If I Can't Have You (17 page)

“Robin,” Elliot whispers. My eyes are closed and I inhale the smell of his sweet breath as I suck it into my lungs. “Open your eyes. Look at me.”

I do as he tells me. I open my eyes wide and gaze into a sea of gray-blue waves, feeling like with every flutter of his eyelids, that somehow his wave-like irises are caressing my skin. Like I’m floating on top of water and I love the gentle slap of wetness against my skin. “Yes, Elliot,” I murmur.

My eyes wander over his face. He looks serene. He’s the ocean on a windless day, tranquil and still.

For a nanosecond I think of Drake and how he makes me feel. Despite how he betrayed me he made me feel wanted, desired, and sexy. This feeling I’m getting from Elliot, the deep blossoming desire that feels almost like an ache, starting at the pit of my stomach, and traveling through every part of me is not the same. It’s more. Much, much more. And I’m overwhelmed by it.

Elliot pulls me down into the sand with him. He hovers half on top of me and brushes a strand of hair off my cheek. I moan, filled up with a wicked ravenous pleasure that I hope never fades. Elliot leans in closer to my ear. He’s inches away. Then centimeters. His lips are so close, I feel the flick of his tongue against my earlobe. He breathes on me, panting. His hot breath trails down the nape of my neck and brings on a fresh array of goose bumps. Then he murmurs softly, into my ear, “I can’t say that I love you for sure, Robin. But I wish you’d let me try.”

Suddenly his lips are on mine, smothering the burning desire inside of me. Part of me wants to scream his name. Part of me wants to tell him that he has my mind, my heart, and my soul. He makes the infatuation I had with his brother seem silly and childish.

I know this sounds funny. I’m not in love with Elliot…yet, but I love everything about him if that makes any sense. I love how he can make any situation seem light-hearted and funny even if it’s serious. I love how he can twist my emotions from anger to happiness with one flash of his stellar smile. More than anything I love that he has depth and is not just a pretty face. And there’s so much more that I love about him, but if I’d said it all I feel like I could rattle on about his amazing qualities for hours. Maybe even days.

Elliot slides his arm underneath the curve in my back and clutches me tighter. He’s holding me delicately, kissing me strategically as he moves away from my mouth and kisses all the way down my neck. Then it hits me all once, the only place I want to be is in this moment, mentally and physically, wrapped in a passionate embrace, and so numbed by Elliot’s warm lips against my neck that I can’t think of anything else.

Most of all, I come to the realization that Drake was just an illusion of what I thought I wanted and that Elliot, well, he’s the real deal.

~24~

If I could wake up in your arms every day for the rest of my life, I’d be the happiest woman on earth.

I wake up to shouting. Not just random shouting. Several people shouting and they’re all shouting the same thing. “Robin!”

Shit. I open my eyes and the sun hasn’t come up over the horizon yet, but it’s definitely early morning and I realize I never came home. I’m still wrapped in Elliot’s arms and as I lift the right one he moans and opens his eyes. “Good morning,” I say with a smile.

His eyes are still closed, but he returns the smile. “Good morning.” Elliot doesn’t move from his spot and I try to pull away. I glance over my shoulder and I can see mom, dad, and Whit dashing toward me and the looks on their faces are anything but happy. Elliot tightens his grip on me and tries to get force me back down. “Lie back down, Robin. It’s still early and I was having a nice dream about you.”

I blush and flattered and thankful that his eyes are still closed. “That’s great, Elliot, but if you don’t get out of here I’m pretty sure that when my Dad gets closer he’s going to break at least one of your bones.”

Elliot bolts upright looks over his shoulder, eyes wide with panic as he catches a glimpse of my father. Oh, no Dad looks like he’s growling. Even when he’s mad he’s never like this. I’ve never seen his face so red.

This is bad. Really, really bad. In one swift motion, Elliot hops to his feet, kisses the top of my head and takes off running. I stand, facing my parents and Whit as they get closer and watch dad as he takes off, running after Elliot. “You get back here you little punk!” Dad screams. “What did you do with my daughter?”

