I Surrender (19 page)

Chapter 27:

Broken Harmonies

W
e never discuss Ben or Indie again. It is difficult seeing Ben everyday because neither he nor Jasper will explain their mutual hatred for each other. But seeing Ben is not as difficult seeing Jasper and his new ‘friend’ Harmony. Harmony is the epitome of beauty and I hate her. With her long auburn hair, hazel innocent eyes and full pout lips I feel like the ugly duckling in her presence. She always looks stunning in whatever she wears, and usually opts for a chic bohemian look. Overall she is a nice enough person which makes it hard to hate her, but I manage.

Jasper and Harmony have been friends since she bought in her puppy one evening when he was working. Her puppy had swallowed some foreign object and Jasper being the gentleman that he is, offered to monitor her dog personally. Her dog made a full recovery and Harmony felt it was her sense of duty to thank Jasper by jostling her breasts in his face every chance she got. He knew what she was doing and he seemed to like it which hurt, but more than anything pissed me off.

I tried to ignore her obvious play for Jasper’s affections, but it was hard when her double D’s were bouncing off his smug face. It was uncomfortable for me to question Jasper about her without sounding like a jealous crazy person. As much as I hated it, Jasper could have all the double D’s he wanted because I still hadn’t told him how I felt. Therefore I couldn’t be mad or annoyed at Jasper or even Harmony because Jasper is fair game.

So I throw myself into school and try to avoid any gatherings where Harmony would be. This meant I missed a few ‘Passengers of Ego’ shows, but I couldn’t stomach them together. His friendliness with her was just that, but I didn’t want him to be friendly with anyone but me. I knew I had no right so I excluded myself, not wanting to make things awkward for everyone.

Jasper knows something is up, but no matter how many times he has asked I have shrugged it off as nothing. This has caused a rift between Jasper and I. However, I have no doubt if I told Jasper about the situation he would laugh it off the care free way he did most things and put my mind and heart at ease, but I am afraid to say anything because what if he didn’t? What if he actually likes Harmony and the flirting was mutual. I couldn’t handle that so I bury my head in the sand: denial is bliss.

It has been a busy day at work and I have been on the go nonstop. I am wiping down a table when I hear a familiar voice.

“Hey you.” I know without looking its Jasper, but I see a pair of flat blue sandals through the glass table I am cleaning and know he’s not alone. I squirm; I do not want to have this conversation today.

I gather the biggest smile I can and reply, “Hey… you two.” Jasper looks at me puzzled, and then there is that awkward silence. I continue my cleaning of a spotless table and wish Jasper and Harmony would go away.

Harmony looks confused, sensing the apprehension between Jasper and I. “Hey Jasper, I’ll go grab us a table,” and she quickly excuses herself. Her voice is even attractive. I can’t stand here any longer of fear of pulling out her long auburn lush hair!

I am about to walk off but Jasper catches my arm. “What’s up? You don’t write. You don’t call. I’m not feeling the love.”

We both shift uncomfortably with the L bomb slip. This uneasiness between us is new, and I don’t like it. I have no one to blame but myself, but he doesn’t have to flaunt his new friend and her assets in my place of work. I am angry all of a sudden. These feelings I have for Jasper are going to leave me with a serious case of crazy.

“Nothing is up. I’m just busy with school.” That sounded even less convincing out loud.

Jasper looks at me suspiciously. “I know you’re lying Ava. You’ve never been a good liar.”

“Well that’s a good trait to have,” I reply trying to walk away from him, but he steps in front of me blocking my path. He looks so attractive and he smells even better and I exhale overwhelmed.

“I don’t like you being dishonest with me. I thought we could talk about anything. That’s what friends do.”

That’s it! I have had it with Jasper and his friendship. He can shove his friendship where the sun doesn’t shine!

“Jasper I’m fine. Everything is fine. You seem to have a new friend anyway to occupy yourself with, so you better not keep her waiting.” That was totally uncalled for but I can’t help it. He pushes all my buttons and I can’t stop what comes out of my mouth.

