I Remember (Remembrance Series) (2 page)

I looked at the clock, noting that I still had plenty of time before Mom’s call. In curiosity I replied,
“I have a moment. What did you want to talk about?”

“My name is Gregory. Some people try to call me Greg, but I prefer Gregory. I wanted to talk to you about the possibility of finding forever…with me.”
His response sent a rush of adrenaline coursing through me, bringing visions of similar conversations from dreams past.

He had given his name, which surprised me since most guys would not provide a name until a few emails or phone calls later.

I hesitated, but soon typed,
“Hi Gregory. I’m Jordan.”
I couldn’t believe I just gave in like that, not allowing for any mystery.

“Your name is lovely, Jordan.”

I knew my mother would be calling soon, but I wanted to continue our conversation. I finally admitted,
“Normally I would welcome the opportunity to chat, since I need a good conversation right now. But, I am waiting on a vital phone call and need to go, soon.”
I knew saying that would probably turn him away, but I hoped that he would take me at my word.

“If it is ok to ask, why do you have to go? Couldn’t you spare just a few minutes?”
He questioned.

Curiosity was definitely in his response. I stayed on, wanting to make sure that he was not offended; but I also worried about giving him too much information too quickly.

“It’s a long story, but here is the gist of it….my dad’s health has been declining over the past week and I am worried. The doctor has no idea why. My mom has been calling with daily updates on his condition around this same time every night. I just happened to be home early from work tonight, and needed to pass the time while I waited for her call.”

He probably thought I was trying to ditch him. I just had to hope that he would want to talk, later.

After a couple of minutes with no response, I realized circumstances were not favorable to starting a friendship, right now. I shouldn’t care; but for some strange reason, I did. The feeling of an intense connection with Gregory had not escaped me and only made me more compelled to get to know him.

This was my life. Never an opportune moment to start a relationship or even a friendship with a guy. I guess that is why I accepted being alone so willingly.

I was about to end the internet session when another message came across the screen.

“I’m very sorry to hear of your dad’s health. I hope he will be just fine. Since we cannot talk, would you mind if I wrote you an email response to your ad? Maybe set up a time to message each other another night?”

I couldn’t believe he still wanted to continue. In the past, when circumstances prevented me from going out or talking, most potential suitors took it as my being uninterested. I wondered if Gregory was serious or just being polite and if this would be our last conversation.

“That would be fine. I will try to check my email later, tonight. It is nice to meet you, Gregory.”

His reply came quicker this time,
“Ok, Jordan, I will start writing my response and hope to catch you another time. Hope your call goes well and that I will be able to chat with you, soon.”

”Ok, sounds good. Bye for now.”
I logged off completely, not waiting for his reply.

I felt guilty for having to leave so soon; but within seconds, the phone rang and I ran to catch it, knowing it would be Mom.

“How’s Dad today? I have been worried about both of you.”

Mom responded in her ever patient and calm voice, although tonight I could sense uneasiness in her tone. “Your dad is weaker than yesterday, but still holding his own. I wish the tests were done, so we could know what’s going on. Today, I had to support his weight to walk him to the bathroom.”

I instantly understood that she wanted me to know what was going on without alarming me. But, I was already on edge with concern; well past it, knowing things could not continue to decline.

Over the past couple of weeks, Mom had taken my dad to the doctor several times; but he couldn’t find anything wrong other than a loss of appetite, weight loss and sudden weakness. He even had the audacity to ask Mom if she was feeding him!

My mother would go to the ends of the Earth for my father; that is how deep their love is. She explained she was doing everything short of forcing food down his throat. But still, there were no answers.

My father finally admitted he was having some difficulty swallowing food. Apparently this had been going on for several months, but he did not want to worry anyone. This was typical of him. He was born in the era where people dealt with issues quietly. He saw health issues as a sign of weakness.

It took me a couple of moments to gain my composure before I could talk without feeling the need to burst into tears. “Mom, I don’t understand why the doctor cannot see how weak he’s getting. You do not need to be using all your strength to move him. Have you asked Dad if he would consider a quad cane or a walker to assist him, just until he gets steadier on his feet?”

I knew the answer as soon as I asked.

“I tried, but he wouldn’t listen. He considers it a sign of frailty.”

“I know, Dad is stubborn and it’s like talking to a brick wall. But I wish he would realize he needs help.”

“Exactly. But there is no changing his mind once it is made up.”

“I know. Since he is so weak, how are you going to get him in and out of the car for the tests on Friday? Could they be done at the hospital, instead? I know it is a long shot, but I’m trying to think of easier options for both of you.”

“I was wondering that, too. What would be the best way to approach the subject with both your dad and the doctor?” Mom sounded a bit desperate.

“Mom, be honest with me. Do you need me to take a few days off and come up and help you with Dad?”

“Jordan, I could use the assistance; but I know you don’t have the days accumulated to take off. Just tell me how you think I should deal with the doctor and let’s see what transpires from there. When I have a definite need for you, I’ll let you know. Ok?”

Her words were very straightforward. I was always amazed at how she could go from extremely loving and caring to a steal quality of determination - a strength I was still trying to find within myself. But, I knew she had things handled, at least for now.

“All right, when you need me, I’ll be there! As for the doctor, talk with his nurse, too. Ask them what they would do if this were their loved one. What would they want to happen? Usually, putting the shoe on the other foot helps them to see the seriousness of the situation. Let them know you will not sit idly by, waiting for something to happen to Dad.” I tried to think of other options, but my head was still spinning with the new information of tonight’s conversation.

