I Want to Hold Your Hand (26 page)

—From the diary of Hannah Abbott Guthrie, age twenty-five

H
annah couldn’t believe Nolan was actually going to have a massage because he thought she would enjoy it. She had to suppress the urge to giggle madly when he came out of the men’s locker room wearing a thick white robe that only emphasized his broad shoulders and muscular build.

“They told me I had to get totally naked under here,” he whispered urgently. “No one told me it was a naked massage.”

The laughter burst through Hannah’s tightly clasped lips.

“Oh great. Go ahead and laugh.”

“I heard you’re getting a guy.”

His face went totally flat. “No way.”

Doubled up with laughter, Hannah was dabbing her eyes with the sleeve of her robe when a knock on the door preceded two very attractive women into the room, where two beds had been prepared next to each other.

“You’ll pay for that,” Nolan muttered as the technicians greeted them and then left the room while they got settled under the warm blankets.

Hannah hesitated for a second, feeling self-conscious as she removed her robe and scurried under her blankets while Nolan did the same.

“I just want to say again that I object to total nudity.”

Turned toward him, Hannah rested her head on her folded arms. “Do you want me to tell them that?”

“So you all can have a good laugh at my expense? I don’t think so.”

“You’re cute when you’re indignant.”

He glowered at her, which made her laugh again.

“He’s a virgin,” Hannah said when the technicians rejoined them. “So go easy on him.”

His huff of annoyance made her shake with laughter as soft music and aromatherapy scents filled the air.

“Just relax and enjoy,” Nolan’s technician said. If possible, the muscles in his back got tighter when she first touched him.

Hannah wasn’t sure which part she enjoyed more, watching him endure the massage or the incredibly soothing combination of scented oil and strong hands kneading the stress from her back.

She laid her hand over his. “Close your eyes and relax,” she whispered.

“Hush, you’re bothering me.”

When the technicians told them to turn over, Nolan froze, and Hannah lost it all over again. “Stop being such a baby and do what you’re told.”

He did it, but she could tell by his rigid pose that he didn’t want to.

Hannah kept hold of his hand, hoping he would relax before their hour ended. She closed her eyes and gave herself over to the incredibly indulgent massage. As she hadn’t had a massage in a while, it was a lovely treat.

She realized she’d dozed off when the brush of Nolan’s lips over hers woke her. Her eyes opened slowly to find him posed above her, his chest and shoulders glowing from the oil and the soft lights. He had never looked sexier, she thought, as she took a good long look.

“Can we please get the hell out of here?”

“It wasn’t that bad, was it?”

“Excruciating.”

His comment had her smiling all over again as she released his hand and tugged on her robe while resisting the urge to take a peek at him as he covered up.
Soon enough
, she thought, as a flurry of nerves overtook her. She only hoped the nerves didn’t derail their plans for the evening.

“Don’t get changed,” he said gruffly when they met at the door.

“Excuse me?”

“They said we can wear the robes back to our room. Grab your stuff and meet me in the hallway.”

“Okay.” Hannah swallowed the fear and tried to clear her mind of all worries so she could focus on enjoying whatever he had planned next.

Carrying their clothes and shoes, they made their way upstairs to their room where the fire had been lit and an ice bucket containing a bottle of champagne had been arranged in the sitting area. Candles had been strategically placed around the room, giving it a cozy romantic glow.

Hannah put down her things and took a slow look around.

“Too much?” he asked, sounding uncertain.

“Not at all. It’s lovely.”

“Come sit by the fire.” He ushered her to the love seat and sat next to her to uncork the champagne. “Do you like champagne?”

She accepted the glass from him. “I love it.”

“I don’t have to ask if you love this,” he said, taking the cover off a dish that contained a wide variety of gourmet chocolates.

“Oh my goodness!” She leaned over the table to take a closer look at the selection. “I don’t know which one I want.”

“Have one of each.”

“You’re the devil. Champagne, chocolate and massages in the afternoon? You’re spoiling me.”

“That’s the whole idea.”

