I Love You Again (17 page)

Chapter 17

The cool night air caught them by surprise; Kit pulled her sweater around her. “Got chilly. But the moon is beautiful.” The bright moonlight guided them as they walked down the gravel path by the stream.

“You’re taking me to the bait shop?”

Roz laughed at Kit’s incredulous tone. “Yep. C’mon.”

They walked up the steps, and Roz unlocked the door. “Follow me, please.”

“Okay,” Kit said, holding on to the back of her sweater. “No lights?”

“Shush.”

Roz opened the door leading to the bedroom. She flipped on the small desk lamp next to the door that dimly illuminated the room. Kit walked in and looked around.

“I had no idea this was back here,” she said. “I love that fireplace.”

“My favorite part. Let me get it started. Why don’t you sit on the hearth?”

“Thanks.” Kit sat and watched in silence as Roz started the fire. “I like the color scheme. The red brick against the pine logs. Very cozy.”

“That was all Stan’s idea. I knew what I wanted, but he was the mastermind in bringing it to life. He drew floor plans, blueprints, all that stuff. I finally told him, you know what I want and how much I have…” She laughed, realizing she was rambling horribly. With a shaking hand, she struck the long match and got the fire going.

“He’s a good friend.” Kit ran her fingers over the terracotta smooth brick.

“Yes, he is.” Roz dusted off her hands and sat back. “He’s a good listener. Helped me a few times these past couple years. With the business,” she added quickly.

Kit nodded. “That’s all?”

“Well, we might have talked about us once or twice.”

“Really?”

“Okay, I nearly drove him insane. I couldn’t stop talking about what happened between us. The poor guy wanted to shoot himself—or me.”

Kit hid her grin as she watched Roz. “I know what you mean. I talked to Bess continually…about real estate.”

Roz laughed then. “We’re pretty hopeless, huh?”

Kit was about to say something when, for the first time, she noticed the large bed across the room. The moonlight shined on it like a welcome sign. She felt her temperature rise and begged for it not to be a hot flash. It wasn’t—it was just her libido. She wasn’t sure which would be worse at the moment. She had read somewhere how some women found a decrease in their sexual appetite once they started menopause. Kit was the opposite. There were times she was so horny, she looked lovingly at the washing machine when it reached the spin cycle.

“Kit?”

Kit blinked and looked away from the bed. Roz had a curious look on her face. “Sorry, what did you say?”

“Nothing really. Are you okay?”

“Yes. Yes. Where were we?” Kit turned slightly so she would not be tempted to look at the bed again.

“Just discussing what fools we’ve been.”

“We have been, haven’t we?”

Roz nodded. She looked at Kit, loving how the flickering firelight danced around her face. “I’ve missed you so much. I was so wrong.”

Emotions welled up inside Kit. “I’ve missed you, too. I was so scared and so stupid.”

“No, you weren’t stupid. I should have been more aware of it. I was just thinking so much about our future that I didn’t take care of the present. You had serious doubts, honey, and I should have…”

Kit gently put her fingertips against Roz’s lips. “I should have trusted you. You’ve always taken care of me. I was petrified.” She took her hand away, but not before she gently ran the back of her hand against Roz’s cheek. “I was so afraid of growing old and not being desirable anymore.”

“What?” Roz asked. “Not desirable?”

“I started putting on weight. As hard as I tried, it still kept coming. I even went to the doctor. You remember…” She sniffed and took the hanky out of her pocket. “I hate my hormones.”

Roz smiled. “I remember you going to the doctor. He said it was normal. Women go through—”

“You didn’t,” Kit said quickly. “You didn’t gain weight, you didn’t have hot flashes. Well, you might have, but they weren’t anything compared to what I have. Why?”

Roz scratched her head. “I
dunno
. When I went in for my checkup, the doc told me the same thing. Women go through menopause differently. Like when we had our periods. Mine were short and not too much cramping. You…”

“I’d have mine for over a week. I was miserable! I was bloated and could barely make a fist. Just looking at the saltshaker had my feet swelling. My breasts were so heavy I thought I’d topple over.”

