I Carry Your Heart (Heart Series Book 1) (23 page)

He frowned at my words. “That is my only regret that I hurt you…” The pain was back in his eyes, once again inwardly blaming himself.

“Joel, if you hadn’t already noticed I have some anger issues myself.” I pointed to my bruised hand and Joel kissed it tenderly.

“Ahh yeah, I’m annoyed I missed that, but I’ve already been on the backlash of one of your punches before, remember?” He tried his hardest not to smile, he had experienced my rage upfront. 

I bit my lip, remembering that moment only too well. “Ahh, but you kind of deserved that.” I watched the smile instantly turn into a frown.

“I know,” he whispered.

I instantly cursed myself for dragging it back up. I grabbed his face, so his eyes locked with mine. “Hey, that’s in the past, but you’ll do good to remember I pack a mean punch.”

His lips curled up in amusement. “As if I’m ever likely to forget Izzy Balboa.”

“Huh?”

I laughed at his look of surprise and I shrugged, not recognising the reference.

“As in Rocky Balboa?” He did a mock punch but it still didn’t register.

I shrugged my shoulders again. “Who’s he?” I asked, pulling a face.

His eyes widened in shock. “You did not just say that!”

The look of horror on his face was priceless.

“Seriously is it a film?”

He shook his head looking slightly bemused. “When you get out I’m making you watch the box-set.”

“Well that should be fun.” I rolled my eyes at the very thought.

He jokingly narrowed his eyes at me. “Oh no way, no one mocks Rocky.” His hand reached out, grabbing my ribs and I flinched at his touch.

“Joel, don’t you dare! I have a bad head injury.” I pouted again. I was hoping my words were enough to stop him tickling me at all costs.

He instantly stopped. “How is your head?” He frowned and his hand left my ribs, to gently stroke my hair back, staring intently at my bandage.

“Sore but I’ll be fine.” It was unbelievably sore, but I was not about to make him feel worse then he did already. I’d play it down for his sake.

“Iz, do you not want to press charges against him?”

I closed my eyes to escape his concerned face, but I felt his stare burn into me. “No, I just want to forget. Please just let it drop–” I turned away from him. I knew he was worried and wanted to help but I didn’t want to face it.

“Okay, I’m not going to pressurise you but please tell me you’ll think about it,” he pleaded, kissing my hair.

I let out a loud sigh before answering. “I will, but I’m more worried about you getting arrested at the moment.”

“If it happens then there’s nothing I can do, it’s lucky Lee dragged me off when he did, else he’d be dead now.”

“How is he?” I asked.

“Do you really want to know?”

I heard the irritation in his voice. I turned around slowly and kept my eyes closed, to avoid Joel’s stare. “Yes,” I whispered so softly the words barely drew any sound.

“He’s alive but he won’t be leaving hospital for a while.”

I sighed in relief and my eyes opened to find Joel’s questioning my concern. It was for my own selfish reasons, the thought of Joel being up on a murder charge would have destroyed me.

“Can you promise me one thing?” I whispered.

He moved in closer, so we were barely inches apart. “Anything.” His eyes grew larger in expectation, hesitating slightly.

“That you won’t just leave again, that whatever we have to face in the future we’ll do it together. That you’ll always tell me everything, don’t lock me out again, I don’t think I could take it.”

He looked away when my eyes grew more urgent. I needed the reassurance only he alone could provide. I brought my hand up, to turn his face round to mine.

“Please Joel.”

“Okay, I promise,” he murmured, closing his eyes.

I knew it took a lot for him to open up. He had lived such a closed off life but I wanted him to come to me, to talk to me. I didn’t want him bottling up any more secrets.

“Thank you, you don’t know what that means to me.” I kissed him again. This time his eyes fluttered open. He responded and his kiss was more urgent. I knew he needed me, just as much as I needed him.

We lay kissing, our bodies wrapped around each other, losing ourselves in the moment. Only for the nurse to come in, shattering our tranquil state of bliss. She pursed her lips at out current sleeping arrangement. Joel reluctantly climbed out of bed, murmuring he was off for a coffee, and left me lying there awkwardly.

“Well someone looks well enough to go home, no wonder you’re flushed, the doctor will be doing his rounds in an hour.”

I openly blushed as she glared her disapproval. I wanted to hide under the covers to avoid those piercing eyes. She eventually looked away, making a note on the chart before leaving.

Breakfast arrived and so did Joel. He slinked back in, helping himself to some of my toast.

“Hey,” I yelled.

His eyes snapped automatically to mine. “What? Heard of the saying what’s mine is yours.” He took a large bite, chewing with a massive grin on his face.