“Ava, what? Talk to me.” Jasper is looking at me, probing my face, clearly puzzled by my random hostility.

I say the only thing I can without revealing too much. “I’m done talking.”

Jasper is still looking at me confused, is he that clueless to my feelings? Or is it because he simply doesn’t care.

Either way I don’t want to stick around to find out. I excuse myself and head to the back where I shrink into the corner and cry.

What is it about Jasper White that breaks my heart?

*****

I haven’t seen Jasper for the past couple of weeks, I just can’t. I’ve ignore his numerous texts and calls and he even resorted to emailing me when his other forms of communication failed to elicit a response from me.

If I was to really evaluate my actions behind this I know it’s because I feel rejected and jealous. There has never been a right time to tell Jasper I have feelings for him and that I want him to give me another chance. Every time I try to bring it up I chicken out or choke up.

Maybe Jasper and I
are
just better off being friends. I am so miserable and the only friend I like having at the moment is my treasured New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream. I look into the empty tub and heave a crushed sigh.

*****

To stop myself from becoming a total depressive ball of negatively, I decide to go shopping. What a nice and expensive distraction. I go to the mall and pay visit to all my favorite shops and unnecessarily buy four pairs of shoes I will probably never wear. I justified purchasing all four pairs because they all serve a different purpose.

My all-time favorite are a pair of Jimmy Choo black gladiator sandals.
They have a very high heel and make my legs look endless. With a gorgeous peep toe and silver zipper at the front, they were made for me. They are stylish and chic, so when I wear these, the occasion and outfit should be stylish enough to match them. Definitely not everyday shoes, so that brings me to pair number two.

Yet another pair of Jimmy Choo shoes, but this time a little more conservative. They are Champagne Gold ballerina flats. They are pointy and playful with a touch of glitter. They are super comfortable and can be worn for any occasion. I was content with my purchase and happy to leave but then a pair of Christian Louboutin trademark red soled shoes caught my eye and they became pair number three. His shoes are famous for their skyscraper heels and unmistakable red soles, and I had to have them.

I quickly scurried out of the store before I could spend more of my college fund and was doing so well until I walked past my fourth and final pair of shoes. They worked for Carrie Bradshaw and I knew they would work for me. A pair of Manolo Blahnik heels.
Three straps are entirely covered with sparkling rhinestones on a silver heel and I nearly went blind looking at all the bling. Even the two buckles on the straps that run over the front toe part are entirely covered with rhinestones.

I know I will regret this in the morning but at the moment I need some retail therapy and I must admit after my splurge, I feel better. Well
that is until I hear a magical laugh and I know who it belongs to. Harmony.

I look up and see her and Jasper are headed straight towards me but luckily haven't seen me yet. I dive head-over-heels into the first store and pretend to be perusing at the numerous items on display. Just my luck, the shop I threw myself into is a military surplus store. Yeah, that doesn't look suss.

I am faking interest in the new models of Swiss knives and their functions, when I see Jasper and Harmony’s reflection in the mirrored wall in front of me. Even his mirrored image makes me go weak at the knees.

I can see him laughing happily with her, while she is offering him a sip of a bright orange beverage in her clear plastic cup. He shakes his head with a mocking look and says something which earns him a playful slap on the arm from her. He looks carefree and happy. I however want to stab myself with the limited edition Ranger Grip Swiss Army Knife.

They walk past swiftly, luckily not taking interest in ‘Uncle Sam’s.’ I brace my hands on my knees and take a relieved breath they didn't see me. I’m thankful I am no longer witness to their enjoyment, but I bite my lip in contemplation and decide to do what every twenty-two year old girl would do in my position. I follow them.

I tail a good distance behind, but I can clearly see them walk down the crowded pathways occasionally stopping at stores that twig their interest. I catch sight of Jasper looking over his shoulder as Harmony is window browsing and I spin around quickly, afraid he will spot me. I take cover behind the closest vendor’s cart while putting on a pair of red, heart shaped glasses that I blindly grabbed in attempts to use as a disguise. The assistant is looking at me with a puzzled, nervous look.

