If Not For You (11 page)

“I’d offer you a seat but as you can see…” he showcased the room with a wave and grinned.

“Better get to work then, tell me what needs to be done,” I said, setting my gift bag on the floor by the door, pretending to roll up my sleeves.

I filled each clear plastic gift bag with a bookmark, keychain, pen and signed photograph cards of John in a silhouette keeping him somewhat a mystery to his readers. Then I tied each with a silver and purple ribbon. I filled six boxes with the swag and took great pride in my work. You could actually tell it was a room now. I stacked the boxes under the TV and sat at the table with John while he finished autographing each book and piling them into boxes.

“You sign them now?” I gawked, wondering why they called it a book signing, if he was doing it now and not for each fan.

“These are for the fans that don’t make it to the actual signing. I have a lot of fans and we can only be there a short time, I only personalize them on the spot,” he said.

When he signed the last one, he closed the cover with an aggressive slap and threw himself back into his chair, like he was truly exhausted and kneaded at his hand and fingers.

“That was fun.”

“You my dear are warped.” He laughed, and walked over to my bag at the door and slipped a swag bag into it. “For all your help, honey,”

“You have to stop spoiling me, John.” I said trying to be stern and then my nosiness set in. “Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot!” he said, as he sat down and rubbed at his hand again. I leaned forward without a thought and took his hand in my hands and started to gently massage his fingers and knuckles. John gave an exaggerated groan and rolled his eyes into the back of his head in rapture.

“What’s your next book about? If it’s a secret that’s okay, you don’t have to tell me.”

He thought for a moment with one eye closed and the other focused on me and bit his bottom lip before answering. It was rather cute, he was playful and fun and made me laugh, and this man had possibilities. But I just liked our new found friendship, for now anyway.

“What I tell you must stay in this room, okay?” he whispered. I nodded a quick yes and kept up the massage.

“I’ve decided to go completely off mark, a lesbian or gay fantasy I’m thinking. Maybe set on an island, the shipwreck deal, only the two of them and their luggage. But they don’t start off as lesbians or gay. Experimentation.” He shrugged his shoulders and then continued as I listened intently. “Or a threesome, I haven’t done one of those yet. I’m thinking male, male, female. Have you read any of those?”

“Yep,” I said, a little embarrassed and then thought of whom I was talking to. “Lots of those.”

“So, tell me what you like about the threesomes, what do you like in a story? It’ll help me a lot to have your input.” He grabbed a note pad and pencil and prepped for my response.

I was kinda feeling honored that he cared what I had to say, but wasn’t sure what to say, feeling a little apprehensive.

“If I can write it and you can read it, you can share it. Now spill your guts girl. How do you feel about the mix? Boy-girl-girl, boy-boy-girl, what?”

“All of it, I mean variety is the spice of life right? Even,” I hesitated and he tilted his head in question. “What about boy does boy while doing girl? I don’t remember that too often and it is kind of a turn on.”

“Very good,” John said, scratching away on the note pad while his tongue tucked into the corner of his mouth, so into it.

“I could use a woman’s point of view, what are your greatest turn-ons? What rocks your boat in the bedroom? And be honest, this is research, I’m not going to judge,” he assured me but as I thought about it, I felt a sheet of anxiety drop over me.

“Don’t know,” I said, watching as John moved his eyes from the paper and stared with interest.

“Am I crossing a line? I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable,” he said, as he sat back in his seat, crossed his legs and sat the note pad on his knee.

“It’s not that you’re making me uncomfortable, it’s just that, well if you want me to be honest,” I cut short trying to think of how to put it, how to tell him something he’s probably hadn’t heard since grade school.

“I do, I want you to feel free to tell me anything, and it’ll stay within these four walls. I promise you.”

“I don’t have experience…in the bedroom that is. I have fantasies and wishes I just haven’t had sex.”

“I see…so what excites you when you read my books?” he said, without skipping a beat, like he hadn’t heard a word I said or he was just being the sweetest man on the planet and letting me know it was not a big deal to him.