“You haven’t put a ring on it yet.” I lifted my hand, to show my ring less finger.

He shook his head in amusement. “All in good time.” He grinned, taking a gulp of my orange juice, before grabbing another piece. My heart nearly stopped beating with shock.

Mrs Isabelle Sinclair.

It had a nice ring to it.

I quickly shook my head, to shift the thought before it planted seed and I started planning the wedding.

“I have something you’ll want.” I grinned smugly.

Joel’s eyes quickly scanned the room. “What? Tell me?” He pouted and my smile grew wider.

“Go get me a latte from the canteen and I will.”

He narrowed his eyes. “It had better be good.”

“You wont be disappointed,” I replied giving him a wink, as he disappeared out the door.

I smiled when he came back with my latte in hand. I instantly took a sip “Ahh bliss, just what I needed.”

“Ahem.” He raised his eyebrows expectantly, but I wanted to have some fun first.

“Something wrong with your throat?” I asked innocently, taking another sip.

“Do I have to tickle the surprise out of you?”

I flinched at the thought, he knew I hated being tortured that way. “Oh yeah now I remember, open the cupboard beside me.” I chuckled, carrying on sipping my coffee.

He bent down and pulled the door open, throwing his head back laughing. Grabbing the two pots of strawberry jelly sitting on the shelf. Before I had the chance to speak he had the first pot open, sloshing the jelly into his mouth.

I shook my head in amusement. “Jelly freak,” I muttered into my latte cup. It always amused me the weird addiction he had with jelly. I couldn’t abide it myself but my Mother always made him one once a week, which he happily devoured, much to our amusement.

Several minutes later he was scraping the pot of the second jelly. “For god sake put the pot down, we can buy some more on the way home.”

He chuckled and licked the spoon once more, placing it down on the tray.

The doctor stopped by shortly after, giving me the all clear. So Joel quickly gathered up my belongings. I was soon dressed and packed, ready to go. Joel picked me up to carry me out to his car. I reminded him I could walk with my crutches, but he insisted on carrying me.

We passed all the nurses that eyed me enviously. “Bye ladies.” He grinned and I shook my head. “What?”

“Always the charmer.” I rolled my eyes and he grinned again.

“As long as I have you charmed, that’s all I care about.”

My eyes stared deep into his. “I think it’s pretty evident I’m under your spell.”

He kissed me softly on the lips. “Good, cause that’s all I need to know.”

On the drive home Joel’s laughter was contagious, his impersonation of nurse Ruth had me close to tears. It felt good to feel another emotion, other than the sadness that had crippled me over the last month. Wiping my eyes I turned to Joel, only to see his smile disappear. His face grew more serious, the moment we pulled up outside my house.

I knew he was nervous about going inside. I grabbed his hand and pressed my lips against his tender knuckles. “Joel, I love you, no matter what happens next I am going to be with you.”

He turned to face me, his eyes achingly sad. I felt the anxiety coursing right through him. “What if your Mum doesn’t let me in, I’m not high up on Mike’s list of friends either. I should just go once I carry you inside.”

Joel had always valued my Mother’s opinion, she had been the closest person to being a parent to him. I knew losing her love and support would completely devastate him.

“If they won’t accept you in my life then I’ll leave.” I smiled stroking his face, to provide some reassurance. I knew his darkest fear was for him to be left all alone.

He scrunched his eyebrows in disbelief. “You would do that for me?”

It always surprised me how he never seemed to understand, the depths of my love for him. “I would do anything for you, nobody is breaking us up, so relax.”

His face relaxed a little, but the frown lines were still visible. “I’ll try but that’s kind of hard around your Mother.”

I chuckled, knowing fine well what he meant. Joel helped me out of the car and carried me inside, gently placing me down on the sofa.

My Mother sported a look, which could only be described as ‘sucking on a wasp.’ My heart dropped, I knew there would be some kind of confrontation. I didn’t want this to happen in front of Joel, I wanted to make this as painless as possible.

“Thanks Joel for bringing her home, I’ll see you out.”

Joel’s eyes flashed with hurt at her cold, hard words. His body instantly stiffened and he made to walk away, but I grabbed his hand tight.

“Sit down Joel, you’re not going anywhere.”

“Izzy, you need to rest.” My mother responded icily, her eyes giving me a warning not to disagree.

I gave her an equally icy glare back. “I can do that with Joel here.” I dragged him down onto the sofa beside me, lifting my legs over his. So he was now penned in with no choice but to stay. His fingers stroked against my leg and I lifted his injured hand, gently brushing my fingers over the broken skin.

