I See You (16 page)

Hannah said nothing. The silence in the room was deafening.

Jamie shook his head. ‘I didn’t get it at first. I was so shocked to see Lisa like that. Without her top. I won’t lie to you. I’d often imagined it but I never really held out much hope that anything would happen between us. Anything sexual, I mean. I was a jock, but really, I was too … timid. Still, I knew that the kids shouldn’t see her like that. I thought maybe she was trying to say to me that she wanted to, you know, mess around. Obviously I was in favor of it, but not in front of the kids. “Lisa,” I said, “not right now. I mean, later, yes, when we’re alone …”

‘She wasn’t even looking at me. Her eyes were glittering and she was staring at them. They were like cherubs. I mean, the picture of innocence. And she said, “Come on, Jamie. Let’s play with them. Let’s take them into the bedroom. I want to watch you do it with Alberta. Wouldn’t you like to do that?”’

‘You just wait a minute,’ said Hannah jumping up from the sofa. ‘Why are you saying this? Take that back. That is just sick. That’s the product of a teenage boy’s sick mind.’

Jamie did not take offense. He scarcely moved. ‘I could hardly believe it myself,’ he said. ‘But there was no mistaking what she said. Her tone of voice.’

‘Tone of voice,’ Hannah scoffed. ‘You’re making this up.’

Jamie refused to be interrupted. ‘When I didn’t respond, she started fondling Shane. I felt like I was frozen, watching it.’

‘You are lying,’ Hannah thundered. ‘That is just shameful. Get out of my house. That’s your own filthy mind. Get out of here.’

Jamie stood up and his chin was trembling. ‘I took him away from her and told her to put on her top and get out of the house. I told her not to come over again while my cousins were visiting. She said I was a prude and a jerk and that she didn’t want anything more to do with me, period. She said she would never come back. And she didn’t.’

‘What is the matter with you?’ said Hannah. ‘I can’t believe you would make up this story about Lisa, after all these years. Are you crazy?’

‘I heard what she said about Troy Petty when she was testifying. She claimed that he was getting ready to assault Sydney. But the things she said? Those were the very same suggestions she made about my cousins years earlier.’

‘That’s not true,’ Hannah protested. ‘Your mother would have said something to me years ago.’

‘I never told her,’ he said.

‘Why wouldn’t you tell her?’ Hannah demanded.

‘I was ashamed!’ he cried. ‘How was I going to say that to my mother? Besides, I didn’t want Lisa to get in trouble. I … I cared about her. Despite that, I still cared about her. She stayed away from me after that but I wouldn’t have done anything to hurt her. Now I wonder if I made the right decision.’

‘This is vicious of you. Just vicious, Jamie. Why are you saying these things now, when the trial is over? Are you still so angry that she rebuffed you all those years ago?’

Jamie shook his head wearily. ‘I didn’t want to say this to you. That was the last thing I wanted to do. Believe me. But when I heard her testimony, her acting so … indignant, I knew she was lying. I suspect it was the other way around. She suggested it, and Troy was shocked and threw her out. I had to say something to you. Sydney can’t protect herself from Lisa. You have to do it.’

‘Get out of here. I don’t want to hear another word!’

‘I’m going. I’m so sorry. Sorry I had to tell you.’

Hannah sat back down on the sofa, her heart pounding. She refused to look at him.

‘I’m only telling you this for Sydney’s sake, Mrs Wickes. You have to know this about Lisa, because Sydney needs to be protected.’

She did not answer him or meet his gaze.

In a few minutes, she heard the back door open and then close behind him.

T
he house was quiet when Adam returned. He came in the back door and called out, ‘Anybody home?’

Hannah sat in the living room, in the exact spot where she had been sitting when Jamie left her. She heard Adam’s call but did not answer. She could hear Sydney crooning quietly in her bedroom. Her nap was long over, and she had played quietly for a while with her toys. Now she was restive and looking for some attention, but Hannah did not attend to her. Adam walked into the living room and saw her. He heard Sydney calling out from her room.

‘What are you doing sitting in here in the dark?’ he asked.

Hannah looked up at him. ‘Will you take care of Sydney? I can’t.’