“I can’t believe you arranged all this so quickly.”

“A man with an Internet connection can be dangerous.”

“This is really nice,” she said, biting into a cream-centered chocolate that melted on her tongue. “God, that’s good. Have one.” She picked up another of the same one she’d tried and held it out to him.

He leaned in to take the bite from her. “That is good.” Rather than sit back again, he tugged on her ponytail and brought her in for a chocolate kiss. “That’s even better. Chocolate-flavored Hannah.”

“I should grab a shower.”

“Not yet.”

She eyed him, trying to gauge his intentions. “Why not?”

“Because I’m not done getting you dirty yet.” Smiling, he nudged her ponytail aside and kissed her neck and jaw, working his way to her ear. “Is that okay?”

“Yes,” she said, feeling breathless and undone, and he’d barely touched her.

“Tell me what you want, Hannah.” His voice was a raspy whisper that gave her goose bumps and made her nipples tingle. “I’ll give you anything you want.”

“You. I want you.”

He drew back to gaze into her eyes. “Are you sure?”

“No,” she said, laughing nervously. “I have no idea what’ll happen if we try this, but I’m willing to try.”

“Whatever happens is fine. Even if nothing happens. Okay?”

She nodded.

He caressed her face, his fingers moving lightly over her sensitive skin. “I thought about how best to approach this situation,” he said with a spark of humor in his serious gaze. Replacing his fingers with his lips, he placed soft kisses on her face while studiously avoiding her mouth. “I figured if we waited until later, you’d have too much time to think about it, and too much thinking in this case is a bad thing.”

Hannah focused on drawing air into her lungs, riveted by his kisses and his words and the fact that he’d obviously given this some significant consideration, which she appreciated. Not that she could tell him that, because that would require words that she didn’t have.

“Will you come to bed with me, Hannah?”

Before she could answer, he finally took her mouth in a deep searching kiss that had her clinging to him, trying to get closer. He kissed her for what felt like forever before he drew back, keeping his lips on hers and watching her with those intense eyes.

“Yes,” she whispered.

He lifted her into his arms and continued the kiss as he walked to the bed and put her down next to it. “What the hell do we need with two hundred pillows?” he asked, chucking them aside with barely contained impatience.

Hannah laid two fingers over her lips.

“Are you laughing at me again?”

She shook her head. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

He peeled back the covers, revealing smooth white sheets with eyelet trim. A hint of lavender filled the air when he unveiled the bed. Turning to her, he fixed his gaze on the deep V of her robe, and reached for the knot at her waist. “Still okay?”

Hannah nodded, holding her breath as the knot gave way and the robe fell open.

Nolan’s gaze heated as he ran a finger from the base of her throat straight down the front of her, sliding between her breasts to her belly, the massage oil smoothing the way.

She appreciated when he pulled on the tie to his own robe, letting it fall open to her gaze. Hannah drank in the sight of his chest and abs as his hands came to her shoulders, easing the robe down over her arms. Closing her eyes, she focused on breathing as he unveiled her.

“Still okay?”

“Yes.”

“Look at me, honey.”

She forced her eyes open and looked up at him to find concern and affection and love in his gaze. “Are you sure?”

Nodding, she said, “We’re going to mess up those lovely white sheets with the massage oil.”

“I’m sure we’re not the first ones to mess up their lovely white sheets.”

The comment made her laugh and eased her tension.

With his hands on her hips, Nolan turned her to sit on the bed. “Do we need birth control?”

“I’ve been on the pill since I was fifteen.” At his raised brow, she added, “Crazy periods.”

“I haven’t done this in a long time, but I’ll understand if you want me to use a condom.”

“I trust you, Nolan, or I wouldn’t be here with you.” She released the elastic that held her hair and reached for the lapels of his robe to bring him in closer to her. When he was within reach, she slipped her hands inside, covering his belly and sliding up to his chest while trying not to stare at the impressively large erection that hung heavily before her.

