I Love You, Always (32 page)

Beautiful, beautiful girl

How much I long to make you smile

Bring back the light to your life

Beautiful, beautiful girl

Have you let me love you for a
while

∞

“You alright man?”

“Huh?” I say, lifting my head off the wall.

“You alright?” Jared asks, gesturing toward the guitar in my hands, the one I hadn’t realised I’d even stopped playing.

I blow out a breath. “Yeah, I think so.”
Am I? What the hell is she going to think about this?

“Not backing out?”

I take another deep breath and push off the wall. “No,” I say with certainty. “I need to do this.”

And I do. Even after everything that happened last night, locked in the kitchen at work with her while I attempted to cook
,
I still need to do this. Me kissing her last night, really kissing her, was never going to change me wanting and needing to do this tonight. But fuck me, last night. I can’t stop thinking about it, can’t stop thinking about her. I didn’t sleep at all after I got home; could still feel her lips on mine, her arms wrapped around me, her body pressed against mine. I wanted so badly to kiss her again, to kiss her all night, to kiss her forever.

It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours since I’ve last seen her, but already I’m aching for her. Not going into work today was pretty much the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a really long time. I wonder if she missed me, even half as much as I’ve missed her. If last night has messed with her brain like it has with mine.

I know she’s here already. Pete came and told me about ten minutes ago. I kinda want to go out and find her, but I know if I do, I will kiss her again and if I kiss her again, I will never make it on stage and if I never make it on stage, then I won’t do this. And I need to do this. I want to do this.

“Then it’ll all be good, Luke, it’ll all be good.” Jared continues, interrupting my thoughts as he slaps me on the shoulder. I try smiling at him, but he just laughs at my pathetic effort. “Come on, let’s go show this girl how you really feel about her.”

I nod, pick up my other guitar and together we all head out on stage. The crowd is deafening as we walk out there. It’s the best thing about playing these local places; the people get to know you. Actually treat you like a rock star, as though you are famous and they are your number one
fan
.

There is only one fan I care about tonight though.

I scan the crowd looking for her, the darkened corners where I know she likes to hide. And as my eyes finally find hers, I nearly fall to my knees. Fuck. She looks amazing, so fucking amazing. How the hell am I going to get through this?

I can’t stop staring at her and when I walk up to the microphone to talk to the crowd, I’m speaking only to her. When my words echo through the hushed club, all the way to the back, where she is standing, leaning against the wall, I see her mouth lift in the tiniest of smiles.
A smile just for me.
And that’s when I know.

I
can
do this.

Neither of us takes our eyes off each other for the rest of the show. I don’t remember a single thing about it, not one single thing. Until we get to the end that is. While the applause continues, the others all leave the stage, Jared winking at me in reassurance as he walks past. I turn and change my guitars over, before walking back to the microphone and finding her eyes once more.

She watches me intently as I take a deep breath and swallow my nerves. “This is for you,” I say, right to her, before I close my eyes and start to play.

By the time I get to the end of the second line, I open my eyes again, wanting to watch her. They are immediately fixed on hers. She is standing so still, at the back of the room, her face, a myriad of emotions, but the biggest one, the only one I’m really seeing, is
want.

She looks exactly like I feel and it’s taking every ounce of self-control I have just to stay on this stage and finish her song. I don’t know how my fingers play these chords. I don’t know how my voice finds the words, matches the notes. I don’t know how the hell I do any of it, because the only thing I see, the only thing I feel… is
her
.

I want her, so badly
.

When I finally finish singing her song, the crowd goes crazy. I barely notice them; just keep my eyes on Ash, watching her reaction. She doesn’t clap, but that’s okay, because her eyes, her body, tell me so much more. Her song, this song I wrote just for her, it wasn’t too much, because she knows what I see. And she knows that I want her anyway, that I’m not giving up on her. And finally, she isn’t afraid of that anymore. Her fear of me, or us, of all of the possibilities, is gone.

My heart is pounding as I leave the stage, dumping my guitars with the rest of our gear and walking out to find her. I watch her the whole time, ignoring the people who are trying to talk to me, the hands that are grabbing me. She watches me walking towards her and as someone hands me a drink, I stand beside her, our arms touching, fire coursing through my veins at her nearness.

Fuck do I want her. No, I more than want her; I need her.