‘What’s the matter, darling? Are you all right?’

‘Will you?’ she asked.

‘Of course,’ he said. He hesitated a moment, frowning at her, and then he went down the hall, calling out to Sydney. Hannah heard their happy cries of greeting, and then Sydney came barreling into the living room and climbed up on Hannah’s lap while Adam banged around in the kitchen. He came in and offered Sydney a sippy cup. Sydney took it eagerly and began to drink.

Adam sat down beside Hannah and peered at her. ‘What’s going on?’ he asked. ‘I’m sorry if I’m late. But you still have time to get over to the county jail before visitors’ hours are over.’

Hannah shook her head numbly.

‘I’ve got an idea,’ said Adam, switching on the television to a cartoon channel. Sydney was instantly absorbed. ‘You watch for a while. I’m going to talk to Mom-mom in the other room.’

He guided Hannah off the couch and led her into their bedroom. He left the door ajar so that they could see Sydney, and indicated that Hannah should sit on the loveseat in the bedroom alcove. Then he sat down beside her, and slung his arm over the cushion behind her. ‘OK,’ he said. ‘What’s the matter?’

Hannah shook her head. ‘I don’t even want to say it.’

Adam frowned. ‘Honey, what happened between our breakfast and now?’

Hannah was quiet for a minute. He waited patiently, watching her face. ‘I had a visitor,’ she said.

‘OK.’

‘Jamie.’

Adam nodded.

‘He came over because he had followed the trial. He thought we should know something. Something he knew about Lisa that had to do with her testimony.’

‘What would he know about Lisa or her testimony? He and Lisa aren’t even in touch. We’ve hardly seen him in the last three years.’

Hannah looked her husband squarely in the eye. ‘He said that when they were teenagers, Lisa suggested that they …’ She couldn’t continue.

‘What?’ Adam asked. ‘You’re scaring me.’

Hannah drew herself up, and looked away from him. ‘He said that Lisa wanted him to molest his two-year-old cousin so she could watch.’

‘He … what …?’ Adam shook his head. ‘No. No. That’s ridiculous. What the hell is he talking about?’

‘He followed the testimony. When Lisa said that she had caught Troy getting ready to molest Sydney … Well, Jamie came to tell me that it was Lisa who was interested in that sort of … activity.’

Adam stared at her.

Hannah turned and faced him. ‘He meant it, Adam. He wasn’t lying. He was mortified to even say such a thing to me.’

‘He comes up with this now? It doesn’t make sense. He never said anything before.’

‘He said that the only reason he was telling me this was because he was worried for Sydney.’

Adam shook his head. ‘No. That’s … not possible.’

They both sat in silence, trying to convince themselves that it was not possible.

‘Adam, I’ve been thinking about this obsessively ever since he left. What if it is? We both wondered why she dated a man who was accused of being a child molester. Maybe she sought Troy Petty out for exactly that reason.’

‘No. Do you hear yourself?
No.
’

‘I don’t want to believe it!’ Hannah cried.

‘
No.
I’m telling you, no. Listen to me,’ said Adam. ‘Think about it. Where do these pedophiles make all their connections?’

‘I don’t know,’ said Hannah miserably.

‘On the internet,’ he said.

Hannah nodded. ‘Yes, I suppose.’

‘Suppose, nothing,’ he said. ‘That’s how they do it. That’s how they find one another.’

‘Yes,’ she said slowly.

‘So, the other night, when I went through Lisa’s entire search history, there was nothing like that there. No kiddie porn,’ he said, grimacing at actually speaking the words. ‘
Nothing
like that. If Jamie’s accusations were true, if this were some kind of secret thing that Lisa was … doing, she would have been looking at those sites, I would have found it. I work with computers. I don’t want to bore you to death with the details but, believe me, I’ve combed through it and I’m telling you, there is no way.’

In spite of herself, Hannah felt encouraged by his words. ‘I know if anyone could find it, it would be you. It’s just that you were the one who was bothered by the fact that she didn’t search Troy Petty when Wynonna told her about his past …’

‘I thought it was strange,’ he admitted. ‘But facts are facts. She didn’t have any of that crap on her computer.’

