I Can't Begin to Tell You (46 page)

‘I mean I want to know you, Eva.’

To reassure herself, she touched his face. This was real. He was solid. Felix was no dream. No.

She had no idea who he was, or where he came from. But she had no reservations about him and no reservations about what she wanted.

Holding her face between his hands, he peered at her through the gloom.

He kissed her.

She put her arms round his neck.
Remember
, she told herself.
Remember this
.

After a while he asked, ‘Am I forgiven for startling you?’

‘What do you think?’

After a while Felix disengaged himself and she gave a small groan of protest. ‘We’ve just under two hours.’ He laid the back of his hand against her cheek. ‘There’s no choice.’

It was time to be professional.

She briefed Felix on the army trucks she had spotted and he questioned her about the numbers, their direction. ‘They’ve been around for a few weeks,’ he said. ‘It has held things up here.’

‘I thought Rosenlund was compromised as a drop zone.’

‘It is and it isn’t.’ Felix moved over to the window and took a look outside. ‘It was Freya’s idea and it ticked a lot of boxes. The RAF did a reconnaissance but we had to mothball it while the place was being watched. Then Odin sent word that the surveillance had been called off. The alternatives are few and far between, and for some reason London has suddenly banned drops in Jutland. Instructions were sent via Sweden to use this one.’ He shrugged. ‘We need the stuff. So …’

‘Who’s Odin?’

Felix pressed a finger against her lips. ‘A mole deep in where
it matters.’ He didn’t speak with any enthusiasm. ‘But vital. He tells us when and where the Germans are likely to be busy.’

He explained the plan. Because of the last-minute switch, he had been forced to draft in men from København as well as Køge. ‘We need everyone we can get hold of.’

‘
C’est
on,
c’est
off …’ she murmured, phrases she had picked up from one of the agents during training. She looked at Felix.
C’est
on.
C’est
very much on.

‘There is one thing I have to ask you,’ Felix said finally.

‘Ask me, then.’

‘The wireless set. Freya was forced to leave it here and we need it in København. It won’t be any use here once this is over.’ There was a long pause. ‘You know what I’m asking.’

She was getting ready, checking the pistol, tying back her hair. ‘Yes.’

‘It’s the last thing I want to ask you.’

‘It’s my job, Felix.’

She bent down to retie the lace on her boot. He knelt beside her and put his hands on her shoulders. ‘Afterwards, Eva …’

‘Afterwards,’ she repeated.

She gazed into his face, trying to memorize every flicker of expression, everything about him.

She knew that he knew that they both knew the truth: the only thing certain was that nothing was certain.

Felix fetched the wireless set from its hiding place where Freya had left it and, moving like the trained agents they were, they went out together into the night.

The sun set at approximately six-thirty but the large and brilliant moon ensured it was not totally dark. Observing their training, Felix and Tanne moved cautiously through the trees in the direction of the lake.

Felix carried the wireless transmitter. Tanne had her pistol at the ready.

The glorious autumn had dried out the undergrowth and they trod over layers of snapping, crackling leaf fall. Checking, always checking, they went carefully.

At the lakeside, Felix went ahead to rendezvous and Tanne, the wireless transmitter at her feet, kept watch under the tree cover.

Home.

But it was hard to make out the house, which was a good thing.

It was growing chilly and she was grateful for the long-sleeved woollen jumper she had on under her jacket.

Felix stole back through the trees. He reached out and took Tanne’s hand. Their fingers locked.

‘The others?’

‘On their way,’ he said.

A couple of men, in dark clothing and berets, materialized out of the undergrowth and joined them. Shortly afterwards four more followed. Finally, a tall, slender, black-clad figure in a beret crept up to the edge of the trees and crouched down.

The figure was familiar, and yet it wasn’t.

Was it?

Tanne’s sharply indrawn breath was audible in the hush. ‘
You!
’

Her
mother quivered as if she had been hit.

Fury – because Felix should have warned her – mixed with relief at seeing her and gratitude that she was still alive, made Tanne clumsy and she lurched into her mother’s arms.

They clung together.

The touch was the one from childhood – the touch that had anchored Tanne to her life, her family, her home.

Nuzzling Tanne’s cheek as she had done so often over the years, her mother kissed her – once, twice, three times – and whispered, ‘Remember that I’m Freya now …’

‘And I’m Eva. How are you, Freya?’ But she longed to say:
How are you
, Mor
?

In the gloom, Tanne was able to make out that Kay was smiling. ‘Better for seeing you.’

Hugging her, Tanne noted that her mother was very thin – thinner than Tanne could ever imagine – and her hair had been dyed into a dark mass. She smelled different: of unlaundered clothes and sweat and a world away from the scented, powdered, soft-bodied woman of the past.

Kay turned away and grabbed Felix. Tanne heard her say: ‘Your promise, Felix –’

Felix cut her off. ‘Eva has been trained. She has chosen to do this. It’s her job now.’

Kay looked from one to the other. ‘You’ve been in England?’ Tanne nodded. Her mother swung round and hit Felix hard on the chest. ‘You’ve betrayed me, Felix.’

