Idolize (Dark Storm Book 1) (19 page)

Chapter Sixteen

Two weeks later, Cassi was about to have her final session and if it went well, she would be going home. Only home was now the building Audrey purchased. The downstairs was being renovated and the upstairs redecorated. Audrey wasn’t charging them any rent, and said she didn’t want to move in anymore as she was moving in with Tristin. Cassi was pleased for them. It was good to know someone was happy.

She sat down opposite Doctor Harding and took a deep breath. The sessions were getting easier, but she was still worried something would pop up again and send her tumbling backward in a panic.

“So how do you feel about leaving today?”

“Scared. It’s been nice to be separated from the real world for a bit. I want to get back out there for Tommy, and that’s what motivates me. I think I’ll cope if things trigger reactions, but I guess I’ll know when it happens.”

Doctor Harding wrote notes down and Cassi wondered what they said.

“I think you’ve progressed well and you are desensitizing yourself to the reactions from your past. Remember, it’s the same as a phobia. You can teach yourself to respond differently, but it takes time. The alternative is we look more deeply at those issues and what happened so you can deal with them. It is a long process with no guarantees at the end. It is your choice.”

“I’m happy for the past to stay locked up in there. I don’t want to go back down that track. I have a pretty good idea of what happened and don’t need to know more.”

“I’ve made an appointment for you for two weeks’ time, but call if you need anything. There is no shame if you need to return for more treatment.”

Two hours later, Cassi sat outside the apartment with Sasha. There had been paparazzi outside the hospital who had followed them. Someone must have found out she was going home today. They were waiting to pounce once she left the car. Tommy was inside the building with Audrey so he would not have to deal with it, thank God. Her stomach churned but she would get through this. The last time she had to deal with these people, Declan had been there for support. All she needed was to get through one thing at a time. She grabbed her bag from the back seat and got out. Cameras went off in her face as people yelled. She hoped they got bored with her soon.

“Did Declan Reed have anything to do with the death of your late partner?”

“Are the rumors true you’ve broken up because of this? Why aren’t you at his house? Is his house for sale? Is he moving back to Australia because of you?”

“Leave me alone. We’re not together anymore,” Cassi said.

The words felt like poison coming from her lips, but she knew it was the only way to get rid of these people. She would just be another person caught up in an awful life and of no interest to them now. People were dying or destitute on the streets all the time. These guys didn’t care as long as they got a story about the rich and famous. She was neither anymore.

She tried to hold back the tears and pushed one of the reporters aside. After a struggle, she finally made it through the door. Inside, she took a deep breath and leaned back against the wall. Tommy was rushing around the downstairs area on a new scooter Sasha bought him. He was oblivious to what was going on outside and that was how she wanted to keep it. He looked across and dropped his scooter when he saw she was there. Her little boy ran helter-skelter across the room. She picked him up and twirled him around as he screeched with delight. The moment was perfect. The only thing that would have made it better was if Declan was there, waiting to take her in his arms. Somehow she would get through this and get back what they had.

Audrey came over. “It’s so good to have you here. It’s like we are all back together again.”

Tommy grabbed her hand. “Come on, Mommy, I’ll show you my room. We live upstairs.”

His room was packed with toys, including the large Rory Raccoon Declan gave him, plus the big bucket of Legos. She went to her room, threw her bag on the bed, and glanced around. This would do. There was a roof over their heads and she could think while she was here. It was more than a lot of people had.

“Coffee’s up,” Sasha called from the door.

Cassi sat at the counter and found a plate of Sasha’s cinnamon cookies. She bit into one and let the flavor roll across her tongue as she closed her eyes.

“Life is too short not to eat these,” she said as she smiled at her friend.

“One day the world will appreciate my brilliance.”

“I’m sure they will.” Audrey said as she sat down. “So what are your plans, Cassi?”

“Well, I’ll need to look for a job as the money we have is almost gone. The picnic business will have to go on the back burner for a while. I know you don’t want any rent, Audrey, but we still need to eat.”

Audrey shook her head. “I had a feeling that was what you would say. I want to give you both a loan so we can give the business a few months. If it doesn’t work, then you can both do whatever you want, but I think we’ve done so much it would be a pity not to try. I trust you both to pay me back.”

Cassi hugged Audrey and tried to stop bursting into tears.

“Thank you so much. We won’t let you down. I also think keeping my mind on something will help me get better. Deanna came and visited me in the hospital and wants me to help with the refuge. I mentioned it to the doctor and she said to give it a try.”

Audrey chatted for a bit longer, then they went downstairs and talked about designs for the building.

