If I Break THE COMPLETE SERIES Bundle (95 page)

“I’m sorry,” he says. I can hear his sincerity.

“I really appreciate you coming down here with me. Not just here, but to Chicago and to see my doctor. I know none of this is easy for you,” he says and I feel him standing close behind me. I close my eyes and wish his arms would wrap around me, that he’d pull me close to him and tell me everything is going to be okay, but I know that’s not going to happen.

As I step into the elevator I turn to face him.

“I know Chris,” I say taking a deep breath. When the door closes I let another tear fall.

When he returns I’m sitting on the couch with the TV on a random channel I’m not even paying attention to. It’s just on for distraction. He was down there for about twenty more minutes after I left. Probably organizing what needs to go first.

He’s sorry, which is great, but it doesn’t help. In fact, sorry makes it worse. There’s almost nothing worse in the world than someone feeling sorry for me. I don’t want his pity. His pity means he believes that I’m in need of it, that my situation is a complete lost cause. Maybe it is, and if anyone would know, Chris would.

“I talked to your mom and let her know we’ll be later than we thought,” I tell him when he enters the room.

“Caylen’s doing okay?” he asks and I nod.

“Your mom said she just went to sleep,” I feel the couch shift with his weight as he sits beside me. I don’t look at him. I can’t, sometimes it’s just best that I don’t.

“That’s good,” he replies. I want to ask him if he asked about her when he was supposedly talking to his parents but I don’t.

We both sit in silence and after a minute he gets off the couch. He walks over to our sofa table, picks up one of the pictures and examines it. I turn my attention back to the
Property Brothers
even though I’ve seen the episode a hundred times.

“I’ve seen this picture before,” he says and sits back down beside me. I glance over at the picture of Caylen when she was only a few months old.

“Where’d you see it?” I ask him curiously. He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds as he stares at it intently.

“I don’t know,” he mutters continuing to look at it like it’s a brain teaser. After a few moments, I turn towards him.

“Cal came back the night of Caylen’s birthday party,” I tell him quietly. I think back to the night when I heard his voice and how it turned the little world I had been building upside down.

“Maybe you saw it then,” I offer, seeing how much effort he’s putting into looking at the picture.

“My last blackout,” he says shaking his head.

“He didn’t talk to you?” he asks, confusion evident on his face. I shake my head.

“No, he didn’t talk to me. I heard him talking to Caylen over the baby monitor. He gave her a bracelet. Maybe you saw it when you were here,” I offer again. He shakes his head.

“No, if I had seen it then I’d remember all this. My memories are really vivid,” he says. That’s a surprise to me since he said he only sees bits and pieces of things.

“But I thou—” I’m about to ask when he snaps his finger and a realizations dawns on his face.

“My doctor’s office,” he says excitedly. I look at him strangely.

“Your doctor has a picture of Caylen in her office?” I ask him skeptically.

“Not the one I saw today. Dr. Lyce. I haven’t seen her in a long time. I stopped because…well it’s a long story but that’s where I saw this,” he says enthusiastically. I guess any mystery he can solve feels good when your life seems out of control.

But that doesn’t make sense.

“That can’t be right, Chris. Your parents said they didn’t know about Caylen. They knew about me but not about Caylen,” I say shaking my head.

If they lied about that, and they knew about Caylen all along, I could
never
forgive them. He looks over at me realizing the same thing. His smile disappears completely and he sinks back further into the couch.

“Are you sure that it was this picture and not another little girl?” I ask him, feeling a knot beginning to form in my stomach. I hope to God he’s wrong. I’ve really taken to Mrs. Scott but if she knew that Caylen existed
and
kept Chris from her
and
lied about it, there will be no going back. I really can’t imagine Mrs. Scott being able to keep herself from Caylen. But what other explanation could there be as to why one of his doctors would have that picture.

“I know this is the one I saw,” he says putting the picture down and his head in his hands.

“How could they do that? How could they lie about something like that?” he asks, anger penetrating his voice.