He caught her hand. ‘Freya …’

‘It was the one thing I asked of you.’

Felix the lover had vanished. In his place was the agent. ‘I’m not going to stop anyone who wants to join in the fight –’

‘Freya,’ Tanne intervened. ‘It was my decision.’

‘Shut up now,’ said Felix.

He checked the time and signalled to the team to gather round. They were passing around the hip flask. One of them
was finishing the tail hunk of a sausage. Another cracked such a filthy joke that his companions hushed him.

‘Five minutes. Listen carefully. Army vehicles are on the move in the area. It could mean nothing, it could mean trouble. Our intelligence suggested they were moving out of the area but we can’t be sure. The noise will be bad but the British bombers fly over here frequently and, with a bit of luck, Fritz will take no notice.’ He paused. ‘Anyone who wishes can bugger off now.’

No one moved.

‘Right, then.’

Close to the shore, the lake was stippled by clusters of underwater reeds. Further out, the water was calm and gleaming under the moon and stars.

Tanne wondered what the pilot would be thinking. Had he briefed himself sufficiently? Had he written a list: fly east, turn south, look for a lake? Did he believe the intelligence that would have reassured him there were no anti-aircraft guns nearby? Had the navigator memorized the towns, rivers and forests?

Felix was now briefing them individually for the final time.

There was a noise. A footstep … ? It came from behind a clump of bushes.

‘
Lort!
’ One of the men swung round and took aim.

Nostrils flaring, they waited. Nothing. Placing a finger to her lips, her mother crept towards the bushes. The dark swallowed her up. Tanne’s heartbeat quickened.

Kay returned. ‘An animal, I think.’

She stood beside Tanne and drew her close. ‘Promise me you won’t take stupid risks,’ she whispered. As she spoke, they heard the faint throb of an engine. ‘Promise.’ The noise increased in intensity and volume. She looked up into the sky and continued calmly, ‘You have to make sure you live. For
Far
. For Nils. For me.’

Tanne said nothing.

‘Eva … do you understand. Do you promise?’

On
time. On cue. Silhouetted in the moonlight, the Halifax flew into view and her mother gasped. The Halifax could never be called a beautiful plane, yet, bathed in chalky pale moonlight, it was almost elegant, and it hung in the sky like a Chinese lantern.

Dodging flak, the Halifax had got here, the result of hours of meticulous planning. Tanne recollected the people she had met back at The Firm: the coding experts, the instructors, the good-mannered FANYs, the handling officer, the dispatcher, even the cook who had made the sandwiches to eat on board. All contributed to this moment.

Gut-churning, ear-splitting waves of sound.

The moonlight played over her mother’s uplifted face. Impossible to know what Kay was thinking. Was it grief, or pride, or elation? ‘Oh, well done,’ she murmured. ‘Well done.’

She sounded incredibly British and a lump edged into Tanne’s throat. Moving closer, she made sure their shoulders touched. Whatever happened, they were in this together.

We are not going to be beaten
, she wanted to shout up at the lumbering aircraft.
And you have made it possible
.

Felix knelt on the shoreline. The beam from his torch dotted and dashed the letter R.

The Halifax flew across the moon and Tanne whispered, ‘We are going to be fine.’

Don’t be negative
.

Think of the task in hand. Go over it, piece by piece
.

Outwit the enemy with your mind
.

Would she have the courage to take her pill?

Five hundred feet, that was the optimum flying height, no more, no less. The Halifax took a fix, grinding around in a circle before making a low pass over the water. A hot, fuel-laden wind buffeted the watchers below. From its belly fell six parachutes. Huge, ungainly jellyfish which the wind caught, slapping hard against the silk and snapping at the straps.

His job done, the pilot circled once more. The Halifax’s
wings dipped in farewell, and salute.
Look what we’ve managed
. Her mother gave a suppressed sob.

The plane rose, roared, set its course for home and drove on into the night sky.

The noise. The noise. It would waken the dead. An instinct made Tanne whip round and look towards the house.

Just in time. A light snapped on in her parents’ bedroom.

‘Felix …’ She pointed to the house.

The group swung into action.

Six buoyancy flags bobbed in the water, each one marking a container. The first two men into the boat rowed out to the couple furthest away. Hauling the parachutes and containers on board, they rowed back to shore and unloaded. The scene was filmic, almost dream-like. The second team leaped into the boat, rowed hard and fast and picked up two more.

Once on shore, the wet parachutes were bundled up, and battens slotted through the container handles. The loads were lifted and the men disappeared in the direction of the road and the parked-up vans.

It was Kay and Tanne’s turn. The oars settled like old friends into the palms of Tanne’s hands – as they had so often done at the family’s summer gatherings.

In the stern, her mother was positioned to catch up the containers. Reaching the first of the buoys, Tanne feathered the oars. Her mother bent over and hooked the buoy to the rope.

In the same way they netted the second container.

It was not easy. The rope was wet and tough to manipulate and Kay had to fight it. Time was passing.

