I Hate Summer (32 page)

“What, Theo? Ide is right: Trys is no more of a prick than my damn brother. So if Ide’s not sleeping around, then I’ve got no problems.”

Theo sighed and looked back at Trystan. “I just dun understand how ye even had the nerve t’ try anything in the first place after the shit ye pulled as a kid.”

“Yeah, well, people change.” Trystan gave a small shrug.

“It’s fine, Theo, I’m a big guy now, I can look after myself,” I added with a tight smile for my best friend. He grumbled something and finally started on his food.

We ate in silence for a bit, and then I picked some random conversation just to break the silence. I wasn’t even sure what it was. Then dinner was being cleared up and we went through to the living room. Jorja put something on the TV, again I have no idea what it was. At some point I went through to get some fresh beers, and as I came out of the fridge Theo was waiting for me, leaning against the front of the Aga and scratching Tess’s head with a frown on his face.

“Ye still annoyed?” I asked as I handed him a full bottle and leaned against the fridge.

“Yeah, I’m still annoyed, mostly that I had t’ find out from yer sister. This is a pretty big deal, Ide. Ye haven’t dated anyone since that Phil guy back in year eleven.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Trust Theo to even remember the guy’s name. Then again, it was Phil breaking up with me that had put me on a train to Manchester and in the path of the guy that’d stolen my virginity, and Theo had played a big enough part in picking up the pieces of me after that whole debacle.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell ye. But honestly, right now I’m still getting my head around the whole thing; I just didn’t want t’ make a big deal out o’ something that might be going nowhere.”

“I get that.” Theo ran a hand through his dirty blond hair and turned his eyes up to the ceiling. “What happened, though? It’s not like I’m not relieved that yer not going t’ be risking yer life and health by sleeping around anymore. But last time ye were home, ye weren’t exactly singing the guy’s praises, and now ye’ve apparently decided t’ change yer lifestyle completely to date him?” He hesitated as he looked at me. “What Jorja said, about yer housemate….”

I let out a long breath and saw off some of my fresh beer.

“Just some unwanted attention; not like it’s anything new.”

“As bad as last time?”

“Trys stopped him.”

“So ye’ve got a hero complex?” Theo’s resignation was kind of frustrating, but I could hardly blame him.

I gave a little shrug. “I dunno, I’d….” I clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth; if I couldn’t tell Theo, who could I tell? “Ye know I always had a crush on him, even when he was being a tosser t’ me.” It wasn’t a question but Theo nodded anyway. “Well in Scotland he kinda started coming on to me, so I just went along wi’ it.”

“Ye kept that one quiet.”

“Yeah, ’cause I knew ye’d disapprove. Anyway, he does this weird thing when he’s sleeping.”

“Remember: I don’t like details, Ide,” Theo said with a grimace.

I laughed and ran a hand over my face. “Ha, if only it was something like that, it’d be less embarrassing. He kind of snuggles, and I guess I got used to it. When he first moved in with me, he was on the floor, but he just moved up to the bed one night, and it wasn’t like I thought about what I was doing, or that he’d said anything to me….”

“Ye just stopped fucking around?”

I nodded, and for the first time Theo’s face lost some of the background irritation. “Anyway, then that shit happened with James and I was even less up for fucking around, except for with Trys. I mean, I know it’s a bit messed up, and hell, he’s only bi, so it’s not like I really expect much to come of it in the long run, but I don’t really feel like sleeping around, whereas I do like sleeping with Trys, so I figured I’d just go with the flow for a bit.”

“Hmm,” Theo said, and he was considering me with a weird look on his face.

“What ye doing about Dan and the others?” he asked eventually.

That was a good question.

It wasn’t like it was the first time “you’re jealous because Ide likes me, not you” had been sent in Theo’s direction. Theo had been to stay with me a few times at uni, and Dan and Ashlie had made comments along the same lines on separate occasions. Each time Theo’s response had been more or less the same: “If I were gay, are ye
really
dense enough t’ think Ide would choose ye over me?” I found it oddly comforting to know that he was fine enough with me to feel happy saying such a thing. But still, what I’m getting at is that Theo knew about Dan and Ashlie and Echo. And while his approval of that situation was about as significant as his approval of what was going on between me and Trystan, he had at least acknowledged that Dan had made a marginal improvement in my mental state. Dan had other significant advantages over Trystan, too, in that Dan had never hurt me, and I hadn’t spent most of my life badmouthing him to Theo.