There are people everywhere, pushing against us, trying to talk to us. Some girl grabs my other arm and tries to pull me over, but I shake it off as I turn and try to talk to Ash instead. Just as I’m about to, the fire in my veins suddenly explodes from Ash reaching out and grabbing my hand.

Turning to face her I watch as she stands up on her toes. Her beautiful eyes are so dark as they watch me and then I feel her lips at my ear and her sexy voice begging me to take her somewhere else, away from here. My hand tightens around hers and I quickly turn to Jared.

“Can you take care of my gear? We’re getting out of here,” I ask him.

“Of course man, do what you gotta do. I’m glad it’s all worked out,” he responds, slapping me on the shoulder again.

I turn back to her, bend down so she can hear me. “Come with me,” I whisper in her ear
.
She squeezes my hand tighter as I pull her towards the club’s entrance, still ignoring the people who are trying to get my attention. I just don’t care about any of them tonight. I’m focused on one thing, and one thing only
;
Asha.

We walk out into the cool night and I head straight for home, without even thinking about it. My place is closer than hers and even if I do share it with someone, it doesn’t matter. We need to get to the closest place, as soon as possible. I already feel like I’m going to explode with want, and I’ll be lucky if we make it home before I can’t stop myself. Walking home with her last night had been hard enough; tonight is so much worse, but in the best possible way.

God, the anticipation.

The want.

The desire.

It’s coursing through me and I know that after tonight, after what I know is about to happen between us, everything will change.

As I unlock my front door, Ash finally drops my hand, walking in ahead of me and going straight to my bedroom. I silently follow her and when I close us in, everything slows right down to single heartbeat.

I want to say something, anything. I want to tell her how I feel about her. Tell her I didn’t sleep at all last night after kissing her. Tell her that I want to kiss her again. Again and again, and never stop kissing her. Tell her so many things, but as she pulls off my shirt and I feel her fingers touch my skin, it drives all the words I have left, away.

And the only thing that remains is this one single thought.

I am so in love you Asha.

The road has been long, but we’ve travelled so far

I never needed anymore, than what you had in your heart

And all that is mine, all that I have here to give

Is yours to keep baby, for as long we both shall live

∞

“Asha,” I say, sliding my arms around her waist as she stands at the kitchen counter playing with her camera and looking through all of the pictures she took at our show three nights ago.

“Yeah?” she asks, leaning her head back on my shoulder as she looks up at me.

“Can I have you to myself tonight, beautiful girl?” I say. “Just me and you.”

She smiles, her hand reaching up to gently brush against my cheek. “Always, Luke,” she says. “What do you want to do?”

I smile down at her, knowing we could spend it sitting together on the couch, doing nothing but watching TV and I’d still love it.
But not tonight.
Tonight I want to do something special, something with just her and me before life starts to get really crazy. Something to remember before it all gets out of control. “It’s a surprise,” I tell her. “We’ll go in thirty minutes, okay?”

She pulls me closer as she pushes up on her toes to kiss me. My arms tighten around her waist as I kiss her back. “Okay, do I need to wear anything special?” she asks as she pulls back.

“Nope,” I whisper against her mouth. “You’re perfect, just as you are.”

I kiss her once more before I let go and walk into the kitchen to get some things together. It’s our last night in the house, but the fridge is still stocked. I don’t need much, just some food, a couple of beers, and Ash.

I look up and see she is sitting at the counter, on her laptop, which is now connected to her camera. She’s been recording this whole thing, everything we’ve done since we left Boston, even before that actually. It’s been really amazing, the stuff she’s captured, things none of us even realised she saw. I love that she has created this permanent memory of everything we’ve done, because although I don’t think any of us will forget it, it’s good to know it will always be there. And man is she good at it. Her photos are amazing. The shots she did for the website Mia built for us are seriously good.

She glances up, catches me watching her and smiles at me. I feel every possible feeling I have for her, all over again, just like I did the first time she smiled at me, the first time she looked at me even. My stomach flips, my heart pounds, and my fingers itch to reach out and pull her into my arms so I can kiss her. It never stops, these feelings. I get them every time she looks at me and I don’t ever want them to stop. I love this woman with everything I have and I know that as long as she’s in my life and by my side, then anything is possible.

“Okay?” she asks me.

