I Unlove You (5 page)

“
How are you,
B
? It
’
s been a
while,
”
says Joey.

“
You miss me, Joseph?
”

“
I
’
d love to miss you,
but you never give me chance to. You
’
re always
here,
”
he continues, showcasing his smirk once
more.

“
Charming as
always,
”
B
says, facing me.
“
Let me guess,
Harriet
’
s already turned him down, so
he
’
s taking his frustrations out on
me?
”

Laughing, I raise my
eyebrows.

“
I don
’
t get
it,
”
she continues, now facing him.
“
It
’
s like you have a
reputation or something.
”

“
It is
strange,
”
I
say.
“
It
’
s not like you go through women like meals, or
can
’
t hold a relationship for longer than two
weeks.
”

“
Okay, I get it,
“
he says, leaning back
in his chair and propping his hands behind his head.
“
You
’
re both
hilarious, and disgusting, might I add. Don
’
t think I
can
’
t see you manhandling each other under the
table.
”

“
Holding hands counts as
manhandling?
”
I
say.

“
I
’
m also rubbing your
thigh,
”
B
counters.
“
Maybe
that
’
s what he means.
”

“
You think?
”
I say, leaning into
her.

“
Okay, stop it. I hate it when
you two do this shit.
”

“
Do what?
”
she
asks.

“
Look at each other like
that.
”

“
Like what?
”
I ask, keeping my
stare on
B
.

“
With
…
whatever you call it.
Love. That
’
s the word,
right?
”

Standing up,
B
laughs and plants another kiss on my opposite
cheek, evening out her artwork, no doubt.
“
As much as
I
’
d love to stay and make you feel uncomfortable, I have
to get to work. Just wanted to say hello and thank you for the
letter,
”
she says, turning her attention to me.
“
I loved
it,
”
she whispers.
“
I
’
ve just written your reply on the way
here.
”

“
Oh God, you
don
’
t still write each other letters, do
you?
”
Joey
says.
“
I thought that ridiculous sex-less bet would put an end to
that.
”

“
And what
’
s wrong
with writing letters?
”
she asks.

“
For starters, you see each
other ten times a day. And there
’
s these things
called phones that allow you to call and text each
other.
”

“
You don
’
t text the girl you
love. You take the time to put pen to paper. Not that
I
’
d expect you to understand,
”
I say.

“
You also have sex with the girl
you love, not blue-ball yourself for six weeks.
”

“
I didn
’
t blue-ball
myself. We proved we could still have fun even if sex was off the
table. Again, I wouldn
’
t expect you to
understand.
”

Scratching his bearded chin, he
mumbles something and pulls his tatty pipe out of his
bag.

“
Although we
’
re not in
a hurry to try it again,
”
laughs
B
, gripping my
wrist.

“
No. No we
’
re
not.
”

Looking between us both, Joey
shakes his head whilst chewing his pipe from the side of his
mouth.

“
Anyway
…”
B
says,
trailing off.
“
I
’
ll leave the two of you to it.
I
’
ve got to go.
”

“
Bye,
”
I say, kissing her warm
lips.

“
Bye, mister.
”

With that, she hops to her feet and wanders off, and if
there
’
s one thing better than watching her walk
towards me, it
’
s enjoying her drift
away. Each step flicks the bottom of her summer dress, revealing
her long, pale thighs.

“
It
’
s not normal, you
know.
”

“
What isn
’
t?
”
I ask, returning my
attention to Joey as soon as she passes through the
door.

“
Watching a girl
you
’
ve had sex with for seven years leave the room. And
writing her letters. And betting each other not to have sex. And
being so damn in love and disgusting.
”

“
And why isn
’
t that
normal?
”

“
Because we
don
’
t live in a Disney movie,
”
he says, handing me a
napkin.
“
Clean your damn face.
”

“
Hey, just
because
—“

“
And stop tearing that beermat
to shreds. You shouldn
’
t feel anxious right
now, you
’
re with your best buddy in the whole
world.
”

“
Shut up, just a nervous habit,
that
’
s all.
”

“
And why are you
nervous?
”

“
You make me nervous with all
your nonsense,
”
I say, smiling and retrieving the half-torn
mat.
“
Anyway,
don
’
t get mad at me because you
’
ve never felt
it.
”

“
Felt what?
”

“
Love.
”

“
And how do you know if you
have?
”
he asks, placing his pipe into his mouth.
“
You
’
ve only
ever been with
B
. I mean, you
’
ve loved that girl
since we were twelve years-old. That
’
s ten years.
You
’
ve never even kissed another set of
lips.
”

“
B
’
s
are lovely enough, thank you.
”

“
I
’
m sure they
are.
”
His smirk returns.

“
Watch it.
”

He
removes the pipe and twirls it between his fingers.
“
I love
B
. You know
I do. As far as girls go, she
’
s the only one I can
stand to be around. You love her. I get it
…
kind of. But if
you
’
re not careful, this is your life forever. This job.
This girl. A house and a car and a joint bank account. Are you
telling me you won
’
t get to forty,
fifty, or sixty, and ask yourself,
‘
what the hell have I
done?!
’
”
Pipe back in mouth,
he slumps in his seat.
“
If
there
’
s one thing that stupid bet proved,
it
’
s that you don
’
t miss sex with her.
Proof enough, if you ask me. You should be living, brother. Not
existing.
”

I
drain the final drops of my beer and slide the glass in front of
him.
“
I know this is your weird way of showing me you care, but a
life without
B
would be existing. With her, I
’
m living.
Anyway, you can
’
t talk about being
normal.
”

“
What
’
s that supposed
to mean?
”

“
You take your
grandfather
’
s smelly old pipe
everywhere you go, and never once have you smoked
it.
”

“
That
’
s quirky. And
unique. Plus, you know I like something to nibble on, and the
ladies always like to test it out, too,
”
he says with a
wink.

“
I don
’
t want to know
what women do with your pipe.
”

“
Yeah, you
do,
”
he laughs.
“
Anyway, don
’
t change the
subject. There
’
s not a chance in
hell you love that job of yours. Admit it.
”

“
Maybe I don
’
t, but it
doesn
’
t mean I hate it, either.
”

“
But you
’
re so much
better than that place. You
’
re the most creative
person I know.
”

“
I
’
m creative at
work.
“

“
Don
’
t talk nonsense. You
should be out partying into the early hours with me, drinking until
morning, heading to a meeting on a few hours
’
sleep,
and painting and writing masterpieces. Not going to bed at ten and
waking up at six!
”

“
That
’
s your idea of
fun?
”

“
Jesus, Aus. We
’
re twenty-two, not
forty-two. Seriously, you should head into work tomorrow, quit your
job and come work with me. Who the hell gets a job like yours
straight after uni, anyway?
”

“
Just like that,
huh?
”

“
Well, what you should do is
quit your job, come work with me, break up with
B
, and allow me to
introduce you to the wonders of bachelorhood. I guarantee
I
’
d get you laid by an army of girls.
You
’
d never go six weeks without sex
again.
”