“So far I’ve been avoiding them,” I answered honestly.

“Course ye have.” Theo sighed. “Look, Ide, ignoring the fact that I disapprove o’ yer choice o’ guy t’ do it wi’, I’m glad yer not fucking around. And it’s not like I really think what ye had going wi’ Dan was a picnic o’ health, but ye can’t just
ignore
him. Maybe ye never sat down and said ‘Hey, we’re going out,’ but ye had a relationship, and ye need t’ end it properly, not just leave him hanging.”

“Shit, yeah, I know, but I’m kind o’….” I took a deep breath. “Shit, Theo, I’m pretty sure Dan’s in love wi’ me. Two fricking years he managed, and he decides t’ fall for me now? It was hard enough facing him when I wasn’t with Trys.”

Theo stared at me across the room. And I wondered if I’d said something wrong.

“Honestly, Ide, of all the things ye’ve said this evening, the fact that ye suddenly care so much about the feelings o’ someone that isn’t ye, yer family, or, at a stretch, me, is the most convincing argument yet that yer’ve been replaced with an alien version of yerself.”

“Yer such a tosser.”

“Maybe, but since when do ye care about letting down the dickheads that fall for ye? Now suddenly yer dating one o’ them and worried about hurting another? So what’s different, Ide?”

It was a good question. What
was
different? Was I going to delude myself into thinking that I could get attacked again and suddenly the world would treat me differently? I shook my head slowly and took another drink of beer. I was surprised to see I’d somehow finished most of it already.

Theo shook his head and glanced over his shoulder toward the living room where Trystan and Jorja were watching some awful Friday night TV.

Was anything really different?

No, I knew what was going to happen. What was different was that I didn’t want it to.

I pressed my eyes shut and that thought from my head as I hastily downed the last of my beer.

Theo turned back to me and his serious look melted away as he quirked an eyebrow. A mocking smile played against his lips as he dropped his head to one side.

“So yer telling me that ye being with him has nothing t’ do wi’ the fact that he looks like one o’ those Italian statues?”

I let a smile slip onto my face and pressed down the oppressive thoughts that weighed on my chest.

“I’ve absolutely
no
idea what ye could possibly be talking about.” I grinned, flashing all my teeth, as I twisted round to fish out a fresh beer.

I kept my face schooled in a faint smile as we went back through to the living room and dropped onto one of the sofas. Jorja shuffled in next to me, and Trystan caught my eye, a small questioning look behind his grin as he sat on the floor in front of my chosen spot. I shifted so my hand could rest on his shoulder, enjoying the small contact while I could. Conversation turned to bikes and front shock absorbers, while faint whispers of warmth spread up through my fingers as I considered the back of his head and the tanned lines of his neck.

Theo settled on the two-seater couch and Tess jumped up instantly to settle beneath his knees while the cats divided themselves between his lap and Jorja’s. I was suddenly struck with how surreal the whole situation was: Trystan was in my parents’ house, chatting with my best friend. And he was going to spend the night in my bed….

I jerked upright. With all my worrying about my parents finding out about me and Trystan, I had completely neglected to think about bedroom situations.

“Do ye know what Mam had planned with sleeping arrangements?” I leaned down to whisper in my sister’s ear, and she craned over her shoulder to look at me, a grin thinning her lips.

“I think she’s put a mattress in yer room.”

“Is the spare room…?”

“Full of furniture again.”

“Oh crap.” I leaned back and realized Trystan was peering up at me, a puzzled look on his face. I dropped a hand over my face and wondered how I was going to resist him when he was staying in my room.

“You need to go take down the gay porno?” asked Trystan, and Jorja and Theo sniggered.

I was busy considering whether it was possible to die from lust in two days.

Theo left at about eleven with a wave and a promise to see us tomorrow. Jorja pottered off to her room in the attic, and I led Trystan through the house to the room at the back that was tucked into the hill my parents’ house was built against. One of the walls was still raw, rough grit stone, the others were clean and white, and the roof sloped slowly into the stone wall at the back. It was plain and unadorned except for a couple of family pictures and a diagram of different climbing knots.

