I Unlove You (55 page)

“
I pushed it down and pretended
it didn
’
t exist, you know? I
’
ve just hurt
people and thought about myself, as if the world owes me
something.
”
He looks at me, tears glistening through his stare.
“
The world
doesn
’
t owe me. I can
’
t use my past to
make excuses for the present. I don
’
t want to do it
anymore, and I
’
m not sure if
Harriet
’
s the right girl, or if this is the right time,
and I feel bad because this is a terrible moment to unload all this
on to you, but
—“

“
Joe, are you kidding me?
I
’
m happy for you. I
’
m proud of you.
These last few months have been hard for you, too, and
I
’
m
—”

“
I know, but
—“

“
No buts. This is good, Joey.
Seriously, I
’
m happy for you.
She
’
s a great girl. I think the two of you will be great
for each other.
”

“
Yeah?
”

I
laugh, raising my own glass now.
“
Yes. One hundred
percent.
”

“
I thought
you
’
d be pissed at me.
”

“
Why would I?
”

“
I don
’
t
know
…
I was overthinking everything, I guess.
”

“
You
’
re an idiot, Joe.
Anyway, tell me more.
”

“
Like what?
”

“
How did you get her back? Are
you a couple now? Are you together?
”

“
Let
’
s not get ahead of
ourselves, shall we?
”
he says, puffing his cheeks.
“
I
’
m just trying to
take it a day at a time and not fuck it up. And I want to tell you
now that she knows some of the stuff that
’
s gone on
recently, but I haven
’
t told her
everything. I
’
m sorry, and I know
I promised I wouldn
’
t
—“

“
It
’
s okay.
”

“
She wouldn
’
t give me
the time of day, so I had to be honest with her and let her in. I
had to unload some of it because it was driving me insane, but I do
feel bad
—“

“
Joey, it
’
s fine. I
understand.
”

“
You sure?
”

“
I do. I
promise.
”

His
shoulders relax and he empties his lungs with a long breath.
“
Okay,
good. I know I shouldn
’
t worry about
telling you all this, but I
’
m an
—“

“
Idiot?
”

“
Yeah.
”
He laughs and finishes his
drink.
“
I
’
ve no idea what I
’
m doing, brother.
She keeps asking me questions, and telling me stories about her
childhood, and what she wants to do with her life, and get
this
…
we haven
’
t even had sex
yet.
”
He shakes his head.
“
I
haven
’
t gone this long without it since I was
sixteen.
”

Laughing, I finish my own drink.
“
Sounds like an
adulthood relationship to me. Congratulations.
”

“
Enough of the
r
word,
thank you.
”
He takes his old tatty pipe out of his pocket and sticks it
between his lips.
“
I don
’
t know what to think
about it all. It feels nice, kind of, but there
’
s so much
silence. We
’
ll be talking and
then the conversation ends, and all she does is look at me and
smile. What am I supposed to do with that?
”

“
Smile back,
”
I say.
“
Enjoy being with
her.
”

“
I do enjoy being with her,
but
…
I don
’
t
know
…”

“
It sounds like you like her,
Joe.
”

“
You think?
”

“
Yeah.
”

I
picture his fidgeting form as they watch a movie together, fully
clothed, and with nothing but conversation awaiting him.
“
You
’
ll get
used to it. Soon, you
’
ll love those silent
moments. You
’
ll appreciate them
above everything else.
”

“
Really?
”

I nod.
“
Are you
seeing her tonight?
”

“
Yeah, she
finishes
…”
He looks at his watch.
“
Any minute now.
We
’
re going to see some god-awful romantic comedy, which,
after reading the reviews, sounds utterly
terrible.
”
He shakes his head.
“
She
doesn
’
t even like movies like that. I think
it
’
s
a test
…
or her way of torturing me.
”

Planting my hand on his shoulder for once, I smile.
“
You
’
ll do
fine. And please don
’
t worry about me.
I
’
m happy for you - for the both of you.
You
’
re the best guy I know, Joe, and
Harriet
’
s a great girl. I always hoped
you
’
d figure it out together, and after these last few
months
…
well, the perfect time to, if you ask
me.
”

“
Cheers. I want you to know this
changes nothing. I
’
m here for you, no
matter what. You hear me?
”

“
I know. We
’
ll be
fine, don
’
t worry.
”
I line our empty glasses next to
each other.
“
Right now, it seems someone else awaits
you,
”
I continue, motioning behind him as Harriet
approaches.

“
Hi, Aus,
”
she says, standing next to
Joey
’
s shoulder.

“
Hey, Harriet. I hear you
finally gave this one a chance.
”

Smiling, she bites her lip and places both hands around the
back of his neck.
“
He
’
s on probation.
”

“
I
’
m on probation? Are
you kidding me? I
’
m not some inmate on
trial, you know.
”

“
How
’
s he
doing?
”
I
ask.

She shrugs, scrunching up her nose
as she does.

“
Oh, come on,
I
’
m
doing okay.
”

“
Yeah. He
’
s doing okay.
”
She plants a kiss on
his neck.
“
It feels like I
’
m teaching a toddler
how to sit still at times, but he
’
s doing okay.
”

Rolling his eyes, he places both his palms over her
hands.
“
Brother, I hate to do this to you, but I have to go watch
some terrible film.
”

“
It
’
s fine. Go. Have
fun.
”

“
I won
’
t,
”
he replies. Harriet
pinches his ear. He flinches and smiles.
“
Fine, I
’
ll try and have
fun. I
’
m getting pretty good at faking
it,
”
he continues, moving closer to me.

“
This is why
you
’
re on probation. Anyway, I
’
ll wait for you
outside, okay?
”

“
Sure. Sure. I
’
ll be out in a
minute. I just have to give him something first.
”

“
No rush,
”
she says, stepping
away from the table.
“
Have a good night, Aus. I
’
ll see
you on New Year
’
s Eve.
”

“
You too,
Harriet,
”
I say, watching as she walks away.

Joey places his tweed jacket on his knee and searches its
pockets.
“
There was something else, and I hate to do this to you,
but
…”
He places it on the table, another envelope, smaller than
the others, but with her usual handwriting on its
front.

“
I was going to throw it away
last night, but
…
it isn
’
t my place to. If
you want me to get rid of it, I will. I haven
’
t read it
or anything, so whatever you want me to do
—“

“
It
’
s okay, Joe. I
’
ll read
it,
”
I say, taking a deep breath.

“
You sure?
”

I
stare at it, unsure if I am. Unsure if I ever will be.
“
Yeah. In a
few days, it
’
s a new year, a new
start. Whatever
’
s in this letter
doesn
’
t change that. Besides, I think the two of us
could do with a little closure.
”

He
nods, biting his lip and closing his eyes.
“
You going to reply to
it?
”

“
I don
’
t
know.
”

He
nods again and stands up.
“
I
haven
’
t read it. I
’
ve thought about it,
and I don
’
t want to. Is that okay?
”

“
Of course it
is.
”

“
I
’
m here for you,
brother. Whatever you need, I
’
m here, but I
can
’
t read any more of them.
”