“I remember.” Roz stared off into space.

Kit grinned and snapped her fingers. “Roz. Roz!”

Roz blinked and laughed. “Sorry. I was…”

“You were what?” Kit felt her stomach flip, waiting for the answer.

“I was thinking about you and us and how, honestly, how wonderful our sex life was. And I remember how I couldn’t even touch your breasts, they were so sensitive. We just went through it differently.” Roz cocked her head. “Wait. Do you think I didn’t find you desirable?”

“I didn’t feel desirable. How could I expect you to?” Kit threw her hands up. “You’re even older than I am, and I felt…” She sighed. “I started feeling older than you. And when you wanted to do something so different from the way we had been living, I thought…I thought you wanted an excuse to get away from me. To throw yourself into something so you didn’t have to deal with me.”

She hated what happened next. Tears. Tears of frustration, sadness, happiness, suicide; I need you, I hate you, I wanna jump off a cliff, I wanna push you off a cliff; you name the emotion—it didn’t matter. It was all there in a nice tightly wadded-up ball of frustration. And it all manifested in uncontrollable tears.

“I feel like I’m going insane.” She cried so hard, she sounded like Lucy Ricardo.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Roz pulled her into her arms. “I’m so sorry you’re going through all this alone. I was so wrong. Please stop.”

“I can’t.” She cried all the more. “Don’t you think I’d like to?”

“I know,” Roz said soothingly, rocking her back and forth.

“I was so out of control, I went after some, some child, for god’s sakes, looking for my youth. And now you’re gone, and you have your life, and I’m just this big, fat menopausal blob!” She jumped up and stumbled through her tears to the window. She stopped crying and laid her head against the cool windowpane. “I’m exhausted. Happy birthday.” She sighed when she felt Roz’s hands on her shoulders, caressing. “I’ve missed your touch.”

When Roz kissed the back of her neck, she nearly had an orgasm; the throbbing was excruciating.

“I’ve ached for you every night,” Roz whispered against her hair. She gently turned Kit around to face her. “We should never have let this happen. We’ve lost two years we can’t get back.”

Kit looked down. “Is that what you want? I’m still menopausal.” She felt Roz’s fingertips under her chin. She looked into the blue eyes she loved.

“I’m still arthritic. I can’t move like I used to, and when I try, I reach for the Aleve and have to put a pillow under my knee. Have Stan tell you sometime about my tree-chopping incident. And I don’t want to start talking about getting in and out of a bathtub on certain days. One of these days, I’ll get into that tub and won’t be able to get out of it. I can even feel it in my hands.” She presented both hands to Kit.

Kit took them in hers; for the first time, she noticed the swollen knuckles. “I never noticed it before. When did this start?”

Roz chuckled. “It’s been that way for long before we broke up. The stiffness is recent, though. And you never noticed because it never mattered. I feel the same. In my eyes, honey, you look the same as you did twenty years ago.” Roz held her at arm’s length. “So we’re getting older. We have aches and pains. We go through menopause. Hell, Kit, we went through PMS together. We can go through this.”

Kit laughed, searching her face. “Do you mean it truly?”

“Truly, truly. I love you, Kit. I’ve never stopped. You’re my wife, and you’ll always be.”

“I love you, too.”

Roz pulled her into her arms. “Gonna kiss
ya
.”

Kit laughed at their old joke. “Gonna let
ya
.”

They chuckled nervously just before their lips met. Kit nearly melted into a hormonal puddle right there. When she heard Roz moan and felt her body tremble, she knew Roz must have been feeling the same.

After a moment or two, Kit pulled back. “It’s funny what we remember.”

Roz kissed her forehead. “We can’t remember our anniversary, but we do remember our first kiss.”

Kit laughed again while caressing Roz’s cheek. “You tried to be so cool and in charge.”

“I was scared to death. I felt my knees shake. I had visions of you slapping me.”

“I wasn’t scared at all. I wanted it so badly. And I knew before you kissed me I loved you.”