As Jasper turns back around I let out a small sigh and they stroll off oblivious. While I on the other hand look like an older, crazier version of ‘Lolita.’ The sales assistant clears his throat and I apologize quickly as I hand him his merchandise.

I continue my stalking and I notice Jasper looking so relaxed, strolling casually in his blue jeans that hug his hips, navy chuck tailors and black sweater. I miserably witness Harmony attempting to take hold of his hand on numerous occasions which he avoids by pointing to something trivial or rubbing the back of his neck. Now his hands are tucked into his sweater’s front pockets and I'm praying that's to stop Harmony’s prying hands.

Totally lost in thought I fail to notice them stopping at a cart selling scented candles and other items. As I obliviously continue walking I bump into the back of some poor shopper dropping all my bags in the collision.

“Oh my God sorry,” I quickly apologize. However, when I look up I set eyes upon an amused pair of cerulean orbs and I turn a bright beet red. Fuck, I ran into Jasper! This serves me right for thinking I can pull this off.

I am quickly on my knees collecting my goods hiding my head and cursing life. Jasper is also on his knees helping me gather my things, and I am avoiding his eyes like the plague.

“Hi,” he says and I hear a hint of hilarity behind his tone. I bite the inside of my cheek. This can't be happening. I'm a terrible liar and if he asks me what I'm doing here I will most likely blurt out I was partaking in my own James Bond movie.

“Hi,” I mumble still avoiding his gaze while fumbling around assembling my bags. After I have heaped all my shopping bags onto one arm I stand up, dusting my knees. I notice I am a bag short and look over to where my bag is being held hostage by Jasper. I slowly peer up at him and take a steadying breath. I can feel that my face is flustered and I know Jasper can witness my embarrassment as it’s plastered all over my cheeks.

I look down at the bag and point. “Thanks,” expecting him to hand it over. He however has other ideas.

“Fancy bumping into you,” he grins. I nod with a stiff upper lip, trying to appear calm.

“A bit of retail therapy?” he asks while looking down at my bags.

“Yup.” Oh God please let this be over and I promise I will go to church every Sunday.

He peers into the bag he is holding and whistles as he reads the brand name. “Jimmy Choo, that’s some therapy.” I lunge for the bag but he snatches his hand away defiantly.

“What do you need with,” he makes a quick calculation, “with four pairs of shoes.”

To get over you I internally scream, and I was doing a good job of it before you ruined it!

“To wear.” I answer blankly. He looks at my plain, ripped at the knee faded blue jeans, basic sloppy Joe and down to my scuffed black all star converse sneakers.

He smirks. “And where are you going to wear these four pairs of shoes to?”

“Out.” I retort. Damn him for being so smug.

“Out where?” He questions, examining my face.

“I dunno just out.” I peer around, where the hell is Harmony. This is the one and only time I want her to take Jasper away.

There is an uncomfortable silence between us and he notices my discomfort as I fidget with my hair.

“Why haven’t you returned any of my calls. Or texts. Or emails? Have I done something wrong?” he asks nervously while running a hand through his coma inducing hair.

Yes you're driving me crazy I ad-lib within.

“No Jasper I've just been busy,” I reply while looking over his shoulder searching for an escape route.

He pulls in his bottom lip looking unconvinced of my tale. And again with this uncomfortable silence between us .The air is charged and I know we can both feel the electricity.

“I miss you.” I quickly snap my head up. But he immediately corrects, “I miss you helping me out at the shelter.”

I try my damnedest not to pout but I feel my bottom lip tremble slightly. “Hi Ava.” And that stops all pouting.

“Hi Harmony,” I reply plastering on a fake smile.

I take in her beauty and feel ill. Standing besides Jasper they look like a Hollywood A-list power couple. Ugh, I need to get out of here.