“If they don’t bend, what’s next?”

“I don’t know, Mom. But his loss of strength and weight concerns me. Call me at work and let me know what they say. I was sure that my work would not mind me getting a personal phone call, considering the nature of the matter was a family emergency!

“Ok, I’ll call the doctor’s office first thing, tomorrow.” Her voice sounded skeptical; but I knew when she got determined, she could make someone hear what needed to be said.

“If the doctor won’t listen, then we can brainstorm about other options. I will talk with some of our doctors at work to see what their thoughts are.” At that moment, I felt thankful to be working for a multi-specialty practice with every type of doctor under the same roof.

“So, how was your day, today?” Mom shifted the conversation.

“It was good. The manager was nice enough to let me work through lunch so I could get home early.

“Alley is working an extra shift, tonight so she’s not home yet. I was on the computer earlier, to check my email and I got a letter from Thomas. He wants a date for Valentine’s Day, but I’m not sure how to respond.

“I had someone new instant message me, wanting to talk. Naturally, at the worst time possible for me to try to find friendship, or even romance, people start responding.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the last part. Sometimes I wondered if I wasn’t more suited for another period of time. I’ll never fit the mold that today’s society seemed to follow; instead, identifying more with the lifestyle of the late 1800’s and early 1900’s.

I often dreamt of myself in different attire, reflecting various periods throughout time. More so, lately. I have seen myself in Victorian dress, similar to A
nne of Green Gables
and occasionally in attire reminiscent of
The Great Gatsby.
I even recall being dressed like the people in
The Rebels
. Whenever I read historical fiction, I love to imagine myself as part of the story. Is it all just dreams? It seems so real.

“Jordan, when it comes to friendship, or even love, the timing doesn’t have to be perfect and it should not matter. It will find you, no matter what’s going on in your life. Just look at your dad and I.”

She was right. Fate would do what it wanted and nothing could fight it. My parents were proof of that, with their fifteen year age difference.

There was silence for a minute before she spoke, again. “I need to go. Your dad needs help getting on his pajamas. Don’t worry about anything; just pray about it and ask that everything will turn out just fine. I’ll call you in the morning with whatever news I have. We both love you very much!”

“I know, Mom, and I love you both very much, too! Give Dad a hug and kiss for me. You know I’m only an hour away; so I can be there if you need me. Promise me you will take care of yourself, ok?”

She breathed a long sigh. “I will let him know and I promise I will call if I need you. You are a blessing for a daughter. Bye.”

“Bye.” I choked out, then hung up before the tears came rushing out.

I sat on the edge of my bed for what seemed an eternity, allowing tears to flow, as soft sobs escaped my chest. It was at times like these that I wished I had someone to lean on, to feel their love and have him tell me that everything will be just fine.

I heard the apartment door open. “Jordan? Are you here?” Alley asked, softly.

I looked at the clock realizing Mom and I had talked for two hours. I composed myself before exiting my room. “Hey, I just got off the phone with Mom.”

Alley looked at me and knew the update was not good. My eyes gave me away, looking blood shot with swollen lids, from crying.

She stepped forward with a hug. “I am sure the doctor will figure it out, soon. Your dad is strong; remember that! I will keep positive healing thoughts for him. Are you going to be ok?”

I nodded. “I’m just worried because he is getting weaker.” I gave her arm a squeeze.

Alley yawned, “Ok. Well, I’m exhausted. I think I’m going to turn in for the night.”

“I’m going to get something to eat, first and then do the same.”

I hadn’t been sleeping well. I couldn’t stop worrying about my parents and I often woke during the night, a result of nightmares. Some were about what was going on in my life and others were of me living in the past—like the historical past, not my past.

Maybe tonight would be the night that I could get a good night’s sleep without my mind racing.

I slipped under the coolness of sheets and turned the light out. My eyes hurt from crying, when I tried to close them and I tried to think of nothing but good thoughts for my parents, hoping sleep would come. I was hoping for dreams that would bring reassurance and happiness, but, instead found myself looking at the clock every few minutes.

It was already edging close to midnight and I knew I needed to refocus my mind somehow, in order to rest. I thought about drinking some warm milk, but did not want to wake Alley, with the sound of our noisy microwave. I turned the light back on and looked through some of the computer desk drawers, seeking something to read, but found nothing.

Feeling defeated, I slumped into the computer chair. My mind turned to the conversation I had with Gregory. I wondered if he really did write me an email or if he was just being polite and letting me down easy.

My curiosity was piqued and I turned on the computer. My heart fluttered when I heard, “You Have Mail!”

I felt giddy when I saw the screen name,
RileyG786
. Why was I having these feelings over someone who instant messaged me?

I was about to open it when,
ding
, an Instant Message came in. It was from Gregory.

“Hi Jordan. Just finished sending you my email response. How’s your dad?”

He was still online and had made good on his promise. He’d already won my favor with his honesty and keeping his word to email me.
Wow, could he really be this nice?

“Hi Gregory. I couldn’t sleep as a result of the call. My mind is going a mile a minute, so I figured I would log-on for awhile.”

”I’m sorry. Do you want to talk about it?”

I needed to talk, but not with a stranger; so I kept my answer short and to the point.
“He’s weaker today. Mom’s going to see if they can admit him to the hospital for the testing. I’m feeling helpless with everything.”