“If they had that picture, it had to come from somewhere. I didn’t give it to them. The only people who have that picture are Raven, Hillary, Angela, Helen, and Michael,” I say aloud to myself.

“Who’s Michael?” he asks, his head snapping up to look at me.

“Just a friend of mine,” I say quickly.

“I guess Helen could have given it to Dexter and he gave it to your doctor without your parents knowing,” I say, trying to figure this thing out.

“Helen is Dr. Lyce’s first name,” Chris says, and I frown.

“What?”

“Dr. Lyce. I think her first name is Helen.”

Are you fucking kidding me? No. No way.

I shoot off the couch and grab my iPad out of my purse.

“Lauren, what’s wrong?” Chris keeps asking me questions but my hands are shaking I’m so tense. I quickly pull up my photo album, scroll to a picture of Helen and show it to him.

“Yeah that’s Dr. Lyce,” he says hesitantly and I slam the iPad down on the couch.

“Unbelievable! Unfuckingbelievable!” I’m pacing the floor at this. HELEN was his doctor, my friend Helen. Helen who stood in front of me when I found out about him and pretended to not have a clue what was going on. I cover my face with my hands. I feel sick, the sense of betrayal washing over me. All of this time I thought I had an ally, that she was as clueless as I was.

Helen has
never
been as oblivious as I was. How could she do that to me and Caylen? I feel angry tears forcing their way out of my eyes. Chris stands up in front of me, bewildered.

“She was my friend!” I say angrily. Angry at myself for being so stupid.

“She knew all along. She was your fucking doctor?”

I feel myself getting angrier and angrier the more I think about it. I think back to Cal telling me how manipulative she was and how she wasn’t to be trusted. He’s a dick and she’s a lying cunt. I think back to our first conversation; she was probably analyzing me, seeing if I could psychologically handle all the bullshit they would put me through. While I was pulling my hair out after Cal left, paying detectives thousands of dollars, she pretended to be clueless. Smiling in my face and comforting me when she knew all along what was going on. I can’t take sitting here anymore. I grab my purse and my keys and head towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Chris asks, following me hurriedly. For a second I forgot he was even here.

“I’m going over there,” I tell him.

“We’re
going over there,” I correct myself. I probably have more of a chance of getting in if Chris is with me. He looks reluctant but screw that! This is happening with or without him.

It all makes sense now. Why she’s been avoiding my calls.

Well she’s not going to avoid
this
.

C
oming here is a bad idea. I haven’t seen Lauren this angry since that day she showed up on my front porch. I want to tell her she needs to sleep on this. That coming here while she’s so angry isn’t going to help matters for anyone. I know she’s upset and she has every right to be but you can’t just act first and think later. She says she just wants to talk to Helen and I do think talking to her will help but not when she’s this livid.

I believe Dr. Lyce and Dexter can shed some light on this situation. I have my own questions about some of the memories I’ve had but what worries me is the blank stare Lauren’s had on her face the entire way here. That stare made me kind of wish security wouldn’t have cleared our visit. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen and we’re in. This building is even more opulent than the one Lauren lives in and when she hits the top button for the 86th floor I feel completely sick. They’re in the penthouse. Of course, where else would they be?

“Sorry, Chris,” she mutters and a few seconds later we’re going up. Up is okay. Down is going to be the problem. I try to focus on the elaborate art on the gold elevator doors. They probably cost more than my parents’ entire house.

“Are you okay, Chris?” she asks tensely. I nod as the elevator goes higher and higher. It doesn’t help that the walls are all glass and I get to see how high we’re climbing.

“I think this is a good idea,” I say aloud, partially to distract myself and partially to convince myself.

“Great idea,” she answers tightly.

“There’s a lot she can explain to us. Dexter might be able to shed some light on some things as well,” I say watching her expression remain impassive. She’s nodding her head but it’s pretty obvious she’s not listening to me.

“We just have to be level headed,” I say.

“Of course. Level headed,” she repeats. When the doors open, an older woman wearing all black greets us with a small smile.

“Mr. and Mrs. Scott. So good to see you. The Crestfields are waiting,” and that’s as far as she gets before Lauren storms past her.