I smile back at her, walking over so I can bend down and press a kiss to her lips. “Perfect,” I whisper before I walk out to grab a few more things that I’ll need for tonight.

An hour and a half later and we are sitting together on the sand, on a patch of secluded beach, not far from the house. Ash had laughed when I brought her down here, understanding now why I was carrying food, drinks, and a blanket and not bothering with shoes. She kicked off her flip flops and squeezed my hand and I loved that something as simple as a night on the beach, alone and together, could make her smile like that. I’d built us a fire, even though it was warm, and we’d eaten the food I’d packed, enjoying a few drinks together as we’d watched the sun set.

Right now, Ash is sitting between my legs, leaning back against me. The weight of her body, the feel of it against mine, feels so fucking good and I bury my nose in her hair, inhaling her scent. Her hands are resting on my knees and I slide mine over them, threading our fingers together. No one else is around, it’s just the two of us, alone on the beach, our final night in L.A.

I know this will be my lasting memory of this place now. Not signing the record deal, not making the album, not our first real show, and nothing about my father.
Only this, this single moment, with her.
This single moment, which is something good, something amazing. This is what I will leave here with.

As I lean down to kiss her neck, her head falls back on to my shoulder and I kiss a slow and deliberate path up to her mouth. She groans when my lips finally touch hers and it turns me on so bad. I want to pick her up in my arms, take her back to the house and to bed. I want to make music with her.

But there’s something else I want to do first.

As I slide my hands up her arms to her shoulders, I slowly turn her so she’s facing me. Ash looks up, kisses me again and I feel her arms slide around my waist as she pulls herself closer, her legs crossed between mine.

I look at her, my hands sliding up her neck until they reach her cheeks. I hold her face, stare into eyes, which are dancing not just with the light from the fire, but with all the life that now lives in them. She slides her hands under my t-shirt; her fingers warm against my skin as she smoothes them over my back. I smile at her.

“You okay?” she asks, a question I know I used to ask her all the time.

I raise an eyebrow at her and she laughs, knowing she’s guilty of doing it too, especially after everything that’s happened.

“Now you know how it feels,” she answers jokingly as she leans in to kiss me again, her fingers tightening.

My lips touch hers. “I do, but as long as the answer is yes, Ash, then I don’t mind either of us asking it,” I say against her mouth, which is smiling against mine.

My heart is pounding in my chest now, knowing there’s another question I want the answer yes to. I pull back, searching her face. Ash smiles at me, looks at me with eyes that are not just full of life, but also love and happiness
.
She is so beautiful.

“Asha,” I whisper, my thumbs brushing against her cheeks.

“Yes,” she whispers back, her breath mixing with mine, the sound of our voices barely audible over the crashing ocean, the occasional crack of wood as it burns.

I lean in and gently kiss her again. She kisses me back, but I pull away as she starts to deepen it, my hands still holding her cheeks. I take a deep breath and watch as time, everything that surrounds us, slows right down. I feel strangely nervous even though I don’t for a single second think I’m going to get any other answer, except the one that I want.

And then I open my mouth and ask it.
A question that is only two words, but which means infinitely more.

“Marry me?”

I watch as her eyes widen instantly, maybe from surprise, I’m not sure. But before I can take another breath, before I can even begin to worry about what she’s going to say, she answers me.

“Yes.”

And then time starts to speed up again. I pull her towards me at the same time as Ash throws herself against me and together, we fall back onto the blanket. Ash ends up on top of me, our bodies melting together so I can’t tell where I end and she begins. I wrap my arms around her, holding her close as my mouth finds hers and I kiss her again, deeply this time.

“Yes?” I breathe out around her lips, just wanting to hear her say it again.

She pulls back and looks down at me, her beautiful smile lighting up her whole face. I brush her hair back, tucking it behind her ears, but never taking my eyes off hers.

“Yes, Luke, always yes.”

“Always yes.” I repeat, not doubting it for a second.

Asha smiles as she leans down to kiss me again. I kiss her back as my pounding heart starts to hammer through my rib cage, which is resting against hers.

Both of our hearts beating together.

Always yes…

I never thought it was possible for me to fall any further in love with Asha. I always thought that everything I felt for her was already bigger than anything I’d ever known or even thought existed.

But apparently I was wrong, because tonight…

I learned that the love I feel for her is more than that. It’s
m
ore than everything.

It’s infinite.

Infinite.