He looked over and we shared a smile, an all knowing smile. He wasn’t going to ask and I wasn’t going to say more, the subject was closed. Then he returned to scribbling and I told him all the things that I’d like a man to do and all the fantasies that my brain conjured up in my dreams. He filled damn near three pages by the time I stopped.

Looking at his wrist watched he yawned, “Look at the time. I say we finish this another day and go for dinner. It’s too late for lunch. How does the Riviera Grill sound?”

“I can’t believe it’s that time already, it really does fly!” I laughed, stood and stretched and John followed suit with another moan.

“You go change, honey, and I’ll pick you up in half an hour is that enough time for you?” he said as I walked to the door and scooped up my gift bag.

“Half an hour’s fine. Will we being going casual, dressy or what?”

“Let’s do casual, fuck the fashion police, it’s just a meal,” he laughed, and I headed off down the hall in a rush to get ready.

As I neared my room I noticed Gage heading in my direction, I hadn’t seen him at all since breakfast yesterday. He was walking with a slow swagger toward me, a smile on his face and as he got closer in his black shorts and wife beater, I got a load of his big muscular arms. His hands were tucked into his pockets and his hair was left to hang wild.

His tongue darting against his lips as he took a hand from his pocket and combed his fingers through his hair. It was like a slow motion play in a TV commercial just before the product rolled on the screen. All that was missing was the fan blowing a dramatic breeze and a sexy bikini clad chick at his side, and of course a surf board.

“Hello.” he said standing directly in front of me, looking and smelling, oh so fine.

“How are you?” I strained to keep it casual and not let him affect me. There was something about him though, that sent my gut into a tailspin and made my pulse rate soar.

“I’m good. Presents?” he said looking at the gift bag I held tight to my chest like the grand prize in a sweepstakes draw.

“Yes, from a friend. A set of autographed books,” I told him without revealing too much about the genre, explaining it to people only got me strange looks and annoying comments.

“That’s nice. So you met someone?” It was only a harmless question, but it annoyed me that he sounded surprised. Did the fact that I met someone maybe bother him, probably not. Besides he didn’t seem to be sniffing around me for a date, why wouldn’t someone else be interested?

“I did.” I left my answer short and sweet on purpose and moved to walk by him.

“You’re going to the dining room for dinner?” he asked, leaning against the wall on an outstretched arm, blocking my passage, his musky male scent stronger as he leaned closer.

“No, I have dinner plans with John.”

“John, that’s your date’s name?”

“It’s not exactly a date we’re just having dinner in the Riviera Grill.”

“Well you enjoy your not-exactly-a-date and I’ll see you around,” he said, with that dimpled smile that had me melting at his feet.

“Thank you smart ass, I will!” I said, ducking under his arm and rushed off to my room before I wasn’t able to move from his gaze and ended up in the dining room with Mr. Sex-Appeal and the newlyweds.

What possessed me to tell him where we were going? It wasn’t any of his business. I sure did turn into a bumbling idiot when I was around him. But I had better things to think about, like meeting John in twenty minutes.

***

“Dinner was wonderful, John, thank you,” I said wiping my mouth and placing my napkin on the empty dessert plate.

We started with breaded zucchini with tzatziki sauce and drinks called killer cool-aid, which were sweet and loaded with too many alcohols to remember and went down like cool-aid, hence the name. I had teriyaki glazed salmon with mixed veggies and garlic sticks, all to die for and John enjoyed chicken brochette with rice and garlic sticks.

We shared a dessert called monkey tail, a deliciously sinful deep fried battered banana with ice cream, chocolate sauce, strawberry sauce and whipped cream. John surrendered the chocolate sauce to me and he devoured the strawberry. We completed the meal with Irish coffees and sat back in our seats like two happily stuffed gluttons.

“You’re so welcome. I like a girl that’s not afraid to eat, it’s nice to enjoy a good meal with great company, thanks for joining me.” He raised his coffee cup in a toast and we laughed when they clanked clumsily together.

“Speaking of joining me,” he placed his napkin on the table and leaned his elbows on the table’s edge, crisscrossing his arms, “would you like to come with me to my book signing in Darwin?”

