I Heart Geeks (26 page)

I held the box of Dolly’s Donuts in front of me and waved through the glass door at Larry. He buzzed me in.

“Hi Larry, I brought you donuts.” I put the box on the reception desk. Ken and Steve magically materialized.

“We got orders not to let you go up, Penny,” Steve told me, only after he selected his donut.

“Way to break it to her. You’re a dick, Steve.” Larry was incensed.

“It’s okay, guys.” I offered the box to Ken. “This is just a transparent ploy to find out how he’s doing.”

“He’s lost some weight,” Ken offered.

“He’s nuts if he’s dumped you, Pen,” Steve told me.

“He’s in pain, guys. And we never really dated.”

“It wasn’t
his
sister that died.” Steve was on a roll. Both his colleagues reminded him of his dick status.

I glanced over at the desk phone. There was a red light on. Dr. Ian Rusach might not want to see me but he did want to hear me. I had rehearsed what I wanted to say to him but that was for a face-to-face situation. I threw my script away and just went with emotions.

“Ian became fond of Pam very quickly. He’s grieving her death which is understandable but he’s also taking the blame for it which isn’t. There’s nothing I can do to help him: he has to work through that himself. When he gets clear of it, I’ll be waiting for him.”

“Maybe you should consider moving on. I’m not that complicated.” Steve crossed the line and Ken mashed a cream donut in his face.

“Larry, Curly, and Moe,” I said pointing each out.

“I want to be Moe,” Steve said, wiping cream out of his eyes with the napkins I had brought.

“Don’t we all, Steve, don’t we all.” I left them with a goodbye wave, well aware that they had been careful what they told me. Ken’s weight loss comment was important. Ian wasn’t getting over it yet.

I had a commission from a principal violinist with the Philadelphia orchestra. Word was getting around that I was making very good modern instruments. After all, there weren’t enough Stradivariuses to go around. It was soothing work, creating something. I could blank my mind and not think about Pam. Or Ian. The bell attached to my shop door rang. I was in the back where my workshop was and I had a closed circuit TV set up to see who came into the store. If it were a robber, I could be out the back door in seconds. It wasn’t a robber. It was Ian.

I grabbed a cloth to clean my hands and stepped out into the shop. I hoped I hid my shock at his appearance. He was gaunt. That was the only word for it. I should have chased him down instead of leaving him to lick his wounds.

“Ian. Hi.”

“Penny.” He avoided my gaze and looked around the shop. Dad and I had kept it plain. My merchandise was represented by tidy rows of violins, gradating in size, hanging by their necks. Their glossy finish was décor enough. Most weren’t made by me. I brought them in for the kids learning to play, all different sizes for all different ages. Ian touched the lacquered surface of one that was finished in red. I waited. He would tell me what he wanted in his own time.

“You told me you played.”

“Yes. Would you like a demonstration?” I wasn’t in practice but this was the door he opening for me.

“Yes, please.”

“Have a seat, then.” I selected my customary violin, the third one I had made on my own without help from Dad. Ian wouldn’t know it but I chose one of Pam’s favorite pieces to play: Ralph Vaughan Williams’
The Lark Ascending
.

I relaxed as I played and let the music flow over me. I hoped it was helping Ian too but I wasn’t going to look at him until I was finished. The notes soared and fluttered like the bird they were depicting. I drew out the last note and lowered the violin. My cheeks were wet. Ian was hunched over in the chair, staring at his clasped hands.

“I told you I could be solid.” It was a mumble that I could barely discern.

“I remember.”

“And I wasn’t. I left you to grieve for Pam by yourself. I crumbled. I wanted to be there for you and all I could think of was that it was my fault.”

I walked over to the shop door and locked it. I flipped the sign to ‘closed’ and returned to Ian, stopping just a few feet away.

“Pam and I had a deal,” I told him and his shoulders tightened. “We were going to try anything and everything to prolong her life, keep her going until there was a cure. So when your trial came up, we leapt at the chance without regrets because it was the best treatment around for Kramer’s right now. We always understood that it could go wrong at any time, especially when not much work has been done with double mutation people. Pam died not knowing it had gone wrong. She was happy that I was having fun on an island with you and I was not going to have to dedicate my life to her illness. I’m sad, very sad but I’m going to a grief counsellor who was picked out for me by Pam. I’m still going to do as many ‘grands’ as I can and I’m taking some of her ashes to leave in each place.” A bit long winded but I wasn’t sure if he was going to bolt on me.

