I Left My Back Door Open (20 page)

My shift had ended. I hadn't had a chance to holler at Freddy on my way up to the control room. I'd been rushing. But I had noticed that he was a couple of shades darker from his days in the Caribbean sun. I was eager to get back up in his face again and hear what was up.

“Thanks, Freddy,” I said, accepting a colorful, beaded change purse. “That's so thoughtful of you to bring me back a souvenir.”

“Now that ain't for everybody's eyes,” Freddy warned. “I couldn't afford to pass out gifts to the whole building.”

“I understand. I'm flattered. So, did you and your wife have a good time on your cruise?”

“Had the time of our lives!” Freddy wiped his bald head and the back of his neck. He patted his stomach. “They really feed you good, too. We shoulda swam back, as much as we ate.” He pretended to do the front crawl.

“Vacations can be hard on relations,” I said, sounding like I was still rhyming on the air. I teased, “You and your wife are still speaking and everything?”

“We got along like two dumplings in a pot of stew.”

“Freddy, you're happily married, huh?”

“It was twenty-five years in June. And I would do it all over again.”

“What's the secret to a happy marriage?” I leaned against the lobby wall.

Freddy cleared his throat and answered solemnly. “Don't expect to
stay
in love.”

“Are you serious?”

“Look, you can love a person without being
in
love with 'em.”

I whispered, “So, you're not in love with your wife anymore?”

“After twenty-five years, hell no,” Freddy said, wrinkling his forehead. “And don't wanna be, neither. I've had that
in love
experience several times in my life. I've been on the roller coaster of love. And I enjoyed it. But now I prefer a mellower ride.”

“So, that's your secret? Don't expect to stay in love?”

“Right, and don't look for everything in one person.”

“How do you mean that exactly?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

“Now, don't take this the wrong way. I've been a faithful husband. But what I'm trying to say is, no one person can be all things to anybody. For example, my wife ain't big on conversation. So I don't look her up when I'm in the mood for a big debate. I talk to you or my sister or my buddy.”

“Are you saying that everyone has limitations?”

“Exactly.” Freddy nodded. “And you have to learn to work within those limitations. You don't try to get gold from no silver mine. The main thing is to have an understanding,” he continued. “Know each other's bottom line. It's just like in business. For example, my wife's bottom line is fidelity. So I'd think long and hard before I would cheat on Grace.”

“That makes sense. What's your bottom line?”

“I need to spell relief, at least a couple times a week.” Freddy winked.

“I take it that you don't spell relief with an antacid?”

“Not at those particular times, I don't.”

“I saw a man wearing a T-shirt one time that said,
ONCE A WEEK IS NOT ENOUGH
!” I smiled.

“I second that emotion,” Freddy said, stretching his palm out for me to give him five. I slapped his hand. “Anyway,” he continued, “my wife needs to hear me tell her that I love her about twice a week. So it works out pretty well.”

“Yeah, sounds like you two are pretty compatible.”

“Yeah. Another one of my bottom lines is knowing where the remote control is at all times. So Grace has bought me three of 'em.” Freddy paused and waved to a man in a trench coat leaving the building. “I'll give you another example. I love home cooking, and most days my wife obliges.”

“That's nice of her.”

“Well, it's a two-way street. Grace ain't crazy 'bout doing laundry or cleaning floors. Ever since our kids moved out, I've taken over most of the housework.”

“Wow, I had no idea that you were so supportive.”

“Girl, I don't know what you talking about. I've got dishpan hands,” Freddy said, displaying his stubby fingers.

“Don't worry, your secret's safe with me. But you do need to check out Palmolive,” I teased.

Freddy walked with me toward my car. “Yeah, we hated to leave paradise.”

He sighed in the stale, humid, underground air. “It took me awhile to adjust to being back. But you know when I really knew I was back?”

“When?”

“When I heard Bay Bay's kids carryin' on at the bus stop. That's when I really knew I was back.”

“Oh.”

“It was a damn disgrace, too,” Freddy said, letting out an exasperated sigh. “And it's so unnecessary for y'all to be so loud and ignorant.”

