Ice and Peace (14 page)

The general’s words bit at her soul. Tears stung Caitlin’s eyes. Stiffening, she swallowed and looked away. Composing herself, she returned her gaze to the general.

“Are you understanding me, Chief?”

“Perfectly, ma’am,” she replied, more softly than she intended.

“Good. Then our conversation is finished.”

***

Caitlin stared at the wall in front of her. While the rest of her team savored some downtime, she mulled over the general’s words. It was as if everyone on the ship expected her to screw up and to take Keegan down with her. She was tired of it. Tired of the accusations and the bullshit.

She was tired of defending her honor and looking over her shoulder. Why try winning a battle all of your allies hope you lose? Recalling the last time she sought out Medora, she almost laughed out loud. He definitely didn’t have a problem with compartmentalizing their relationship. She’d tried to ask him questions, and he had just stormed off …leaving her in the hands of Gadison. Where was the loyalty and support there?

She recalled her team’s devotion and their hard work. Then she remembered their last meeting. The only thing they asked was where she had been. They didn’t care about her past or present. They just wanted her to stick by their sides. And she had promised them just that—she would stick by them. Even if it meant they were all she had.

“Cate?” Medoro asked from behind her.

She had not heard the door open. “Yes?”

“Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” she answered coolly. She didn’t bother to rise from her seat behind her desk. Instead, she stretched her legs out and waited.

He picked up a chair and placed it in front of her. When he leaned forward, he looked her directly in the eyes. Part of her wanted to get up and have him hold her, and she almost did when she saw the sympathy in his gaze. “I’m sorry about the arrest.”

“You didn’t order it, therefore you have no reason to apologize.” She swallowed hard.

“I feel I do.” He paused. “And also know I should not have snapped at you. I am sorry.”

“Forgiven. I understand.” But did she really? What were the chances of it happening again? What were the chances he’d choose duty over her? Could she make him pick?

“If it’s any consolation, I don’t think it’s going on your record,” he joked.

“That’s a comfort,” she replied, not amused.

Awkwardness filled the room.

“You attempted assault on a superior officer. Why did you do it?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “It was fun,” she remarked sarcastically.

Would he understand? Should even try to explain? What was the point? He didn’t know what it felt like to be beholden to something that held his life in a clenched fist.

He rolled his eyes and sat back. “Cate, you can’t keep acting like this. You can get into a hell of a lot of trouble. And I won’t always be able to bail you out.”

“Then don’t.”

He frowned. “Excuse me?”

“Don’t. It's not like I have anything to lose.”

“Nothing to lose? Don’t I matter? Doesn’t what we have matter?”

Tears spilled out of her eyes again, burning and stinging as they ran down her cheeks. “You know, I was wondering about that myself.”

“Jesus, Cate,” he said. “I am still your husband.”

“But, here, you are my commanding officer first, then you are my husband. So in what capacity are you here now?”

“I don’t believe this.” He shoved his hand through his hair and dropped back into his chair.

“Believe what?”

“You’re questioning my commitment to you. To us.”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“Who the hell do you think got you out? You think Gadison would have so easily let you go?”

“You mean my innocence wouldn’t have been enough?” she quipped.

“No! Your tendency toward insubordination would’ve kept you in and got you brought up on charges in the process. Maybe even worse.”

“Again, so what?”

“Are you trying to get yourself kicked out?”

Her anger rose, frustration adding to the mix. “No. But I’m tired of being treated like a piece of dirt. Like what I do has no meaning. No significance. I give my all every single day, and still I am not trusted! I am questioned regarding my humanity, my loyalty as a soldier, and my abilities as a wife. And considering that’s all of me, what’s left? Nothing! There’s no point.”

He shoved away from the desk and paced the space behind him before he turned to face her again. “You are a piece of work.”

“Likewise,” she muttered.

“I don’t know what you want from me.” He stared at her accusingly.

Caitlin swallowed hard and drew a deep breath. Her heart bled. “I want you to trust me. And I want to trust you.”

