released her and snapped out of her vision.

Those red eyes. That laugh. I’ve seen them and heard it before. In my nightmares.

I was crying. And I didn’t know why. Her memory had terrified me and wounded me. I felt infinite loss for someone I had never met.

But it reminded me of what the Empress had tried to take from me.

I leaned over her and picked her up again by her neck. She gagged. I put my face inches from hers and spoke, every word causing searing pain around the knife in my heart.

“Lilith-iluna,” I said. “I don’t want war. I don’t want what happened to Abisare to happen to anyone else. The Ancients lived for power. But I live for one thing and one thing only. My family. If you ever try to hurt them again, I will kill myself and all of you with me to protect them.”

A red tear leaked out of her ultraviolet eyes.

“I am going to leave the Monarchy,” I told her. “If you come after me or anyone that I care about, I will make everyone pay. If you let me be free, I will live forever and the Monarchy lives forever. Try to stop me and I will end you all. Don’t try to deceive me. I will know that you are lying. Do you understand?”

She stared at me, her face contorted in pain. I shook her and she coughed. “Do you understand?”

“Yes, my lady, yes, I understand.”

In that moment she thought again of Abisare, her king, and again I saw his severed head in her mind. I shuddered and let her go.

I had reminded her of unspeakable pain and I knew that she was now afraid of me. I believed that she would leave me alone, if only for a while.

I rose to my feet and shuffled away from her. I glanced at the knife in my chest. I had buried the blade as deep as it could go. The hilt was pressed against my skin. Seeing it created a disconnect between my mind and my body. It was as if I still couldn’t believe that it was there. For a moment I was numb.

I wrapped my fingers around the handle. My wound was trying to close against the blade. When I applied pressure to pull it out, it was like stabbing myself again. I yelled and my knees buckled.

I can do this.
I tensed my body and braced myself.

I ripped the knife from my body. I screamed until the hot pain subsided—and everyone in the room echoed my agony. I squashed my palm against my aching wound and began to limp over to Lucas. Taren was trying to drag himself toward a weapon. I kicked the sword away and stepped over him. I bent over and hugged Lucas to me.

“Are you okay?” I asked him.

“A little extreme, don’t you think?” he said through clenched teeth.

“I got my point across, didn’t I?” I lifted him to his feet and maneuvered him toward the door.

“Every vampire in the world got that message.”

“Whatever. They’ll survive.”

“And live to fight another day.”

“They’re going to leave us alone now.”

“How do you know that for sure?”

I looked back at the Empress. She lay unmoving. But her eyes were open and bleeding tears. In the far corner Uther sat up. He raised a bloody hand as if to say goodbye. I put my palm to my chest and bowed my head.

“I don’t know for sure,” I said. “But I hope they now know better.”

I pulled open the doors. The hall was clear.

“So where are we going?” Lucas asked.

The soreness in my heart receded. I smiled at him.

“Home.”

The forest was alive. Insects chirred. Birds twittered. The green floor was a plush blanket of fallen autumn foliage and mulch, and walking on it made me feel as if I was floating. I listened to ants chewing leaves. I listened to the earth fizz like champagne every time a drop of water hit the soil, causing the dirt to shift and sink.

It made me feel alive. I wished Lucas was with me. But he would be soon enough after the sun set.

I climbed an incline, green spilling over the hill like a waterfall. In the distance the woods appeared to be on fire, ablaze with red and orange and yellow. The fall colors formed a patchwork among the green—nature’s tartan.

I was happy about the hill; it would be easier to watch for enemies from that vantage point.

The Empress had twisted the story for the masses. According to the latest reports, the Divine had been confused and traumatized by her time with the terrorists, and she accidentally injured herself at the palace, causing injury to every vampire in the world.

I tried not to think about poor Lettie collapsing in a pool of her own blood somewhere in Italy, maybe in a crowded square, maybe terrifying passing humans.

The Monarchy’s missive said that the incident was brief and the Divine had come to her senses.
I had come to my senses, yes.
The Divine, they said, was safe and under protection.

I’m under my own protection now. And I have the power to protect those that I love.

“We’ll always be running, I fear,” Lucas had said after we fled the palace.

“This time it’s different,” I had told him. “I am scared of the day they catch up to us again. But that’s okay. When they decide to come after me, I know I can handle them. I’ll be ready.”

When I reached the peak of the mound, I saw a row of burly trees aligned like soldiers in front of a pudgy cabin. The wood was painted the color of whole-wheat toast. A deck wrapped around the house like a grille on a football helmet. A squirrel scampered over the grassy knoll ahead of me.

Someone inside was cooking bacon. And scraping a whisk against a bowl.

I brushed twigs and grass from the skirt of my white dress and swept my curls to one shoulder. I tiptoed up the stairs onto the deck and approached a white door. Floral curtains covered the window so I couldn’t see inside.

Will you see me for who I truly am?

San and Cormac had moved my family several times until they reached the mountains here in North Carolina. They had told them I would be joining them soon.

Finally.

I rapped my knuckles on the wood and the whisking stopped. Footsteps, barefoot and slippered, ran from various points in the cabin.

This is it. This is a moment I’ll remember forever.

The door banged against the frame before flying open.

I smiled. “Hi, Dad.”

I was finally home.
 

To the fans who read
What Kills Me
and encouraged me to write the sequel, this story is for you. I am forever (wink) grateful for your support and for your awesome reviews, emails, and messages.

I must extend a huge thank you to my editor, Marie-Lynn Hammond, who is a literary wizard. I am also crazy grateful to my beta readers and fellow authors, Thomas Winship, Leigh Carron, and Nikki Jefford. An extra special shout-out goes out to my writing buddy, S.M. Boyce, for her enduring advice, cheerleading, and friendship.

Thank you to my literary agent, Haskell Nussbaum at The Rights Factory, who I am so fortunate to have in my corner.

I knew that the book cover was going to be amazing in Liliana Sanches’ hands. She is such a passionate, determined, and hard-working artist.

Thank you to my father who is the unofficial president of the Wynne Channing fan club, my family, my besties, and my husband (who are part of the fan club whether I write or not). Love you all.