Iced Tea (22 page)

I squealed.

AJ came flying in from the garage.

Jessie and Teagan were banging into each other and the walls as they each tried to get to me first.
 
Jessie because he’s a gentleman and a little on the macho side, Teagan because she’s the world’s best sister, my best friend, and if I’m in need, she wants to be there first, and if I’ve simply done something really stupid, she NEEDS to be there first.

In Florida, we have a critter called a Palmetto Bug.
 
If you aren’t from Florida, you would be more likely to call them a cockroach.
 
Actually, they are more like a cockroach on steroids because they are the largest suckers in the cockroach family of yucky things.

I’ve seen them.

I don’t have any in my apartment, because if I found one, I would move; but I’ve seen them outside of my house.

Unfortunately, when I stuck my head between the ceiling and the cupboard, I had occasion to introduce myself to the mother of all Palmetto Bugs, up close and personal, and when I went to voice my displeasure, the behemoth of all buggy things came at me like it was running for my uvula.

When I told Jessie that, he got the strangest look on his face, Teagan smacked him, told him to get his brain out of the gutter, and explained that your uvula is that thing in the back of your throat that hangs out between your tonsils.
 
It’s a magical little thing, since no one can really figure out what it’s for, even though in some languages it’s used to make up the sounds needed for speaking.
 
English speakers never use the thing.

Once our anatomy lesson was over, and since I’d only found a huge bug, but nothing else of interest, AJ lifted me off the counter, kissed my neck, and went back out to the garage where he had been feeling around on top of the bare rafters without success.

Jessie and Teagan got through the master bath, looking in the toilet tank, very cliché, and under the cupboards.
 
They looked under the mattress, and checked for any cuts or zippers in the thing.
 
Jessie lifted Teagan up, and she looked on top of all the shelves in the closet.
 
They even checked up in the attic, since the access door was in the master closet.
 
Nothing.

AJ came in and checked out the fireplace, since he was already filthy from checking out the garage.
 

We talked about checking around outside, but since it’s a condo, and the common areas could be used by anyone, that didn’t make a lot of sense.

We naturally wandered down the hall, and all converged in the weird room.
 
The one that had the carpet pulled up and the table bolted to the floor.

Jessie made a few inappropriate comments into Teagan’s ear.
 
I know they were inappropriate by how happy she seemed.
 
They got a good laugh out of it, while I looked around in the closet.
 
Nothing.

“Short of pulling up the carpet in the rest of the house I don’t think we are going to find anything.”

Teagan sounded almost depressed.
 
“Maybe you’re right.
 
You went through the office when you were looking for the key when you found the journals, right?”

“Yep.”

Jessie sounded suspicious.
 
“Wait a minute.
 
This guy was a cop, and he hid a key, to something he didn’t want you to see, in the same room, in a place that was so obvious that you found it without even half trying?”

“Yep.”

“Does that make sense to you?”

“Not now that I think about it.
 
At the time, I didn’t think this whole thing was quite so sinister.”

“Well, I’ve seen a lot of cop movies and TV shows…” Teagan always gets a TV show in there, “And I have to agree.
 
A cop isn’t going to hide something where you’re likely to find it.”

“So, tell me oh wise woman, where the hell, according to your vast knowledge of all things fictional cop, are we going to find something that explains all this crap?”

“Don’t get snarky.”

“I’m not getting snarky, I’ve been snarky for a week.
 
You try living in a world that has cops showing up at your house, you don’t know if they are good guys or bad guys, and they are keeping you so off balance that you can’t even be the family…”

“Butt-in-sky?”

“Shut up.”

“I know this has been hard on you.
 
I’m sorry.
 
But as I’ve explained to you innumerable times before, life imitates art.”

“Yeah, bad movies and TV are certainly high art.”

“I didn’t say they were, but, sometimes you can learn a thing or two.”

“I swear to God Teagan, if one of your warped TV or movie melodrama whacked out whatever, solves this thing for me, I’ll be forever in your debt.”

“You already are.”

“I am not.”

“You are too.
 
I didn’t tell mom about Joey.”

“Okay, now you’re just dead.”

AJ had to take the bait.
 
“Who’s Joey?
 
Should I meet this guy?”

“Joey is a girl.”

Jessie’s eyes lit up.
 
“Even better!”

Teagan smacked him for me.

“It’s nothing like that.
 
Nothing untoward.”

“Then why not just tell your mom so Teagan can’t blackmail you?”

“I’m not blackmailing her.”

“Yes you are.
 
I can’t tell my mom because I didn’t tell my mom when it happened”

“When did it happen?”

Teagan and I said, in the harmony only whining sisters can achieve, “Fourth grade.”

AJ and Jessie both shook their heads.
 
One muttered “Jesus.” While the other muttered something about “I can’t believe this.”
 
A quick change of subject was in order.

Teagan is my hero.
 
She blurted.
 
“If I wanted to hide something, I’d hide it in the locked room.”

“Okay, but there’s nothing left in here.”

“Sure there is.
 
I saw this movie once, and the treasure was hidden in the shades.”

