I Promise (20 page)

C
hristian held Jordan's hand as they walked to find the perfect spot for their picnic. Despite the perfect weather, and the comfortable touch of the man she loved, Christian's heart remained troubled.

Jordan stopped and looked around. “This looks like a good place.” He glanced back at her. “You know I can't seem to get over how beautiful this ranch is.”

She smiled as she took her place on the blanket and unloaded the basket Bobby had prepared for them. “I know. I always thought it was my heaven on earth.” She looked over and caught the flicker of pain that crossed his features as he sat. “Are you still sore from playing cowboy?”

“Who me?”

She nodded as she crossed her arms, daring him to deny that he was suffering.

He shrugged. “Just a little bit.”

Christian laughed and prepared their plates. When she finished, she handed him his lunch. She was surprised to find him watching her. “What?”

Jordan shook his head as he accepted the offered lunch. “I'm just fascinated by how beautiful you are.”

She opened her mouth to protest, but when their eyes made contact, she saw he'd meant what he said. “Thank you,” she whispered, dangerously close to tears.

Closing her eyes, she struggled to accept the fact that he had seen her at her most vulnerable and still confessed to want her, to love her. She took a bite of her sandwich, and concentrated on getting it down her dry throat.

Jordan stared off into the distance, a pensive frown curved his lips. “How was your doctor's appointment yesterday?”

Her mouth went dry. She reached for her Coke to wash down the piece of sandwich lodged in her throat.

“Are you all right?” he asked instantly alarmed.

She held up her hands, not wanting to go through another choking incident with him. “I'm fine,” she managed to say.

His brows furrowed. “You didn't mind me asking you about your doctor's visit, did you?”

“No, no. It's quite all right. Everything checked out to be fine.” She warred with her emotions for the lie she told.

He held her gaze for a long time before focusing on his plate. “You wouldn't lie to me about that, would you?” Heat rose in her face as shame pooled inside of her. He'd always known when she was lying to him.

He lifted his head to meet her gaze once again.

She averted her eyes.

Jordan reached for her hand. “What
did
the doctor say?”

Her vision blurred. “I have to have a biopsy performed on Monday.” She shrugged her shoulders. “It's no big deal.”

“I'm coming with you.”

Christian swallowed. “I thought you had to return home tomorrow?”

“This is more important.” His fingers massaged the back of her hand.

“I can't ask you to do that,” she said in a shaky whisper.

“You didn't have to.”

Christian withdrew her hand. “Jordan, I appreciate your concern and everything that you're trying to do for me. But it's not necessary.” Her heart skipped a beat at the flicker of pain that crossed his features.

“Why do you insist on cutting me out of your life?”

She had no other choice than to be honest with him. “I can't allow you to be who you want to be in my life.”

He pulled back as if she'd slapped him. “You can't tell me you don't feel the way I do.”

She braided her fingers together, unable to deny the truth of his words.

When she didn't answer, he clasped his hand together. “I think we should get married,” Jordan announced.

She held her breath.

“I know I'm not doing this right. I don't have a ring to give you right now, but I promise to give you the biggest ring…”

She looked away. “You don't understand.”

“I understand how I feel about you. That's all that matters.”

“What about your family?” she asked.

“They'll love you.”

“Rosa, love me? You need to have your head examined. And what about Malcolm?”

Jordan rose to his feet and moved closer to the lake. He expelled a long, frustrated breath. “Look, I don't know all the answers.” He looked down at her. “But I do know you can't ask me to leave here without you.”

She shook her head. “You make everything sound so easy.”

He rushed to her side. “It is easy. Just say yes and leave the rest up to me.”

“I can't.”

“Christian don't do this. Don't turn me away. You know we fell for each other the first night in my parents' gardens. You can't deny there's something stronger than ourselves that binds us together.”

Christian shook her head. She wanted to close her heart to the truth.

“At least tell me why you're determined to throw our happiness away.” Frustration edged his voice.

She locked gazes with him. “Don't you know how hard it is for me to let you go?” she shouted. A sob tore from her lips. “But I'd rather do that than to sit and watch fate snatch you away from me.”

He moved toward her.

She stopped him with a firm shake of her head. “Don't you understand? I'm trying to protect you.”

“I'm not the one that needs protecting. Don't you get it? I love you. I can't walk away.”

She stared off into the distance and filled her lungs with the summer's air.

“Talk to me, Christian.” Jordan's voice broke into her reverie.

She turned her troubled gaze toward him. “I can't marry you,” she answered.

He clamped his jaws together. “You love me. I know you do.”

She lowered her gaze. “It doesn't matter.” She blinked and wiped at the tears that escaped her eyes. “You'll regret it one day,” she whispered. “We'll regret it.”

Jordan reached out and took her hands. “I know we haven't known each other long, but I feel like I've always known you, always loved you.”

When she didn't respond, he continued, “If you can tell me that you don't love me, I'll walk away.”

Christian's heart squeezed as she lifted her shimmering gaze back at him. “I don't love you.”

 

“Alex, wait.” Malcolm pushed past Sheila and chased after her. His long strides allowed him to catch up with her at the elevator bay. He grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her around to face him. Her hand hit his face with a resounding slap. His head jerked back, causing him to lose his hold on her.

Alex entered the elevator. Malcolm dashed to catch it, but missed by a few inches. “Damn.”

He pressed the down button for another elevator, then grew impatient and raced toward the staircase.

Alex strode out of the elevator, suppressing a wave of nausea. “Damn him,” she spat, pushing through Opulence's front door. She should have known better than to trust her heart to him. “A leopard can't change its spots,” she mumbled. She reached the parking deck and ignored him calling from behind her.

She snatched open her car door and got in.