Job done. Edging over to sit beside Tanne, Kay took an oar. Containers dragging behind them, they rowed as fast as they could towards the island.

The landing stage was tiny and rotten but they knew its tricks. Even so, hauling the containers onshore took all their strength. Tanne knelt and prised open the first, revealing tightly
packed bundles in waterproof material. These they ferried up into their designated hiding place under the summer house.

Her mother searched for one in particular. Double-wrapped in protective material, the package was marked with a red dot. ‘The crystals.’

Tanne unhooked the buoys, chucked them into the containers and stuffed the parachutes on top, piling in the stones which her mother had collected into a heap by the jetty. ‘I shall dream of that lovely silk,’ she said, shutting the lids down. Between them, they dragged the two containers back to the water.

How many minutes had elapsed?

‘Team Eberstern?’ In the boat, Kay positioned her oar. ‘Are you ready?’

Water glistened on the feathering oars. Moonlight splintered onto the lake’s surface. A couple of times the boat wallowed as, in their haste, they mistook their timing.

Halfway across, Tanne unhitched the rope from the containers and held each one down, waiting for the water to invade them. With a hiss they filled up and sank into the blackness, a trail of silver bubbles rising from their grave.

The two women rowed liked demons. As they neared the shore, Tanne sneaked a look at her mother. She looked pinched from the effort and her strokes were becoming uneven. The moonlight revealed an ill-fitting padded jacket and a thick fisherman’s sweater underneath. Her mother would never normally wear that sort of sweater.

Tanne’s eyes pricked.

At STS they had warned of the effects of adrenalin but they had not explained how an air of unreality could hover over an operation, or that feelings which should be safely buried could push and kick their way to the surface.

Forward. Pull. Feather. Forward. Their two bodies worked in unison. Voices carried across water so they didn’t speak until they reached the shore, where they moored the boat and ran into the trees.

They
paused for breath.

Craning her head, Tanne spotted Felix carrying the case and moving towards them through the trees. He beckoned. Tanne grabbed the package with the crystals and the women ran over to him.

But, as she picked up speed, Tanne was aware of a familiar figure hanging back by the treeline, almost out of sight. But she could spot him.

Her father.

He was staring across to Sophia-Maria’s island.

Tanne ran even harder.

Parked on the road, a van was waiting. As soon as they came into sight, the driver revved the engine. Hands reached out from the back and hauled them inside. Felix swung himself and the case up beside the driver.

The back was packed with the packages and sopping parachutes and Tanne, Kay and a couple of the men were forced to cling on as best they could.

They drove for about three minutes and then screeched to a halt. Tanne squinted through a slit in the bodywork. ‘We’ve been flagged down,’ she reported. ‘The driver’s talking to someone.’

There was a rapid exchange and the driver swore violently. Whoever had flagged them down now leaped up beside Felix. Gunning the van at top speed down the road, the driver swung it to the left and drove for another hundred metres or so and into a farmyard.

The driver sprinted around to the back of the van and hauled open the doors. ‘The Germans are onto us. Word is they waited until we were on the move because they want to get their hands on the stuff. This is Tage Seest’s place but he’s in hiding. There’s a slurry pit here. Shove it there.’

Working silently, they tipped the packages into the slurry. The parachutes were rolled up and pushed under hay bales. Tanne scattered straw over their footsteps.

‘Get
in,’ ordered the driver.

Clutching the crystals, Kay scrambled back into the van. Felix swung up into the front. The driver coaxed the van out of the farm and back onto the road.

Tanne was conscious of every breath.

They headed down the lane and looped back on themselves.

Where does the enemy least expect to find you? Behind him
.

The van halted. ‘Out,’ said the driver, barely waiting for them to disembark before driving off.

They were back on the northern perimeter of the Rosenlund estate. First Felix went over the wall, climbing with loose-limbed confidence. Then Kay handed up the wireless set and followed him. Tanne took charge of the crystals, slung them around her neck and went up and over.

They dropped down onto the scrubby turf and headed for the copse to their left, where they hunkered down.

Panting, Felix leaned back against a tree trunk. ‘Time?’

Tanne peered at her watch. ‘Three forty-five.’

There was nothing to be done but to wait it out.

Tanne was dozing when she felt Felix grip her arm. ‘What?’

He pointed. Over in the Køge direction, a finger of light cut through the night sky.

Her mother shivered. With cold? With fright? ‘Listen,’ she said.

Vehicles were moving down the road in their direction.

‘We split.’ Felix leaped to his feet. ‘When it’s light, make your way to the station and catch the six-thirty train to København. Or the seven o’clock. I’ll wait there for you with the set and hand it over. If you don’t make either of those, I’ll abort. At København, look for the blue taxi in the rank outside the station. He knows a safe house. The password’s
skummet melk
.’

Hefting up the case, he disappeared out of sight, skilful and almost silent.

Tanne and Kay backed further into the copse. When they
judged they were close to its centre, they dropped down into a sitting position against the tree trunks. In the silence, their breathing was audible.