I Put a Spell on You (29 page)

“This is the earliest.” She took the top letter off the pile and opened the envelope.

“Let’s read this one next,” she said.

Dear Clara

I miss you. I miss your laugh and our late-night chats and the way you hate meditation. I really hope you’re okay. What happened? Why did you leave so suddenly?

Dhani misses you. I can tell. But, Clara, I must tell you what’s happened. I went to him first because I missed you so much and I knew he’d be feeling the same. And, at first, I think it was just comfort. But now it seems we’re a couple. At least, I’ve been spending a lot of time with him. We’re not ‘official’ or anything and I’m sure if you came back, it would be you he’d choose. Oh, Clara, please don’t hate me. Please. I would never want to hurt you. I just feel powerless to fight this. Dhani and I are connected. Please write back and tell me it’s okay.

Sx

Dear Suky

Stay away from Dhani. Stay away from him. He’s a bad man and he will hurt you.

Clara

Dear Clara

Sweetheart, I know you had a bad time with Dhani. But really, he’s not like you say. He’s a witch, I know that for sure now. (I’ve still not told him I’m a witch, though. I sort of thought he’d work it out, but he’s never said.) When we, well, you know, the whole room fills with crackles of energy. Maybe he hasn’t noticed, but I’ve been with other men – normal men – and that’s never happened before. I’m positive it’s our magic colliding.

He’s not mentioned it and, like I say, I’m not sure he’s noticed. Which is weird actually because I think it’s mental. He must think it’s all coming from him. He can be a bit self-absorbed occasionally. I’m sure you remember!

Anyway, he’s a witch. And like it or not, I’m sure he’s done magic here and there, that you felt (you’re very sensitive). He wasn’t deliberately trying to get in your head, or manipulate you. He was only doing what’s best for you, and I’m sure you’ll see that one day.

Sx

Dear Clara

I hope you’re okay. It’s ages since I heard from you. I know you were upset about what happened with you and Dhani – and then us getting together. I hope you’re happy back in Ireland and I hope one day we’ll meet again.

Sx

Dear Tess

Oh Tess. Things have gone wrong. Very wrong. I couldn’t really believe it when I first realised. But I’ve gone over the dates again and again, and I’m positive. I’m pregnant. And Tess, I’m so scared. Dhani is always talking about how one day we’ll have kids and create the second generation of the commune. But – and here’s the really scary thing – I don’t believe him. That’s what Clara told me he’d said to her and he obviously didn’t mean it then and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean it now. I can’t read his aura – it’s foggy sometimes and almost invisible at other times. I can’t get a handle on him like I can on other people. I’ve even tried divination – you know, like we used to do at school – but he’s slippery and I can’t see him. He’s a witch, that’s not in doubt, and I should have told him I’m a witch. I should have told him Tess, and now it’s too late.

So I’m not going to tell him that, but I am going to tell him about the baby. He needs to know that much.

Wish me luck!

Sx

Dear Clara

I have news. Good news, I think, though I’m still not sure. And I worry you might find it quite hurtful. I thought long and hard about telling you. But Clara, you’re still my best friend and I need you. I’m pregnant, Clara. And I’m so scared. I haven’t told Dhani yet. But I will.

Sx

Dear Suky

Don’t tell him. I urge you not to tell him. If he wants the baby he’ll take it from you, and if he doesn’t, he’ll break you. Please leave. Leave today. If you don’t want to go home, come here. But don’t stay there. Not with him.

Clara

Dear Tess

It was awful. Awful. I’ve never seen him so cold. His eyes were like shards of glass as he looked at me.

“Are you sure?” he asked, his voice calm and soft.

I nodded.

“I went to the doctor, in town.”

We were in the canteen, sitting at one of the tables and I felt strangely like I was in a job interview. I wanted to reach across and take Dhani’s hand, but instead I tucked my fingers under my thighs. My hands stuck to my hot legs.

Dhani stared past me.

“I’ve got a contact,” he said. “A woman, in Delhi. She’ll take care of you.”

At first, I didn’t know what he meant.

“The doctor in town is nice,” I said. Then I realised.

“Oh Dhani,” I said. “No.”