“I shouldn’t have gotten involved with a subject. I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

I stepped closer and put my hands on his shoulders. “Do what, Ian?”

“Research. I’m playing God with people and I have no right to do that. None. Pam died because her sister visited me in a uniform too small for her and brought me donuts. I wanted to do anything for that sister so I could see her again. So I put all my judgment aside and the subject into a trial where she had no business being. Just so I could get laid.” He stood up and shrugged my hands off his shoulders. “I’m so sorry, Penny. I’m going to go before I make things even worse than they already are.”

I nabbed him by wrapping my arms around him from behind and holding on tightly. We were the same height so I rested my chin on his shoulder, my lips next to his ear. He made a weak attempt to pry my arms away but he’d have to hurt me to get free and he wasn’t going to do that.

“Ian, babe, don’t leave me. I need you.” Keep it simple. I could tell him that while Pam and single mutation guy had died, there were twenty other people in his clinical trial who were back with their families now. I could tell him that I understood he was grieving and that I knew he had spent the last two weeks in his lab reviewing what had gone wrong and trying to come up with a solution. Then finally, when he couldn’t bear it any longer, he came to tell me he was sorry. What he didn’t know was that he just needed to be held. That we needed to hold each other.

“Penny…”

“Hold me, Ian. Please.” He hesitated and then turned in my arms and wrapped his around me. He buried his face in my neck and I knew I had him back.

“Not your fault, Ian.”

“It is.”

“Nope. Let it go and move on and find a cure for this bastard of a disease. Pam and I are counting on you.” I rubbed my hand up and down his back and felt him relax. He was finally listening to me. “You been eating?”

“Yes. No. I don’t remember.”

“You scientists. I see I’m going to have my work cut out for me. Come upstairs. How about I make you up a roast beef sandwich? Emma and I made a roast last night.”

His stomach gurgled and I laughed. I stopped when he laid a soft kiss on my mouth.

“Thanks for being patient with me, Penny.”

“I know it’s all coming from love for Pam. But it’s time to start living again, yeah?”

“I’m a crap boyfriend, you know. I lose track of time and work in the lab until three in the morning. I forget birthdays, anniversaries and to pick up milk. I haven’t had the chance to be great in bed because I had a really bad sunburn. But I think I could be, you know, because I really like the girl I was in bed with.”

“You must be thinking of some other girl because the guy I was in bed with was fantastic.” Since I had him in my clutches now, I released my death grip. “You up for the
grand
tour with me?”

“Yes. But I demand a repeat of Grand Rapids, Michigan. I’ve never been there.”

“You got it, cupcake. By the way, you know that I know that Larry, Curly and Moe had you on speakerphone, yeah?”

“Yes, I just wasn’t ready to hear the message. The Stooges want to be flower girls at the wedding.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” And I would hold them to it. Little pink dresses with bows. I took my scruffy healer by the arm and led him upstairs for a roast beef sandwich.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been incapable of saying no to people. That’s why I am sitting in the town library on a Friday night, shelving books, instead of out being a normal twenty-three year old. Not that I would be out doing anything spectacular anyway. Most likely I would’ve ended up here with my nose in a book either way.

“Thank you for staying tonight, Ainsley,” Mrs. Evans said gratefully. “My daughter doesn’t ask me to babysit the grandkids often, so I hate saying no when she does.”

“No worries, Mrs. Evans. I didn’t have any plans anyway,” I reassured. “I’ll finish shelving these and take care of closing tonight. Do you need me to work tomorrow?”

“Take the weekend off, sweetheart; goodness knows you’ve earned it!” Mrs. Evans pulled me into a motherly hug.

“Ok, I’ll see you on Monday then.” The door chimed as she departed, and I turned back to the books I was checking in—a task that would not take too long in our small country library.