“You know Tommy is trying to convince Audrey to have a fireman’s pole put in. So far she is not succumbing to his charm and cuteness.”

Audrey pointed out the renovations she wanted to make, then kissed the girls goodbye when Tristin came to pick her up. Cassi knew Sasha would not skirt the question of Declan for long. When Cassi put Tommy to bed, Sasha slouched herself on the sofa next to her.

“So what are you going to do about Declan? Is it really over between you?”

“I hope not, but to tell the truth, I wouldn’t be surprised. I can’t expect him to hang around when I don’t know when I’ll get my act together.”

“Tell me what happened.”

“When he touched me, the visions came back. I never want to see what looked like sadness and rejection on his face ever again. I told him I needed time and space and it wasn’t fair to make him wait. I didn’t know how long it would take and he should find someone new.”

“What did he say?”

“That it was his choice to wait. I want it to be good if I see him again, but I don’t know. I just need some time to get my head in the right place.”

“Well, we are all here for you.” They hugged and Cassi went to bed in her new home.

That night, she cried herself to sleep. She was so tempted to call Declan and hear his voice. If she did, he would support her through this, but she needed to do it on her own. This needed to be the first time in her life she didn’t just run away, but outgrow her past so she could move on for good.

****

The next day there was a letter for her. When she opened it, an airline ticket for New Zealand fell out. Her breath caught in her throat as tears threatened to come again. There was a note and her hands trembled as she picked it up.

Cassi,

I heard you’re home from the hospital and hope you are all well. I want to let you know the house is up for sale. I don’t think any of us felt it was going to be a place we wanted to live in anymore. I know you’re trying to sort your life out and I respect that. If you decide I can be a part of it again, then get on a plane and come and see me. I’ll be waiting, always. If not, then cash the ticket in and use it for your business. You deserve to have a dream come true. What I had engraved on the necklace is still true.

Love, Declan

Cassi went into the bedroom and put the ticket in the bottom drawer of her dresser along with the note. She didn’t want to show the others as they would just tell her she was mad not to go yet again. She had to give herself time to make sure she could cope. If she lost him in the meantime to someone else, then maybe they were not meant to be. There was no way she was going to hurt him again. He deserved better than that.

Chapter Seventeen

The next three weeks passed, and thank goodness, she was no longer hounded by the press. For now, she was just another boring member of society. She put her heart and soul into the renovation. The bottom floor was now a gallery space at the front, plus a kitchen at the back. Still no fireman’s pole, thank God.

Every day she would make calls to suppliers and advertisers. The orders were coming in, and they were doing a wider range of themed baskets. Her favorite was the engagement basket. They provided a little box for them to hide the ring in, plus champagne, chocolates, and heart-shaped cookies with their names as extras. She was glad she didn’t do the drop-offs of the baskets, as seeing happy couples might still be a bit too much. They employed a young woman Deanna put them on to as well. She was from the refuge, and wanted to earn money to pay her way through chef school. It gave Cassi an idea she would mention to Deanna the next time she went to the refuge to help out.

The following day, she pulled up outside the large building that was the refuge in downtown L.A. It was an old converted apartment block. On the upper floors, were the women’s bedrooms, and on the lower floor, the women could mingle, get counseling, or study in groups. Deanna was there every Wednesday to help out. Cassi came and helped with the accounting or just was there for the women to talk to.

Cassi made two cups of coffee and went and sat with Deanna. “I wanted to talk to you about an idea I have. I reckon this place is fantastic because it gives people some place to go, but we need to do more to help people cope on their own. The self-defense classes are great, but I think we could do more to train people. Get a local café to teach them how to be a barista, or something. I was talking to a woman here the other day that makes beautiful christening gowns. Her husband broke her hand and set fire to her materials. She lost her business, but we could help her start up again. Sasha could do a session on cooking, and I can do budgeting.”

“I think it’s an excellent idea and will put it to the board at the meeting next week.”

“We would be willing to donate some money from each gourmet basket we do in our business to help.”

Deanna took Cassi’s hand in hers and squeezed. “You’ve been through so much and yet you’re always thinking of others.”

“I’ve been lucky that some angels have always been there in my life when I needed them. Including you. Some of these women haven’t been so lucky.”

Cassi could see the tears forming in Deanna’s eyes, and knew they were forming in her own. As she walked out of the refuge later, a woman called Sarah, came over and embraced her. Sarah was brilliant with figures and Cassi hoped they could get her into training somewhere. In another life, Sarah might have been an accountant, not a woman with a black eye staying at a refuge.