Hannah tried to take heart, tried to nourish a fragile hope. ‘You’re right. If this was something … real, she probably would have.’

‘Of course she would have … And besides, you work with social services. You’ve seen every kind of antisocial behavior. Have you ever known a woman who would do that?’

Hannah searched her memory. ‘No. Not personally. But I’ve heard of such things. We all have. You see it on the internet. There’s no end to the perversity of people.’

‘I know,’ he insisted stubbornly. ‘But not Lisa.’

Hannah stared bleakly at her husband. ‘If you could have heard him telling this story … It was … horrible.’

‘Hannah, you know he always liked her. He always wanted her to be more than a friend. Maybe he just said this stuff to try to finally … pay her back somehow.’

‘Jamie? Chet and Rayanne’s Jamie?’

‘People act ugly when they’re hurt. They often want revenge.’

‘That’s a pretty sick way to pay someone back.’

‘Well, we’re talking about some sick things here.’

Hannah looked at him pleadingly. ‘So you don’t think there could be any truth to it.’

‘No,’ he said defiantly. ‘I think he is … trying to punish Lisa for dropping him as a friend all those years ago.’

Hannah wanted to believe him but a little voice inside was nagging at her. That doesn’t make sense. ‘You have to be right,’ she said, in defiance of her doubts.

‘Mom-mom,’ Sydney cried out from the living room. ‘More juice.’

Adam managed a smile. ‘We’re being summoned.’

‘I promised you a decent meal,’ she said hopelessly.

He shook his head. ‘It doesn’t matter. We can have a sandwich. Are you going out to the jail?’

Hannah shook her head. ‘I don’t think I can do it. Not tonight. Lisa will be mad.’

‘Are you kidding me? After all we’ve been through, I’m not too worried about Lisa being mad. You just lay low. It’s all right now. Put this out of your mind,’ he said.

‘Mom-mom,’ Sydney cried.

Hannah stood up and took a deep breath. ‘Easier said than done,’ she said.

Lisa called at nine o’clock and demanded to know why her parents had not come to visit. Adam took the call, and told his daughter that Hannah had a bad headache and had gone to bed early. He said that they would come to see her in a day or two, and Lisa, sensing a distance in her father’s voice, immediately scaled back her imperious demands.

After he hung up the phone, he turned to Hannah. ‘I think she needed a dose of reality. We have jumped through hoops for that girl. Now she can cool her heels a little bit.’

Hannah, who was lying back against a large sofa cushion, gazed anxiously at her husband. ‘Were we bad parents?’ she asked.

Adam shook his head. ‘I never thought so. We didn’t spoil her. We always loved her and paid attention to her.’

‘Nothing makes sense to me right now.’

‘I know. Maybe you should try to go into work tomorrow. That might help,’ he said. ‘Take Sydney over to Tiffany’s for the day. She can run around with the other kids. It might do her good. We all need some normalcy.’

‘Maybe you’re right,’ said Hannah. ‘I don’t want to be in this house. I don’t want to look out the window and see Jamie and wonder why the hell he would say such a thing.’

‘I don’t know why Jamie would do that either,’ said Adam, ‘but I have to believe that he was just trying to rattle us. For some reason.’

Hannah nodded. ‘You’re right. I’ll go to work.’

‘Let’s go to bed,’ he said. ‘It will seem better in the morning.’

The next morning, after a sleepless night, it did not seem better. Hannah took Sydney to Tiffany’s and drove to work. Going into the office she felt as if she were coming down with an illness. She was shaky inside, and felt weak. Her co-workers congratulated her on Lisa’s acquittal, and she tried to seem appreciative. Her list of clients was a demanding one. She didn’t have a moment to think until lunchtime.

Jackie poked her head into Hannah’s office and greeted her warmly. ‘Want to go eat out under the trees?’ she asked. ‘There’s a guy selling Greek food from a cart out there.’

‘That sounds great,’ said Hannah, thinking how much she would enjoy this simple pleasure. Lunch outside, with a friend. She wrapped up her work and met Jackie in the lobby. Together they stepped out into the warm, beautiful September day.

