I Like You Just Fine When You're Not Around (25 page)

The door behind them opened and a woman walked in holding a grocery bag and a six-pack of a red energy drink. There was no debating her beauty. Tig shook her inner head with chagrin. Blonds; they always got a leg up. Casual, surfer-girl perfect, and smart, too, if she was working in Pete's lab.

Pete turned and gestured to the woman. “This is Willow.”

Tig smiled.
Of course you are
. “What a perfect name for you.”

“My mother was a hippie even after hippies were out of style.” She came to stand by Pete and pulled an unseen piece of lint from his hair.

If Tig had been a dog, the hair on her neck would have stood at attention. She took a step back. “This is a far cry from what my graduate school education was like. We spent our days inside racking up counseling hours, and our nights in the library. I should have chosen something more adventurous.”

Willow smiled. She had a small gap between her front teeth that made her look even younger and almost accidentally beautiful. She clearly couldn't help her looks. With a surprising generosity of spirit, Willow said, “You're one of us now.” Addressing the group, she said, “Should we go for a run?”

“Sometimes we all go for a run to clear our heads for a brainstorming session,” Pete explained.

Tig narrowed her eyes at Willow, wondering if she detected the least bit of territory protection coming from the woman. If there was any, Tig couldn't see it. She both liked and disliked her immediately. Pete announced to the group, “You all go. Tig and I are heading over to Kauai to hike and camp.”

• • •

After flying, boating, and hiking most of the day, Tig and Pete rested under a tree dripping with moisture near a waterfall. “Did you ever imagine you'd be listening to the waves in a place as close to heaven as this?”

Tig examined the twin blisters open on the arches of both of her feet. She slapped at a mosquito on her chin. “If I were a billy goat, this would be total heaven.”

Pete laughed. “You did well today.”

Tig scoffed, “Oh, shut up. I did not. It took us the entire day to hike four miles, and my hips, calves, and feet are killing me.”

“You made it.”

“You should have warned me. I'm not Willow, or the muscly one. I can't just walk out of the nursing home onto a cliff. Mortals have to train. This hike is like running the stairs at a football stadium over and over again.”

“Better views here.” Pete nudged her and said, “You just don't push yourself. If we moved here, we could do this all the time.”

“I think the iodine in that water is affecting your brain. Move here? I don't think so.” Tig hadn't meant to say exactly that, or at least not in such an abrupt way. Pete stiffened. The sound of frogs chirping seemed to take over. Tig sat up. “Oh God, I'm sorry. You're serious.”

“Why do you do that? Discount what I'm saying like I'm a child? I've been here two months. I love it here.”

“I'm sure you do. You're among your people—beautiful, doting ultra-athletes living in uber-paradise. But this isn't real.”

“It is to the people living here. It could be for us, too.”

“Was this your plan? Change my geography and work my ass off so I'm too tired to fight?”

“You're never too tired to fight, Tig.”

“Sorry if I'm not Willow Namaste, the mistress of peace and tranquility.”

“I'm not in love with Willow. I'm in love with you.”

“My family is in Wisconsin. Yeah, the weather sucks and you can't surf anything but the Internet, but family trumps any other consideration when choosing a place and settling down.”

“It's your way or the highway, is that it?”

In the shade of the dripping tree she saw sadness and defeat on Pete's face. She could see what he must have looked like as a child: cowlick by his forehead, dirt on his chin, a bird with a broken wing in his hand.

“Pete,” Tig put her hand on his chest. “I'm here. Can't that be enough for now?”

The soft crash of the ocean hitting the beach washed the air between them, and Pete said, “Okay, I'll leave it. I was stupid to bring it up. You just got here.” They listened to the roaring water, allowing the angry falls to fill in their conversation.

“So how was taking care of Clementine?” The question hung in the air between them. It might have been a question about being an aunt, or it might have been a question about being a mother.

Tig sat back in the ruddy sand. “All my college friends are on their first and second kids. This was my first experience with being a full-time mom. It was exhausting, but entirely engaging. It kept me from dwelling on anything for too long. Surprisingly, it only made me want to have a family more than less.” She paused. “It's really glorious here.”