“There’s no lamp in here Teagan.”

“No, Dingleberry, the window shades.”

Jessie went toward one AJ went toward the other.

“How do you get these things down?
 
Do we have a screwdriver?”

“You don’t need a screwdriver, watch.”

God made me tall for a reason.
 
I didn’t even need a ladder to reach the shade.
 

“This really isn’t that hard people.
 
There are only a couple of kinds of roller shades.
 
Watch, you can just pop them out.”

“How do you know that?”

“Hello, even shades need to be cleaned.”

“You take them down to clean them?”

“Not every time.”

“You are one sick little puppy Cara.
 
I’m sorry, but even for you, that is not normal.”

“For me it’s normal, that doesn’t mean it has to be normal for anyone else.”

The guys jumped in before it came to fisticuffs, as my grandma would say.

I got the fist shade down, we unwound the whole thing, popped off the end, looked down the cylinder, shook it around.
 
Nothing.

I rolled the thing back up and put it back in the brackets screwed into the window frame, which was much easier than getting it down.

I gave Teagan a sisterly
I told you so
look.
 

She ignored me.

AJ and Jessie wrestled with the other shade for a little while, but got it down and didn’t scrape the wall, which I was certain they would do.

They unrolled the thing.
 
Nothing.
 
They fought with the end cap for a while; finally AJ got his car keys out of his pocket.
 
It was then I decided it was the better part of valor to point out that they were messing with the wrong end.

Okay, so I said it in a way that would embarrass any of the male species, but I was losing my sense of humor, and I do that when I’m tired and cranky.
 

Jessie popped off the end, turned the cylinder, and a key fell onto the cement floor making an unworldly clang.

We all dropped to our knees, like idiots.
 
I’m so glad no one was getting the images for YouTube.
 
Four adults, mesmerized by a weird key, like it was the Holy Grail.
 

It really wasn’t that impressive.

“Any ideas what kind of key it is?”

“Well, it isn’t to a safety deposit box, I don’t think.
 
At least it doesn’t look like mine.”

“You have a safety deposit box?
 
I didn’t know they had those any more.”

“A lot of banks don’t, but since I have all kinds of backups from work, I decided keeping them someplace other than my place was a good thing.
 
The bank charges me $100 a year, and I turn around and charge my boss $250.”

“That’s a hell of a markup.”

“It isn’t really a markup.
 
I’m the one that has to go to the bank all the time.
 
It’s cheaper for him than hiring a backup service, since he believes the Internet is actually some foreign spy network, or maybe some alien force, and he refuses to just throw the company stuff on some cloud somewhere.”

“I stand corrected.”

“No biggie.
 
So, what kind of key is that?
 
I don’t think I’ve ever seen one like that before.”

“I haven’t seen a key like that since junior high.
 
Remember Mr. Barkley, he had a key like that.”

“Oh, my God Cara, you’re right.
 
It looks like the key to a toilet paper thingy.”

“Great.
 
There has to be about a million toilet paper thingies in the world.”

“Probably more.”

“But then what would he hide in a toilet paper dispenser, what would fit?
 
Would it be something that he would need access to?
 
If so, he would want it close by.”

“Good point.”

“So we’re looking for a public restroom near here.”

“A men’s.”

“Why men’s?”

“Cause a guy like Louis is going to look pretty suspicious walking into the women’s room.”

“Again, good point.”

“I wonder if there’s a public bathroom in the community center.”

“What community center?”

“There’s a little clubhouse thing over by the mailboxes.
 
I saw it the first day I came over here.
 
I wonder if they have public bathrooms.
 
I wonder if they’re open this late.
 
You want to go check?”

We all headed for the door.

On the way over, I felt the need to point out the obvious.
 
“You know, this is really stupid.”

“Why?”

“Because even if it’s a key to the toilet paper thingy, Louis has been dead a while now.
 
Anything he left in there, would be long gone by now.”

“Well, maybe they don’t use the clubhouse much.”

“If they don’t use the clubhouse much, it’s going to be locked up and we aren’t going to be able to get in there anyway.”

“Boy, aren’t you little Miss Sunshine today?”

“Sorry.”

“It isn’t that far over there.
 
A nice little walk will burn off some of that garlic bread.
 
You ate damn near a loaf all by yourself.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes you did.”

“Okay, I did.”

Jessie piped in, “What the hell, at least if we can get into the bathroom, we can rule out the whole idea if it’s the wrong kind of key.”

“Good point.”
 
Teagan rewarded him with a kiss.

We were in luck, the door to the community center was unlocked.
 
We walked in as if we actually belonged there.
 

AJ and Jessie walked into the men’s room, while Teagan and I looked at the bulletin board.
 
When an older woman walked in about 30 seconds later, we acted much more interested in the thing.
 
Fascinated even.

The older lady walked up to us.
 

“What are you girls doing in here?”

“Just reading the bulletin board.”

“Nothing new has been put on that board in a year.”

Teagan is better with this type of thing than I am.
 
She smiled.
 
“Well, it’s all new to us.
 
We just got here.”