Malcolm reached her as she revved the car's engine. “Alex, please wait. It wasn't what it looked like.”

Her sharp gaze narrowed as it pinned him with contempt. “It never is with you. I hope you rot in hell.” She jammed the gears into reverse.

He nearly fell when the car moved. “Alex!”

She shifted into drive. Her tires screeched as she peeled off. She refused to look into the rearview mirror. “I'll never look back.” She took a deep breath, cringing at the pain in her heart. “From here on out, I look out for number one,” she promised herself, but a lone tear streaked her face.

Malcolm hung his head in defeat. It wouldn't do any good to chase after her. She would never believe him. He slid his hands into his pants' pockets and allowed the pain in his heart to overtake him. “One day,” he vowed. “One day, I'll win her back.”

B
obby walked out of the house toward Jordan with her arms stretched wide. “I'm so sorry to see you go. We're going to miss you around here.”

He shared an amicable smile with her as he wrapped his arms around her. “I'm going to miss you all as well.”

“But you're going to miss my wedding,” Bobby pouted.

He laughed. “So you're finally going to tie the knot?”

Dylan draped a protective arm around his fiancée. “You bet she is.”

Pete thrust out his hand.

Jordan shook it and as expected Pete applied a considerable amount of pressure to his grip.

“You take care of yourself, city boy.”

Jordan laughed. “I'd hope you would call me by my name.”

“All right. Take care of yourself, Jordan.”

“Thanks, you do the same.” He turned to load the last suitcase into the car, then made a quick glance toward the house. He frowned in disappointment. He'd hoped Christian would come to same goodbye.

 

Christian lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Tears slid from her eyes as she listened to the group outside her window. Her heart ached at the sound of Jordan's resonant voice.

With all her heart, she wanted to run downstairs and plead for him not to go. She laughed to herself. What good would it do to stop him now? She wanted more for him than what she could offer. He deserved better.

A door slammed, then an engine roared to life.

She closed her eyes as the tears slid faster down her face. This was for the best, Christian reminded herself. Listening as he drove from the house, she turned her face into the pillow and allowed her tears to rack her body.

 

Christian remained locked in her room for two days. She ignored Bobby's coaxing for her to come out of her hiding place. If Christian had her way, she would never leave the comfort of her bed.

Jordan called daily, sometimes twice a day. But each time, she refused to take his call. Time healed all wounds, right?

She climbed out of bed. She had a doctor's appointment in a few hours.

When she turned off the hot water and stepped out of the shower, she grabbed the towel from the rack and proceeded to dry off. She approached the mirror, mentally prepared to recite her daily affirmations. She wiped the steam from the glass and stared at her reflection.

This time, she paid no attention to the fading scar, or made no mental comparisons to how her body had looked before or after her mastectomy. Instead, she relived images of Jordan wrapping his strong arms around her.

How divine it felt to have his lips nuzzle her neck. Her eyes drifted closed. She could feel his hands roam across his body. She dragged her towel in front of her and clung to it as if it were Jordan.

She imagined his hands roaming lower as her head tilted back. His voice surfaced from within her memory. She loved the way he murmured her name repeatedly in her ear. Her body ached for him.

Her bedroom phone rang. She opened her eyes, unprepared for the crash back to reality and the painful emptiness in her heart. She grabbed her robe and went to answer it.

“Hello.”

“Hey, Chris.”

“Alex. Hey, how are you?” She plopped down on the bed and looked out the window while she talked.

“Exhausted, I just finished my first shoot here. Work is harder to find than I thought, but I'm making it. How about you?”

Christian sighed. “Honestly?”

“Of course.”

“I miss Jordan so much.”

“Why don't you call him?” Alex suggested.

“And say what? I was wrong? Please come back to me?” Christian shook her head against the phone. “I can't do that.”

“Pride is a terrible thing.”

Christian frowned. “Enough about me. How are you holding up?”

“I've definitely seen better days.” Alex's voice faded into a dull whisper.

Christian heard the small sniffle over the line and shook her head. “Aren't we a pair? Why don't you call Malcolm?”

“I was telling you about pride because I know firsthand, but our situations are different. Jordan is a one-woman man and I think you're crazy to let him go.”

Trying to blink the tears from her eyes, Christian hated to agree with her best friend. “I'm scared. I wouldn't know what to say to him now. I don't know if he'd still want me.”

Alex sniffed again. “I say there is only one way to find out. Call him.”

Christian pursed her lips, wanting to give in to the temptation. “Maybe I will. What about you?”

Alex laughed. “I try to forget anything ever happened between Malcolm and me. When that doesn't work, I wish I could forget walking into his office and seeing him with Sheila.”

Closing her eyes against the pain she heard in her friend's voice, Christian responded, “I still don't know what to say. I'm so sorry he hurt you.”

Alex's laugh cracked. “That's all right. The next time I go into a relationship, I'll do it with my eyes wide open.”

 

Dr. Murphy entered his office after Nancy prepared Christian for the excisional biopsy. A catheter was placed into a vein in her hand.

“So how are we doing today, Chrissy?”

Christian forced a smile. “I'm ready to get this over with,” she answered honestly.

Murphy grasped her cold hands in his. “Everything is going to be all right. Do you have any questions for me?”

“No. I've been through all of this before.”

He nodded. “I understand. I was surprised to see your grandmother didn't come with you this morning.”

“I—I didn't tell her about this. I think I'll wait until we get the pathology report back. If the lump is not malignant, I have no need to worry her.”

Dr. Murphy slid on his glasses. “I understand. In a few minutes your anesthesiologist will be in to talk to you. I'll see you in the operating room.”

As promised, minutes later, she was wheeled into surgery. Her last thoughts before her anesthesia kicked in were of Jordan.