“I know. I wanted to call you, tell you about it, but I worried we'd fight.”

Tig shook her head, knowing it was true. “You know what Oscar Wilde said about relationships, don't you? ‘If you don't fight, one of you isn't necessary.'”

“Well, that just about makes us indispensable for each other, doesn't it?” Pete said. “Did Oscar Wilde actually say that? I don't think that's right. It was probably someone from
The View
.”

Tig gave a little snort. “You know, Pete, relationships and family are great in theory, but in practice they're a whole different thing.”

“Meaning what, exactly?”

“When I think of you, I only remember the good things, the simple things in our relationship. The blue of your eyes. How your hand feels in mine. How much you love Thatcher. I forget that you're a genetic mutant who binges on exercise and calls it a workout, while I call getting out of bed an endurance event. I forget that you love travel, and I'm a homebody. That I love a good snowfall, and you get cold watching a Christmas movie. I don't know why I can't accept those things, why we fight all the time. Because the truth is, and don't be offended, I feel like this with everyone. I like you just fine when you're not around.”

Tig pushed open the door to Pete's lab. “I've brought lunch.”

Willow and Bobby looked up from laptops and smiled the dazzling smiles of youth, fitness, and American dentistry at its finest.

“Pete and Geri are meeting with race officials, but they'll be right back.” Willow brushed back her hair from her face and strolled over as Tig placed drinks and takeout containers on one of the tables.

“I brought a little bit of everything. I wasn't sure what people liked.”

“Bobby,” Willow said, “She brought the curry you like.”

Bobby gestured with two enthusiastic thumbs up.

Willow said, “Well, Tig, you've been here two weeks. What do you think?”

“It's fabulous.”

“I'm not talking about Hawaii.”

Tig stopped fiddling with the lunch containers and looked at Willow's face.

Willow bit into a spring roll. “Geri's got a huge crush on Pete.”

Tig tilted her head. “And you?”

Willow laughed. “No way. I don't go for men who are in love with other women. It's a turnoff.” After opening a sauce packet with her teeth, she said, “When Pete first came, all he could talk about was Tig this, Tig that. Tig would love it here. Tig likes pineapple. Tig has a radio show. Then he calmed down and became kind of sad.”

“My mom isn't doing very well. I couldn't come.”

“Oh, I know. We heard all about it.”

“So is Pete—uh, interested?—in Geri?”

Willow shot Tig a very grownup,
don't be silly
look. “Pete likes a challenge. He's all about running the race, solving the puzzle. He's not attracted to the sure thing. He values something only after working for it.” She smiled. “I'm not telling you anything you don't know.”

“I can't stay too much longer. I have to get back.”

“Pete's doing amazing work here. Making a lot of connections in the Ironman world.”

“I get it, Willow.” Tig put her hand to her head and said, “I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just not a don't-worry-be-happy kind of person. I'm a keep-your-nose-to-the-grindstone kind of person. And that kind of person can be pretty crabby at times.”

Willow said, “I understand. The sun and fun attitude on the islands can make for as much peer pressure as a frat party. When I first came here, I felt super guilty whenever I was in a bad mood. Like you had to be just as cheerful as the weather every second of the day, or you were ungrateful.”

“Exactly! I've felt that since day one,” Tig said. “It's a tremendous amount of drag on your serotonin reuptake. I'm afraid that anymore time spent here and I'll be completely out of positive brain chemicals. I'll be like a person in ecstasy withdrawal. Like I have to get out of here before I drink the Kool-Aid.”

“You'd get used to it and take it for granted like the rest of us before long, I promise.”

“I suppose,” Tig said, unconvinced. “Hawaii was just a sabbatical idea at first. He completed the application process and we talked about Hawaii like it was the moon. A pretty, silver dream. I was in the middle of caring for my mother. Of losing my mother. Of course I fantasized about Hawaii. When his sabbatical was approved, Hawaii became part of his teaching contract, but it was still just an idea for me. I feel like I okayed the thing just by talking about it. I don't think I ever intended that. My mom may not have her mind, but she also may not have many years left. I've got to get back home.”