“I’d love to,” I blurted out, without hesitation. I’d never been to a book signing and I would get a behind the scenes view. What a thrill.

“I know you haven’t met yet, but Jack will be going with us, don’t worry though he always disappears half way through the day. He’s very popular with the ladies. You won’t have to do anything, just sit there and look pretty. You can see what crazed fans really look like.”

“You mean there are crazier fans than me? I look forward to it.”

“Crazy doesn’t begin to describe some of my fans. The pictures they want me to pose in with them, mainly nude, it’s mind boggling. And there are very few body parts that I have
not
signed. Boobs are the most popular, butt cheeks I’d say are a close second and then penis’. But I draw the line a va-j-j’s, those I won’t even consider.”

“Penis’?”

“Oh yeah, I have a great gay fan base which is the main reason I want to write male, male. Give them back a little something to say thanks. I’ll have to show you some of the fan mail I get. The many sexual offers and fan photos, you’ll die when you see some of them. And the sex videos bring tears to your eyes when you think of the talent and inventiveness out there.”

He told me all this very matter-of-fact and I could barely contain myself, tears of laughter streaming down my cheeks until I had to pee. I don’t think I have drunk enough water in all my days to make me pee as much as this man and his stories, he was a regular comedian.

“Excuse me while I go powder my nose.” I said and John stood.

“I didn’t realize that women still used that expression.”

“This one does, especially when she’s about to explode.”

Running off to the washroom, I burst through the door, got my pants down with barely a second to spare and sat with a heavy sigh as my poor bladder emptied. I washed my hands with fancy magnolia soap and leaned forward in the mirror to fix my smudged mascara and blinked as the face in the mirror contorted before my eyes and a sharp shooting pain coursed up the back of my head.

Dear God not now,
I pleaded with my head and squeezed my eyes shut.

It was time to go while I still had my wits about me and could manage my way back to my room.

I didn’t bother to sit when I got back to the table, grabbed my purse and leaned in to give John a quick peck on the cheek.

“I’m so sorry John but I have to go, I’m getting a headache, I had a great time.”

“Are you okay? Wait a moment I’ll walk you to your room.”

“Alright, but please hurry?”

John flagged down our waiter and gave him his room card and with a quick swipe we were on our way. I walked a little faster than normally, I knew what was to come and I didn’t want to share that fabulous experience with John and have to explain my illness.

At my room I thanked John again and we shared cheek kisses and a hurried hug, he looked worried but I couldn’t think of him and how he was feeling as I forced a smile and closed the door rushing to the washroom to take my meds. Stripping out of my dress and into my pjs in record time, I climbed into the bed. The pain increased by the second and the pressure in my scull built steadily.

It was as if a balloon were being inflated in the center of my head, forcing my grey matter out through my ears. The pain was immense and took every ounce of energy out of me. I was like a ragdoll, a ball of mush and all I could do was curl into a fetal position and cry myself to sleep wishing for Gage.

Day 48

Darwin

My eyes fluttered open to the sound of a phone chirping, it took several seconds to realize what the sound was. My head was foggy like I had a hangover and the back of my head throbbed. I reached for the phone and cleared my throat before lifting the receiver.

“Hello, Gage?”

“No it’s John, honey, still on for Darwin?” John asked, all bubbly and raring to go, like he had already consumed a pot of coffee and was on caffeine overload.

I didn’t want to disappoint him or myself at that. So I decided to plod on, drag my butt from this bed and do what I had to do, even if it did kill me.

“Sorry, John, what time do we leave?” I asked, looking over at the bedside clock; it was only eight for Christ’s sake. Maybe it was going to kill me after all.

“I ordered a taxi for ten. I thought I better give you lots of notice.”

“Ten’s great where will we meet?” I asked, covering my hand over my eyes to block the light and took a deep breath.

“Meet me at the…no I’ll come get you, it’ll be easier. See you soon,” he said, to my relief, I’d probably get lost in the crowd and screw everything up. I had no sense of direction, a map muster.

“Okay. Bye.” I hung up and breathed in a lung full of air and slowly let it out, stretched my arms above my head and prepared myself to get up.