“DAD! Stop!” I’m shrieking at the top of my lungs and I don’t care who hears me. During that moment I don’t care if I wake up the whole town. “He didn’t do anything!”

Mom and Whit stop in front of me and mom shakes her head, then walks over to me and clutches my elbow. “What were you thinking, Robin Sue?” She takes a deep breath and tugs me by the arm over to where Whit is standing.

“We were so worried!” Whit shouts and folds her arms across my chest. Mom nods and huffs in agreement and then Whit leans close to my ear, her jaw clenched, and whispers in a sing-song voice, “If you would have told me where you were going I would have covered for you.”

“Sorry,” I whisper back. “It was a heat of the moment kind of thing.”

All three of us watch Elliot as he puts more distance between himself and Dad.

 
Frustrated, Dad throws his arms up in the air and kicks up some sand with his right foot before stomping back over to Mom, Whit, and me. “If I ever see that kid again,” Dad shouts, pointing his finger at me. “He won’t have any arms to hug you with!”

I try to pull away from mom, but she grips my elbow tighter. “Dad! Stop overreacting! Nothing happened! And I’m eighteen years old! I’m going to be around boys and have relationships with them! There’s nothing you can do to stop it!”

“Not if I can help it! I’m not going to let some creep take advantage of my daughter!”

“He’s not a creep! And what part of nothing happened do you not understand?”

“I was a teenage boy once too, Robin,” dad growls now only a few feet away from me. “I know how they think.”

“Ugh, dad!” I shriek as a deep shade of scarlet takes up permanent residence in my cheeks. “T.M.I!”

I glance at Whit and I can tell by the look on her face that she has no idea what to do or say. In fact by the way her lips are bunched together almost into a pucker it looks like she’s trying to hold back her laughter. Or maybe she’s just as disgusted as I am about my dad’s teenage boy hormone confession.

“Did he at least use protection?” Mom eyes me with concern. “I know how irresponsible some boys can be about this sort of thing.”

Oh. My. God. Can this situation get any worse? I wonder if there’s like some sort of embarrassment meter hidden somewhere on the beach. It’s probably going off right about now
. Ding. Ding. Ding. Robin Mason has hit her limit.
I might as well just bury my head in a hole.

“You.” Dad wags his finger an inch away from my face. “You’re grounded young lady.” There’s an adamant tone to his voice.

“Dad!” I protest. “You can be serious! Vacation is over tomorrow!” I don’t want to spend the last day of vacation cooped up in the beach house. I face mom. “Mom, can’t you do something?”

Mom gives Dad a soft look. “Hun, if you’re going to punish her, which I completely agree with by the way, I think you should start it as soon as we get home. It’s vacation and honestly, I don’t want to spend my last night babysitting my college bound daughter.”

Dad seems to be thinking over mom’s solution. “Fine.” He points a finger at me again. “But the second we get back Robin Sue, you can kiss the rest of your summer goodbye.” Then dad stalks ahead wandering back to the house by himself while Mom, Whit and I stagger behind.

“I can’t believe him,” I say, letting out a frustrated sigh. “He’s completely overreacting.”

Mom smiles and pats my shoulder. “Give him a break, honey. His only daughter just spent the night on the beach with a guy, is going off to college in the fall, and is pretty much a grown up. I think he’s having a hard time handling it all. On top of that, you never came home last night.”

“I swear Mom; I didn’t even realize I fell asleep.” Of course I didn’t I was way too busy locking lips with Elliot Robertson. I glance between Mom and Whit. “I’m sorry I worried you guys.”

Mom wraps an arm around my shoulder and holds me close. “We forgive you, sweetheart. After all, that’s what growing up is all about. You make mistakes, reckless decisions, and have momentary lapses of judgment. But what’s important is that you learn from all that.”

“Consider this a lesson learned.”

Mom kisses the top of my head. “Good.”

At the house, dad isn’t around and mom leaves me and Whit alone to go off and find him.