She licked lips gone dry and tugged on his robe. “Take it off,” she said, summoning the courage she’d need to see this through. Caleb’s words echoed through her mind, bringing tears to her eyes.
I want you to love again. I want you to share that wonderful, amazing, generous heart with someone else.

Nolan shed the robe and stood before her gloriously naked, gloriously male, and Hannah wanted to touch him everywhere. He stood patiently while she ran her hands over him reverently, from chest to belly to hips to thighs. As he sucked in a sharp deep breath, his erection lengthened. Hoping to bring him some relief, she wrapped her hand around the base and stroked him.

His fingers sank into her hair as his head fell back in surrender. “Hannah . . .”

She leaned forward and slid her tongue over the wide tip.

“
Christ
,” he muttered.

Encouraged by his response, she did it again, running her tongue down the length of him and back up before taking him into her mouth. His moan of pleasure filled her with enthusiasm until she felt him tug gently on her hair.

“This is supposed to be about you,” he said through gritted teeth. “How did I lose control so quickly?”

She reached for him and lay back on the bed, bringing him with her. “It’s supposed to be about
us
.”

He came down on top of her, holding himself up on bent elbows.

Hannah smoothed her hands over his back as the heat of his body warmed her.

“That’s my idea of a relaxing massage,” he said. “Apparently it’s all about getting the right masseuse.”

She kneaded the tension from his neck, drawing a groan from him as he kissed her softly at first and with growing passion as she responded to the deep thrusts of his tongue. His kisses set her on fire and cleared her mind of everything except the sublime pleasure that came with holding him and kissing him, despite the hard, insistent press of his erection against her belly that reminded her of where this was leading.

Breaking away from her mouth, he kissed his way to her breasts, cupping and shaping them for his lips. He worshiped each breast, drawing and sucking on her nipples until they were hard and tight. “Still okay?”

“Mmm.” She combed her fingers through his hair, letting him sweep her away on a wave of desire that required her full attention and left no room for memories or regrets or guilt.

Propped on arms that bulged with muscles, he moved down to kiss her belly and below. And then he was kneeling on the floor and sliding his hands over her inner thighs, opening her to his mouth and lips.

The shock of his tongue against her most sensitive flesh shot through her like lightning, quickening her breathing along with the already rapid beat of her heart. He slid his fingers into her at the same second he sucked hard on her clit, detonating a release she felt from the tingling in her scalp to the burn at the bottom of her feet.

She had barely recovered when he was above her again, looking down at her with fire in his eyes as he kissed her lips and entered her, slowly and carefully, but insistently, too, as if he knew if he gave her too much time to think about what she was doing she might not be able to do it.

Consumed by the stretching burn of his entry, Hannah wrapped her arms around his neck and held on tight to him.

“God, Hannah,” he whispered against her ear, setting off a firestorm of goose bumps and tingles. “You feel so good.” His fingers dug into her hips as he held her still until he’d worked his way all the way inside her, stopping then to kiss her. “Please don’t cry, honey. You’re breaking my heart.”

She hadn’t realized she was crying until he said that. Drawing him down to her, she hugged him and breathed in his familiar scent.

“Do you want to stop?”

“No, don’t stop. Please don’t.”

Pulsing and throbbing within her, he stayed still for a long time until her emotions settled and she began to wiggle under him, needing more.

He seemed happy to give it to her, raising himself up on his arms to rock into her repeatedly, touching the spot deep inside that triggered wave after wave of sensation. Then he bent his head and captured her nipple between his teeth and pressed two fingers to her clit, tripping her over the edge into another heart-stopping release.

Her orgasm triggered something in him that had him gripping her shoulders as he surged into her, letting go with a moan of fulfillment uttered against her neck when he came down on top of her.

Hannah wrapped her arms around him as he continued to throb inside her, still hard and thick and wedged tightly into her. The last thing in the world she wanted to think of at that moment was the last time she’d done this, but the memory crystallized in her mind, a vision of Caleb’s face above her as he gripped her hands and came inside her for the last time before his deployment. They’d spent two full days in bed, wrapped up in each other, getting up only to eat and shower before going back for more.