Keegan’s jaw dropped. “What? What?” he asked his voice wavering. “You don’t trust me?” He rounded the table and drew her from her seat. Where was he when Gadison called her a traitor, a thief, and a murderer? Playing captain? She needed a husband, not a commanding officer. “Why should I?”

“Because I’m your husband.”

Hollis’ words came roaring through her mind.
I need you to remember why you are here, and why he is here—to do a job. Thousands, possibly millions of lives are depending on him to do it well. He has to make some tough decision and, with you under his command, undoubtedly things will be all the more difficult
.

“I trusted the last one, and look where it got me.”

“I gave up my life for you!” he thundered. “I threw away everything I held dear to be near you. To be with you!”

“And look where you are now. Right back where you started.”

“I never asked for this job!”

“But you took it,” she shouted. “Without any regard for me. For us! I have to be here. You don’t. And you chose the job over me.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I don’t? Then enlighten me.” He refused to budge, becoming silent as usual. “There’s my answer. Nothing. That’s our life. It’s pointless. ”

Stunned by her words, he shook his head slowly.

“This is it. This who I am. And I’m sorry if it’s not good enough, but it’s all I have to offer you.”

Without another word, he stormed out of the room. And with him, he took every last thread of hope.

Chapter Seventeen

The main infirmary aboard the ship was quiet and empty. A few nurses stocked the various shelves and worked at the data stations scattered around the main examination area. The front desk was unoccupied so Caitlin walked past. Though she wasn’t sick, she was in the mood to talk to an old friend.

She strolled to the back section. Stopping in front of the door to the largest office, she tapped on the window.

“Ensign, I told you—” Dr. Bishop opened the door with a huff and stopped. “Hello.”

“Hi,” she said, smiling. “Are you busy?”

“No. Come on in.”

Crossing the threshold, she glanced around his office. Diplomas from various universities and institutions filled the walls, and a desk with an array of books, journals, and a computer sat in the middle of the room.

“How are you?” he asked with concern.

“I’m good.”

Doctor Bishop moved to his desk and sat down. He crossed his legs and crinkled his brow. “Then I won’t ask what you’ve been up to because I have a feeling I already know. So, tell me something I don’t know.”

When she came aboard, his was the first friendship she had made. No doubt she wouldn’t be where she was today, if it weren’t for him.

“The colonel and I are married.”

“I said, tell me something I don’t know.”

She chuckled. “Okay. They put me in charge of a group of cryos.”

“Interesting. How’s that going?”

“I like it. They are a great bunch of kids. They really know their stuff. I’m proud of them. ”

“You’ve come a long way,” the doctor replied.

“I think so, too.”

“So what brings you here? Or is this purely a social call?”

“I have some questions, and hopefully you can answer them.”

“I’ll try. Shoot.”

“I thought all of the cryo research was done on Earth.”

“Not after it was outlawed in 2097. To be honest, cryogenics wasn’t outlawed, experimentation on non-volunteer subjects was. It was considered inhumane.”

“What about people like me?” she asked wondering why she was still being forced to undergo the treatments to keep her in a cryogenic state. “They’re still making me take the stuff.”

“You and others like you fall under the grandfather clause. You’re exempt.”

“And the new group of recruits...?”

“As the great poet Jim Morrison once crooned, people are strange. They’re even stranger when someone is willing to pay them for their proclivities. You’d be surprised to know how many people who signed up, but were turned down for physical insufficiency. Of those who managed to get in, we lost many of them because the actual cryonization process was not the making them cold enough and keeping them there indefinitely is dangerous. A lot of letters were sent home.”

A hint of remorse flashed across his face.

“But you were asking about the research facility,” he said, picking up a mug.

“Why is it so significant?”

“’Cause of Doctor Rimmer. That was her place, and now she’s here.”

“Are you serious?” Cate said, shocked and elated by the news. For the first time in years, there was hope. Since she developed the technology, perhaps the doctor knew of a way to reverse it. “Where is she? I need to speak to her.”