In our room, I plop down on the bed and Whit sits down next to me, pulling her legs into an Indian style position. “I hope you’re prepared to give me all of the juicy deets.”

I laugh. “The deets, eh?”

“Yes,” she says, “Spill it sister.”

First I tell Whit about my talk with Sadie and how we’ve made peace. Then I tell her that maybe we should invite her to the town fair with us. Whit scowls and I explain that I made assumptions about Sadie and that she really isn’t all that bad. And Whit reluctantly agrees that we should invite her since this is technically our last day of vacation and it would be a nice thing to do. Then I tell Whit about my night with Elliot, about our deep conversation, us making out for half of the night, and finally me falling asleep in his arms.

After I finish I fall back on the bed and Whit lies down next to me. “But I thought you didn’t like Elliot like that.” Whit rolls over onto her side and faces me.

“Did I say that?” I don’t remember saying that.

“I guess I assumed that you didn’t like him like that.”

“You assumed wrong, my friend.”

“What about Drake?”

“That’s over.”

Whit shakes her head and eyes me suspiciously.

I look at her. “What?” She doesn’t say anything and I know the look on her face is her I-don’t-believe-you-look.

“You mean to tell me you’re completely over Drake. Just like that.”

“No. Not just like that.” I roll over and face her, propping my head up in my hand. “I can’t trust, Drake. And I don’t think I’ll be able to ever again. We wouldn’t last and besides even if he was lying when he told me he didn’t like me like that. He doesn’t want a relationship with anyone. He wants to be free to do what he wants.”

Whit shrugs and lies flat on her back. “If you say so.”

“Why do I feel like you mean something else when you say that?”

Whit quirks me a grin. “Maybe because I do.”

“Please enlighten me then, Whitney Ralston. What exactly do you mean? And please don’t tell me you’ve had this miraculous epiphany and now you think I should give the whole Drake thing another shot.”

Whit rolls her eyes. “God, no. That’s not what I mean at all. What I mean is that I think you think you’re over him, but you’re not. Robin, you spent years pining over this guy. And just last week you told me you thought you loved him. I think it’s going to take a lot more than just a few mind-blowing kisses with his brother to make you really forget about him.” Whit sighs, staring up at the ceiling. “I know you wouldn’t admit to this in front of your parents, but you know you can tell me the truth. Did you really sleep with Elliot?”

“No, Whit. Of course not. You know me, I may do other reckless things, but that’s not one of them.” It’s not that I’m saving myself for marriage or anything. I guess I’m just saving myself for the right moment and for the right person. It’s funny to me how I started out the vacation thinking that Drake might be that right person. How wrong was I?

“You know what, Robin?”

Whit stands and I sit upright. “What?”

“You know how much I despise Drake for the way he hurt you. But I think you owe it to yourself to talk to him one last time.”

What in God’s name is she smoking? “Have you lost your effing mind?”

“No,” Whit says placing her hands on her hips. “Actually I’m being logical. You can sit here and tell me you’re over him all you want, but I saw you last night when he and Elliot were fighting over you. I saw the look in your eye. You still wanted him.”

“I did not!”

Whit lowers her head and slits her eyes. “You didn’t have a mirror. You didn’t see the look on your face. I did. I know that look. I gave Bobby Coulsen plenty of those looks. You need to talk to him. When you’re with him you’ll know for sure whether you’re over him or not.”

“Are you smoking crack?”

Whit laughs and shakes her head, lingering in the doorway. “Trust me, Robs. I know what I’m talking about. You need to have closure involving the Drake situation because If you still feel something for Drake there’s no point in starting up anything with Elliot because the only thing you’re going to do is hurt him.” Whit walks out the door and leaves me alone in the bedroom to drown in my own thoughts.

I know she was only saying that stuff about Drake because she cares and she wants me to be sure that I’m making the right decision in wanting to be with Elliot or start up a relationship with him. But there is one thing I’m one hundred percent certain of; I am not going to seek him and talk to him because there’s a questioning part of me that keeps asking; what if she’s right?