I felt sweat bead across my forehead.

“I’m keeping her,” I whispered. “It. The baby.”

Dhani got up.

“Then there’s no place for you here,” he said. “Please get your things together. I’ll arrange a lift for you back to Delhi.”

It was 80 degrees outside but suddenly I was freezing. Did he really mean it? Could he really cast me aside – me and our baby? Our daughter (somehow I know it’s a girl).

But he meant it.

And so, I’m sitting in my hut, writing to you when I should be packing. I guess I’ll see you soon. Don’t tell Mum. I’ll write to her too – though I expect she already knows, knowing Mum. Has she said anything?

Anyway, it looks like I’m having a baby. And it looks like I’m doing it on my own.

And I’m so embarrassed you know? Not about being pregnant. That little girl is no bigger than a pumpkin seed, but she’s already brought me so much joy and harmony. I’m not embarrassed by her. I’m just ashamed that I fell for Dhani’s rubbish. For his chat and his charm. Even though I saw what he’d done to Clara and even though she warned me. I can’t tell her what’s happened, though I feel I should.

Sx

Dear Suky

Are you okay? Where are you? Are you with Dhani? Please let me know you and the baby are well.

Clara

PS: You know his name isn’t Dhani, right? It’s Danny. Just Danny.

Dear Clara

You are so sweet to worry about me. I’m fine. I’m going home tomorrow. Dhani has given me the money for a flight, so I’m going in style. He’s being wonderful. He’s so excited about the baby. He’s going to come back to Scotland in a few weeks and stay with me until the baby’s born. Then we’ll probably come back to India. It’s going to be great.

I hope you’re happy in Ireland. Maybe one day you can come back to the commune and we can hang out again? I’d like that. I miss you, lovely Clara. I wish you health and happiness.

Sx

Dear Tess

I’m halfway home now, I think. To be honest, I’m not sure where I am. I’m so tired and I feel sick and I just want to be home, in my bedroom, with you and Mum. The bus is horrible; it was bad on the way but man, it’s worse on the way home. It’s hot and smelly and I spend the whole time sitting with my eyes closed to fight the nausea that engulfs me.

And worse than the physical discomfort, is the heartache. I hate Dhani (is he really called Danny? It wouldn’t surprise me). I hate him. But I love him too. It hurts so badly. Will I ever feel better?

I’m also feeling so guilty about Clara. It was bad enough that I took Dhani from her, but then to lie about how he reacted when I told him, that was low. I don’t even know why I said he was happy about the baby. I’ve not heard anything from her directly, but I got a fat envelope filled with all the letters I’d sent her. I’ve obviously hurt her very badly. I should write to her again and explain. And I will. Just as soon as I’m home and settled and I’ve put this whole sorry mess behind me.

Sx

Dear Clara

I’m back in Scotland now. What a horrible journey that was. But though I’m thrilled to be home, I’m so upset that you’ve sent all my letters back.

Clara, I’m sorry I stole Dhani. I’m so sorry. And more than that, I’m so sorry I lied. He’s not happy about the baby. He wanted me to get rid of her. When I said I couldn’t do that, he threw me out. I’m heartbroken and fat and sad, and I could use a friend.

Please write back, Clara. Please.

Suky

X

*Letter returned to sender, unopened.*

Chapter 43

By the time we’d finished reading, the room was growing dark. I watched as Esme stuffed the last letter back into the envelope and she looked back at me.

I wiped my eyes with my sleeve.

“Poor Mum,” I said. “No wonder she’s never met anyone else – how could you trust another man after that?”

Esme leaned over to the side table and turned on the lamp. Her eyes were full of tears, too.

“She must have been so scared,” she said. “Alone in India, with that man trying to make her…you know.”

My heart swelled with love for my brave mum, who’d defied her bullying boyfriend, and travelled halfway round the world to have me.

“So, what do you think?” Esme said. “Do you think Dhani could be behind all this?”

I leaned my head back onto the sofa cushion behind me and stretched out my spine. I was unsettled and edgy, and I thought I knew why.

“I have absolutely no idea,” I lied. I leaned down and picked up my iPad then began scrolling through the photos.