“I’ll go and make some tea,” she huffed, storming out of the room. At this moment in time I didn’t really care, the only person I was focused on was Joel.

“Iz, I’m just going to go–” He motioned to leave but I pushed him back against the sofa.

“You’re not! Let me deal with my Mother.”  I pressed my lips against his, and comforted him in the best way I knew how.

Minutes later my Mother walked back through with the tray. I turned to see her look of disapproval.

I knew that look well.

I knew what her reaction would be to the question, before I even asked. But I had to be brave for both our sakes. “Mum, can Joel stay over?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea under the present circumstances.” She began pouring the tea, like it would put a stop to the conversation.

But I didn’t give up that easy.

“We would be in separate beds.”

Her eyes flashed to mine in annoyance, not happy I was pursuing the conversation further. “Look I don’t think it’s a good idea, I think you need to go home Joel.” She finished stirring the tea, placing the mug down in front of me. Joel lifted up my legs to leave, but I clamped my hand down.

“Fine, I’ll go pack.”

“Pack? Where do you think you’re going?” Her voice went up a few octaves, and I was pretty certain it was about to go up a few more.

“We can stay at Elijah’s, I’m not letting Joel go back to that house. You know what it was like for him there, so it’s fine I’ll go too.”

She banged her mug down hard and we both flinched in shock. “Izzy, I think you’re being irrational about this.” Her eyes flashed at me in obvious anger, but I was too pissed to care.

“No you are, we slept in the same bed for over a month without having sex and now you’re saying we can’t be trusted. Come on Joel, help me upstairs while I pack.”

Joel scooped me up like I weighed less than nothing. We made it half way up the stairs, when it occurred to me I’d have to ring Elijah to ask. I only used it as an idle threat, one that had now disastrously backfired on me.

“Fine, as long as you behave under my roof and I mean it, if I catch you both in the same bed then Joel is out.”

I turned and grinned at Joel, so happy my plan had worked. He didn’t reciprocate and my heart dropped, watching him frown. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Well, I don’t get to fall asleep and wake up with you, and of course the whole no sex part.”

I drew his face closer, so his lips pressed against mine. “We can get round that, she won’t have her eyes on us all the time. We can make up for lost time when she’s at work,” I whispered, waggling my eyebrows suggestively.

His face almost split in two with his grin. “I like the sound of that.”

“Me too.” I grabbed his hair again and pulled him in for one last kiss, before heading back downstairs again.

* * *

The front door slammed and I felt Joel physically flinch underneath me. The hand that was lightly caressing my leg was now curled up tight into a fist. I grabbed it, stroking my thumb over his knuckles, trying to soothe the tension from him.

Mike walked in moments later. “Hey Iz.” He smiled, then scowled the moment his eyes rested on Joel.

Joel’s face automatically dropped in disappointment to his reaction. I could tell having Mike’s blessing meant a lot to him. I knew I had to rectify the situation before it spiralled out of control.

“Can I have a word with Joel and Mike alone please Mum?” She looked thoroughly disgruntled, and made no effort to disguise her disgust at being asked to leave.

Mike looked at me warily, taking the seat my Mother has just vacated. His eyes stayed locked on mine, completely blanking Joel. I hated to see him act like this, when they had been best friends for so long.

“Mike, Joel is part of my life whether you like it or not. He was your best friend so you know that there is good in him. Yes he has a past but you’ve been no angel either, I would have thought you would be more understanding. We’ve sorted everything out, he hasn’t cheated. I had a lot of insecurities and blew things out of proportion, but he has cleared everything up. Like it or not we are together for good and it would be better if you would be on good terms, as Joel will be spending a lot of time here.”

Mike scowled, glaring at Joel. He swallowed slowly, the muscle in his jaw twitched. “Okay,” he finally muttered through gritted teeth. I could tell he was pissed, but I knew some gentle cajoling would soon get them talking again.

“Good, now I need to take a nap, so feel free to talk football, rugby, call of duty and any other crap you boys like.” I gave Joel a quick kiss, grabbing my crutches and hobbled out of the room.

“Football isn’t crap.” I heard them both mutter together and I smiled. Things would be back to normal sooner then I thought.

* * *

I woke to find a warm, hard body pressed up against mine, with soft kisses being placed lightly over every inch of on my face. My eyes fluttered open to the sight of Joel’s beautiful face.

“Hey gorgeous,” he said, flashing me that perfect smile.

My face automatically brightened. “Hey, I’ve missed you in my bed. I’m surprised my Mother has let you in here, I thought she’d be supervising our alone time.”