Sarah bit her lip and glanced down at the floor as though hesitant to speak. Cassi didn’t want her to feel nervous.

“I hope you don’t mind, but someone told me what happened to you. I don’t know what went on between you and your movie star, but go get him. I might not have one waiting, but it shows there can be a light at the end of the tunnel for some of us.”

Cassi considered she had another angel and she’d just received her sign she was waiting for. Today, seeing women moving on gave her the strength to know she could, too. Tommy was doing well. Like all kids, he was resilient and bouncing back. The flashbacks seemed to have stopped and her mind was finally hers again. There was just one person missing, and he was in New Zealand.

****

Audrey was coming for dinner with Tristin, and Cassi needed to help Sasha get ready. She would talk to them about Declan when they were all together later. As usual, the food was wonderful. Cassi reckoned something was going on though and she wasn’t the only one with a surprise. Audrey looked like the cat that licked up the cream with the grin on her face.

“Before you get the dessert out, we want to have a talk with you both,” Audrey said.

Cassi sat down as another glass of wine was poured, and Tommy wrangled another raspberry cordial out of her. Hopefully he would still sleep with all the red food coloring.

Tristin stood. “We wanted you to be the first to know before we say anything to anyone else. Audrey has done me the honor of agreeing to be my wife.”

Sasha screamed as she jumped up and danced about while Cassi went and embraced them both.

“I didn’t notice a ring on her finger,” Cassi said as she raised an eyebrow.

Tristin stood up. “You’re quite right and I want to rectify that situation, but needed to wait until I had your approval, as you are family to Audrey.”

Tristin got down on one knee and pulled a little box out of his pocket. For the first time in ages, they saw Audrey lost for words.

“You said it wasn’t back from the jewelers yet. If we’re going to start this relationship off with deceit like this, I think we’re going to have lots of fun together.”

He put the ring on her finger and then Audrey helped him up off the floor.

“It does not bode well that I can’t get up off the floor, if I am to survive our wedding night.”

“Don’t worry, dear, we’ll be in bed.”

They all laughed and Sasha went to get the dessert.

After Tommy was settled in bed, champagne was opened and Cassi thought this was as good a time as any to tell them what she’d decided.

“I want to thank everyone for all the help you’ve given me over the past few months. A while back I got a letter from Declan with an airline ticket in it for New Zealand. I’ve made a decision and wanted to let you know I’m going to contact him. If he is still interested in trying, I think I’m ready to give it a go.”

Silence and awkward stares were not what she expected from her friends. She could guess what they were about to say though. Tristin was the first to speak.

“It seems he’s involved with Kirsten Jones, as they were thrown together on the set of the movie, or that is what the rumors are. I’m sorry, but look, it might not be true.”

If she was with people she didn’t know better, she might have screamed or cried, but she had cried enough in the past.

“Well, I reckon it was a great interlude while it lasted. Who would have thought I would have a famous guy for a lover anyway? It was a long shot he would hang around and wait.” She would not let this spoil the evening for Audrey and Tristin. “I believe we should have more champagne to celebrate you two, and I can drown my sorrows on the one that got away.”

When the others left, she checked on Tommy to make sure he was asleep. She went to her room and lay on the bed, letting out a sigh. There was a knock on the door and Sasha strolled in and flopped down on the bed.

“How you holding up?”

“It’s funny, I thought I’d be really upset, but I think I’ve been through so much, just surviving is good. I still don’t really know if I would’ve coped, and maybe this is the best for him. They’re both in the business and know how to deal with it. I always felt he was too good for me anyway.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. It was the other way 'round if you ask me. He was like his brother before he met you. Never one woman for long.”

“I know. Declan and Jack caught their Dad cheating on his mom, literally. Then Declan got screwed over by someone here. He never committed to anyone because he didn’t want to cheat on them. He hasn’t cheated on me, though, as I told him to be free. I said I didn’t know how long it would take to sort myself out.”

“You know I should be pissed off at you because I thought I might have a chance with Jack. Then again, after what you just told me, he might not be the best candidate.”

“I never knew you liked him.”

“He’s such an ass. I didn’t want his head to get any bigger. At least one out of the three of us got her man. Audrey seems really happy.”

“She does and I hear she wants you to make the cake. Yet another string to your bow and I’ll add it to the website.”

They talked on about the business and decided to keep men off the scene for now. The booze started to take effect and her eyes drooped. Sasha headed off to bed and Cassi drifted off to sleep and for once hoped she did not have a sexy dream about Declan.