I swallowed. “Don't give me that y'all stuff. I wasn't there.”

“It was yo' people. Anyway, you can't say nothing to 'em, 'cause they're liable to pull out a gun and shoot you.” Freddy sighed again. “At least cuss you out.” He shook his head. “Some of the girls are worse than the boys.”

We stood in front of my car. “Maybe you should try to help out some of these kids who need direction,” I suggested.

Freddy shook his head. “I've helped raise my own kids. I've even got a grandbaby to help look out for now. I can't take responsibility for other folks' kids who don't have respect for nobody.”

“Maybe we need to see them all as our kids,” I said, folding my arms and leaning against my car.

“I'll leave that to you. Maybe that's your calling.” Freddy paused. “Now that I've traveled, it's been proven to me that black children don't have to be loud and ignorant. That was really my point.”

I rolled my eyes.

“You should've seen how orderly and disciplined the kids were on those islands. I ain't heard no loud cussing and carrying on whatsoever. Those Caribbean kids in their starched and ironed school uniforms made me feel proud to be of African descent. It was a good feeling, too.”

“Sounds like it was worth the price of a ticket for that experience alone,” I commented.

“Have you ever done a home-pregnancy test before?” Tyeesha asked. We stood over the vials waiting for the results.

I shook my head. “Back in
the day
, you had to go to a clinic. We didn't have all these modern conveniences in the sixties and seventies.”

“Dee Dee, when's the last time you had sex?” Tyeesha asked, following me outside the bathroom.

“Sometime back in the seventies,” I teased. “I don't remember the exact year.”

“Come on, Dee Dee, be for real! Has it been hecka long?”

“Never mind,” I said.

“Why won't you tell me?” Tyeesha persisted, plopping down on the hallway floor. She looked up at me attentively, like she was about to hear my business.

“We're not going there,” I said firmly. I leaned back against the wall across from Tyeesha and folded my arms.

“If I
am
pregnant, you think it will make Malik come back to me?” T asked after a pause.

Malik had gone back to his girlfriend, Rheema, who'd been in St. Louis for the summer. He'd told Tyeesha that it was over between him and Rheema. But I suspected it had just been a case of absence making the heart go yonder.

“I'm not thinking about Malik. And you don't need to be, either,” I said, standing over Tyeesha. “The hell with him.” I folded my arms tighter.

“I was just thinking that maybe that it would be good, you know, if I
were
pregnant,” Tyeesha said, looking at me with her lost brown eyes. “Because then Malik might come back to me.”

“Whoa! Have you lost your mind?”

“It might matter to him, you know, if I was having a baby for him.”

“Girl, you better come back to your senses. You need a whole new mind-set.” I sat down across from her and held her chin in my hand. “First of all, if this pregnancy test comes up negative, you need to consider yourself having just gotten out of the way of a speeding train. You're not ready to raise a child, with or without Malik. You are only fifteen years old. You still need to find out who Tyeesha is.” I released her face.

“Did you know that in many societies it's accepted for fifteen-year-olds to be mothers? It's considered normal,” Tyeesha said.

“Well, you don't live in
many
societies,” I reminded Tyeesha. “You live in this society. And in
this
society it's hard to raise a child at any age, let alone at a young one. You need a reality check, girl. We don't have the extended families that we had, even thirty years ago. And you need an education and a half to make it today. A high-school diploma or a G.E.D. isn't gonna get it.”

“You still haven't answered my question about Malik coming back to me if I'm carrying his baby.”

I sighed. “Malik probably planned to go back to Rheema from the get-go. Think logically, T, she was away for the summer. Haven't you heard that when the cat's away, the mice will play?”

“Malik said they were broken up.”

“Malik said.” I rolled my eyes.

“Are you trying to say he was lying?”

“If a boy wants to get in your pants he'll tell you a lot of things.” I groaned. “Mainly, he'll tell you what he thinks you want to hear.”

“You act like I should never trust a man.”

“At your age, maybe you shouldn't. They say it takes a fool to learn that love don't love nobody.”