My dad had brought the mattress from the bed in the spare room—that was currently full of antique furniture my mum had bought from random house sales to clean up and sell off—and it was on the floor made up with a duvet decorated with pale pink roses. My bed was a regular double: it seemed excessively large compared to the single mattress and yet impressively small if I considered having to share it with another full-grown guy—who I really needed not to touch.

“No need to look so scared,” Trystan whispered into my ear and skimmed his hand over the small of my back.

I pressed the door shut behind us, and the click was surprisingly loud in the silence of the countryside. Outside the sound of an owl screeching pierced the thick stone walls of my room. I turned to Trystan and grinned at him as I reached for his lips with mine. I let my hands slide down his spine, my fingers slipping and sliding over the ridges of his back and then diving beneath the waistband of his trousers. I let my hand slide deeper and squeeze beneath the elastic of his boxers to clutch at the flesh of his ass, and I tugged him against me as I grinned into his lips.

“If ye try anything, Trys, I swear I’ll take yer virgin ass right here. So please, try something, because I’m starting t’ fancy fucking someone….” I pressed another kiss against his lips, pulled away, and got ready for bed.

Saturday morning was one of those mornings where I woke up with perfect clarity. I knew I was in my tiny but comfortable double bed at my parents’ house, and I knew that despite sending Trystan to sleep on the mattress, he was currently spooned around my back. I wanted to be angry with him, but I knew the mattress from the spare bed was lumpy and too short for someone Trystan’s size. Just like I also knew that the size or uncomfortableness of the mattress had nothing to do with why Trystan had got into my bed. So I wanted to be annoyed, but instead the sensation of him pressed up against my spine and his hands wrapped possessively around my chest filled me with a strange sensation that made it really difficult to be angry, which in turn made it really difficult not to get turned on.

I tried to shuffle away, but my attempt was met with a tightening of the arms around my chest, a sleepy chuckle in my ear, and Trystan’s hips pressed more tightly against my arse. I tried not to moan.

“Not funny, Trys,” I muttered as I tried once again to pull away.

“Who said I was trying to be funny?”

One of Trystan’s hands slid down my chest, nudged its way under the waistband of my pajama bottoms, and wrapped itself around my rapidly hardening cock.

“Ye are
so
dead,” I cursed as I tried to gulp down the groan of lust that was attempting to escape from my lips. My complaint wasn’t particularly convincing because my hips had taken on a mind of their own and were rolling back into Trystan’s groin in time with his thrusts. And right then I suddenly didn’t give a damn where we were, as long as the feelings curling inside of me didn’t go away. I was beyond caring as I ground back into him and arched up into his hand, gasping and swallowing down thick gulps of air so that I didn’t shout out as I was drawn down through layer after layer of pleasure. Trystan was hard at my back, and he was tugging down the thin cotton covering my ass, and my God I was going to let him fuck me in my parents’ house with no lube and no condom, and I honestly didn’t give a shit.

This man at my back made me crazy, and I didn’t care.

“Ide, you want a brew?” I froze as my dad’s words wove through from the other side of my bedroom door, slicing through my lust with the perfection that only being caught by your parents really can.

“Oh, ye are
so
fricking
dead
when we get home, Trystan,” I whispered as I sucked down air into the bottom of my lungs.

“Yeah, thanks, Dad, I’ll be out in a minute,” I said at a more normal volume and could only hope the slightly gravelly tone to my voice would be interpreted as me having just woken up rather than anything else.

I wrapped my hand around Trystan’s wrist and pulled it away from my groin, and then I rolled over and wrapped the fingers of my other hand around the firm lines of his jaw as I stared into his face. I was slightly glad to see that he looked just a little bit pissed off at the interruption.

“I can only assume,” I said slowly as I leaned in and skimmed a ghost of a kiss over the fine stubble on his chin and the flushed skin of his lips, “that this means ye
want
me t’ fuck ye.” I ran my tongue over my lips as the idea sufficed to make my cock throb yet again. “Well dun worry, Trys; I’ll see t’ yer sweet virgin ass as soon as we’re home.” I brought my lips to a stop against his ear. “Ye might want t’ book Monday off work.”