Bishop fell silent.

“I’m not at liberty to comment on that.”

Undaunted, she continued. “I bet this has something to do with the murders and the missing vials of Cryotherazine?”

“You know about that?”

“Having recently been a suspect, I know all about it.”

“You? That’s preposterous.”

“I kept saying the same thing but for some strange reason, the commander didn’t believe me.”

Bishop laughed and shook his head. “Gray matter is in short supply these days.”

“So true. Do you have any idea who did it?”

“Yes.”

“Will you tell me?”

He lifted the mug and drank. “No.”

Caitlin chuckled.

“I’m sure you understand the importance of following orders. We may not want to do it but the requirement is there for the general function of the entire system.”

Caitlin felt ashamed of her actions. Heaving all of her resentment on something he had no part in designing was not fair. Just like her, he had to follow the system.

Bishop furled his brow. “What’s the matter?”

“The first time I arrived here, I thought all I had to do was ride it out. Then everything would be normal, and I’d get to go home. But, years later, I’m still here plugging along, barely keeping my head above water. And I ask myself why?”

“Maybe it’s because you’re good at it.”

Stopped in her tracks, Caitlin stared at him. She had never considered that they kept her in spite of everything because that she was good at her job as well as expendable.

“Caitlin, there is something you are not realizing. You have hundreds of thousands of dollars invested in your training. When I first met you, you were a scared and confused civilian. But look at you now. You’re a chief warrant officer. I assure you, they don’t hand out rank like candy. Especially to people like you. Believe me, you earned it.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. She worked her ass off every day to prove she was worthy. And all along she had been.

“Thank you, doc,” she said pulling herself together. “I needed that.”

“Anytime.”

Chapter Eighteen

Jenny fanned herself as the warm air of the ship played havoc with her body. Sitting underneath the register in a supply closet, she allowed the cool air to rush onto her overly heated skin. Unable to take the heat any longer, she jabbed the plunger into her steadily thickening skin. She stared at the plunger as it pushed the bluish-green liquid into her veins.

Sliding down the wall, she turned off the light in the closet and waited. First, she would rest and then she would try for the doctor once again.

***

The quiet of the evening surrounded Keegan as he sat inside his quarters enjoying a drink. A standard day on a carrier was divided into two shifts, the first twelve hours being day and the second twelve hours night. Though most of his day was spent working furiously, the downtime at night more than made up for it. Except he couldn’t think of anything but his argument with his wife. How could she not trust him? Where was their relationship heading? What did she mean by him being where he was again when he had given up everything for her? How could she not understand he had to prove himself to Command and to her?

He rubbed his temples. There was a knock at his door.

“Who is it?” he asked.

“Commander Gadison. Permission to enter.”

“Granted.”

The door opened with a creak Gadison looked as neatly pressed and polished as a midshipman during inspection.

“Sorry to intrude, sir. I see you’re having a drink. I’ll leave.”

“Please.” Keegan gestured to the bottle of Scotch before he unbuttoned the top button of his shirt.

It had been a long day, and the news of the enemy somewhere within his crew aggravated him.

“Thanks. You know, I remember the first time we met,” Gadison said, pouring himself a drink. He pulled up a chair and sat down. “Do you?”

Keegan shook his head. A pleasant cloud of haze covered his mind. It was the first peace he’d had all day.

“It was at the academy,” Gadison said, raising his right hand. The dark class ring fit neatly around his finger. “Annapolis, class of ’80.”

Keegan chuckled. He’d been a year behind him. No wonder he hadn’t remembered.

“The first time we met I remember thinking, ‘this guy is a real piece of work. Uptight, a little intense….’” Gadison smiled. “But you turned out to be all right. Not to mention a whiz at classical mechanics.”

“I remember helping you.” Gadison was a southern boy from a prominent Virginia family with ties to Washington. His life had been filled with prep schools and elite social functions—neither of which held any interest for Keegan.