Joel’s grin grew even wider. “We’re in luck, she’s gone out for a couple of hours.”

“Really?” I grabbed him, drawing him in closer. We kissed and I felt him harden rocking against me.

“Joel.” I groaned softly. I leaned in to take the kiss deeper but he pulled back hesitantly, his eyes looking wary. “Joel, don’t you want to?”

“Iz, I just think we should wait a while it’s too soon.”

My face automatically dropped. “I understand,” I whispered, as a tear rolled down my cheek. “I’m tainted now, why would you want me.” I turned over, pressing my face tight into the pillow, to muffle the sobs of rejection.

His hand soothingly stroked my hair. “Izzy, of course I want you, god every night I relived our first time over and over, remembering how good your lips felt against mine, as our bodies connected. How beautiful you looked underneath me when you lost all control. How good it felt to be buried deep inside of you, knowing you were mine, hearing you scream my name. God it was the only thing that kept me from going insane at night. How could you ever think that I don’t want you?” His lips kissed my hair, before I turned back to face him. “I want you so bad but not like this, it’s too soon. I want you thinking of only us, not having flashbacks of what he did. You need time to recover and I will wait as long as you need baby.”

Tears filled my eyes at his sweet words, but I had to make him understand. “I need you now Joel, please, don’t make me wait. I want my head to be filled with only memories of you. I ache for you to be inside me, please don’t deny me this, don’t make me beg.”

He looked conflicted, struggling with his decision. “Are you sure baby, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“The only thing that will hurt is if you are denying me what is mine.”

His face dropped, shocked by my words. “I would never do that, you know I’m yours – always.”

“Then please, love me, make me remember the first time. I need you to remind me just how good it was again.”

His face was barely inches away from mine. My thumb skimmed over his soft lips, as we stared deep into each other’s eyes. “Then promise me if it gets too much you’ll stop me. I’m not going any further than what you allow me to.”

“Yes.” I shifted my head, so my lips brushed lightly against his, but he pulled back much to my annoyance.

“Promise me Iz, or we go no further.” I could tell by the defiant look on his face he meant it.

I rolled my eyes, grabbing his face. “I promise, now please I don’t want to have to wait a moment longer.”

I caught the look of hesitance in his eyes, when his lips tenderly kissed mine. They worked their way leisurely down my neck, to stop at my favourite hotspot just below my ear. “Oh god Joel, just there.”

“You like that baby?” he breathed.

I let out a soft moan. “Yes, but I want more…”

His fingers began unbuttoning my top and I concentrated on relaxing my breathing. Just the thought of his lips working their way down my body, had my heart skyrocketing.

I sighed when his lips skimmed over my satin cup, he toyed and teased with my nipple on the outside of the material. They began to harden, as my body longed to feel his touch. I panted with desire but it wasn’t enough.

“Joel please, I need you.”

His lust filled eyes stared deep into mine, I could see his own desire radiating through him. He pushed himself up off the bed and I watched him strip off every single piece of clothing, till he was stood gloriously naked in front of me. His body looked even better if that was possible. My eyes took in every inch of him, before resting on his erection. My heart beat quickened at what was about to happen.

“Are you sure Iz? I don’t care how long, I will wait.”

My eyes instantly snapped up to his concerned ones. “Please, I need you to love me now.”

He let out a loud sigh of defeat and gently slipped off my pyjama bottoms. He glided them down my legs, taking extra care over my bandaged foot. I unhooked my bra dropping it down, as his warm hands brushed against my hips, removing the fine satin material leaving me totally naked.

“Like what you see?” he asked smiling shyly. My eyes lingered over his beautiful naked body, but he already knew my answer.

“Always,” I whispered, as I became breathless from the intensity of his eyes, staring deeply into mine. They were filled with so much love, I knew this couldn’t be wrong.

He quickly rolled on the condom, as his warm body slipped back into my bed and I closed my eyes. His lips slowly brushed up against mine and I moaned with pleasure, as his tongue circled and teased against my own. I instantly felt bereft the moment his mouth left mine, but I soon smiled when his lips softly began working their way down my neck.

His feather like kisses left me gasping with pleasure, each one setting my body on fire. His touch ignited the flames inside. My body burned for him and only him. I would never tire of his touch or ever have my fill of him.

After covering every inch of my neck, he began his torturous trail working his way down to my breasts. I groaned in delight, when his tongue lapped, circled and sucked each nipple. They both grew more erect in appreciation of his oral skills. The sensation of his fingers inside me was my undoing, slowly stroking me to an orgasm, like he had done so many times before.