As I tried to drag out re-shelving the handful of books that had come back that day, I heard the familiar bell over the library door chime. I quickly set aside what I was doing and made my way to the front.

“Hello,” I called, coming up the aisle toward the front desk. “Can I help you find anything today?”

“Yes, actually. My mom said she had a book on reserve; something about herbs,” the newcomer replied. After a pause he added, “Ainsley Connors, right?”

At the sound of his voice, my feet grew roots. I stopped short, just as I cleared the book shelves. The voice was one I’d loved listening to senior year in English Lit class. I dragged my disbelieving gaze up from the dusty boots to the snug jeans, over the rumpled button down, and locked eyes with Luke Morgan. He stood before me, looking even more perfect than he had the last time I’d seen him four years ago.

I took a moment to untangle my tongue and smiled shyly at him, admiring how well he looked with those four extra years on him.

“Hi Luke, I almost didn’t recognize you! And yes, I have your mom right here.” My dazed brain caught up to the conversation and I hurriedly corrected myself. “I mean the book! I have the book for your mom right here.”

I snatched up the book in question and started the checkout process, thankful he didn’t respond. Taking advantage of the silence, I gave myself an encouraging mental pep talk. I was no longer the nine-year-old who moved to Crystal Creek, Texas, after her mother left her. The same shy girl who navigated the new school with her nose stuck in a book to avoid kids asking questions. In college, I forced myself to join the equestrian club and worked on coming out of my shell. Horses were therapeutic for me, ever since the first time my grandma had lured me out to the stables.

I can do this!

Luke was just a guy who moved to Crystal Creek at the end of junior year, along with his twin sister Riley. I laughed quietly to myself, describing Luke as “just a guy” didn’t quite do him justice. Luke was an instant superstar in our small high school. The fact that he’d been over six feet tall with an athletic build, thick blonde hair your fingers itched to run through, intense blue eyes and a killer smile hadn’t hurt. All of the girls had a crush on him, myself included.

“I’m not surprised you ended up working around books,” Luke interrupted my inner reminiscing with a bemused grin that melted my insides. “You always did have your cute little nose buried in a book.”

“Uh, yeah.” I hit print for his receipt and forced my eyes to meet his. “Seemed like a good idea I guess,” I replied, instantly wanting to smack myself.

“So what are you doing these days?” Luke leaned on the counter, getting comfortable while I compelled my heart to keep beating.

“Just working here for now, and helping out at home with the horses.” I took a deep breath and smiled, as all vital stats slowly returned to normal. “I graduated with an English degree from the University of Texas in Austin last year. Not a whole lot of demand for that around here though, I guess.” I shrugged. “What about you?”

“English sounds like something you’d be into,” he said, ramping up his megawatt smile. “I graduated last year from Texas A&M. Got an agricultural business degree. The plan was to start my own ranch to breed horses, but with my dad unable to run the ranch after his stroke, I’m back here.” His smile faded, leaving him looking a little deflated and defeated.

“I’m sorry Luke; I heard your dad wasn’t doing well. I know my dad and grandpa tried to help out some,” I said, unable to imagine how tough it must be for him. “I was over a few times to help with the horses and to give your mom a break.”

“She did mention y’all had been by to help.” For a moment he looked like he wanted to say more, but instead he added quietly, “Thank you for that.”

“Why can’t you do both?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation back to a more positive topic. “Couldn’t you help your dad and breed horses at the same time? Surely there’s enough room on the ranch to do both.”

“Enough room maybe, but not enough me. We have ranch hands, but only enough to cover the cattle; and just barely that.”

“What about Riley? Can’t she come and help out for a while? I haven’t talked to her in a few months,” I asked.

“She’s doing ok. You know Riley; she never admits when something upsets her. As far as her helping out—she’s doing well in New York from what she says. I won’t ask her to give that up to come home.”

I grabbed the receipt from the printer and placed it inside the book, and handed it across the desk to him.

“Thanks, Ainsley.” He pushed off the counter and took the book. “It was really good seeing you again.”

“You too.” I smiled at him again. “Let me know if there’s anything else I can do.”

“I will do that,” he said, winking as he strolled to the front door, his superstar personality returning. “I’ll be seeing you, Ainsley.”