Esme looked relieved.

“Me neither,” she said. She rubbed her eyes. “God, H, what a bloody mess.”

I gave her a rueful smile.

“I know,” I said, finding the photo I wanted and zooming in. “It’s a disaster. My business is on the skids, your marriage is over before it even started, and Star…”

Esme squeezed my arm.

“I know,” she said. She looked at the iPad.

“What are you looking for?” she asked.

I closed my eyes briefly.

“This is my dad,” I said, showing her a photo I’d taken of the mirror earlier. “Who does he remind you of?”

She peered at the screen.

“Erm, that fella that used to be in
Emmerdale
?” she said. “What was his name?”

“No,” I said. “Someone we know.”

She looked blank.

“It’s Xander,” I whispered. “He looks like Xander.”

“No,” she said. “I can’t see it.”

But I knew I was right. Xander did look like my dad and this was obviously something to do with Mum’s time in India. My mind worked furiously.

“What if Clara was pregnant,” I said, suddenly. “What if she was pregnant too?”

Esme looked dubious.

“Seems a bit crazy,” she said. “Why wouldn’t she tell your mum?”

“She was scared.” I waved the letters in Esme’s face. “You can tell how scared she was of Dhani. Maybe she thought Mum would tell him. God, Mum probably would have told him. She wasn’t thinking straight – not at first. She was acting a bit like you’ve been with Xander.”

Esme shook her head.

“But what are you saying, though, H? Are you saying Xander’s been doing all this stuff? He’s not a witch.”

I wasn’t sure what I was saying. My brain was racing and my hands were sweaty.

“He could be,” I said. “If Dhani’s his dad too – if he’s my…”

“Your brother,” she said. She stood up and threw the iPad down on the sofa next to me. “This is mental, H. He’s not your brother. And even if he was, why would he hurt you like this?”

Her face was twisted in anger.

“Xander is sweet and kind and caring,” she said. “He’s your friend. I can’t understand why you’re saying all this.”

She ran her fingers through her hair.

“You have lost your mind,” she said. I thought she might be right. Xander was all of those things she’d said and he’d helped me out at a time when I really needed someone. But he looked like my dad and try as I might, I couldn’t ignore that.

“God, Esme, I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t know. But he just turned up. After Natalie left, and I was struggling to get the money together to open the spa, he just arrived. He just turned up one day and made himself indispensible. And he’s right there, isn’t he? Whenever anything happens?”

I reached out and pushed her sleeves up.

“Look,” I said. “You’re bloody sparkling and we don’t know why. It could have been him. Xander could have done this.”

She pushed me away and pulled her sleeves back down.

“He wouldn’t,” she said. “I know him and he wouldn’t.”

“You don’t know him,” I said. “You don’t. You’re enchanted. You’d think he was brilliant even if he was whacking you over the head with a baseball bat.”

Esme looked mutinous.

“We need to break this bloody enchantment,” I said. “He must be at home. Did you try there?”

“I didn’t know where he lived,” she said, looking at her feet. “He’s never told me.”

“It’s in the Colonies somewhere,” I said. “I’ve got it written down on his file. We can pop into the spa and find it on the way. Come on.”

Xander’s house was nothing like I’d expected it to be. He was always so perfectly turned out and well groomed that I’d assumed he’d live in a modern flat with white surfaces and clean sofas.

Like I’d thought, he lived in the Colonies – close to the spa. It was a row of houses that had originally been built as modest homes for artists. Nowadays they were massively in demand and went for a fortune once they were renovated.

Xander’s hadn’t been renovated. Unlike the houses either side, its windows had peeling paint and the net curtains – the other houses in the street had chic white wooden shutters – were greying.

We’d come up with a plan on our way here. I would hide somewhere (I’d done more hiding in the last few weeks than I’d done in the last thirty years) and then I wanted Esme to accuse Xander – on my behalf if she didn’t want to do it herself – and see how he reacted. Then we could decide whether to try and break the enchantment with him fully on board, or without him. We’d surely be able to find something precious to him in his own house. I’d agreed to text him and send him off to meet me at the spa (where obviously I wouldn’t be) if we needed to get him out of the way.