“You gotta tell Pete what you just told me.”

“I don't know how to leave, or tell him anything.”

“Yes, you do,” Willow said. “I'll back you up if you at least show him how to use soap. Half the time he smells like a camel.”

The outer door pushed open and Pete strode in with Geri on his heels.

Tig smiled and looked more closely at Geri than she had before. Maybe it was unrequited love she saw in Geri's eyes instead of ownership.

“Everything is set at the race site. I got a press pass for you, Tig, and our mobile unit is getting rigged. In one week, we go live.” Smiling at Tig, he said, “Can you believe we're coming up on fall? It's seventy-five degrees today.”

“You can quit selling it, Pete. You win. The weather is fabulous; the people are beautiful; there are no negatives. It's paradise.”

Pete put his arm around Tig's shoulder and hugged her. “I'm glad you see it my way.”

Tig's phone rang. She fumbled in her purse.

The caller ID said
Mom
.

With alarm, Tig said, “Hello?”

The hesitant voice of a little girl said, “Tig? It's Erin Ann.”

“Erin? What're you doing? Is my mom okay?”

“Yeah. I took her phone to call you. It's Grandma Fern. She's really sick. Can you come?”

“Where's your dad? Can I talk to him?” Tig turned her back to the others.

There was a long pause. “He's here. He doesn't know I'm calling. I think she's dying. She looks like Mama did.”

Pete, Willow, and Geri stood quietly, listening to the phone call.

“Fern was fine a week ago when I called. I'm sure she's not dying, sweetie.”

“She's barely ever awake. My dad and I come every day.”

“Put Wendy on.”

“No. I don't want Wendy.” Starting to cry, Erin said, “Can't you come? I need you. Everyone does.”

“Everyone?”

“Wendy cries a lot; your mother fell. She's got two black eyes. Grandma Fern is gonna die. Please.”

“My mother fell?” Alarmed, Tig paced. “I call every day. Why didn't someone tell me? Don't cry, honey. You keep my mom's phone. Put it in your pocket. I'll call you back.”

She hung up the phone and looked into Pete's eyes. What she knew, he knew. She was leaving.

• • •

At the airport, Pete said, “You don't have to go.” The tropical breeze ruffled his hair. “They didn't call you about your mom because she's fine. Didn't Dr. Jenson say so when you talked to him?”

“You could come with me, Pete. Let the kids collect the data. You've done the hard part. Let them finish it.” The look in his eyes told her this would not be happening. Putting her hands up, she said, “Okay. All right. Be patient with me, Pete. I promise to consider Hawaii. I just have to get back home now. At least now I know what I'm missing by not being here.”

He shook his head in frustration. “Wendy is never going to grow up if you keep rescuing her.”

“My mother fell on her face, Pete.” As if to herself, she said, “Besides, it's not Wendy I'm going back for. It's for Clementine and my mom. It's for Fern and Erin.”

“And Alec?”

“I didn't tell you about Alec and Fern to have you toss that back at me.” She fiddled with a luggage tag. “He's my friend, Pete.”

“A friend with a ready-made family.”

Her head snapped up. “That was a low blow. What about you and Willow, or Geri? They've got no family. No issues at all, from what I can see.”

“I'm not shopping for a relationship based on the size of their entourage, Tig.”

“Exactly,” Tig said, clicking the handle to attention on her carry-on luggage. Softening, but still anxious, she placed her hand on Pete's forehead and smoothed his hair back. She touched his scar. He pulled his head away. Tig, hurt and insulted, said, “Go on back to your worshipful flock. It's a simple relationship, as long as everyone understands the terms. All admire man-boy Pete while he runs in the opposite direction.”

The sound Pete made was not loud; in fact, Tig couldn't have said where it came from. His strangled throat, his twisted heart. She had already turned her head away, so she didn't see his face when he said, “Pardon me, Dr. Monahan, but I think you have me confused with yourself.”