“You act like you never needed a man's touch.”

I bristled. “You know that's not true. I need a man's touch, all right, but without
self
-love, it ain't much. You hear me? It ain't much.”

“Do you think Malik is a bad person?”

“I don't know. I didn't say he was.”

“If he used me and then kicked me to the curb, he
is
a bad person.”

“Maybe he's just a teenage boy with raging hormones who did a bad thing. If he didn't force you, I wouldn't say he was necessarily a bad person. T, I love you and I want you to feel safe, strong and free. I don't want to be worried about you getting pregnant or contracting AIDS or gettin' beat up or anything like that. I just wish you could cherish these years and be a carefree teenager.”

“A carefree teenager?” Tyeesha smiled ruefully and stood up and headed back into the bathroom.

“Yeah,” I said, standing up. “But I guess that's an oxymoron these days,” I called to her. “If you're smart, it won't be.”

“Look, Dee Dee!” Tyeesha exclaimed, from inside the bathroom. “It didn't turn blue!”

“Huh?” I said, leaning my head inside the door.

“Don't you know what that means?”

“You're not pregnant!” I shouted. “Yeah! Yeah!” I yelled, raising my fist in the air and running into the living room. “You just got another crack at being a kid.”

“You still think I'm some kinda moron?” Tyeesha asked with a concerned look on her face.

“I never called you a moron,” I protested.

“What does oxymoron mean, then?”

fourteen

Skylar and I watched from our small table as the last belly dancer took her bow. We clapped as she let her shiny, rainbow-colored veil drape across the performance space floor. After a few weeks, three dates and several hot kisses, Skylar and I had become an item. Sitting close to his tall, firm body was in and of itself a turn-on, and I found his musky cologne very enticing.

“Belly dancing is beautiful,” Skylar mumbled. “I'm glad you twisted my arm.”

“Yeah, right,” I teased, rolling my eyes. “It wasn't much of a twist. But anyway, thanks for coming to Arabian Nights with me. It helps me to improve my technique by going to performances.”

“Hey, I'm glad to be of service.” Skylar smiled. “I have absolutely no problem watching women show off their techniques.”

“It's almost mesmerizing, huh, the music, the costumes …” I said.

“Yeah, especially when you throw the women into the mix.”

“It's really downright haunting.” I sighed.

“Very haunting,” Skylar agreed mischieviously. “I felt quite haunted; in fact, it was a hauntatious experience.”

“Hauntatious is not a word,” I challenged.

“Well, belly dancing defies description. Bill was right, it
can
stir something inside of you.”

“You're bad. Don't tell me you've sunk to Bill's level.”

“No, I just appreciate women. And I appreciate them even more, after this experience.”

I sipped my Chai tea and made playful eye contact with Skylar. “I just hope that the spiritual aspect of belly dancing wasn't lost on you.”

Skylar gave me a look. “I don't think I missed anything. But I'd be glad to keep coming back, just in case.”

“This is not AA.”

“You mean because they say, ‘Keep coming back, it works.'”

“Yeah. Look, here comes Jade.”

“Athena, you were fantastic,” Jade yelled over her shoulder to a departing performer.

“Thanks, so were you.”

“Jade, I should take lessons from you,” a belly dancer said as she passed by our table. “Your veil work was great.”

“Thanks, Xochil, you're doing fine. Sign up for my advanced class.”

Jade greeted me with a hug and offered Skylar her hand. She was still in full makeup and wearing her costume.

“You were in rare form tonight,” I gushed. “I mean, you're always great, but tonight was special. I've never seen you perform with live music before.”

“Jade, you were really quite wonderful,” Skylar agreed.

“Thanks, I'm so glad that you got a chance to experience firsthand what I've been talking about.”

“I definitely felt a spiritual connection here tonight. There's no doubt about it.”

I couldn't help wondering if Skylar were being sincere or if he were being funny. But what I really wanted to know was which of the musicians Jade had a crush on. Although I still didn't want her to do anything foolish, like run off with him.