Once they were settled on the park lawn across from the office, napkins spread on their laps, they began eating their falafel pita pockets.

‘It’s so good to have you back,’ said Jackie at last.

‘It’s good to be back,’ said Hannah, picking desultorily at her sandwich.

‘It was a good result,’ Jackie said.

Hannah nodded. She sat in silence for a moment, thinking about Jamie and wondering if she dared to even bring it up.

‘You still seem worried,’ said Jackie.

Hannah sighed.

‘What is it?’ said Jackie.

Hannah suddenly had an idea of how to explore what she was thinking about without actually admitting it. She looked over at her friend. ‘Actually, it’s work-related. I have a client who is truly bizarre. I’m not sure what to do.’

‘Tell me about her. I love bizarre!’

Hannah took a deep breath. Then she plunged. ‘Have you ever encountered a female pedophile? Particularly a mother who would … exploit her own child?’

Jackie set down her sandwich in its waxed-paper wrapper. She patted her mouth with a paper napkin, and then balled it up in the palm of her hand. ‘Not personally. But of course such things do exist,’ she said.

‘That person would have to be completely crazy,’ said Hannah.

‘Or a psychopath,’ suggested Jackie.

‘Like I said. Completely crazy,’ said Hannah.

‘Well, not technically. Psychopathy is not considered a mental illness like schizophrenia or bipolar disease. For one thing there’s treatment for those conditions. There are drugs that can help to control them.’

‘There’s no treatment for psychopaths?’ Hannah asked warily.

‘No. Nothing that works. On the other hand, you can be a psychopath and function just fine in the world.’

‘I thought psychopaths were serial killers and things like that,’ Hannah protested.

‘Well, it’s sort of a continuum – psychopathy. It runs the gamut from depraved criminals to corporate CEOs. What they all have in common is that they don’t have the same internal limits that normal people do. Their right-and-wrong gyroscope has malfunctioned. Or just doesn’t exist.’

Hannah nodded. Her food tasted like dust in her mouth.

‘Does that sound like your client?’ said Jackie.

‘I hardly know her,’ Hannah protested, frowning. ‘But no. I don’t think so. Not really. She seems pretty normal to me. I’m thinking it must be … some effort to discredit her. You know how these custody disputes can go.’

Jackie shrugged. ‘Don’t be too sure. Psychopaths are expert liars,’ she said. ‘Often they are highly intelligent people. Capable. Professional. From normal families. It’s not a pathology that’s known to stem from abuse. Some experts think that it’s inborn. That’s why it’s so hard to comprehend. But psychopaths don’t have a depravity meter like the rest of us. They can’t be shocked or troubled by things that normal people find repulsive or reprehensible. They have a complete lack of moral restraint.’

‘That’s an interesting term,’ Hannah murmured.

‘It’s quite accurate,’ Jackie insisted.

‘So, have you ever treated a psychopath?’

‘You mean with therapy?’

‘Yes.’

‘I’ve had patients in treatment who … I didn’t know were psychopaths. Not at first. But it became clear over time. With real psychopaths, there’s no way to treat them.’

‘No way? Even if they seek out help?’

Jackie shook her head. ‘They don’t seek out help. Not really. They don’t see themselves as damaged. Of course, I’ve attempted to treat them. Once in a while, in a court-mandated case, you get one as a patient. And you can’t tell right away if you have a psychopath in your office. It’s a pathology which takes a while to recognize. But once you diagnose it, you realize that any effort to treat them is futile. They don’t change. They can’t.’

‘Probably fairly rare,’ said Hannah. She put the rest of her sandwich back into the bag. She no longer felt hungry.

‘Not as rare as you might think,’ said Jackie. ‘They walk among us, seemingly normal. A mother who would assault her own child? Or let someone else assault them? Sure.’

The beautiful day suddenly felt threatening to Hannah. ‘Well, I don’t understand it,’ she said abruptly.

‘No one does. Would you like me to have a session with your client? Maybe I could determine …’

Hannah felt as if there were a giant hand, squeezing her heart. ‘No,’ she said. ‘Never mind. As you say, what’s the use?’