Roz smiled. “And you still do.”

“I do,” Kit whispered against her lips. “What do we do now?”

“Well…” Roz looked at the bed next to them.

The old insecurity came screaming back, despite the reassuring words from Roz and her own out-of-control libido screaming for release. “Roz…”

“Oh, I know that tone.” Roz kissed her forehead and pulled back. “We need a little time.”

“Do you understand?” Kit nearly pleaded; she held on to the lapels of her sweater.

“Yes. I truly do. We can’t just jump back into each other’s arms like nothing has happened. We made the mistake of not talking about this before. Let’s not do it again.” She stepped back and held out her hand. “As long as we want the same thing, we’ll get back there.”

Kit took her hand and gave it a healthy shake. “You got yourself a deal, Roz Maguire.”

“And I’ll hold you to it, Kathleen Weston. C’mon. It’s a shame to waste the moonlight.”

Roz led her to the boulder by the creek. “I sit here sometimes,
ya
know. To think.”

She took the offered hand and sat next to Roz. The night was cool, but she didn’t care. The full moon shone on the creek, she could almost see the rippling water—she could certainly hear it.

“I saw you earlier today, from my window. You looked at peace.” She shivered from the cool air, wrapping her sweater around her.

Roz put her arm around her, pulling her close.

“This is heaven,” Kit whispered.

“That’s what I was thinking today.”

“What?”

“That I was happy and in heaven now that you were here. I’ve missed this. We were like part of each other. And it scared me when I think how easily we could throw it away.”

“I thought of that, as well, sweetie. Almost the exact thing. It was like a test—”

“That we both failed.” Roz looked at the creek. “How could that happen to us?”

“It happens to couples all the time. And it didn’t happen all of the sudden. If you remember, we were a little strained the last couple of years. And when menopause got its ugly hands on me, everything hit the fan. I hate feeling out of control with this.”

Roz tightened her arm around her. “I know. I wish I could do something.”

Kit leaned her head on her shoulder. “You already have. And I appreciate the offer, but it’s my body after all. The good news is it won’t last forever. And I refuse to take hormone replacement therapy.”

“Good. I’ve heard too much crap about that. Tomorrow, we do a little research.”

“Enough talk about this. If you don’t kiss me, Rosalind Mag—”

Suddenly, Kit was lying on the cool rock, looking up into beautiful blue eyes. She snaked her arms around Roz’s neck, pulling her closer. “Kiss me quick before I have a hot flash.”

It was as if no time had passed at all between them. The comfortable feeling of them wrapped around each other had Roz’s head spinning as she kissed Kit. She wanted to feel all of her, all at once. “God, Kit. You feel the same, so warm,” she mumbled against her neck.

“I know. God, I want you so badly. Please…” She couldn’t take it anymore. “Just touch me.”

Roz groaned as she kissed her once again. She fumbled with the buttons on Kit’s sweater, then finally, she reached in and cupped her breast. Kit grabbed her hand, nearly forcing it down her body.

“I can’t take it anymore,” Kit nearly whimpered. It had been too long, and she had been too lonely. “I’ve been aching for your touch for two long years.”

“I have, too, Kit. I have, too,” Roz whispered, her hands shaking as she unbuttoned, then unzipped the slacks.

Kit arched her back when she felt Roz’s cool fingers slip into her panties and touch her hot skin. “Oh, Roz. I’m…” It wouldn’t take long. She’d been living on the edge for two years. When Roz touched her, her fingers gently sliding through her, Kit tried to hold off and savor the familiar feeling, but she couldn’t. “Holy Jesus!” she cried out as the orgasm rippled through her body. She nearly fell off the boulder. “My God!” She held Roz’s hand in place and tightened her legs around her hand as if she never wanted to let her go.

Unashamedly, she rocked her hips into Roz’s hand frantically, as she felt another orgasm start. “Don’t stop,” she said breathlessly. She pulled Roz on top of her. “Oh, God,” she whimpered, clawing at Roz’s back. “Okay, okay, no more. Easy…”